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01/01 Direct Link
Why do we wait for a new year to better ourselves and our lives? We have everyday we awake to start over. Like I'm the one to talk, I'm a very lazy person. I plan on changing that though, someday, when it might really matter. Today is a blah day. I don't feel like doing anything, don't feel like going anywhere. Just want to sit here at this damned computer and listen to depressing music. I need a nap too. Only five more days off until I go back to school and I'm dreading that so much. I hate school.
01/02 Direct Link
Today is a great day. Not a cloud in the sky and the wind is blowing hard. I actually did something productive today. I also went to the orthodontist. I hate going there but I have to. I also had some Starbucks. I love that place. I wonder if coffee really stunts growth. I hope not. But I don't care really, it tastes too good. Weird how I didn't like coffee until I tried Starbucks and now I cannot get enough of it. Anyways today went by fast, which is kind of good, I guess. My thoughts are really scattered.
01/03 Direct Link
Another clear day. Haven't gone outside today, but hopefully I'll get to go out tonight. I actually watched some television instead of sitting on the computer all night. I forgot how entertaining yet mindless it is. I hate how all the good shows come on really late at night when you're too tired to watch and not a damn good thing is on during the day. Actually I could understand, because no one is home, but what about the people who are home? I saw this new reality show coming soon. It seems interesting, but I doubt I'll watch.
01/04 Direct Link
I've come to realize that my friends are too busy for me nowadays with their girlfriends and boyfriends. So now I'm going to do the same to them with my boyfriend. I miss them but I'll never say that, because I don't want them to think I can't live without them. Some of them I can't live without, but they're not included in this. And I know you may think this will make me no better than them, but I am no better than them. I would like to think me and my friends are no better than the other.
01/05 Direct Link
Oh to care about someone so much! It takes over everything and is starting to scare me. I never thought that would be possible, but it is. It's not a bad thing, as long as the other person cares as much, which I know they do. At the same time, I'm scared to feel. I'm scared to hurt. I realize it's part of growing up, but when does hurt ever stop? And since I've found this person, I don't know what hurt is anymore. I'm scared to lose something I've never had before. I don't want it to go away.
01/06 Direct Link
Today was the first day back to school. I'm so used to sleeping until late afternoon and I have no idea how I woke up at 7am this morning. I need a nap. It went quite alright I suppose. I was happy to see everyone and sad that I don't have classes with two of my good friends anymore. That was our time to talk and I'm going to miss that. I plan on doing better this semester since I'm pushing for the college I want to go to. I really I hope I passed Spanish. I hate that class.
01/07 Direct Link
Today was my friend's 16th birthday! It was a great day. But too bad we go to different schools so I couldn't see her. I found I did really well on some of my finals. And I'm tired as shit. I'm ready for the fucking weekend. I'm becoming sick of everything around me and nearly everyone. They all want help from me when I have my own damn problems. I do like helping however, it's just that man give me a break sometimes! I have nothing to say today. I'm tired, I have homework that I think I'll half ass.
01/08 Direct Link
It's amazing how one conversation can turn your day around and make it that much better and how people I never thought would talk to me do. They're just different from me and I thought they were another "goth" who hated "preps." Yeah but today was a good day and not much homework. Except my grandma is in the hospital. I hope she's gonna be alright. My teeth are still hurting like hell and I can barely eat. But tomorrow is my day and I'll save that til then. I miss summer. I'm too lazy of a person for school.
01/09 Direct Link
So I got my braces off today. A little painful but I didn't give a shit. It's the last time I felt that kinda pain. I missed a lot of school, which I was so glad about because I hate my Spanish teacher and that damned class. I missed lunch also, but didn't care, I got some good lunch. Anyways I never have anything good to talk about. Maybe I should just quit now, but I'm not going to do that. I must be fucking boring to read, if anyone even does. But oh well, I could careless. Fuck it.
01/10 Direct Link
Boring day. Jeremy picked me up today. He has a badass system haha. He's cool, I like talking to him, because I know I can more than most people and he won't judge me. I don't tell people too much anymore. It depends how close I am to someone, but some people I still just can't trust enough to tell them my every little thought and feeling. It's nice to know someone like him is there when I need the most. He's fun when we're hanging out, except because of his girlfriend he can't hang out with me anymore. Bah!
01/11 Direct Link
Last night was horrible. Well it was actually goin okay, until that happened. Which has been on my mind all day and I feel so bad. I couldn't do anything about it, but running away wasn't so good either. Neither was staying. What do you do when it's not right to stay, but it's not right to go either? You just can't do either, so you're stuck and you make a decision out of the moment, out of emotions and hope it's the right one. And what if it isn't? You can't always take it back. Birthday in 9 days.
01/12 Direct Link
I'm in the process of making a website now. That's how bored I was this weekend. But I didn't mind, because at least I wasn't in school. Tomorrow is going to be hell to get through, but with the thought of the next day to come, maybe it will go by fast. At least I don't have as much homework this semester. For now, I'll just have to turn up my music and get lost in it. This is the only place I want to be right now. I don't want to hear my thoughts. Just sit here and daze.
01/13 Direct Link
Today was a great day. My Spanish teacher wasn't there, so I enjoyed that very much. Then it turns out me and Ashley's project got 2nd place and we go to compete Friday again. So that's gonna be cool, since I've never done this before, I'm excited. And of course I always feel like my parents find a way to bring me down some way or another when I'm in a good mood, which doesn't happen too often, but when I am, I'm really happy. But oh well. Someday they will know the same feeling, or maybe they already do.
01/14 Direct Link
I give up on math! It frustrates me no matter how hard I try. Got my grades today and I was disappointed. Didn't fail anything, but didn't apply myself like I should've. The power went out while I was taking a shower this morning. That made me mad. Then coach was being a jerk for I don't know what reason. So you can tell my day was great. My throat keeps burning although I've had hot tea and hot chocolate today and been taking medicine for 2 days! I'm not even sick, just one side of my throat hurts. Geez.
01/15 Direct Link
Should I even start with today? Probably not. It wasn't any better than yesterday. And hopefully after today things should lighten up. I see that happening. The only good thing about today is my mom bought me a slice of cookie cake from this place in the mall. MMMM so good. Makes my day. Oh also I think I did really well on my quiz in science. So that's really cool. Looking forward to the weekend now more than ever. Off on Monday, I can't wait! I'll be happy when Friday rolls around. Anyhow, I need to go lay down.
01/16 Direct Link
I'm feeling the crappiest today. My birthday is 4 days away and I'm unhappy. I wish my throat would stop hurting. It's like a razor cutting me every time I even swallow. I don't know why I bother eating, it's even worse. I might go to the doctor tomorrow, to get stronger medicine and speed things up. I think it's only sinus. Ashley will be here in a while. She's staying the night and tomorrow we go to our rival school to compete again for our History Fair project. I'll miss half of school. Too bad I won't miss Spanish.
01/17 Direct Link
Today has been the worst day. I went to Waltrip for History Fair, saw a few friends who went there so that was cool. But my group had difficulties and after an hour, we got our shit together. Go back to school and Spanish teacher wasn't there. Then I left school at like 2:15 to go to the doctor. Well turns out I have tonsilitis. Wow great! My birthday is in 3 days and I'm completely miserable. My party has been cancelled, I got a shot, and some medicine. Got home at 3 and have been sleeping off and on.
01/18 Direct Link
That shot really helped me. My throat isn't as razor-sharp feeling when I swallow anymore. But still hurts. I'll be lucky if I can actually eat today. My sister bought me some get well balloons. It was sweet. Got my cookie cake that was supposed to be for my party thing tonight, but looks like we'll just have to eat it now. It sucked sleepin last night while everyone was out having fun. Woke up at 8, which isn't normal for me. My boyfriend is in town this weekend and I might not get to see him. Makes me sad.
01/19 Direct Link
Wow! I feel so great today! My throat doesn't hurt at all anymore, it's such a great feeling. You know so many times I've said the best feeling in the world is being loved, but now it's a tie between that and over coming something...in any part of your life. It's so great to overcome something, such a great feeling. I feel better now than before I was sick! Crazyness. Anyhow, I'll be going shopping here soon with my sister, so that'll be fun. Then we're gonna go bother my brother at his work! I love my brother! He's great!
01/20 Direct Link
I hate this, feeling like I do. You know how you're so curious about your enemies and you always wonder what they're doing and how they are. Or is that just me? You want to hate them, but you want to be their friend at the same time? It never makes sense. I hate them. I want to talk to them. No I don't. How do they feel about me? So many questions and answers I want to find. Or do I? I wish it would just go away. Them and the way I feel. Cuz I don't like either!
01/21 Direct Link
The art of conversation. I love talking to people. And helping and learning new things. The exchange of thoughts and ideas, how great is that? I love talking to people I care about so much and helping them out. It makes me feel good. Maybe that's why I want so much to be a teacher. And the part where they thank you and know you've really helped them out is the best feeling. No the best feeling is overcoming something. I realized this when I was so happy getting over my tonsillitis this weekend. What a great feeling. To overcome.
01/22 Direct Link
The day looks so sad. It's very cloudy with no sun and it's cold and windy. The trees out my window don't have leaves. How plain everything looks. My tiredness doesn't help the sad looking day. Although I am happy! I just need to get more rest at night instead of sitting on the internet until nearly midnight. I often forget it's not Christmas break anymore. How I wish it was. And maybe if I stay up a little longer, it will be. But it's not. Damn. I can't wait for summer. It's gonna be the best. I already know.
01/23 Direct Link
The stars amaze me. They're so wonderful to look at. I wish I had my own telescope and that would be my new hobby. I love staring at the stars for hours. Such a mystery up there and I want in on it. I was looking at them outside last night. Cluster of stars shining brightly, waiting to be gazed at. By me. It takes my mind away and makes me feel so happy just looking at them and how amazing they are. How wonderful. I believe stars are one of the best things in life that nature gives us.
01/24 Direct Link
What a pleasant day! Everyone was so nice and it was cool. Maybe because I spent time talking to other people. Well one or two other people at least. It was an easy day and went by fast thankfully. Is that even a word? Oh well. Anyways so so tired as usual. I feel really productive right now. Rarely do I get in those moods. I need some time out for myself, because people have made me mad this week and I'm tired of them. It's gonna be a great weekend just to myself. My stomach hurts. Ate too much.
01/25 Direct Link
It hurts to care. Sometimes so much it kills us. Caring will be the death of me. I can see it already, making headlines in the newspaper. It might not be such a bad thing, as long as I got the caring in return. I hate caring sometimes. It hurts. It worries. It won't go away. It's there for life. I haven't yet decided if that's such a good or bad thing. But whichever, it's there and not going anywhere. What do I know though? I'm only young and crazy, right? That's how everyone sees us teens these days. Bah!
01/26 Direct Link
I'm going to fail my History test tomorrow. Should study more. I was so busy reading for English. At least I'll pass that quiz. Although I need a better grade for History. I just like English better. Went to watch Kyle play basketball with Travis. That was so much fun! We need to do it again sometime. Anyways, didn't watch the Superbowl. I'm just waiting for baseball to start. How I love baseball. And not for the butts, I just like the sport, honestly! And the atmosphere. Yeah so I think I'll be going on my way now...Bye Bye everyone!
01/27 Direct Link
So happy. Six months today with Frankie. It's been a great six months! Had my good classes today, so I was happy. Not much homework. Got pictures back from over Christmas break and other stuff. So I was excited about that. Now I just have to scan them, so everyone whose far away can see them. I'm hungry now. I can smell the sausage cooking in the kitchen...Yummm If only I could taste it. Mom should be home soon. I can't wait to eat. I love eating, although I gain no weight. I don't get it. I need more weight!
01/28 Direct Link
I forgot what Incubus does to me. Come home and just blast it and I feel so much better always, because it's like the songs were written for me or something. I can so relate to them. It makes me happy listening to them. I love it. It's like instant relief. I mainly use music to get me away. Just turn it up and block everything out. It's so nice, especially when you have your bad days. We all need a get away sometimes. Other times, just talking to people get me away or daydreaming get me away. It's nice.
01/29 Direct Link
Something we all fear: The Unknown. Everyone (well most people) fear the unknown, well because we don't know what it's going to be like, of course. It's not our other fears, such as flying maybe or dying or something. It's the mystery of our fears that scare us. Because if we knew about it, we probably wouldn't be so scared of it. I never saw it like this, until someone told me today, "The only reason you're scared of spiders is because you don't know anything about them." So true. At the same time, I find the unknown appealing. Oddly.
01/30 Direct Link
Random Thoughts: Be yourself. Do the things you love. Surround yourself with people who care about you. This, I think, is the key to happiness. And Don't ever let anyone tell you you aren't beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you that you don't matter. Forget what people say and find in you, the beauty and peace underneath. Make the most of things and try living in the moment. Don't waste time on things that don't matter, because time is short. Don't waste time hating. Hate is baggage and life is too short to be pissed off all the time. Bah!
01/31 Direct Link
Today was a great ending, being the last day of the month. Had a little bad luck tonight, but that's okay. My mood has picked up from the week. Like I'm not feeling so down anymore. I don't know what brought me up, but I'm happy now. My moods are so up and down and I don't know why. I had a talk with some friends tonight that made me think about things and I feel so much better. I think I'm going to change a few things I've been feeling lately. Bad feelings, because it's a waste. So tired.