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I met with my English teacher again today. Yesterday she gave me an extension on my essay. She said she wanted something of quality. I told her I'd love to oblige her. And so, last night I laboured long and hard on my essay. I changed my choice of song lyrics from The Tragically Hip to The Fine Print, and a song about a harsh break up and moving on. Something I can relate to. The Hip are great, but I just don't have the mojo to dissect Gordon Downie's wonderful lyrics. The words and ideas came easily to me.
She said I had a lot of good discussion, but that I needed to "synthesize," and that I needed a "point." Well I wasn't entirely sure what she meant by synthesize, and I'm not entirely certain what my point really is, but I think I managed a fairly good essay. I've decided that high school was an even bigger waste of time than I had originally expected. It appears they award grades not based on skill or merit, but rather on whether or not you laughed at their jokes in class. What can I say? I like a good joke.
As much as I say I hate my roommate, he's not all that bad. He's very much like a brother to me really. He's the younger brother I never had (glad I never had?). We get along much better when we don't live together. We used to be best friends, and for some reason we thought living together would be a great idea. And for the most part, we were right, it was a great idea, and still is I guess. It's just that we have a personality conflict. Both are striving for dominance, and neither is willing to submit.
I like Chai tea. This is a recent discovery. I've always liked the IDEA of tea, but never really enjoyed it in practice. That is, until I found Chai tea. There's just something about that Darjeeling goodness. Whoever thought of making a milk-based tea is a genius. I love the spicy-sweet smell. I love the way it makes me instantly relaxed. I've thought of getting some drugs for my insomnia, but who needs drugs when I've got Chai tea? I like it with a teaspoon of brown sugar and a tablespoon of cinnamon honey in it too. I like tea.
Jocelyn kick boxes. How cool is that!? I mean, really! How many people do you know that kick box? Me? I know one: Jocelyn. Will this girl ever cease to amaze me? Probably not. Her boyfriend better be some incredibly cool guy that loves her more than his own life. Cause if he doesn’t, there is something wrong with the world today. Monster trucks! She went to see the monster truck show. I swear! Never ending this girl! She's one jaw drop after another. And all her curse words are cute too. They make me laugh. She makes me laugh.
Uhg. Wednesdays. Good thing it was “protest-tuition-hike” day, and was encouraged not to go to class. Normally I would have gone anyway, but today I really REALLY wanted to sleep in, so I “protested.” I would have skipped the rest of the classes, but I needed the notes. I felt like such a cop-out, so I decided to go to the rally after school, but I got there late. There were only a few stragglers and a bongo player left milling about. The bongo man has some good sound though. Ah well, looks like another 14% hike then.
Essay returned tomorrow. Hoping for a VERY good mark. Shouldn’t get my hopes up though; they will most likely be dashed to the rocks.
may think I wrote a good essay, and
may have said it was good, but that doesn’t mean jack. She can say one thing one minute, and then completely change her mind the next. I honestly don’t care what the mark is in the long run, as long as it isn’t another failure. And since she said it was already pass-worthy when she was reading my rough draft, I shouldn’t have anything to fear.
I did very well on my essay. 80%. That’s like, an A or something. A- at least. According to the average on this essay, I placed very well. She said most people don’t muster over 60 for this one. I was very proud. Unfortunately, while I was writing this essay, I was NOT studying for my economics midterm. I got 6/20 on the multiple guess. I hope I did better on the written portion. We’ll see Monday. Watched a bootleg of Lord of the rings tonight (Arr, a fine pirate I be). Shhh, don’t tell anyone though, it’s our sekrat.
I had a lot of schoolwork to do today. I went to bed last night with the intention of doing a lot of math today. Good intentions all right, but good intentions don’t always lead to good action. Instead I occupied myself with other things. I never quite got around to the math, or any other schoolwork for that matter. I hate that. I’m so sick and tired of school that I’ll take any excuse not to do anymore of it. This coming week is so going to suck. They call it suicide week, and with good reason. Fucking midterms.
I have a problem with my neighbors. They are sex addicts. That isn’t the problem though. The problem is that she’s a screamer. I wouldn’t even mind so much, if they weren’t also nocturnal. At first I thought it was some poor child being tortured, yelling out at her tormentor, to which the tormentor replied with silence. It was just plain weird when I thought of it like that. But then last night the truth became apparent, as she screamed out, “AHHHHHHHHHHH Don’t stop!” That changes everything doesn’t it? They also argue a lot… at 5AM on a Sunday morning!
I am tired. It seems me and everyone I know is in a rut. A huge gully. The gutter. We're all stuck. We've fallen and we can't get up. There's nowhere to go but down. I think she looks good in red. Fallen angel: walking. The waffles are ready to be eaten, but there's no time to digest. It's a neat trick I learnt. Write in your pad the words "bad day on the moon", and soon enough something good will happen, and you can write "not so bad day on the moon". Sometimes there's just no room to dance.
The ride across the bridge always makes me retreat into my own mind. It cracks my skull wide open; drives a chasm across my plane of thought, from which strange things spill forth. It makes me quite, and I bite my lip absent-mindedly. And after, as I walk out in the cool air, I hear the wind in the trees, and the songs of birds, and the chaos of wind chimes. And I feel small again: humbled by the universe. Humbled by its size and subtlety. It makes me want to seep into the Earth and fall asleep to dream.
Someone pointed out an oddity to me in my October 27th entry. It has a grammatical error in it that I found amusing, perhaps a bit frightening. I said that I imagined a friend of mine at my weddings, with an S. As in, there would be more than just one. I suppose that might be a very accurate statement to make these days, considering most marriages end in divorce, but it's a sad foreshadowing if it's true. It's interesting to see things that the subconscious mind lets slip in.
Tomorrow is Love day. Have fun you lovers out there.
She’s a rock climber too! My god! Either this girl is a pathological liar, or she’s the most incredible person I’ve ever met. Either way really. I’ve never known a pathological liar before, so that would be kinda cool too. She’d never run out of interesting things to tell me. I think she’s genuine though. The real deal. I think what really draws me to her, and keeps me enthralled, is her carefree happy attitude. She has an ease of things about her that just makes her attractive. It’s her zeal for life that inspires the joy inside of me.
I smile after her. From ear to ear. Looking down at the cover of Alice, I see the Cheshire cat. I must look a fool for grinning so. But I don't care. I'm bursting inside with joy, and it's all I can do to keep it from gushing out. I open Alice and read a few more pages before she returns with a bowl of pasta. "I'm gonna be a big fat pig if I keep this up" she says. "All I eat is pasta." I laugh at her pig comment. She's gorgeous. Perfect proportions. Perfect curves. She looks healthy.
She takes a few more bites, before she looks up and groans. "Mmm I want a smoke." She says with an evil look in her eye. She rummages around in her bag, and looks up at me with a playful smile. "I'm like this all the time too: running all over the place. I just can't seem to sit still." Up she gets. "Be back real quick" and she runs off outside. I shake my head in disbelief. She doesn't let a word in edgewise, and I love it. Her constant motion, energy, and liveliness: It breathes life into me.
It's Sunday, but tonight is drinking night. One of Tristen's friends is in town to visit her and Colin. She doesn't smoke pot, so we figured we'd just drink. Drinking sucks now. It's so depressing. We all agreed it's much better to just get high. Why is drinking legal and not pot? It's a huge argument that I'd usually rather not get into. Cigarettes and booze lead to more deaths than pot does. Pot in sensible doses is a much better alternative. But then again, there's always those times when you just need to be senseless. Maybe not need... want.
I sort of regret not going home this week. I miss my mom. She was still baby-sitting though. If there's one thing I don't enjoy, it's a house full of screaming, crying, fighting kids. And I promised myself I would try and actually make use of all the free time, and not waste it with EverQuest. Plus with Andrew gone, I get the place to myself. That's a luxury I rarely get to indulge in. I'll go home next weekend after the break. I'll just try and relax this week. Karissa is in town anyway. She wanted to go shopping.
I may go home after all. My sister is going home tomorrow too. Andrew held off for leaving all this time. I still don't know how long he's going to stay. He was sick for a bit, and is getting on my nerves. He'll either go home, or die. Yes, he's THAT sick... apparently. My mom sounded kind of disappointed when I said I wasn't likely to be coming home this week. My parents are going out of town on Friday anyway. If Karissa still wants to go shopping, I'll stay here. If not, it's off to home with me.
Shopping with Karissa today. Went to the mall. I bought some much needed new clothes. I think I ended up buying more than she did. Girls can be so picky. It's funny. I had a really good time. We were both pretty goofy. It bothers me that I do more boyfriend-like things with her than her boyfriend does. Maybe bothers isn't the right word. Confuses maybe? At any rate, doing those boyfriend type things just makes me want a girlfriend even more. I miss having some one to goof around with... and to love and care about. I want someone.
I finally got around to finishing 'Alice in wonderland and through the looking glass' today. I love the humour. It's probably my all time favorite story. I wish I could have an adventure like Alice's. I liked the way she gave up being surprised by everything, and just took life in stride. I wish I were more prone to be like that in my own life. I try, but it's not always the case. I'm getting there though. Not everything is the end of the world anymore. Though sometimes I do wish that it WERE the end of the world.
I like getting high with Tristen. She always makes for the most interesting conversation. Her and Colin make a good couple. Though you could barely tell they were dating at times. Their relationship is a strange one: Long term, and for a while long distance. They are very casual. She's a very attractive girl. She's got a great sense of humour too. I'm not sure if it's Colin that's rubbed off on her, or her on Colin. Either way, Colin and Tristen are two of my favorite people. It's her birthday today. Happy birthday Tristen! Let's go to the bar.
Andrew's back. I'm bored. The others went to an inner-building party that we weren't invited to. I slept in really late today. Got up feeling uber-refreshed. I wanted to do something tonight. Get out of the apartment for a change. No go. Stuck at home again. This week flew by it seems. It'll be good to get back I guess. More 'things' seem to happen when I'm in school. That must be because nothing really happens in my life outside of school anymore. I guess first year at a new school in a new city is always a little rough.
How I dally and wander when I have things to do. I should be doing my math assignment, but I can't stay focused. Math is incredible. If I don't like it or enjoy it, it's because I don't understand it, or find it too complex. The things you can do with math though: Truly amazing. Math is the language of the universe. How is it that anything in math works? How is it that math came about in nature? How is it that all these rules and observations come together to form such an amazing system? It boggles the mind.
I regret inverting my sleep cycle over the break. It was a foolish thing to do. I see that now upon recollection, but at the time, it seemed like a very sensible thing to do. Much like oatmeal. Needless to say, I’m damn tired. And that sucks, cause I don’t pay as much attention as I should in class when I’m tired. Further more, I’ve started to take a mild liking to coffee (read Caffeine). Hopefully, though, the fact I’m a pussy and can’t palate REAL coffee should keep it in check. It’s fancy (read tasty) specialty coffees for me.
I like Tuesdays. Jocelyn lifts my spirits like no other. She makes getting up at 7:30 on only 4 hours of sleep to go to dull math lectures worthwhile. Anticipated even. She puts me in such good spirits. I dress nicer: no torn jeans and dirty t-shirt. Hell, I even shave! My general demeanor towards people in general shifts from distaste and loathing to something more… friendly. I dare say I’m falling in love with the girl. This is a dangerous road I travel. She has a boyfriend. I shouldn’t get to caught up in her. It may end badly.
Wednesday: the long-god-damndest-day of the week! And no sleep makes it even worse! Lousy neighbours. They really gotta learn to relax. There’s nothing to be gained from arguing at 2:30 in the morning other than grey hairs and contempt from me: your neighbour. I’m thinking I should complain or something: either directly to them, or to my landlord. It’s getting out of hand. Math midterm returned: 42%. Class Average: 51%. Ouch. Ah well. I did about as well as I figured I would. I did well on the long answer, but bombed as usual on the all or nothing questions.
I had lunch with Jocelyn after philosophy today. We talked about many things, but mainly we talked about books. She’s very well read, and I find that extremely sexy. It feels like we’re getting more and more comfortable with each other all the time. This is a good thing. She continuously impresses me. I can’t wait to broach the topic of music with her. I’m nearly giddy with eagerness. Imagine my delight if she shared my unique tastes in music, or offered up her own diverse tastes, that are as yet foreign and unknown to me. The possibilities are exciting.
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