10/01 Direct Link
Oooh, I am so excited! (Inhale...exhale...) I've been waiting for this day for almost a month now. I love beginnings, the freshness of it, the cleanliness, the promise of things unknown. I love new adventures. I particularly love Writing Adventures. Question is will I be able to sustain the feeling of excitement long enough to finish the 30 days? I'm thinking too much. I know this should be free flowing, capture the essence of the moment. That's hard for me as I am, by nature, meticulous. Okay, I'll admit it: I'm a recovering perfectionist. Find a cure, I shall. Here.
10/02 Direct Link
"I hate my life right now!"

It pinched. For the first few seconds, the pain was local. Negligible. Then, ever so slowly, it spread. Like some sneaky virus it started to consume me. What started pinching was now a throbbing mass in my head. My heart. My ego. It had nothing to do with me, I know that much. But my freaking ego is, as always, clueless to this reality.

It wants what it wants. Believes what it believes.

Now it wants to believe that the comment was all about her majesty.

"Oh, woe is me... ", the song begins.
10/03 Direct Link
She was nervous as hell. No amount of prayer could ease the knots of tension on her back.

It was raining heavily earlier that day. Gentle summer rain this was not. The wind was making threats of scattering some more. If one were to believe in superstition, this was not a good omen.

Not for the couple. And certainly not for the nervous singer. Besides, the cold weather was not good for the voice.

Then, something magical happened. The song was "On Eagles' Wings". The refrain goes "...make you shine like the sun..." and as if on cue ~ SUNSHINE!
10/04 Direct Link
Divine chaos, Chopra calls it.

But there is nothing divine about running around the house, still dressed in sleeping clothes at ten in the morning, trying to feed two noisy toddlers while pacifying a crying baby. Nothing divine in holding in toxic wastes in the gut since there is no time to unload, not yet. Nothing divine in remembering that there are no diapers for my girl and the baby is a month late for his vaccination schedules.

"Hello. It's me. Joshim needs to get his shots, Oona has no diapers and I have to take a crap. Help."

10/05 Direct Link
"Oona! No drawing on the living room walls!, loud, Mommy-in-charge voice.

She looks up at me with those innocent eyes.

"Don't wowy, Mommy." she says over and over.

I am stifling a smile as best I could since it's disciplining time.

"I'm sowee, Mommy."

Uh-oh. That one's got to work.

Mommy-in-charge face melting away.

"It's okay, honey. Come. Give Mommy a kiss..." eyes closed, lips puckered, ready to receive the sweetest kiss from the little angel. Wait. No kiss. I open my eyes. No child.

Little angel is off and running.

I bet she's considering redecorating the kitchen wall next.
10/06 Direct Link
Happy drips, my son calls them. They come at the most unexpected moments – when a tender hug and an "I love you, Mommy." happens, when Oprah features those unbelievable make-overs, when Baba surprises me with a bunch of flowers and a book, when I'm watching the kids rolling around shouting "Sutomaki!" and we're laughing ourselves silly.

Solomon has the most creative vocabulary. When he was just beginning to talk, he made up the most amazing words, "apatikapoo" being my favorite. That, of course, meant "helicopter". Go figure.

I get happy drips all over again just thinking about those earlier days.
10/07 Direct Link
I'm taking a break.

It's non-stop. From the time I get up to the time I go to bed. Feeding, cooking, kid-play, washing dishes, washing clothes, washing bums...time just flies when you're having fun.

One day it's a weekend and before I know it, today's already Thursday and another weekend's coming.

Weekends. I look forward to them because that's when I'm able to take breaks. Mommy Breaks are great. I usually go to Chapters and browse. Lately, I rediscovered the joy of shopping for clothes. Now that the baby-making years are over, I can enjoy clothes again. Yay for me!
10/08 Direct Link
There we stood holding on to each other tight. As if the mere act of letting go would make us fall into an abyss. We were each other's life raft. There we were in the middle of this turbulent sea and the embrace was our island.

This moment was my reality check. A much needed reminder. A minute of feeling, smelling and remembering what brought us together to begin with. The chaos that is life has made me forgetful. A single moment of our bodies entwined brought back the cherished raison d'être, the sanity.

For a moment nothing else mattered.
10/09 Direct Link
Oh joy! Leslie arrived last night. My darling sister, my alter-ego, my dear funny girl, my best friend.

There we were, the whole brood, in the family van on the way to the airport at nine-thirty in the evening. Under normal circumstances this would have been unthinkable. There's no ruining the routine this mom has painstakingly set for the munchsters. Any sensible parent can relate to the challenge of setting the ground rules for these tiny beings. Tiny they are but not in the area of smarts. Especially at bedtime.

Our Leslie love was definitely worth the late night trip.
10/10 Direct Link
Yikes! I'm two days late on my entries.

It's getting a little bit more challenging now. The old habit of procrastination is beginning to seep in. Accompanying that is, of course, darn complacency. And before you know it, you've dropped out of the race.

Don't get me wrong, I am still as excited as I was in the beginning. Even more so now. Problem is that old habits really do creep in on you.

It's funny how you think you are in control of yourself. You'd think you could just go on autopilot about everything.

I've just been reminded. Again.
10/11 Direct Link
One Boyd Park Adventure:

Brunch in the park, cool breeze blowing, tree hugs, spider tickling, shooting hoops, catching leaves, sitting in the sun, munching-munching, beeesbuzzzing!, running on grass, burst of colors everywhere, "Mommy, I'm hungry.", stick collection, "Look what I found!", leaves, leaves, everywhere, leaves, kids cheering, laughing, screaming, the miracle of having film, lots of great pictures, lots of great memories, blowing "pussy willow" wishes, balancing on parking markers, falling down on parking markers, laughing about falling down on parking markers...

last five minutes,

"I don't want to go yet, Mommy.",

"We'll come back soon, honey."

Thanks, Tita Leslie.
10/12 Direct Link
Laughing until your tummy hurts. You know, the kind that sends you into spasms and makes tears (happy drips!) start rolling down your red, shiny face. The kind that once you start you can't stop. The kind that only genuine friends can share with one another.

My sister was mimicking affectations – my brother's, my other sister's and mine. In my case it's this self-righteous tsk-tsk sound I make whenever I get stressed.

I do it when I'm upset with my husband. I do it when I'm upset with the kids. I do it when I'm upset with myself.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.
10/13 Direct Link
There was a gathering of mothers at the community center this afternoon. It was nice. One just got her tubes tied and contracted an infection, the other scraped herself bloody from a fall just as she was throwing out the garbage, one whose husband just lost his job of twenty years.

Stories - all fascinating, all about real life.

Mothers are incredible creatures. I absolutely revel in the role. Mothers are the life-blood of a family. Mothers are the very air that the brood breathes.

If Mom stinks, the whole family stinks along.

But if Mom smells like roses...BRAVO!
10/14 Direct Link
So far we've done three fourths of our to-do list. I have taken Leslie to Boyd, Downtown, The Royal Ontario Museum and shopping here and there, The Piazza del Sol being our favorite. Eats, too!

Tomorrow, CN Tower. The weather network forecasts no rain with some sunshine. The kids will be coming with us. All three. God help us!

It's getting colder and colder everyday and getting harder and harder to go around. It's fascinating though how I've acclimatized to Canadian weather. My sister complains how cold it is and I am comfortable.

The human body is one amazing thing.
10/15 Direct Link
Bite-sized pieces.

There are more things a person can do if the things to be done came in bite-sizes. This is what I am beginning to learn as I accomplish 100 words a day. The idea of writing a whole book is nothing less than daunting and close to impossible given my present circumstance.

But 100 words a day, that I can manage. Easy.

SARK calls it micromovements. Peter Drucker calls it The Salami Technique. I call it – Oona voice – "little peases". Little Peace-ses. Peace pieces. Pieces of peace.


I think I'm on to something here. Spirit guide me.
10/16 Direct Link
It feels great to be writing again.

Standstill, the rune said. I completely understand. I don't have to read the text. I understo0d the message even before the message arrived.

I chickened-out of my tubal ligation. Wait, that's not right. It was not at all a case of cold feet. It was a genuine mind-alteration due to having the wrong feeling in the gut. I am still feel at peace with my decision two days later.

There is balance, there is peace. I create these in my life. I shall continue to do so for my sake and my family's.
10/17 Direct Link
Lately I have been paying close attention to fashion. It is making me feel frustrated over my body since I am still over-weight. Three months after baby is born I am still thirty pounds too heavy.

It's not easy. Sleep-deprivation does not help at all. In fact, it is the main reason why I am fatter than I ought to be.

Darn it. Darn it. Darn it.

Let me explain how it works:
Sleep-deprivation equals low energy. Low energy equals need for sleep. Need for sleep equals who-are-we-kidding-with-three-young-children?! Who-are-we-kidding...equals the need for food to withstand the rigors of the day.
10/18 Direct Link
I love autumn. Its colors, its coolness, its vibration. Trees dance their best dance in autumn.

Yesterday, I drove by a canopy of hundred-year old trees. I felt them through the car window. It took my breath away. It made me tingle all over. The experience was calming.

I love trees. One of these days I am going to pay tribute to these great creations by doing a photo exhibit. I will showcase the splendor, the grandeur, the majesty of trees. I am only talking about aesthetics here. I haven't even touched on the importance of trees to our ecosystem.
10/19 Direct Link
Almost finished.

I can't believe I'm going to complete my first 100 Words project. I know it's not over yet but I also know my feelings are consistent. It is making me realize one thing: I truly like writing.

A friend of mine was kind enough to say yes to a one-on-one writing workshop. For free!

Having good friends is such a blessing.

I used to take my friendships forgranted. I was too busy trying to make money and build a career that I neglected nurturing them. I'm just lucky that the ones who truly mattered stuck around.

Thanks, guys!
10/20 Direct Link
Leslie left today. My darling sister. My ally. My bestfriend. Her and I used to live in the same condominium building. We laugh a whole lot when we're together. It seems like the laughs just come easy when it's the two of us.

I gave her a copy of my favorite CD compilation. THE copy. The precious copy that stayed with me all through out my laboring hours with my son. The copy that put him to sleep with the first song. The copy that will bless my sister with the same joyful feelings that I had listening to it.
10/21 Direct Link
Acceptance. Flexibility. Letting go. Vulnerability. Surrender. Flowing. Being. Taking the high road. Listening to one's heart calling. Following The Dream. Courage. Forgiveness. Ever-changing seasons. Recreation. Vibrance. Color. Warmth. Compassion. Empathy. Sympathy. Understanding. This too shall pass. Synchronicity. Spirituality. Serendipity. De ja vu. Laughter. Crying tears of joy. Sacrificing for the greater good. Pain. Learning. Growth. Works-in-progress. Right time. Right place. Right relations. Destiny. Free will. God. Goddess. Family. Friendships. Mission. Sharing. Dreaming.

Love. Light. Love. Light. Love. Light. Love. Love. Light. Love. Light. Love. Light. Love. Love. Light. Love. Light. Love. Light. Love. Love. Light. Love. Light. Love. Light.

10/22 Direct Link
"Remember, surrender, it's not up to you and it never was.", go the lyrics of the song. What? Surrender? Give up? Give in? what the ____?! No way!

And so I went about my life being a control freak. See it's one thing to be a controller and know it. There are no guilt trips here. They get behind the wheel and drive full steam ahead.

There's another group of controllers which I was, sadly, a member of. Make nice. Smile. Fakey-fakey. Control freaks in denial.

It made me one very tired control freak, I tell you.

Let go. Peace.
10/23 Direct Link
I love the smell of his sweet milky breath. The feel of his chubby cheeks, the small round body, the perfectly round head. My jaws clench whenever I massage his plump arms and legs after his bath or when I see him smiling or when I hear him cooing.

My day's struggles melt away as soon as I am face to face with him. My back may hurt, my tummy grumble and still I choose to hold my precious son to suckle at my breast first.

I adore him, love him, would give my life for him in a heartbeat.
10/24 Direct Link
Daylight saving time. Hungry. Music too loud. Need to sleep soon. Wanting to read my new book. Wish the baby would sleep through the night already. Wish my husband was back from his trip. Monday again. Days fly by so fast. Kids growing right before my very eyes. Halloween party a success. Loved the food especially dessert. Thirsty. Wish the weather would be nice tomorrow. Today. Organize the coat closet. Hangers. Get the same big hangers. New mall opening on the 4th. Friday arrival. Make Halloween album. Drink soya milk. Send photos to sister, too. Getting cold. Need to pee.
10/25 Direct Link
Christmas is coming and my girl's birthday before that and J's birthday before that. Oh joy! So many things to celebrate, so many things to be thankful for.

I used to hate gatherings. Family gatherings in particular were a challenge. I guess it just wasn't part of our family culture and dynamics to get-together in celebration. If we ever did, it was always strained, aloof.

Now I can honestly say I look forward to family gatherings. Maybe it comes with age. Maybe maturity brings about a more open and accepting attitude henceforth the ability to have more fun in life.
10/26 Direct Link
Sweet stuff. Divinely succulent, luscious treats that tickle, tantalize and entrap the taste buds into utter submission. I, for one, am a slave to the sweet stuff.

Strawberry shakes, two-bite brownies, dark/white/brown chocolate bars, white macadamia nut cookies, caramel sundaes, chocolate dipped strawberries, and cakes. Oh yes, cakes. Those white, sugar-icing laced fluffy heavenly things that you get at children's parties are my favorite.

Tonight, I just discovered another fine addition to my sweet stuff selection – delicate Indian desserts. Delectable sugary thingies with pistachio nuts in them. Mmm, good!

Thinking about them is making my tongue swim in my saliva.
10/27 Direct Link
I love taking photos. Of the kids, of things natural and pretty, of goings on in life. if and when time allows, heck – life allows!, I'm gonna keep taking photos and keep posting them in these great, big scrapbooks. See, I love scrap-booking, too. Eek, that sounds so geeky. And childish. But why should I care. I love doing it and I am proud of it, geeky or no geeky.

I love telling stories. Through my writing and the photos I take I just might do a picture book one of these days. A picture story book of life.

10/28 Direct Link
My son would eat Fruit Gushers and Roll-ups all day if I'd let him. My daughter would unwrap candy after candy, eat half and play with the other making crayons out of them and having another wall full of her artwork. I, of course, would end up chasing two sugar-pumped kids with a mouthful of cavities.

Why do kids love candy so much? Is it better to just let them have all they want and hope that they get so sick that they end up hating it in the end? Or would that actually make them sugar addicts?

Decisions. Decisions.
10/29 Direct Link
As a young girl I loved pink. I now believe that was a conditioned thing. I remember falling in love with purple at one point. It had to do with my mind opening to my spirituality. When I saw the pure purple light pulsing, radiating in the center of my forehead, I knew something special was happening. I was awash in a bright golden yellow white light after that. Tears started flowing from nowhere. It was a purging, cleansing, all-out letting go. No prompting, no planning, no controlling.

I miss the mystical experience.

I wonder if I can go back.
10/30 Direct Link
Growing up, I never really experienced Halloween. Trick or treating to me was something foreign-looking kids did in some foreign tv show. What was the big fuss about anyway? In my young mind I could not comprehend why everyone on the other side of the world got so excited over a holiday dedicated to scary monsters, goblins, vampires, ghosts and a host of other creepy creatures.

Until I moved.

So here I am in the foreign country doing the foreign Halloween bit, fussing over scary monsters, vampires, ghosts and the like.

The creepy creatures happen to be my kids.

Scary indeed.
10/31 Direct Link
They're growing way too fast. I used to want them to be all grown up and independent already. I wanted them to be self-sufficient enough to leave on their own and not need to be doted on all day long.

It's strange that I feel this way now.

The little one's my favorite. I don't know if it's because he's the youngest and the last one or it's simply because he's still a cute tiny baby. One thing's for sure though, he's so deliciously charming with that ready smile that one can't help but adore him from head to toe.