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12/01 Direct Link
"Your drink is on its way", said the coffee machine. "Great" I thought to myself as I stowed my returned change into my left pants pocket. If I didn't have a drink on the way, I would certainly doze off in front of those 30 unfortunate test-takers. How irresponsible of me to stay up past my bedtime last night indulging in wine and cigarettes knowing full well that I was expected at work by 7:30 a.m. In 3 hours I'll be free to leave and feel tired elsewhere. Unfortunately, elsewhere will probably be the damn mall for more xmas
12/02 Direct Link
A minor illness, such as a cold, can affect so many other aspects of a person's well being, besides obviously affecting one's physical state. I've recovered from my "cold" (if that's really what my ailment was) and determined that I should take better care of myself. I've resolved to exercise at least 30 minutes, every day, without exception. Also, following this fall's hiatus, I will cut animal products from my diet, once again. This is quite a contrast from my apathetic ways, but I feel I'm ready for this change. In January I'll post an update, in case anyo
12/03 Direct Link
Day 2 of my "health" plan. I don't know what else to call it, really. Perhaps, "abatement of self-destruction" plan would be more fitting? How did it become so terribly difficult to be healthy? I blame McDonald's Happy Meals for much of the conditioning I've worked to reverse in the last few years. Other than my self-assessments and stale ranting there isn't much going on today. I'm at work with less than 30 minutes to go before I join the vehicular exodus off campus. Today's entry is so very boring. Perhaps tomorrow I'll make up a huge, exciting lie
12/04 Direct Link
Brown rice and seasoned, fried tofu; Fried tater tots with crumbled veggie burgers topped with ketchup; Hash browns and "Gimmie Lean" veggie sausage; Steamed cabbage, potatoes, and onions; Pasta salad, with portabellas, black olives, and fresh diced tomatoes; Wild rice and mushroom stuffing; Chai, Earl Gray, or Peppermint tea; Strange Brew's cranberry & almond scones; Amy's Organic Bean and Rice burritos; Avocados; Almonds; Brazils; Angel Hair with mushroom and garlic marinara; Tabouli and hummus; Falafel; Clif bars; That one brand of frozen rice and vegetables that Meijer no longer carries (curses!); Special K Red Berries; Soy or Rice mi
12/05 Direct Link
I'm now thinking that I should just forget about her. I couldn't possibly be the person that she wants me to be; the one she knew all those years ago. Too many things have happened during the in-between years that make it difficult for me to relate. She's such a naïve idealist and I've become a jaded realist with nothing more to offer her aside from memories of days gone by. Her ways mesmerize me, still. How does she manage to contradict convention with everything she does? What must I do to suppress my obsession? I have to say
12/06 Direct Link
Mend a quarrel. I can't remember anyone I've quarreled with recently. In fact, I don't know that I've ever really quarreled with anyone and not made up with him or her soon thereafter. The closest comparison would be the "falling out" I had with a friend this fall. I don't really know what happened there. My guess is that this person would deny any hard feelings toward me, also. Still, unanswered emails and the indifference during chance encounters make me believe that this person is unwilling to remain my friend. That's fine. I don't think I'll be mending anythin
12/07 Direct Link
Seek out a forgotten friend. I have been seeking my friend Jeff all month. I haven't hung out with him in a while… Well, unless my housewarming party counts, but I was pretty drunk and scattered about the place trying to talk to everyone. Sadly, that night is not high on my list of fond memories. Will elaborate later. Anyway, Jeff and I have been trying since xgiving to get together at my house for dinner. Something always seems to come up. Though Jeff is by no means a forgotten friend, he has seemed out of reach for a
12/08 Direct Link
Write a love letter. I definitely have not done this in a long time. I've given cards for various holidays and such, but not written a genuine love letter in years. Do men dig getting letters as much as women do? I'm sure a love letter would not go unappreciated, however. Sadly, romantic love fades into friendship love after so long. My relationship is no exception, of course. I wouldn't give up the friendship aspect but romance seems a bit hard to come by. Maybe I'll compose a poem all about doing the dishes and taking out the trash,
12/09 Direct Link
Went to a baptism this evening. Usually, when commenting on something as out of the ordinary as an evening in church, I would say it was an interesting event. It was very uninteresting. In fact, I was certain that I would fall asleep somewhere in the middle of the preceding sermon. The experience was familiar to me; I went to church as a child. I recall the charismatic pastor, the people in the front pews with tears streaming, and the weekly lot of those wishing to be saved. The only difference here was the pool of water behind the pulpit.
12/10 Direct Link
Keep a promise. Eventually, I keep promises. Sagittarians are notorious for overextending themselves in this area. It's coupled with an impulsive nature to please and be pleased. Sometimes, I make promises that I can't keep. I should quit making them, I know. But, it keeps me active. I will keep a promise this Xmas. I will not get drunk on Xmas eve. I didn't last year and I won't this year. I won't have too much wine at Bruce and Karla's and I'll only drink coffee at mom and dad's. As Santa as my witness I'll be good. I p
12/11 Direct Link
Untapped Mascot Names: The North Central Clearasils; Franklin High School Flying Whiteheads; The Harvard Business School White Collar Criminals; The Southeast Stoners; Lincoln High School Anal Retentives; St. Maria's Middle School Battling Bedwetters; Lower Valley Losers; El Paso Executioners; South Charleston Mansons; St. Paul Psychotics; Monroe State Malingerers; West Lexington Layabouts; Our Lady of Mercy Proselytizers; Wesleyan College Winers; Beach City Boozers; Bowling Green Bastards; Fort Recovery Foulmouths; Harrisburg High School Heathens; Antioch College Granolas; Perry Prep School Papercuts; Podunk Bible Tech Earthworms; Bob Jones University Sheep; Barrymore College Birkenstocks; Coolidge State Gila Monsters; Las Vegas State University Crackhead Hookers;
12/12 Direct Link
Titles of songs that I would like to write but probably never will: "Sweat Stains on my Bra"; "All My Rowdy Friends are in Denial"; "Main Chow Mein"; "Stuck Outside Smoking Cigarettes (Dammit)"; "Reading Between the Lines/Writing on the Wall"; "The Gambler's Bane"; "Holding His Head Under Water"; "Waving at You, Guess You Do Not See"; "Pink Slip (Unemployment Line)"; "These Pants Must Have Shrunk"; "You're Drunk"; "Three Times Lazy"; "Hold Me, Touch me, and Walk Away"; "Wasted Beer"; "Blues Ain't No Mockingbird/High School Posse"; "All Her Exs are Gay"; "Hangin' in Nowheresville"; "Look Away ('Cause I Don't Like You)";
12/13 Direct Link
Advice I've given others that I should really follow myself: Take your time. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. The opinions of others don't matter. Don't judge yourself based on what others have achieved in their lives. Try not to dwell on past mistakes. Moderation is key when drinking. Stand up for yourself and your convictions. You can be whatever you want to be if you just believe. Be kind because everyone is on his or her own difficult journey. Think before you speak. Make time for yourself. Meditate. Don't let anyone dictate your worth. Exercise. Know your friends.
12/14 Direct Link
What I want to do before I die (or am too old to do anything): Learn to read my tarot cards really, really, really well. Walk barefoot along a beach in Hawaii. Learn to play my guitar well. See a ghost. Travel to Greece. Make a monetary profit from something I made with my hands. Wear that little black dress. Stop being so cynical. Write a book. Run a marathon. Witness a miracle. Paint a mural. Understand my psyche. Homestead in Alaska (okay, that'll never happen but it sounds cool). Believe in myself. Give birth. Let go of the past.
12/15 Direct Link
Shows I'd like to see, would like to have seen, or would like to see again, if it were only possible (sigh): At The Drive-In; Ween; The Police, though if they made a comeback, I don't know that I'd go…; Nirvana; Sleater-Kinney; Soundgarden; CAKE; Sublime; Butthole Surfers; Smashing Pumpkins (pre-1996); Pavement; Jane's Addiction; Depeche Mode (Violator tour); Supergroup; Grateful Dead; Mudhoney; Blind Melon; Clutch; Prince, circa 1987; Sebadoh; Le Tigre; Dinosaur Jr.; Oysterhead; Ani DiFranco; Brainiac; Elf Power; J. Mascis; Brad; Queens of the Stone Age; Uh Queen would have been cool, too; Sonic Youth; Guided by Voices; Hum; NIN
12/16 Direct Link
Pondview was my childhood utopia. Finding a small, shallow pond in the woods behind my parents' house prompted me to envision a perfect place created by me, for me. The perimeter of the pond would consist of a log cabin, complete with running water and electricity, a general store, a school, and strangely, a radio station. Of course, there would be neighboring cabins in the area, as well. I would be the sole operator of the radio station, playing whatever I pleased, and taking requests from my avid listeners. It would have been great. I wonder if it's too late?
12/17 Direct Link
A restaurant owner sits on the porch of her old farmhouse after a summer storm has passed. Quietly sipping her raspberry ginger tea, she reflects on how things have changed over the years. She recalls that her life has not gone according to the grand plan she devised 15 years prior. With a couple of years of college under her belt and a broken heart, she surmised that marriage, kids, and life in the suburbs was a bad idea and that she should set out on her own in search of independence. This scheme would change once she met Lydia.
12/18 Direct Link
As I walk through the halls of my workplace, my university, I pass dozens of students. Though I make a conscious effort not to make eye contact with any of them, I can't help but notice their facial expressions as I pass. Some look as though they are analyzing my clothing, hair, and the things I carry in my hands as I walk. Others stare straight ahead of them, intent upon their destination and some not at all happy to be traveling there. Still others appear lost in thought and I can't help but wonder what weighs on their minds.
12/19 Direct Link
Dairy: The root of all evil. Well, evil for me. I think I may have mentioned in previous posts that I'm vegan. I "went vegetarian", as they say, about 4 years ago, and decided two years later that perhaps I should eliminate dairy and eggs from my diet as well. As one can imagine, being vegan is difficult. Cheese tastes damn good. But, I persevered and began to enjoy improved health and a normal pants size. I would cheat every six months or so, but this month I've gone overboard. Oh, the guilt. Next month will be better, I hope.
12/20 Direct Link
Today is my 27th birthday. I cannot recall, over the last 26 years, a birthday that meant less to me. I spent the day opening emails, cards, and gifts and felt genuine heartfelt sentiment from everyone, but my birthday was just like any other day. Well, my frame of mind was similar to any other day, I should say. I'm not complaining; I actually feel lucky to have made it to 27. I got some cool gifts, drank a killer bottle of wine, and feasted on angel hair pasta (with cheese!). A year older and ever wiser: I am loved.
12/21 Direct Link
Went to a Clutch show tonight. I was a bit skittish because of my previous Clutch show experience. Seems the local skinheads either liked the headliner or one of the opening acts because they had taken over the venue. Their ignorance scares and saddens me. Happily, an eclectic group of youngsters (and oldsters, alike) populated the concert hall. Saw a girl freak out in the bathroom later that night. Poor thing. Nobody really seemed to be helping her, either. Security simply hauled her into the vestibule and left her to her fits. Met the singer afterwards, which is always fun.
12/22 Direct Link
Ahh, I just love long weekends. Too bad they always fall on busy times of the year like the dreaded Christmas holiday. I am truly not in the mood for it this year. In fact, I only recall a few times that I actually felt inclined to join in the merriment of the season. As overblown as it is, I do find joy in looking at pretty lights and buying gifts for everyone. This year, I've barely made time to do either. I'll continue to go through the motions, though, and welcome the new year with a sigh of relief.
12/23 Direct Link
A friend from high school emailed me recently. I haven't talked to him in at least 6 years and didn't expect, really, to ever see him again. In fact, the last I'd heard about him was that he lived on some tropical island with this girlfriend. Turns out he's newly married, expecting a child, and moving back to his childhood home. Since I avoid talking to old classmates I was unaware of his shift toward domestication. Hearing from him gave me an inexplicable feeling of joy and remorse. Talented musicians write songs about these life events. I'm aware and feeling.
12/24 Direct Link
Doesn't seem real that one of the most celebrated days of the year is happening. I opened lots of nice gifts from my beloved and we're preparing to head to our families' homes for drunken celebrations. I promised myself that I wouldn't get plowed on xmas eve, but it seems too good to pass up. Must be the alcoholic in me shining through. Perhaps I can refrain from overdoing it this year, though. Last year I was in rare form, enjoying only three drinks the entire evening. Funny to think that some people can have three drinks and be wasted.
12/25 Direct Link
Please disregard my previous statements about not overindulging on xmas eve. I absolutely did all the things I specifically did NOT want to do. I won't go into the details but I'd rather forget about the bulk of the evening. Isn't it ironic that I can say one day that I will not do something and then, the very next day, do exactly that. Wait; maybe that's schizophrenia instead of irony. Whatever the case may be, I've learned from my mistakes, yet again, and intend to move on. I got a bible from my boyfriend's step mom. Isn't that nice?
12/26 Direct Link
Back to work after a long and stressful weekend. I'm actually glad to be here. Everyone I've talked to today has bitched about having to come back to work after the holiday, but I'm thankful for the diversion. At work, I don't have to clean my house, put away the gifts on my floor, or simply look at the tiresome xmas decorations adorning my interior furnishings. It sounds like I'm complaining about being fortunate. I'm not. I'm just in my own private hell right now that always seems to follow two days after a night of revelry. I should stop.
12/27 Direct Link
Rainy days and Thursdays always get me down. No, just kidding. I'm in a much better mood today than in days past. Tonight, I will not fall asleep on the couch. Tonight, I will fix dinner, eat, and be productive until it's my bedtime. There is much to be cleaned and I still haven't finished that damn book on my nightstand. I can tell that a full moon is approaching. It's at this time that I get a sudden urge to fix everything in my life that has been laid to waste by weeks of laziness. Must break the cycle.
12/28 Direct Link
Wow. It's almost the end of the year. What does that mean? Another calendar year has begun. I'm sorry, but I don't see a deeper meaning to it other than having to get used to writing 02 instead of 01 on the phone message pad. However, this has historically been the goldenest of golden opportunities for every branch of the media to ram down the collective throat of the world their ubiquitous retrospective. Are we not constantly reflecting on the past in teeveeland, as it is? Shit, there's even a network called Tvland. I'm bitching. I've nothing better to say.
12/29 Direct Link
I dreamt last night about sitting in a restaurant inside a person's house. My boyfriend's coworker arrived with his wife and were promptly seated in a room adjacent to where I was sitting. I was in a recliner, asleep, trying desparately to wake up so that I could meet his coworker. An employee of mine took their order, which consisted of swordfish. I heard some discussion regarding what kind of bread to eat with swordfish; friendly banter . I heard the voice of another coworker of mine, cracking jokes which made me want to wake up even more. I woke up.
12/30 Direct Link
Reasons I like toast for breakfast in the morning: It's fast; it's easy to fix (no big mess to clean up); toast can be fixed a variety of ways: with butter, without butter, with jelly, with peanut butter, with fake bacon and a tomato, etc.; sans toppings, toast is almost always low in fat and calories; many different breads are available with which to make toast (my favorites are rye and multigrain); toast can also be served as a side item with many other breakfast food favorites, such as cold cereal or hash browns. Who doesn't like toast, I ask?
12/31 Direct Link
I wonder how many 100words-ers didn't choose resolutions as today's topic? Guess I'll find out next month. Today, I'm reflecting on what needs to be changed in my life and how much of that is really within my grasp. First, I have resolved to quit smoking. Since smoking is only a weekend pastime of mine (in addition to eating toast), this should be a mild challenge. I, like many, smoke whilst imbibing, and well, that's another little habit to address. I should moderate when drinking, as well. I also resolve, like last year, to keep my checkbook balanced. We'll see.