01/01 Direct Link
Maybe my tailbone pain is due to a phantom limb. I always loved monkeys and still do. It looks like chimpanzes should be in pain from sitting on those odd rumps. I always wanted a spider monkey. I forced myself to be normal so I had a baby instead. He was lucky to turn out normal. I don't know how he did it but he did. This is the best I can do to contribute to the new year online. I haven't died yet which is a bit surprising. Let's hope the planets are lining up in a better configuration.
01/02 Direct Link
Not sure when it happened but I turned into my Aunt Nina. She's passed away now but then again we know she's not gone. My cousins and I used to say isn't it funny that she doesn't like to date because the men make too much noise eating popcorn in the movie theater. We thought that was a weird excuse to not date. It is not. It is very legitimate and logical and I should know because I relived her experience. Did she also say that they snap their fingers to the music and bop their heads around? It's true.
01/03 Direct Link
This tiny condo has potential. If I could find time and money I'd turn the linen closet into a spiral staircase going up to the attic and I'd turn the attic into a useable room. Maybe if the roof needs repairing I could rip it off and build up. These are cookie cutter little buildings but there's a spectacular green hillside right outside the complex. If I ever meet the owner I would thank him for the joy it brings. How I wish it never gets covered with cookie cutter buildings. This yuppie town was country when I was young.
01/04 Direct Link
He said he thought I was neurotic or psychotic and other things but I can't remember. I said he was very smart. I like to pull the crazy card. It gets you out of a lot of tight situations. The stupid card and the crazy card are helpful but can backfire. I'm not ready to date. I still love the husband that might have wanted me dead. I can understand battered women. Maybe we were brainwashed too young and find ourselves holding on to sacks of potatoes. I have guilt from being a horrible wife. this is a new year.
01/05 Direct Link
It looked like the female Akita had a tick on her eyelid. The male limps. I love the dogs. The male killed my Pekingese last year. A huge trauma. They are the neighbors' dogs. There are mountain lions, a bear, coyotes, foxes here. I am a city person learning about the country. My dog went too close to a food bowl and I shocked myself by not reacting quickly enough to danger. My fear was greater than my maternal instinct. The Peke was like my baby. a new year. This site is cathartic. I don't think it can work miracles.
01/06 Direct Link
I tried to reach Mamund but there was no email. Come on. What's up with the 3 toes story? That has to be cheating. How is that possible? Is it the ghost of John Steinbeck or somebody? Is it a test? That is not off the top of somebodies' head. And each entry is exactly 100 words and there's a beginning, middle, and ending? And each entry is exactly 100 words and there's a beginning, middle, and ending? A perfect short story within the month following all the guidelines? Someone is playing with our heads. I'll try to copy it?
01/07 Direct Link
Woman was walking with her wolf and the wolf spotted me and came at me while I was trying to look friendly. It lunged and gripped and held me with its teeth ready to attack me. I looked toward the lady for help but she seemed to think that I wasn't to be trusted. I took my keys and started ripping them into shreds of paper to distract the wolf. It worked. Then I discovered that I didn't have a key to get into my place in SF. I had ripped the flimsiest keys. I worried about losing all sanity.
01/08 Direct Link
It's 10:38 p.m. on the 8th. I only had 5 hours sleep last night. Ate veggie sushi and an omelette for breakfast. Can't remember lunch. Fish for dinner. Vacuumed all the drywall from punching holes in the closet wall while trying to install shelving. Drove in to work. Saw policemen arresting a woman when I got back to my condo. A neighbor. Watched Girls Behaving Badly and laughed a lot. Can't remember other details from the day. Oh, rented a car for a trip next month. I'm fixing my health troubles. Slowly. Want a dog. Thousands are euthanized a day.
01/09 Direct Link
no time right now, but when there is time maybe chapters can be written. It would have to be a Phoenix Rising story but the upswing hasn't quite gotten hold yet. One chapter can be Haunted Dolls. no reason to not jump around writing chapters and then spread them out and place them in order. Some can get cut. My hair's wet and I have to rush. There's never enough time in a day. I'm still on foreign time awake until 3:00 a.m. and sleeping until ten, eleven, twelve? And one time one. did that to see if I could.
01/10 Direct Link
How silly to still feel like I love someone who might have wanted me dead so he could have my house. Or I could be paranoid and psychotic. We never really know who is sane or insane. I know in my heart that he is happy to be rid of me. I should be the happiest person to be alive and well and I think I should go boil some milk. I have some home-made marshmellows. If I had an open fire I'd roast them. Marshmallow? It looks funny. I used to be a better speller before I got wrinkled.
01/11 Direct Link
Looks like I'm back for January. I'm always stifled, twisted, and dodging imaginary bullets from people I irritate. The trick is to just get cynical enough to not care or just keep your fingers crossed that no one tracks down the real person behind the entries. I have people who would think that I should be embarrassed to write some of the stuff that I do. Oh hells bells. We all just come into the world and then go out. I think that some people should be embarrassed about taking life too seriously. These are my 100 words! Best wishes!
01/12 Direct Link
There is every reason to enjoy life. It serves no purpose to wallow in gloom. wonder how it is that some people never look back. Maybe their childhoods were more sad than happy so they benefit by that. They had early training in living in the present? Shutting the door on what just passed? We are probably predisposed for gloom due to hormones or some genetic thing. my childhood was happy even though I thought it was sad. Happy or sad has little meaning until it's compared to something. What's depressing to one person is magnificent and unbelievable to another.
01/13 Direct Link
There won't be much dialog here because I don't like talking and listening and all the interpersonal stuff. Too tiring. Books are much nicer. You open and close them when you want. Sometimes people won't stop talking even when you say I really have to hang up the phone now I have a work call coming through and the person keeps saying let me just say this and you say I'm hanging up I have to take this call and the person is still saying but but listen to this one more thing so you are forced to hang up
01/14 Direct Link
new year and I should be happy. getting my health back. Everything working fine. nice people. I'm the center of this universe because I'm the one stuck in this brain. don't think that's selfish but a reality. Don't think I'll be on the site the next couple months because of some upcoming trips. Depends on whether or not I take a laptop. Who was the guy in the poem who killed himself in the end? It wasn't Prufrock. Wasn't 3 Toes a Jack London story? bullets that wouldn't fire, does it mean that my ex did try to kill me
01/15 Direct Link
refuse to feel guilty for being selfish. It's only been a year since I realised my husband had no love for me, most likely was trying to figure out how to get me to die without actually murdering me, my dog was killed in front of me by the old akita, had to move and find a place within 3 weeks, my brother died, and I've had to keep working pretending like everything is normal. don't like phone calls. Long conversations with friends. Dates. I like doing yoga again. No one would guess I can't sit in a normal chair
01/16 Direct Link
I have nothing to write. I read a little bit of a John Cheever short story and I know I'll just have to die and come back to start over to learn what one needs to learn to be totally in a body taking in everything, analyzing, and expressing oneself in a ...what was I saying? Ellen is on TV cracking me up. The TV is downstairs I am upstairs I must be hard of hearing I can hear it as though it's in the room I was down there it must have been pounding my eardrums without me realising
01/17 Direct Link
Been very stressed maybe because of setting up a filing cabinet or because of yoga releasing some old sorrow from some old sorrowful muscle tissue. Still can twist like a pretzel and look like I have strength even though I can't sit on a cushy chair. very funny. Cracked my Original Blues CD. I had 2 Light on Yoga books that seem to have disappeared. You've Got to Read This is turning yellow on its edges. Tillie Olsen has a precious note to me right next to I Stand Here Ironing. Jerome Wilson PAPER GARDEN very dear to my heart
01/18 Direct Link
Love days when I can sleep and not worry about the time to get up. Ate fresh warm blackberries and bananas with vanilla yogurt and cool whip. Supposedly artificial ingredients can be healthier than natural so I've switched to including some in my diet. Cool whip extra creamy. Other foods eaten today: avocado, fish oil, olive oil, chicken because I'm only sometime vegetarian, sunflower seeds coated with chocolate colored with beet juice and other natural food coloring, sun-dried tomato, french bread, fish with pineapple and apple cider vinegar. olive paste. wine with a rooster on the label only 4.00. Red.
01/19 Direct Link
Weary. Bleary. Teary. Sheary. Feary. Heary. Neary. Leery. Peery. Seery. Eerie. Leary. Peary. Can of Campbell's tomato soup. With baby shrimp. A little cream. Suchard. Chocolat. Zora Neale Hurston wrote Their Eyes Were Watching God in 7 weeks. Handwritten. What is in your way? Boulder? Folder? Colder? Why did Virginia Woolf walk into the water? Pray tell, Jezebelle. Jessibell. Jessebelle. Jesabell. Jezebel. No time this week to go to the country. Miss the dogs. No time. No time. No time. Lime. Lime. Lime. Lie me. Me lie. Me Lai. Mei. Lai. Can't remember. Say what? What you talking about? Ninety-nine.
01/20 Direct Link
They are concerned with who they date, who loves them, where they're going, what they're doing, rushing, planning, doing, moving, driving, dizzy living. Too much. Dr. Laura said do something for someone else. Mean something to someone else. Selfish. Selfish. How does the bird know to shut up when you peek out through Venetian blinds? A carrot can just be a carrot and not be hassled. If you eat that carrot will it come back in the next life as a human being? What kind of human being would it be? Maybe it would be transformed and like zydeco dancing.
01/21 Direct Link
Good thing it's getting near the end of the month because I'm leaving again. Intense grief for no reason. Must be that this old tree doesn't sway enough in the breeze. Too stiff. Amazing how some people never want to retire and are so proud that they feel that way. I'm in situations where I have to pretend to understand but I don't. I don't get it. I'm nodding my head but thinking stop the ride and let me off. Laughing Sal is in the glass case. Something positive from today: Johnny Depp's wristband. Today is a gift. Have fun.
01/22 Direct Link
How do writers make boring everyday stuff seem filled with meaning and spirit? It's only in a story that most people have souls. In reality their souls are separate from their bodies hanging by a thread like a balloon. If I have a soul it's got most of the air let out lying limp in a mud puddle. That's not all bad. Mud baths are supposedly healthy. I'd go for one except you have to be naked and that's creepy to me. don't like naked stuff. don't even believe that sex is as important as the media says it is.
01/23 Direct Link
Seem to be getting the virus back. Taking Airborne. Gargled with hydrogen peroxide. Had it for Christmas. And off and on for a month. High vitamin C causes kidney stones. Too tired to write. Used up writing time by looking at dog pictures on shelter websites. Antiqued a cabinet and it doesn't look bad. It surprised me by turning out pretty good. Painted the drawers of a filing cabinet. And a bookcase. This place is coming together. A houngan is exorcizing my troublesome spirits. I think he's just showing them the way to go home. What a life. Fluff. Stuff.
01/24 Direct Link
Never thought I could adjust to living in a suburb but I'm looking out the window at a rolling hillside with trees at the bottom and trees at the top. There's a big tree directly outside my window with a bird's nest made of thick twigs. I buried a bird a couple weeks ago between the tree's roots. He or she was lying there at the base. Now I am interrupted by the fish cooking downstairs. No burning smell yet but it's calling out "eat me." It was frozen and I still have pineapple to put on the top. Bye.
01/25 Direct Link
Maybe we become mute when we can't figure out which story to tell. They just pile up like a heap of chicken bones. It took 2 hours to get to work. I put a skirt on. Fixed up. A couple months ago I aquired new wrinkles. My face is much different than it was a year or six months ago. I can cry on cue. I could be a character actress and play a weeping woman in church at a funeral. What are those women called? The Italian ones who sit in the back of a church crying at funerals?
01/26 Direct Link
looked up Snow White and Rose Red. It was the only story I could remember from the books my sister has from childhood. We had a library. I read every story in that set of books. don't think my sister read any. I also liked to read the medical books. That is how I quit sucking my thumb. There was a picture of what I thought was a thumb horrible and deformed so I quit. Maybe it wasn't a thumb. Who knows? I thought Snow White and Rose Red might have a hidden adult meaning but I don't know what.
01/27 Direct Link
Who was the storyteller? Now I forget. Mondo. Maudsomething. No. One word starting with an M. I love those stories. Mr. Peter Brown was hanging on the corner smoking a thin cigar. No. Maybe it was a cigarello. Or one of those skinny brown cigarettes that smell like I forget what they smell like. Some kind of spice, herb, seasoning the color of cinnamon. You have to be so disciplined to write a story. I have some fresh cinnamon and some cool whip but Mr. Brown's wife downstairs in the kitchen might be stuffed in the pantry in her panties
01/28 Direct Link
I think those books about older women finding love with younger men are irresponsible and set women up for heartbreak. I suppose it's the same for older men/younger women. Anytime you find yourself in a position where someone expects you to be dishing out more financially you can bet that person doesn't really love you. You get pulled in slowly but get out quickly. You don't get over the heartbreak, though. Women often look better at 45 than 35 but once menopause hits it's over. You always think NOT ME. No one listens. Girls just wanna have fun. It's not.
01/29 Direct Link
The morning started the day off nicely. I opened the windows. Maybe that's all that's needed. The stale air goes out. My grandson came over. It rained. Later I returned a heater that broke after a month. It had a five year warranty. Hard to write without censor. Maybe that is why people like me turn to food. Bananas, avocados, a muffin with dark cherries and cranberries, only 67 words. I've had some long dreams lately which totally disappear when I wake up. That's not normal for me. Only 88 words. I haven't had much time to watch television. 100
01/30 Direct Link
Went into the city early. Took car into shop. Bought food for the frog. Rained. Picked up car, went to yoga, to work, home. Went grocery shopping at some point. I have a happy life. Seriously. I'm getting my self back. great to be free from anyone pulling me down. If I pulled myself down then it is great to have picked myself back up. want to write a story. Mrs. T went to all the funeral homes picking up leftover flowers to take to the school's fundraiser. She went to the army base to get cans of shaving cream
01/31 Direct Link
Doom and gloom must pass overhead like a cloud. Other families I know are experiencing very sad times now. My grammar is lacking. I'm writing when I'm supposed to be working. I'm slipping this in using my laptop and I'm on the run like I'm cheating, hiding, whispering, cramming. My spirits are better but now others are in slumps. I can feel sad but still keep my new found strength. It must be the yoga that does really work. Haven't decided whether or not to stop again. Not the yoga. This site. I never get around to writing about anything.