Every song written by John Lennon OR Paul McCartney, and recorded AND commercially released by The Beatles was publicly credited "a Lennon/McCartney song" regardless of actual authorship. They made this arrangement very early in their careers (long before we ever heard of The Beatles) in order to avoid endless bickering over who wrote what, and nitpicky controversies like: "What's the value of contributing a single line?" Followed by: "But what if it's the hook line? What's it worth then?" and so on...
Instead they agreed that anything created by either belonged equally to both once commercially released by The Beatles.

The Ten True Lennon/McCartney Songwriting Collaborations:

These 10 Songs Are The Only Songs John Lennon & Paul McCartney Actually Sat Down And Wrote Together! (In chronological order of approximate creation date -- not recording or release date.)

1. "One After 909" (Written when they were teenagers.)
2. "I Saw Her Standing There"
3. "From Me To You"

4. "Thank You Girl"
5. "She Loves You"
6. "I'll Get You"

7. "I Want To Hold Your Hand"
8. "Baby's In Black"
9. "Ticket To Ride"

10. "With A Little Help From My Friends" (A contrived event so Hunter Davies, the "official Beatles biographer", could personally witness John and Paul's "typical collaboration routine"!)

The Leadership Genius Of President George W. Bush...

1. "Religion is a neurological disorder." – Bill Marr

2. "The French just want to stick it to the U.S.A. in every possible way. They are perfidious." – Mort Kondracke

3. "Visigoths and Tartar Hordes and Celtic Trash! Better keep away or mercy me, I kick your ass." – Duck & Willie D'Wayback

4. "Bush is a crisis manager; that's when ‘the leadership genius of George W. Bush' emerges. When left to steer through the status quo, the routine, or a morass of loose ends like this summer, he merely appears to be treading water." – Ambassador Duck Nelson, V.I.P.

The Actual Truth... (About "All the News That's...")

The New York Times is in business to promote the political ideologies of the Ochs/Sulzberger family. For generations the family has maintained their contractual right to select nine of the thirteen members of the board of directors of the New York Times Company. This assures the family's ability to appoint the company's chairman and CEO and the publisher of the newspaper.

Arthur Sulzberger Jr. is the current chairman and publisher. He's one of eight Ochs/Sulzberger family members who select the nine board members. The family owns and controls this right into perpetuity.

My Mother Never Erred...

1. "Rule Number 1: There are no rules." – Everyone and their brothers.

2. "This (my latest) book brings to a new level the politics of personal destruction that have come to define our era." -- Al Franken, on his work "LIES (And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them) A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right."

3. "My mother never erred when she confused me for an adult." – Duck

4. "Sex and drugs and rock ‘n roll is all my mind and body need. Sex and drugs and rock ‘n roll is very good indeed." – Ian Dury & The Blockheads

The Limbaugh Dance!

Under the headline "Only The Rich Pay Taxes", Rush Limbaugh reports a technically accurate (but outrageously deceptive) "fact": The "Top 50% of Wage Earners Pay 96.09% of Income Taxes". (http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/)

Here's the rub: If we list every American taxpayer by AGI, and do the addition, we will indeed find that the top half paid nearly everything (96%). The enormous detail Limbaugh ignores, however, is the median annual AGI is less than $28,000! So Limbaugh's headline is only honest if we consider Americans with salaries as low as $28,000 to be "rich"!

Maybe Rush Limbaugh lives in Botswana!

The House Of Sa'Ud

When we say "The Saudis", do we mean the royal family, or their national citizenry, or the Wahhabis, or the Shi'as, or the Muslim Brothers (original name of al Qaeda), or Saudis as one big homogeneous group?

The Saudis as a whole don't agree on much. Some even admire and respect Americans if you can believe that! Still, I personally expect most just want to kill us. Nevertheless, to analyze Saudi Arabia as a single unified people who work together against the U.S.A. is much too simple to help us understand how to deal with them.

"John Lennon was relaxing at home, while Yoko played the first movement of Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 14 in C Sharp Minor (‘Moonlight Sonata') on the grand piano. John asked her to play the same chords in reverse order. This she did, and it became the inspiration for Lennon's song ‘Because'.

The similarity between the two works is striking, although close scrutiny reveals it was a straightforward lift rather than the reversal John suggested," wrote Steve Turner, Beatles "expert".

But WRONG! Only their first two measures match. "Because" is a complete rearrangement of "Moonlight Sonata". Both are beautiful. And unique.

SPIN!

Dictionary definition: "To provide an interpretation of something (like a statement or event) in a way meant to sway public opinion. A bias or slant on information, intended to create a favorable impression when it is presented to the public; an interpretation, a viewpoint."

Considerations: To most people spin is about emphasis, not distortion. Non-literal illustrations and analogies are frequent elements of spin.

Compared to exaggeration: Exaggeration is a hyperbolic statement made to emphasize a point, fact, idea or statistic in order to bolster an argument. Exaggeration may be an element of spin, but it's not the beast itself.

Cowboy Strategies Of The Wild West:

1. "Trust a poker game only when you cut the cards. Always carry your gun when you cut the cards." – A. Franklin James, cattle rustling, murder for hire, bank robberies, expert testimony.

2. "Trust, but cut the cards and carry a gun." – Hoss Cartwright, rancher, South Western Territories, fictional character.

3. "Trust no one and shoot to kill." – "Mother Teresa", Kansas City brothel "hostess", mid 19th century.

4. "Trust but verify." – Ronald Reagan, former President of the United States, slayer of the evil.

5. "Trust my ass!" – The Honorable George W. Bush, President of the United States Of America

Second Annual Bush (Bashing Bonanza &) Presidential Administration Critique:

What is wrong in the White House?!?

Success at any job (whether business, government, academia, whatever) has TWO requirements -- a truth even when "President of the United States" is the gig.

Requirement #1: You have to actually do the job well. I have no complaint for President Bush and his D.C. posse on this score.

Requirement #2: You must deliberately communicate, to illustrate for others, that you're doing the job well.

So why does it seem, day after day, week after week, that President Bush and his advisors neglect this just-as-important second requirement?

"Had John Lennon and Paul McCartney never met, I firmly believe that neither of them would have turned out to be the great songwriters that they were. They would have been good, but not blisteringly great, as millions of us think they are. Each had a tremendous influence on the other, which neither of them consciously realized.

John would probably have ended up as a sort of Lou Reed or Bob Dylan figure, singing protest songs in one form or another. Pail would probably have written safe, acceptable, soft melodic songs, lacking the acidity he absorbed from John." – George Martin

December 4, 1986

Mrs. Tipper Gore
c/o Senator Albert Gore
Washington, DC

Dear Mrs. Gore:

We believe the enclosed rap song, "The Third World Anthem", is a fine example of the morally corrupt state of popular music and the wretched depravity that permeates aspiring songwriters.

If you agree "The Third World Anthem" is an offensive piece of trash, please feel free to complain vociferously and call national attention to it. Since we want to be rich and famous, we're hoping "The Anthem…" will upset you and prompt a wicked big stink!

We would be delighted to assist you.

Most sincerely,

More Poor Excuses Galore (Part IV)...

1. No accounting for tastes.
2. If I hadn't, someone else would have.
3. Mass hysteria.
4. Civil disobedience.
5. The grand scheme of things.

6. My mind was on an endorsement deal.
7. I just snapped.
8. Bad role models.
9. Circumstances.
10. A momentary lapse in judgment.

11. I'm so misunderstood.
12. Pagan rituals.
13. According to me.
14. Ancient history.
15. The Prime Directive.

16. Assimilation failure.
17. Reflexes.
18. I was caught up in the moment.
19. Genius is underestimated.
20. I don't pay my taxes; they can't arrest me.

NO NEWS HERE...

Axiom: Nothing breeds resentment like success. That's as true on the Internet as everywhere else.

Corollary: All good will be trashed by someone somewhere for some reason that only they may comprehend.

Tenet: Sure as death and taxes be these truths!

Doctrine: To write without offending, and to speak without defending, are nearly divine traits only the most diligent communicators will ever truly master in a lifetime.

Postulate: Given the above, why take any shit from thoughtless, small-minded, paranoid psychos?

(Supplemental Raw Data: It's nice to be for others, as you would have them be for you.)

The Glass Jaw

In point-of-fact, The Fox News Channel's "No-Spin" Bill O'Reilly, is so hyper-SPIN-a-phobic that when his Chinese daughter brought home "The Spinners (Sp)in Vegas" CD (containing the hit "Could It Be I'm Falling In Love?"), O'Reilly expressed a medically certifiable French conniption! Which later petered abruptly into a postal letter carrier style hissy fit. He was so frightening that his shaking, traumatized, undocumented housekeeper from Appalachia (Miss Natasha-Louise C.C. Fuerteines) tossed the classic disc into a kitchen waste receptacle! The child's digital archive was never retrieved. And THAT is Bill O'Reilly when he keeps up with his meds.

The Color Of Darkness

A universal pattern describes colors near an isolated phase singularity (diffraction zero) if generated with white light and when the visible dark light of the singularity is scaled to isoluminance. The pattern is illustrated in several situations: near the zeros of random and regular superpositions of plane waves, and near the zeros inside and outside when diffraction patterns decorate a catastrophic geometrical cusp. The universal colors emerge in miniature, close to the zeros when an initially achromatic diffraction pattern is perturbed by switching on an asymptotic `chromaticity parameter' that can be adjusted within various distinct scenarios.

Cultural Equivalence & Moral Relativism...

1. "Moral equivalence, cultural relativism, and anti-Westernism on the cheap have been discredited as the conceited indulgence of the affluent and bored." – Victor Davis Hanson

2. "To express disagreement with another on an electronic forum or message board without insulting someone requires a just little bit of verbal craft. It's a learned skill that usually requires an extra moment of deliberate thought. And it sometimes takes a lot of thought if the other guy's just insulted you! Sometimes I spot newbies who are writing with little or no previous experience on electronic message boards." – Ambassador Duck Nelson, V.I.P.

John Lennon would have an image in his mind, but he would not necessarily have a very good idea of how to get there, in practical terms. Paul McCartney was much more articulate about what he wanted, much more focused. John would tell me what kind of mood he wanted in the song, whereas Paul would ask for a cello, or a trumpet at a certain point. Then, at the end of everything, typically John would be unhappy, feeling he had not quite got the final result he wanted. Paul was almost always proud of his completed work." – George Martin

Calling men and women of exceptional intelligence, impeccable honesty and commitment, dedication, discipline, humanity, professionalism, and generosity, "liars" is just dopey. It simply defies truth at the speaker's expense.

Salute them or no, great leaders of our time like Paul Wolfowitz, Don Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, Condoleeza Rice, and that Honorable George W. Bush, President of the U.S.A., are among the most admirable persons mankind has ever produced. No brag, just fact!

For a list of OTHER "most admirable persons", send a SASE to:

Ambassador Duck Nelson, V.I.P.
The Borough of Manhattan
New York, NY U.S.A.

PLEASE DO NOT SEND CASH!

The Pope was visiting Washington, D.C. and President Bush took him for a sail on the presidential yacht on the Potomac. Suddenly the Pope's hat blew off and landed out in the water. Before the Secret Service could launch another boat, Bush stepped off the yacht onto the surface of the water, walked out to the Pope's hat, picked it up, and walked back to the yacht. He handed the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.

The next morning, The New York Times carried a story, with front-page photos of the event. The banner headline read: "Bush Can't Swim".

Back In The U.S.S.R.

Last night I watched a "Paul McCartney Does The U.S.S.R." video containing an amusing segment in which Paul and the former Soviet Premier Mikael Gorbachev have a little for-the-camera chat. Paul is characteristically respectful and deferential to Gorbachev throughout, yet I was struck by McCartney's self-confidence. Gorbachev was not timid, but Paul was a man who'd clearly seen it all, heard it all, done it all, even knew it all compared to the relatively unworldly Mr. Gorbachev, one-time leader of the enslaved world! All in all, Paul seemed so John Lennon-like handling the former Soviet leader.

Says one Officer Joe I know:

"Every police officer has their own 'policy' when it comes to DWI.

Myself, I'm not going to ruin someone's life unless they're truly a grave danger to society. Like the guy whose passed out at a traffic light with the car in drive and his foot on the brake...which I've seen!

I ask myself: Am I going to wake up tomorrow morning and read in the paper that the guy I let go killed somebody? If not, I send them on their way or find them a ride. If yes, they're going to jail!"

I say Hillary has 2008 sown up lock-stock-and-barrel, absolutely, positively -- the deal is done, no returns, no exchanges, no adjustments! I think that's what Bill Clinton's eleventh hour, before eviction from the White House, maneuvering was all about. I mean Bill finagled Hillary's absolute untouchable claim to the Democratic nomination in 2008 -- which he did for her in exchange for her agreement NOT to divorce and humiliate him into total infamy beginning the day after she was elected to the Senate. Actually getting elected President is still her's to accomplish, but I believe she has a lock on the nomination.

She's Got A Ticket To Ride...

1. "Atomic weapons keep the world peaceful because they put power in the hands of peaceful people." – Edward Teller

2. "Ed Koch is the intellectually honest Democrat." – Sean Hannity

3. "When I was a young man in the Soviet Union, The Beatles were not so much considered subversive, but rather more an alien ideology." – President Vladimir Putin

4. "The worst government in the world is a half-baked democracy where the majority elects to have their way with the minority -- we don't want 51% voting to tar-and-feather the other 49%!" – Ambassador Duck Nelson, V.I.P.

"Paul McCartney had a gift for melodies that seemed to spring from him without effort. John's music was never dull but it was for the most part monotonous, weaving his weird and wonderful lyrics around one or two notes: ‘Living is easy with eyes closed…'; ‘Imagine there's no heaven…'; ‘It's been a hard day's night…'; ‘I am he as you are he, as you are me and we are all together…'. Are all somewhat monotone compositions. John's cleverness came through alterations in the harmonies underneath the melody, which completely transformed what could have been boring into magnificent songs." – George Martin

Former NYC Mayor Ed Koch was in unbelievably good form on Fox News' Hannity & Colmes program the other night. In fact, he was so explosive, I thought he was drunk! So I took note of his very most spiny barbs:

"Howard Dean is pandering to the worst bottom dwelling dregs of the Democratic Party."

"The French are people who let their parents die because they prefer to buy cheese to air conditioners."

The right-wing lunatic, Sean Hannity, opined: "Ed Koch is an intellectually honest Democrat." (Actually, according to my notes, Hannity said: "Ed Koch is the intellectually honest Democrat.")

Common Workplace Errors For The Home...

1. "The Russians gave up in Afghanistan because they sought, insanely, to replace Islam with atheism." – Victor David Hanson

2. "Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even when there is no river." – Nikita Khrushchev

3. "Capitalism and respect for the freewill of the individual have always been closely linked in practice because of the very capitalistic notion that property, and real property in particular, can be privately owned." – Ambassador Duck Nelson, V.I.P.

4. "Everything must be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler." – Albert Einstein

"If you do anything different in art, something unexpected, people tend to look beyond the work for a reason with which to damn it. There is a persistent element in the British Establishment that thinks, ‘If anything is radically new, it must be a threat; it's out to undermine us and our whole way of life. Ban it.'

The vocal wailings ending the bridge of ‘A Day In The Life' definitely contributed to its reception as a ‘marijuana dream'. To us, though, those vocals were no more than an inventive way of getting back to the original key!" – George Martin

After I posted my annual 9/11 Bush Administration report card, I sent a copy directly to President Bush. As usual the White House immediately acted upon my recommendations. Secretary Rumsfeld appeared on Face The Nation, Dick Cheney did Meet The Press for an hour with Tim Russert, the President subjected himself to a similar tête-à-tête with Bret Hume, Dr. Rice did Bill O'Reilly and Colin Powell hung his ass to dry with Tony Snow. So I love our President because he listens to me -- just like my father, whose birthday it is today, does. They're both true stand-up guys.