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Well, another month of 100 words I wrote was not printed. So, once again, let me make this disclaimer, which I hope for the love of all sacred things is not ignored: these entries were written in the month of June. Any event mention, any thought expressed, and any feeling conveyed… happened, occurred, and/or was created in the month of June. I don't know why I care enough about this to make "warnings to the readers", but I do. That being said, please enjoy July, and by the way, I think my next two entries will actually be new ones.
Ok, I am going to apologize on here, because I've been trying to call and have been getting the answering machine. (I'm not really an answering machine kind of guy; in fact, hearing messages on machines annoys me… not to mention I think with caller ID people who don't want to talk to me just don't pick up the phone. It's sad to think that people do that to me… but I probably deserve it in this case) I shouldn't have said the things I said or written what I wrote. That's not what the 100 words site is for.
On a lighter note, WAHOO! My friendships are going so well right now. Unfortunately, L is in Las Vegas, but man the last two days before she left were two of the best days of my life. D (ha, it's funny I never call her by her first name) has been hanging out a lot with me, and we've been having fun… I'm excited for rafting. S is finally back in town after a seemingly endless hiatus, and she had a rather intriguing revelation… who knows what will happen there? Oh yeah, things are good with the guy friends too.
Right now the old duo partner and I are online, it's about 1:34 am. We just got finished playing cards with that one guy. He just left, after some prayer. We're online talking to a few people, one of whom we met at a speech tournament, and one who is the friend of my double cousin, who is pretty close to Zach as well. Anyway, the point is, we're kind of bored. So, we decided to read some current 100 words entries, and we almost vomited. (I originally spelled that with two t's, but Microsoft Word graciously corrected my error)
We just got back a few days ago from Alive, a sweet-action Christian music festival, so I think I'm going to talk about it for a while. Here it goes: The top five performances were Jars of Clay, Relient K, Joy Williams, Switchfoot, and the Paul Colman Trio, in no particular order. I feel that this entry will exceed 100 words, so I will merely let it run over into the next days' entries. Jars was really good because we got the fence (ahh yeah!) and because they played a lot of awesome songs, and because they never did say
"Like a Child" during that song. Good job guys. Relient K, as predicted was awesome, despite how crappy we tell Chris they were. Not only did they play their expected good songs, they threw in a rap tribute and other songd like "I'm Lion-O" (during which they carried out the buffalo mascot, without explanation). Joy Williams was amazing in every way. When we met her, we almost fainted. Switchfoot sounded more intense that I'd expected, and they played so many more songs I recognized than I could have anticipated. Pc3, as I have always called them, being a longtime fan,
surprised me with their goodness. Paul is so funny, and chomped his gum at me personally. Also, there was yellow jacket man. The speakers were awesome too. Well, there was my Alive wrap-up. Ok, I have some free space, so I will give you all a *free* Bible verse to ponder. "But I tell you that men on the Day of Judgment will have to give account for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." Matthew 12:36,37… some Jesus guy said that… it might matter..
I have trouble explaining my love for you. Every time I think about you, I am filled with hope. Every time I talk to you, I am filled with comfort. Every time someone bashes me with "blinding hatred", you are beside me, loving me, lifting me up to a place where hatred is a tiny, sluggish worm that I don't see, don't recognize, don't understand. I used to feel anger, even rage… but you changed my heart and you made me more like yourself. Even a month ago I lived in darkness, but you ended that… at the killing tree.
A thief in the night: the savior will come, the saved will go. The rejecters, the skeptics, the self-righteous, the lustful, the carefree sloths will remain. Meteors will fall, water will be blood, earthquakes will destroy, locusts will feast, darkness will reign. The beast will rule, and he will rule with unmasked fury. Then the clouds will part, light will arrive, the savior again, on a white horse. And his breath itself will overthrow the beast, and the beast will be cast in the lake of burning sulfur... in the blink of an eye... like a thief in the night…
Well, readers, you may quite possibly at this point be tired of the spiritual writing, after three consecutive entries about Jesus Christ. I hope you're not tired of it, but if you are, I really don't care. Ideally, I would write about him every single day, because he is what makes my life worth living. But alas, for some reason I don't write about him every day, most likely because there are other things in my life about which I want to write. Anyway, I'm not sure why I wrote this entry, but I did, and there's no turning back.
Championship game tonight. Bethlehem Blue rolls into the finals from the winner's bracket, against the underdogs (and quite possibly the most annoying team of all time) Pike Maroon. My two friends and I (obviously, we're big-time losers) are getting our hair sprayed blue and making signs for the game. I am also having my long hair styled with clips and stuff by a girl friend before the game. We are going to be crazy on the sidelines, and our team is going to be crazy on the field. A few Blue shout-outs: Amy, Abby, Hudi, my dad, and Uncle Mike.
There's nothing like family, and by family, of course, I mean a fake family that is composed of friends. Hopefully it's enough to just say they're a fake family and not go into great detail about each member's familial role, because there are a few controversial positions (I'm talking about pet/ neighbor/ "friend"). But we're together everyday for Bible study, so, for the most part we're growing closer and closer. I will be sad to see the family be physically split when college rolls around, but we'll still know inside that we have the connection. That's how families work, right?
(The end of an English assignment, in which we only used one-syllable words:)
At this, those who heard the song let out a gasp. Some had to cry, some there were mad, and the rest peered with rue at the harp's man. In a land not quite near, right at that same time, Anne heard her man's lute and lyre. She thought back to her old love, the man who played harp, her heart skipped a beat, her knees at once weak, and a tear rolled down her skin so sweet – she missed him, and, yes, she still loved him.
A new entry, amid the old ones from June:
Tonight was really a lot of fun, so I want to write about it. Not to paint some weird magical image, but the night just seemed to flow on around us, and by "us", I mean me, Shannon, Sam, Liz, Johnny Depp, and Orlando Bloom. The pirate movie was really good, and Steak ‘n Shake was better. We talked about all kinds of stuff, from Hey Dude (no Sam, no gunman from a plane on that show) to redundancy (no Sam, "random" and "for no reason" served two entirely different purposes).
Once a boy and a girl had a mysterious rock. It was so unique that they couldn't really explain it to others. They both knew deep down, though, that they loved it. One day they lost the rock, to their dismay, which caused heartache. So they set out, in their own ways, to find it. They did, but found it to be dirty, not as special as it once had been. Cleaning the stone proved to be a strange experience for both of them, but it matters so much that I promise, it will be more beautiful than ever before.
For some reason when I see words, my mind forces me to think of them backwards, in an effort to see if different words are formed. Just as some examples: reward drawer, liar rail, stop pots, rats star, diaper repaid, etc. But those are the successful ones… due to this stupid mental process, I also dwell on such fake words as licnep, yrebirb, potksed, nuf, ardnael, ekalfnroc, aretecte. Today my friend realized that Subaru backwards is "U r a bus." That's pretty mean. (I also have a hidden desire to discover new cool palindromic phrases, but I've never actually tried)
So, we went to the Pirates game today (sorry, Too Bad). It was pretty awesome… our seats were second level, behind home plate. I used to, for some reason, think behind home plate was a bad view of the game, but I sure was wrong. It's definitely the best place in the stadium. Jeff Suppan somehow threw a complete game shutout as the Buccos blasted Colorado 9-0. Jason Kendall had 4 hits, Kenny Lofton scored 3 runs, Matt Stairs hit a 3-run shot, and we all got new boyfriends (by "we", I of course do not mean myself at all).
Every once in a while something happens, and then I become torn inside about whether or not to write about it. Last night was one of those times. The conversation online left me confused, searching, wondering…. actually, after it was over I cried. That's a pretty rare occurrence for me. But fortunately it wasn't a bad cry… in fact, sometimes it is really good to just lay down and cry out to God, "I don't understand what's going on here. Please help me." Plus, deep down it's good to know that there are things in this life worth crying for.
Here it is, ladies and gents, my best 100 words emulation:
It was the evening antepenultimate to the one I now know, when I, my contemplative, yearning self, sought the meaning of my desires. I ransacked the tumultuous village I call my brain, but to no avail. The mistress of the night, the voluptuous temptress, beckoned me to her metaphysical chamber. I fought; I earnestly waged war against the meticulous suggestions of my every sinew, but tasted only cold defeat. The world suddenly disappeared, and only the luring and I existed in a field of ash and emptiness.
Another new entry: I can feel college approaching. I can feel it when I see Zach or Jon, I can feel it when I hear the word "boo-ya", (and believe me, it's a more commonly used word than you think), I can feel it when I hear the number 29 (the number of credit hours I have thanks to old AP testing – that's right, almost an entire year out of the way). My social life is churning, meanwhile… but it's not the calm before the storm; rather, it's the storm before the calm. Or maybe the storm before the storm.
Searching. What a huge part of our lives. I'd say we're almost always searching for something. I don't mean like our car keys (though I do often find myself without them when I want to leave) or a pair of clean socks (not a big deal to me, thanks to the trusty duo sandals). But we search so much. For the next thing we think will make us happy. Maybe a girlfriend. Maybe just more friends. Something to make us laugh or cry. But then it's gone, and we're searching again. I only know one way to break the cycle.
For a change of pace, here are some Switchfoot lyrics:
"Welcome to the planet. Welcome to existence. Everyone's here, everyone's here. Everyone is watching you now. Everybody waits for you. Everyone's here. I dare you to move, I dare you to move, I dare you to lift yourself up on your own. I dare you to move like today never happened before. Welcome to the fallout. The tension is here… between who you are and who you could be. Between how it is and how it should be. I dare you to move."
Wow, that's intense. They're awesome in concert.
My tribute to the letter I:
inexorability is intimidating – inevitable, inescapable, incessant, insatiable… insane. I insecurely ignore its icy increase. Its insidiousness is, in itself, involuntary, I imagine. Institutionalization increments its inexorable ideas ironically, intricately "inspiring" individuals in isolated incidents. Individuals… indeed, I imagine individuals involve innumerable inferences in integrated itineraries. I (inferentially) imagine in isolated itineraries, "implication" isn't involved, ironically. Instead, inexorable inferences iron infinitesimal impediments into inexistence. Ideally, inferences involve implications… idealism, idle in its immortality, isn't inherently involved. Impossibility intrudes in its intuitive ilk, implying its indestructibility. I impose, instantaneously, interested in immortality's infringement. Iconoclastic? Insipid identity.
"Worlds Apart", Jars of Clay: "I am the only one to blame for this…: soaring on the wings of selfish pride I flew too high and like Icharus I collide… with a world I've tried so hard to leave behind, to rid myself of all but love, to give and die. To turn away and not become another nail to pierce the skin of one who loved more deeply than the ocean, more abundant than the tears of a world embracing every heartache. Can I be the one to sacrifice? Or will I grip the spear… blood and water flow."
How fitting, that last entry about the Jars song. Yeah, tonight wasn't a good one for the old ridding myself of all but love, turning away from worldly things, spreading the love I've been graciously given… I was so dumb. Yeah, love was there, all right… but unfortunately, so were pride, selfishness, anger, and stupidity. What a sweet combination! It was great, everyone got to suffer: me, Leandra, my guitar… it's wonderful when I can damage inanimate objects too. Yeah, I really let God and myself down when we were outside Mark's house… but there is always redemption, and tomorrow.
Today is my half birthday. What a freaking awesome occasion. Now that I'm 18 and a half years old, I'd like to pay homage to some of the halves in my life: Half percent milk. Mmm mmm good. That perfect milk just between skim and one percent. I like skim a little more, but half percent is the next best thing in the morning. My second half of high school, which was considerably better than the first. My friends, who put up with me even though I'm half stupid (still thinking about tonight). Jesus… technically not a half, but still…
Well, Keith is moving to Michigan today, so yesterday we all got together to bid him farewell. It was Jonny Too Bad, Plunketto, Kangosaur, and I. (Whenever I use a sentence like "It was…. I", I am reminded of the line "It is I, king of the thieves.") Anyway, Keith and I swam with Megan, his two brothers, and another little kid. It was pretty fun; we played some pool games and stuff. The whole thing, though, served as a constant reminder of how we haven't stayed in touch this summer. I hope that changes… there's electronic mail now, right?
An update: we sold our house, finally. Also, we bought a new house. So, it's almost moving time. There's something gloomy about moving, both physically and mentally. Physically, it just takes a toll on your arms and back, which is pretty annoying, if you ask me. And mentally… well, I love the house we're in now. Sure, our new house is ok, but it isn't anything like this one… some day in the future I'll probably drive by here, see the house I'm sitting in now and think "I used to live there. Those were the ‘good old days'." Sigh.
Well, here I am once again, casting myself into the uncontrollable winds of romance. I think this time, though, things will be different. First of all, I feel like I have a Protector, shielding me from projectiles (I know I've said that before, but I didn't know Him well then). I'm not alone in this boat also… good old duo partner is in the same situation. Anyway, it's exciting, and scary, and I just wanted to write it down somewhere. It's July 31st. Maybe I should remember that or something… nah, whom am I kidding? I can't remember my birthday.
I would like to declare that I like Papa John's new style of pizza. What I mean is, they used to put the pepperoni under the cheese, whereas now it is above the cheese, clearly visible to all. This is much better, in my opinion. First of all, before you couldn't tell if you were eating plain cheese pizza or pepperoni. Furthermore, even when you realized it had toppings, you had no idea where they were, and that's not one of those cool "opening a gift" surprises (it could be, but not when there are certain toppings you don't like).
Whew, I finally made it to the end of this crazy month. It's been fun and kind of sad (the last month before college...). But what better way to end it than with a Bible verse? Here we go:
"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him, and he with Me." – Revelation 3:20
One of my favorites. Anyway, you may not "hear" the knock, but I know from experience that you can feel it. Emptiness in your soul. Let Him fill the gap.
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