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I love the piano. It is probably one of the best designs of a string instrument in the world. Who wouldíve thought that mixing percussion and string would fuse into one the best sound of music there could ever be? I can always imagine you playing it. I know youíve got a Grade 8 in piano, but so have the rest of us. Then what is it? What quality is it that you possess that makes you different? We are great pianists not for our technical abilities. We are great pianists, because we can enjoy being one with the music.
I wish there were something more inspirational that was going on in my mind. But all thatís on it now, is you, unfortunately. And thereís nothing inspirational about that. I scorn my inability to reject such crap from penetrating my cranium. But now that itís in, I have to get it out. I have to get you out of my brain. Yet, there is no real reason you should leave. Except those insecurities you swore to have professed against. I donít know where Iím going, and youíve left me disoriented. Youíve left your mark, itís time to say good bye.
I love it when this happens. They know how they feel, and yet, they can never be. As she looks at him, his toned demeanor shines brilliantly at her whilst he is quietly in a trance by her beauty at the same time. She saw this coming. She saw him walk away. However, he never planned to. And so, she turned around, walking her heaviest footsteps as the reluctant distance between them grew. He did the same knowing sheíd never return. And after a few seconds, their heads turn at the same time. Their electrifying eyes meet, feeling alive again.
I see her every single day of my life. So much, that she has become engraved in my soul. Her big, beautiful eyes lifting spirits, her gleaming smile which in turn puts smiles on your faces, and her toned demeanor recognizing the long-life torments of the Sun. In spite of that, there was no doubt she was gorgeous. I donít know what we saw in each other. But we found something. And as time passed, that something drifted farther and farther away. I felt every break in the distance painful. But still, I wait. I know youíll come back soon.
I know what has to be done. I know the discipline required. I know what I want. And I know how important it is. Although people havenít made it particularly obvious in any way, the thought is there. I just wonder how long it is I have to slave away to achieve this. So now, there are three things on my mind. This includes the previous two: HCJC and Friends. Itís a new resolution I have to stick to in order to succeed. And I really cannot stand it any longer. And so, my friends, expect a very different Isabelle.
I know it when I see one. I know it when I see the perfect family. The daughter looks up at her parents and smile as she receives her 10 A1s in her ĎOí Levels. This isnít a surprise because her brother did just as well. They smile at each other with ease because letís face it, theyíre nothing short of eyecandies. The father getís an SMS. And he opens it to find his wifeís sms albeit she was next to him. It read: I love you. And the family turns to the youngest child, filled with the same expectations.
Thereís something I love about my class this year. Amidst all the negativities involved, my class is probably the most happening class I couldíve ever gotten into. I love the drama, the rhythm, the tension, the magic, and all the negative energy that seems to collect itself and release at impulsive and instinctive moments. What happened today was one such example. It was Primary 6 all over again and I feel sad for those who missed it. It reminded me of what was important. It reminded me of what I could do. And, it reminded me that weíre only human.
I see how people lose friendships. It starts by a mild interest in someone. The Guy starts messaging the Girl, and vice versa. Thatís how the relationship was started, thatís how it would end. Suddenly, theyíre both together everywhere they go. Though not physically, they consume the space in each otherís thoughts, leaving very little space for anything else to penetrate. They start a healthy relationship where both will no longer feel anywhere near lonely. But then, quarrels are aroused, and some tension is caused. This is met with either repentance, or inimitability. Intensity dies. Thereís a new guy now..
Yesterday, I whipped out The Bible. And after flipping through a few pages of it rather morbidly, I made a quick and impulsive decision to read my motherís favorite book. The book of Ecclesiastes. Of course, the initial reading started when Josias mentioned it. It was ironical because after reading a page of that book, I realized the whole book of it talks about how life is meaningless. How we are Ďchasing after the windí. And even though Iíve always thought this the case, it is interesting to know that my foolishness was always someone elseís wisdom. I loved it.
If you ever wondered how it feels to be a year older overnight, simply because you forgot how it felt the last time, I would remind you that there is in fact no real feeling because people donít get a year older after merely an hour before your Birthday. I think despite the superficiality of the whole occasion, birthdays are so much more than a reason to celebrate and party. Instead, they are a step to looking at yourself for who you really are. Do I feel any different? I certainly do. But I feel different every day. Go figure.
Pick a senior. Any senior. Someone you would like very much to be when you are of that same age. Someone, you could look forward to being even the slightest bit similar to. Someone, you could look up to for the rest of your life. Someone, you really respect, and hoped you achieved that same respect in the years to come. For me, that person is Diana. And it doesnít really matter that weíre not close at all. Itís just that Iíve always looked up to her since Secondary One. And sadly, it seems Iím alone in this area, yeah?
Whoever told you that television was the best invention in the world is probably the most brain dead person youíll find around. However, I disagree. After much contemplation, you would realize that without the television, movies may not have been invented. And what opens your mind more than anything than a good movie or book? I loved the movie today. It reminded me of how little reality mattered, and how I fell in love with movies like Big Fish and Finding Neverland. Itís definitely on my list of good movies. But then again, Iíve been to never been to Neverland..
Oh the joys of simplistic living! Theyíre never ending and oh so filled with happiness. And with love, money and work to worry about all the time, do they really bring you the true, and pure goodness of a simple life? Iíve traveled to Africa, New York, and China! And there is nothing in the world more worth having than a Simple life. A dog sticks his head outside a carís window and sticks his tongue out to enjoy the breeze. Is that not the simplest kind of happiness youíll ever find around? Donít go looking too hard for it.
You know, you know I know, and I know you know I know, and I know as well. Itís that subtle chemistry that we can all fully appreciate once in a while. The feeling of knowing someoneís scanning their eyes through every inch of your body, and the tingling sensation you believe you feel, at a nonexistent laser bring itself down every cell of you. Itís that understanding you posess of each other. The idea that telepathy was no longer a sensation to hope for, and instead, an ideal that was achieved without any difficulty. And I love that feeling.
I have never understood how some people can Fail a subject like Mathematics. I go bloghopping and I see them writing about how they donít get Math, how they failed the last test, and whatever whatever. The word Ďwhateverí actually describes how I feel towards them quite accurately. The weird thing is, that those less intelligent seem to profess more pride and are actually much more confident of themselves. And well, you know who you are. CCA is the only place Iíll see crap like you. Am I thankful for that? Or do I look forward to your subtle mockery?
My little sister is quite admirable, I must say. For quite a while I havenít paid much attention to her, but today, I finally realized what a great person she is. As a matter a fact, I predict sheís going to be quite successful next time. Sheís smart, beautiful, she plays the piano, she loves to read, she is the epiphany of elegance and renaissance, something my mom has always tried to spark a passion for in us. And even though I am the bridge between my other sister and her, this isnít enough. I need to be a sister.
Today, I took out my Barbie notebook, and entitled the page, ďA Compilation of the Funs in LifeĒ. I turned to the back of the book and wrote, ďA Compilation of the Borings in LifeĒ. My initial objective was to write down what I could do to happy-fy myself when Iím unhappy, and to figure out the cause of the unhappiness. After writing about forty things that make me happy, I made two observations. One was that the simplest things could make me happy. The other was that he was featured on a whole page. Simple life, oh simple life!
Open your ears, can you hear the dogs howling? They howl in pain, and their whining is golden. Those subtle sounds they make for whatever reason makes you swoon and go crazy exclaiming, ĎOh no, you poor thing!í resulting in more treats for the Ďpoorí creature. I wish I could be more of a bitch. Be more of the dog which knows what it wants and exactly how to get it. I always thought itíd be despicable to lower my standards to that of shallow manipulation, but right now, itís the easier way out. And I want out right now.
I wonder how others view me. Do they see me as someone beautiful? Or ugly? Intelligent? Or stupid? Talented? Or merely a jack of all trades? And one day, I took a step out of my own shoes, and put them on Isabellaís. Isabella is my twin. She is my soul split into two. The part B of my part A. And I found that I was in fact ugly, dumb, untalented, fat, loser, and all the negative connotations you could ever think of. But then, having asked someone elseís shoe why this was so, the shoes just didnítí fit.
I love the sound of music. Those little vibrations that combine to form such beautiful melody; music to my ears. I love the feeling of getting totally into the song. Where I can really rise up in the air and feel at total ease. The feeling of the superficial happiness existent in most of those sorry peopleís lives. The feeling of security despite the emotional lack of integrity. The feeling of losing your mind, and living like thereís no tomorrow. Closing your mind effortlessly to reveal those thoughts you never knew youíd ever think of. Itís magical, it really is.
Her feline instincts awake her, the smell of raw meat fills itself in her nostrils, and a tickling down her spine tells her itís time to get up. Rising slowly, she gives a loud yawn. She walks with all the grandeur in the world. She owns this land. She walks towards her cubs and licks each of them in affection, then starts her morning hunt, for the dayís catch of food. The tigress returns not long after with a dead rabbit in her mouth. She knows it is not enough. Worried and bleak, she knew tomorrow would be another day.
If I had it my way, the world would need a makeover. Iíd make all the grasses green, all the water pure, all the animals edible, all the vegetables gone, and have all diseases vanquished and wallowing in their pitiful non-existence. All the people would be far from greedy, and instead, generosity would conquer our very souls; the feeling that we were in fact put on Earth for no greater purpose than to help the fellow man. All man and women would be equal! And thus, woman might as well, be man. Are you seeing what Iím seeing? Chaos.
I am so totally extremely absolutely fucking stressed out okay? I am so totally extremely absolutely fucking stressed out okay? I am so totally extremely absolutely fucking stressed out okay? I am so totally extremely absolutely fucking stressed out okay? I am so totally extremely absolutely fucking stressed out okay? I am so totally extremely absolutely fucking stressed out okay? I am so totally extremely absolutely fucking stressed out okay? I am so totally extremely absolutely fucking stressed out okay? I am so totally extremely absolutely fucking stressed out okay? I am so totally extremely absolutely fucking stressed out okay?
Today, pick out a book youíve read countless times. Then, just before you reach the climax of the story, shut the book, and think about what really matters to you, what you really are, what you really think, who your friends really are, and just give yourself the basic reality check we all need once in a while. And just when you let yourself drown in self-pity, start swimming and get yourself out of that fix. All the hypocrites, liars, and actresses in you start to really shine. Will you wallow in its radiance? Or get a pair of shades?
Today was a very special day. Today was the day I figured out the realities of life. The honest thoughts of how smart I can be, the truths of how many people really love me as their hearts profess, and how the now non-existent ideas have changed my perspective. The Sun came up, and I realized how it never really goes down. Dark clouds may cover it, but sooner or later, theyíll go away, to reveal the warmth and fine radiance the Sun really is capable of. And as soon the dark clouds are gone, the Sun will shine again.
I must say one of the people I look forward most to talk to is Isabella. The conversations we have are always so enlightening and I always learn something about life, men, and other stuff. And even though all wisdom is influenced by perspectives, I really love ours. Good conversations with important people help me to sort my brain out. I guess itís mostly because Iím so messed up sometimes. Like how my neurons seem to be exactly where they shouldnít be. But talking to such people really provides a key to unlock, or the medicine to an incurable sickness.
I have found the cure to everything. The cure to depression, the cure to exhilaration, the cure to emotions. And that cure lies in the spirit, joys and culture of Writing. One may ask, ďWhat would YOU know? Is it supposed to be therapeutic or something??Ē But then I will gladly reply, that yes, it is in fact one of the most therapeutic things youíll ever find. But of course, cures will eventually lead to more versatile and stronger bacterium that will strive even as we continue to write on. And at that, was it really a cure I found?
After today, I know I can deal with anything in the world. Iím convinced that with everything that happens, good or bad, there is definitely something to be optimistic about. The thing about Dreams is that however fictional it may be, your reactions will always be the most real things there are. And they always remain the same, meaning itíd be a good gauge of how you would react so such situations in real life. But such wisdom also professes that whenever you look at the future, it changes. And so, weíre left back to square one. Optimism the best?
Can you see whatís happening? Every day, a colorless veneer surrounds you hoping youíd die in Black and White. Can you imagine this? Spending 10 hours in a room, locked up, sitting in front of a desk on an uncomfortable chair day dreaming whilst the guilt builds as you slowly come to realize the purpose of that Mathematics Assessment book sitting in front of you. As you open the pages, you feel, you feel.. Nothing. And instead, after five minutes completely wasted staring into blank space, you turn the music on really Loud. Can you see this? Itís me escaping.
Ever noticed how the picture changes before and after? She gets on the bus, and takes a seat at the front. She takes a glimpse at the people in the bus. She notices a very good-looking guy at the last corner seat. After realizing her subtle interest for the man, she decides to do something about it. Reluctant to look back (afraid of making it too obvious), she formulates a plan to get his attention. After deciding to casually say Hi before her alight, she braces herself. But alas! She turns, only to find that he is no longer there.
The next time you feel like youíd prefer death to the life youíre living, be rational. Because you are most likely to change your mind in the future when youíre happy again. And all you really need to do is something to help you feel alive again. Itís the end of the month again and that brings exciting new prospects and ideas into the next month. Or does it? Is life really so mundane that tomorrow would be no different from today? Hypothetically speaking, that may be true. But thatís not the kind of wisdom the world needs right now.
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