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I'm writing my first entry on a scrap of paper on a CD case balanced on my leg in my car in the parking lot before a job interview for a position I'll probably not get. Safeway coffee bathes my sore mouth. Swelling and stitches have replaced my wisdom teeth. Crows croak at each other over the parking lot, the sun shines. Later get to kiss my lover, who makes me tingle when she touches me. Some guy just tried to get 50 cents out of me, but I resisted, since my wallet has $7 and my bank account none.
I spent last night with my amazing girlfriend Susan, who at one point threatened to fuck my wife. Susan's neck is very sensitive to touch. I can just barely run my fingers over her skin and she shudders and trembles. I don't even need to touch her. Just stirring my hand through the air above her neck, I can feel her shiver. It is a magical thing. Last night I walked up behind her, and floated my hand up towards the back of her neck. Before I even got to touch her, she quivered, sighed, and collapsed to the floor.
S- My email this morning contains just 100 words, and unthriftily starts out splurging words explaining itself. You made me smile just now when I listened to your late night phone message. It would have been nice to have you come over and crawl into bed beside me, but I'm glad you made it home safely. Nick has a great friend in you, hope he had some entertaining tales to tell, he's a good storyteller. I am already ready to see you again! but will have to wait another 9 hours. Hope you are dreaming sweet dreams right now. XOXOXOTHISCOUNTSASONEWORDRIGHTXOXOXKISSYOURNECKXOXOXJIM
Yesterday S and I went out for a pricey dinner with Kerissa and beau. Then off to a sedate loft party and a chaotic, happy house party on Capital Hill. Met an ebullient, funny friendly guy named Warren who took to us immediately. At some point he said: "You two have a strange energy about you, like you are either older or smarter than me." S and I convinced a Russian that I'm a player and she only gets to see me on Fridays. Kissed under a huge gnarled old cherry tree, wreathed in fog, as drunk folks stumbled by.
Wow, I'm really tired, just about ready to fall into bed and pass out. Every Sunday night for the last month, I wake up around 3 because I either feel someone kiss me on the forehead, or tap their finger on my chest, or call my name: "Jim…" And I am the only one in the house. Spooky stuff. I wonder if I'll have a visitation tonight. S and I spent an hour wrapped around each other today, just gazing into each other's eyes and purring. Well, I do the purring, how can I not purr when she kisses me?
Just about to run out the door late for work, and I need to be productive today so I'm spitting this out before I depart. No ghostly visitations late night, although I did wake up at 4 because I heard chains rattling, which scared me just a little. Who could be rattling chains in my house? Must have been a dream, because I couldn't move when I first awoke, and just lay there pinned to the bed, arms heavy and immobile. That would have been a useless way to greet a burglar, stuck to my bed like a fridge magnet.
Arrrgh! Yet another entry has vanished into the ether, either due to my incompetence at clicking buttons on the browser, or to some server problem. Best to blame someone else. Damn server! Today, it's really the 13th, only 6 days after this entry, and already I have no clue what happened back then. Without a journal I am not so good at remembering. Tuesday? Maybe I stayed home and cleaned my house, maybe took a pain pill for my teeth and decided to flush the rest of them because the idea of having addictionalbe substances in the house felt wrong.
It's a beautiful clear night, with the full moon round and bright. Just got back from a long walk and am about to head to bed. I had another job interview today with the folks from the UW, and it went well, they're nice people who didn't mind my clip-on tie or sloppy whiteboard diagrams. Afterwards I consumed an entire bag of prunes. They tasted pretty good at the time, but in retrospect it was not such a great move. Severe commotion in the tea kettle. S rocked at swing dancing tonight! Time for sex, then sleep. Tomorrow, the beach!
Ice cream for breakfast? It must be vacation! I am free and it is sunny and S is happy and all is right in the world. Soon as we get ourselves together, it's off for a weekend of beach walks and hot tubs and playing guitar and homemade tattoos and friends and love. Life is good. We even had a fight this morning, our first ever! It was pretty small, but still good to know we can have em. No work for four days! And I get to see a bunch of friends all together and just spend time being.
What a great day! It's sunny and Susan and I have been silly and in love, fake fighting in the supermarket and winning money at the casino. Laying in bed with her this morning in a puddle of sunlight was perfect. Folks are arriving here at the giant beach house, waves are breaking on the shore, the sun is shining, all is well in the world. Oh, and it's my 37th birthday today. Feels pretty good to be 37, I think it's time for a run on the beach and then back for a good soak in the hot tub.
Damn! Somehow this entry got lost, and I was proud of this one. I'm sure it was so brilliant as to make up for all the other lackluster entires that weight down my month. It was a Saturday, and folks were cooking in the kitchen while other folks sang and played piano while I typed away. Later we took a nap and I nearly choked when the blinds fell off the wall, filling the room with a crash of clatter and flash of light. Later had a long barefoot run on the beach, feet splashing up droplets in the sunlight.
Susan is the best girlfriend ever. Tonight at dinner she was curled up in her chair laughing and shaking at some funny chatter, hand over her mouth to keep from spraying soup. When she sang in the car on the way to Tacoma it made me melt like peach sherbet on baked pears. Thanks Susan, for all the love, and for matching your lingerie so well. The coast trip was fabulous, and I awoke this morning with a hangover and a new tattoo. Sewing needle, India ink, good friends, me laid out on a table drunk, what could be better?
This morning I looked at my to do list for the year and noticed that I have left much undone. My suit of armor is still unfinished, no beet beer sits aging in my closet, and the Christmas album is still unfinished. I think it's time to kick the obsessive creation process into action, and start tying up the loose threads of this seasons projects. It was a great summer, with naked bicycling, river rafting, jumping off houseboats, dancing, the Great Love Affair, and fighting in the subway. But now it's time to make time for being a productive fellow.
Tonight I wrote a song about our sexually oblivious friend. It seems he had been having sex with this woman for a month or so. One night he tried to get missionary style sex going and she wouldn't have any of it, saying they were not ready for that yet. He didn't know what was going on till she told him that they had been having anal sex the whole time. How could he not have known? How could you have sex seven times with someone and not realize that it was anal? It should make a fine folk song.
Today I'm attempting to do 100 chin ups before I leave work. I've managed 91 so far and am hopeful I will make it. Not even sore yet, but tomorrow my abs will make themselves known. I need to keep from getting complacent as a boyfriend, and want to keep trim so that I still inspire lust. Lust throws gasoline on the bonfire of love, as they say. Ah, it will be good to lay my hands on Susan again, and giggle as we swing dance.. These really are the best days of our lives, it's good to savor them.
I love W, my officemate. She is gone today, on jury duty, but if she was here she'd be behind her desk, reading comic strips, and not working. W is proud that she does nothing productive. That's what makes her great. Heroic almost. Some mornings she will announce that she doesn't feel like doing anything for the company. Instead she'll just gossip and look at on line personals. Since our product sits unused in warehouses on army bases, why not? Some guy down the hall works so much he's constantly grumpy, and won't even say hello. Not W. She rocks!
The Senate this morning voted to have Iraq pay back half the money we spend on reconstruction. What a great business plan: we blow their country up, hire ourselves to fix things, then send them a bill. We are even importing laborers from India, so that Iraqis are cut out of getting the money they spend on themselves. Sigh. No wonder people hate America. In other news, I am giving up coffee. I drank five cups yesterday at work and when I got home I passed out in haze of gloomy thoughts. It always works. But no more. I quit.
I am sad.
Maybe it's the coffee or the late hour, but I'm there. The visit to my brother Paul's house this morning sucked. I got there at 9, hoping to catch him sober for some songwriting or recording, dragging my four track and guitar along. The house had the usual drift of beer cans, clouds of flies, and fuzzy toilet. Paul was already sloppy on Valium and beer, and then brother Pete arrived, brining a 15 year old friend of my niece. How could he bring a child into that house? Paul was too messed up to sing.
I am so very tired and just about to fall into bed. This was an intoxicating evening. with so much lust and love all rolled up in to one I am warm and tingly from Susan's touch. The whole weekend was full of good things; ate lamb, saw Kill Bill with its geyser's of blood, crammed into a bar to see Brian's band play, and tried to record some guitar. I think my microphones just really suck, the acoustic sounds really tinny. Some weekend soon I will stay locked in my house, phone turned off, just hiding out. Sleep calls!
I'm feeling out of sorts today for no good reason. I'm teaching a class this afternoon and haven't thought up anything to talk about. Something will come to me, or I suppose I can just sit in on the class before me, take notes, and spit it back out at my students. I'm feeling anxious, and maybe it's the class, or my upcoming job interview, or my body telling me that I need to work out more. Damn, I am getting manic now, I feel like I've drank lots of coffee, hopefully I can harness that manic energy for planning.
This night I drank a big eggnog mocha that called out to me from the espresso stand at the grocery store on South Tacoma Way. I danced around the house, swung the nun chucks wildly, lifted weights at the YMCA, then came home and wrote a song about my alcoholic brother, and fell into bed. I was supposed to study for my interview and prepare for class, but didn't do too much of that, excepting to print out some examples. Somehow the time between coming home and bedtime shrinks so much that nothing useful will fit in its cramped space.
It's just after seven in the morning, and I'm naked. Soon I'll be dressed up and out the door for my day, a fateful day. I have my job interview at the university, then teach C# for two hours, then off to swing dance. It's a pivotal day for me, which will affect where I live and what I do for a living and who I love. Although I suppose the swing-dancing lesson is not a turning point. Whatever, I will get the job, the class will be excellent, and Susan and I will be silly tonight, in love evermore.
The wind was shaking the oak tree outside my window all day, but now the breeze has stopped and the tree is still, limpid. The setting sun paints it with warm, yellow light. Yesterday I realized that I have a problem saying "I love you". Took me weeks before I was brave enough to say it the first time. Still I get awkward and camera shy before I say it, and it comes out choked. But as long as I feel it and she can tell by my look and my touch that it's there, and strong, it doesn't matter.
I didn't do my entry for yesterday. Sigh. Now I'll never get my 100 words on the net! The sun is shining through the house as I type, Susan is opening up my iPod which a FedEx person just dropped off at the door, and my mouth is heavy with garlic from last nights ravioli sauce. Oatmeal, I am going to make oatmeal for breakfast and convince Susan to stick around so I can record a song quicklike before we run off to a wedding. Oh, and Jim Evans is going to retrofit my car with some Korean tractor paraphenelia.
Jim Lindsey installed a Motorized Agricultural Vehicle Air Powered Horn in my car. It's a way cool Chinese surplus plunger-operated air horn that is funny and bright and loud. It's good to have a big red plunger mounted in the dashboard, gives the car an industrial look. Had a good time out at the wedding, although I was so very tired for some reason and passed out in the arms of my sweetheart as soon as we got home. She sat in my lap yesterday and sang me a song while the sun shined on her hair. Nice moment that.
When you are sitting on the floor in front of the fire, smiling and singing to yourself in a little voice, that's when I remember. When you fall into giggles when we are dancing, when you make my friends laugh, then I remember too. When you run your hand up my arm while we sit, or smile that conspiratorial smile or leave a sweet note on my pillow in the morning, then I remember. I remember why I fell love with you in the first place. And it feels good. And I will do it again and again, every day.
Sweetie- You're asleep now in your hotel room, far from here. I'm thinking of you and how good it feels to hold you in your sleep, and how well we fit together. Hope you are happy and smiling your sweet smile as you rest. I'll be heading there soon myself and will meet you out in a dream, where your talking dogs and my 4AM ghosts meet, where books are always scrambled and it's always easy to say I love you. In the morning we'll have a fleeting memory of a pug mumbling "A fruit bat walks into a bar…"
Somehow I always seem to be broke these days, despite making lots of money. I'm not sure what happened to my check last week when I got paid, but after paying bills and getting my ticket to Chicago and buying groceries and an effects pedal and some new underwear all the money was gone and I find myself about to drive up to Bellevue to pick up my check in person there so I will have money for the weekend so I won't have to wait til Monday. Sigh. I need to resolve to live slightly more within my means.
Today I get to go in to work and tell my boss that I'm leaving. No great satisfaction in quitting, they are pretty nice folks there, although the development process is as dysfunctional as can be. But I'm very excited about the new job, which will be in Seattle, much nicer than out in nowhere strip mall land. And, the pay is so outrageously high that I still am all giddy about it. I'm rich! Anyhow, these next few weeks should be pretty interesting; my life is changing once again. New job, new place to live. I'm dynamic, damn it!
This was Thursday, and I wrote in my paper journal as I sat idling in the car outside the airport departures level, waiting for Susan to arrive. The night was cold and dry and the recorded voice said something muffled about not smoking. When Susan arrived she was really cute and disheveled in a sexy way. We drove back to Tacoma for some slow dancing and a good deep slumber that ended too soon and left me a groggy coffee zombie at work all day. I dressed as a priest and had potluck ribs with the ladies down the hall.
Didn't get much sleep last night and drank too much coffee during the day, so Eye Yam Sofa King tired. And that is the end of the month, it passed by so quickly and with much happenings. Started with a job interview, ran through the coast and a new job and a sleepy Halloween spent in front of the fire eating ice cream. I'm still in love and about to fall slow motion into the bed with Susan and dream sweet dreams. Next months journaling goes in a paper journal, without the century word limit. It was a good month.
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