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it's a new day and i hesitate to welcome what lies ahead of me. i dreamt of events that disturbed me and i woke up wondering why. i reach within for courage and faith and it's always there. just checking. I stare at the words forming on this page realizing the power behind each word. words can impact lives for better or worse. i roll with the punches refusing to entertain it's darkside. i need to stretch and open my heart to a new melody. i have this sudden urge to walk in the rain and schedule play time.
Labor Day... oh what a day! the sun has hidden it's beautiful face for almost 5 days now. i miss the sunshine. It's shining brightly elsewhere and many are appreciating it's radiance. I look forward to it's return. Hurry back, sunshine! A feeling of relief and happiness overcame me as I read an email last night from someone dear to me. I sensed the peace, forgiveness and tenderness in his words. To forgive can only make you a better person, it brings freedom and healing. And with healing, you are made strong. I pray for daily strength,clarity and wisdom.
The sun is back and doing what it does best.. shining brightly and warming the faces of those looking towards the skies... those who love to gaze upon heaven with simple appreciation. how i love to bask in the sun and recharge my weary soul. i remember standing on a bridge underneath the Niagara Falls. What glory! i stood there with my best friend in complete awe and wonder... all we could say was wow. there is so much beauty in this world and as i sit here, i feel the urge to explore more beauty .. God's finest and best creations..
i wonder about the results of this coming weekend.. how my life can be changed with the results of a simple test..life is filled with countless crossroads and one is staring me in the face. do i have the courage, faith, convictions, love, grace and hope to persevere. Faith and confidence tells me YES. so i wait patiently upon my Lord and know he sees the whole world and still sees my face and knows my life's story. how will it end.. how will it begin again? death begets life. just completed a big project... need to celebrate sweetly
my mind is filled with a thousand merging thoughts competing to be entertained. choices are made every day.... we choose our actions and our thoughts. we choose who is worthy of our time, our love and attention. i read an article today about a 100 year old lady who was asked what keeps her heart happy and thriving for so long. and she said her secret to living a long and happy life is doing volunteer work. there are so many needs and too much suffering, and not enough volunteers.
watched lord of the rings last night on dvd . i had no idea why so many people were raving about this movie until i finally saw it for myself. made me think of the power of evil which is so great.... once it is tasted, it can consume you to no return. such evil actions are unthinkable. my mind is too valuable and precious to be seared, altered and controlled by darkness. my heart breaks for those who suffer from acts of evil. my soul weeps and takes a moment to grieve. i reach out more and cherish my loved ones today
my loved one is getting on a plane tonight. i pray for God to guide all air crafts safely to their destinations. i look forward to seeing the smile on his face and embracing him. i haven't seen him in weeks and i pray he returns feeling refreshed and stronger in mind and heart. i have been working with a women for 2 months and i had no idea how much we shared in common. we all come together from different backgrounds.. at the end of the day, we go our separate ways. some friendships are formed at work.
today use to be a significant day. it was an anniversary i shared with my ex-boyfriend from years ago. when I think of that relationship, i wish i had not wasted as much time and heart on someone who i knew could not bring out the best in me. His ultimate desire was to simply have me as his prized possession. to be his shining star in his shattered world. i remember hating the negative energy that filled his house. His mother was always screaming at the top of her lungs. I realized that was not the life for me.
how sweet he is. he called me from the ferry and i met him by the pier. he looked so handsome in his suit. it was a lovely evening and it was a perfect night to walk hand in hand and enjoy the beautiful sites. after our stroll, we shared a few cocktails before heading home. He assured me of his love and faithfulness. I kissed him good-night. I shared the rest of my evening with a cherished friend. We talked, laughed and feasted on grapes, cheese, nuts, candy and cold refreshing water. My friend is a beautiful, sweet blessing.
Tired of working on all these reports. I am ready to progress in my career. Eager for new challenges and learning experiences. My mind craves for knowledge.. hungers to be educated and stretched beyond these boundaries. Oh Lord, that you will BLESS me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be upon me, and that You would keep me from all evil. I love how Jabez called on the God of Israel and prayed a courageous and faith-filled prayer. God saw the heart behind his prayer and granted him what he requested... that YOU would BLESS me indeed.
our nation grieves. the memory of today opens fresh wounds and reminds us of an unspeakable act of evil and terror. our nation was attacked and on that dreadful day, our lives changed forever. Our security and freedom was attacked. the number of lives lost is overwhelming. oh my Lord, I can't believe the devastation and great pain. You see everything and know everything. You weep with us and grieve deeply. You are a compassionate God; You are all-powerful, merciful and loving. I pray desperately for your mercy to be upon us. Father, don't let our enemies triumph over us.
what an empowering day. ask and you shall receive. it takes courage and deep convictions to speak your truth Fear tries to knock you down and paralyze you from advancing. I have learned to walk and sometimes tremble when fear is close by. Courage holds my hand, faith sees the way and love guides me. And I press on and experience the rewards of living out my dreams. ask and you shall receive; believe and know that life is worth living your best life. to love unselfishly and completely makes me rich. it's the greatest gift you can give to all.
we were planning on attending a celebration. i baked my special casserole and looked forward to the event. he arrived at my place sneezing and looking feverish. he looked very drained and needed to rest. he slept the day away.. his fever broke and I cared for him. we took a stroll in the park along the river. it was a beautiful evening and we enjoyed the time we were sharing. there's something about him I haven't seen in awhile something I missed and longed to find once again.... i see love in his eyes and in his tender touch.
i love the peace that fills my heart when he's holding me he draws me to an intense vulnerability and i often wonder if he knows how i enjoy his presence. i am convinced he knows the melody of my heart. he sings to me, interprets a spanish love song and makes me smile. he inspires my dreams and leads me. he looks at me with a strong gaze that draws me closer. he has a way with me like no other and he knows my love for him is everlasting . my papi chulo and best friend in one.
9/15/02 the echoes of the storm are drifting by. there's magic in the air. i sit here quietly listening to beat of my heart. there are moments in life when you are able to experience the power of your thoughts sweeping you off your very feet. the realness of love is an amazing thing to grasp. it can be experienced completely when it is joy that fills your soul and speaks words only the mind of a pure heart can comprehend. i look back and hold onto every moment. I'm cherishing it, tasting it, touching it, breathing deeply and living it.
disappointment is a terrible thing. to have your expectations shot down is painful.. how much hope should one possess? can you ever love enough? the bible says true love keeps no record of wrongs. it is so much more painful when someone closest to you disappoints you. i set my clock. prepared my clothes the night before and found myself looking forward to the day..i called twice to see if he was awake and i hoped that he was also getting ready. i knew he was going out last night and I hoped he would not disappoint me again.
he came by and his eyes were hidden behind the sunglasses. if he knows me like he says he does, he'll know his actions disappointed me. am i taking things too personally? i look within and realize i don't ask for much. just thoughtfulness and genuine love. i'm not asking for expensive gifts. i'm asking for things that money can't buy... loving experiences. i think about walking away sometimes and how my life would change or be different without him. and I pray to think clearly through my emotions and i find some comfort knowing my prayers are being heard.
bittersweet memories that is what i take with me. i look around me and i'm surrounded by arts and craft supplies. papers of all colors, shapes and textures. trinkets, stamps, paints, ribbons, tools. i have all i need to create a masterpiece. i need to be inspired and jump start this business again. this is something i love doing. i read a book called Do What You Love and The Money Will Follow. But there are many risks and I need to ask myself if this risk is worth taking and exploring. and I hear a resounding yes , yes, yes.
tummy hurts today... ate too much and i was not able to walk it off. i enjoy cooking and feasting.. i need to make sure i remain active and burn off calories to support my healthy appetite. i've never looked or felt this voluptuous. i have grown to love my curves and enjoy me. i wish my tummy was slimmer and my arms were more tone. But hey, i am what i am and i'm grateful for the attractive features i possess which outweigh my flaws.. my mind just drew a blank. it's time to unwind and catch come zzz's.
visited ground zero for the first time. it was overwhelming to see the enormous hole and space where the towers once stood tall. it hits so close to home. looking at the new york skyline is not the same. my bedroom use to have a wonderful view of the magnificent towers. i walked along the street that was filled with memorials.. candles, pictures, flowers, words of comfort, pain and love. while walking along the streets, my sandal got caught in crack along the sidewalk. and i fell... spraining my right ankle and bruising my knee. It happened in slow motion.
walked along the streets of new york city. attended the festival. it was a lovely evening. feasted on Italian food and admired the crafts. enjoyed the festivities with my sweetie and the company of good friends. there was a man who stood on the corner of a busy intersection who read out loud scriptures from the bible. although i do not agree with that form of evangelizing, it is not my place to judge others. i watched as many pedestrians mocked him. even cars stopped to honk and hurl insults. Yet, this man stood there with confidence, hope and conviction.
slept through the morning. it is always nice waking up to the warmth of my boyfriend holding me. i unfailingly sleep like a baby when he is close to me. in the midst of all the wonderful moments, there is this emptiness inside me. maybe it is a part of me that longs for more commitment. i wait, i appreciate, i love with my all and I pray. And as I pray, I hear a little voice telling me to keep waiting patiently and let time reveal if we should progress in our loving relationship or go our separate ways.
i thought of my friend today and called her. she is pregnant with her first child and she's experiencing a difficult tri-mester. constant vomiting and nausea. i wish i lived closer to her. i wish i could go to her home with a home-cooked meal and be there for her. sending daily emails and speaking on the phone is not enough. I pray for the miracle forming inside of her and i'm sure she is overjoyed inspite of the temporary setbacks. she will be an amazing mother and i'm grateful for her friendship. She has been an inspiration to my life.
attended a Yankee Game. although my ankle was sore, i wore comfortable sandals and suck in the pain. I tried to walk as normal as I could... having a cocktail before the game helped somewhat. i enjoyed the ferry ride and the train ride to the Bronx wasn't so bad. We took an express train and I found a lucky seat while my boyfriend stood over me and smiled. The evening was fun-filled. I loved our seats.. the Yankees rocked on.. Everyone sat at the edge of their seats each time Soriano was at bat.... anticipating his 40th home run
my manager is out for the rest of the week. Hurray! I seem to get more work done without his distractions and constant demands. He lacks managerial skills. Yet I do give him credit for his efforts. I know he will never find another like me. I am waiting to discuss my performance review with him and I'm praying to receive my bonus. He'll be training me on a new software and I'm looking forward to the new learning experience This new workspace and environment is more relaxed. I enjoy walking along the river and watching the boats. It's peaceful.
Having a sprained ankle is preventing me from doing something I love... taking long strolls, kickboxing, exercising and simply getting around. I hope I don't put on extra weight as i recover. I can stretch and still work on my upper body with weights and machines... and I can swim. I guess the hardest part is changing my routine and finding the motivation to get going. It's always so much easier to just nap and be lazy. No pain, no gain. It takes work and sweat to reap the rewards. good choices, bad choices. What will this day be like?
my friend is getting married next week. Ever since she moved away, our friendship has someone drifted apart. I miss spending time with her. We share memorable times which I will never forget. She always brought out the silly kid in me. And now she's going to be a bride. I wish her happiness and love always... and she knows this. I wish she lived closer to me.. and perhaps one day she will move back. Most of my friends seem to be getting married... and I can't help but wonder and dream of the same. i wonder, wonder, wonder.
your emotions can be used as an evil vehicle to take you away from God's grace. i use to think certain people would be my friends for life. yet, people come and go.. sometimes they are here for a brief moment in time.. sometimes for a significant chapter in your life. and a very few just can't imagine life without the blessings of your friendship. Time shows us who our forever friends are. Friendships need to be nurtured and appreciated. Without unconditional love, a friendship fades. Who is there for you in times of darkness? Who embraces your soul?
i sit and often wonder what lies ahead. life is unpredictable. you never know when a tragedy will strike or when bad news will come knocking on your door. you may sense something is wrong.. you can feel negative energy around you. your intuition is a powerful force and gift. sometimes we are afraid to face the truth and we run around it. it is impossible to run or hide from your truest self. i am unique and it takes tremendous courage to be yourself when the world outside you want to mold you into the likeness of the majority.
gosh. i really miss her. my beautiful friend. saw her yesterday.. went to this very cool place with the ladies.. ate good food, drank cosmos and sang our hearts out.. It was also Karaoke Night.. felt like a superstar for the night.. got on stage with the girls like we were part of a chic band just waiting to be discovered. it was a lot of laughs. she gets married on Saturday... how I look forward to her joyous event. i wish she didn't live so damn far.. i remain grateful to know her... to have our most wonderful memories
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