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I've grown accustomed to the superstition that whatever I choose to do on New Years Day is what I will be doing the rest of the year. For the record this year I chose to be with the ones I love. I spoke with friends and visited my family. I spent time with my love. Of course I did have to work today but I'm not counting that. Life is good and this year will be even better than the last. As long as I have a good birthday tomorrow that is! Who am I kidding it'll be good anyways!
It was a pretty good birthday, but it seems to me that as I get older my birthdays are the same old song and dance. Get up take a shower, get a few pretty good gifts, eat dinner, and go home and go to bed. I need something that is unexpected next year something that is fun that I don't have planned but just happens. Does everyone get the hint??? I refuse to be one of those adults who have grown accustomed to bad birthdays. I want a kick ass birthday every year people!!!! I'm working on staying twenty-five forever!
Okay so I'm a little concerned. I mean I know that he wants to wait for a good time and all but I seriously thought that my birthday would be it. Still I haven't received that ring which I am waiting for. Maybe the concern is actually slight disappointment in that I've been thinking that it is what I was going to get. Instead I got some stuffed animals from my favorite Japanese cartoon and some scary Japanese films. Thoughtful, but not what my wishes were for. Eh, well Valentine's Day is next I guess that I'll have to wait.
I find job changes rather perplexing. I'm not one to sit and worry about the what-ifs of a job because it isn't like me. I just try and perform the best that I can and whatever happens, happens. As my friend and co-worker gets ready to move on and put in her last day at my store I think of all the times she sat concerned that she wasn't going to have a job at some point. If that was something which I dwelt on I'd be a nervous wreck. Hopefully she will be happy and enjoy her new job.
I love the things which I learn from observing others. I wish that I could thank everyone individually but I don't necessarily know if the lessons which I've learned from you have been the reflection of something good or something bad in my eyes. To be honest I strictly observe things which I like and things which I dislike, and then I use my best judgment accordingly. So good or bad I just decide what I like and then mold my choices to my observations based on what I've seen and what I feel. I suppose everyone does that though.
I had breakfast with my dad to celebrate my birthday and he always seems to make me sad. I don't mind him preaching about god or the things he feels he could've done better in his life, but I'd just wish he'd focus more on thoughts and feelings. It's nice though to spend time with my dad. I almost feel that I've gotten to understand him and nourish our relationship since my mom and he got closer to the finalization of their divorce. Everything in life happens for a reason doesn't it, I'm starting to think that this was fate.
Her tenth birthday is coming soon. I wonder how many times a day she thinks of her mom. I know I think of her mom a great deal in a day so she must think about her every second. So grown-up for her age having experienced so much so young; I wish I could be there to see her grow up more and I'm jealous of the fact that others see her more than I have. I wonder if she knows how special she is and that she is a miracle? Great love surrounds her as her birthday draws near.
I hated going to the dentist when I was younger and today finding out that my dental hygienist has taken her maternity leave early has made me really sad. Some crazy lady tried to massacre my teeth. I swear she was digging at the roots. I've never had such a rough cleaning before in my life. It especially doesn't help when my retainers cause my teeth to be more sensitive. Either way my teeth are cleaned and six months from now my hygienist will be back from her maternity leave. Praise God for that blessing- because I was seriously scared!
She is the oracle and I am her daughter. Does any one person truly understand what that's like? I think that the people who do actually Ãƒâ€šÃ¢â‚¬Ëœget it' are too few and far between. People actually think it'd be cool to live my life. I usually wonder what planet it is that these individuals have stepped off of. For now I sit in her shadows watching and coping with the gifts that I've been given. Maybe I'm just too much of a coward to actually step up to the challenge of the gift God has given my siblings and I.
Her popularity has grown to the point where I am in awe of her and her gift. I'm so glad when she gets to travel and help others. Everyone must pay their bills I suppose. Sometimes I think that her time is spent more-so with her clients than with her own children, it's not an easy. I know she has wannabes asking her to train them and teach them. Do any of them really know what they are asking for?--Probably not. If they truly knew what it they were asking for they'd politely decline. I'm pretty sure of it.
In the past oracles or those who had special gifts were kept separate from the rest of society. They resided in the temples and were only allowed to spend time with those who had the most powerÃƒâ€šÃ¢â‚¬â€pharaohs, kings, priestsÃƒâ€šÃ¢â‚¬â€these were the people who had the privy of speaking to the oracle. Touching wasn't allowed, but the oracle's blood-line was passed down. I suppose with that being that case my sister and I would have been kept secret from the rest of society. Well that's only if we were in ancient societies, it wouldn't happen today. Or would it?
I'm pretty certain that it was a lie that the oracle would lose her powers if she was touched sexually by a man. This rule was put in place for protection only. The first oracle I'm sure decided this to prevent men from touching her. Only certain individuals were allowed to touch the oracle, and this was at her discretion. When the oracle gave birth her child was quickly taken away from her. I couldn't imagine this kind of life. Such seclusion and solitude...oh wait! I do keep to myself don't I? It must be a past-life thing, I suppose.
So then what happened to the Oracle in this life-time? Clearly she wasn't sent away from the rest of the world. Instead she traveled the world and tried very hard to have what others would deem to be a Ãƒâ€šÃ¢â‚¬Ëœnormal' life. Normal life indeed...she hid herself away, locked her talents away and told no one until her children were almost grown. There was only one who didn't understand, and he used God as his excuse. It took a very long time for the Oracle to decide that enough was enough. Choices were made and very soon it will be over.
This child still wonders about how crazy she felt growing up thinking that she was Ãƒâ€šÃ¢â‚¬Ëœseeing things' and being told that nothing was there. I'm almost one-hundred percent positive that a few of my imaginary friends were not so imaginary and that the man in black who I called the boogeyman was really a man in black. I'm pretty certain that these things happened because of the Oracle's fears. Granted no one blames the Oracle for these choices because she was doing her best. Seriously though what does any mother do when her child is screaming from seeing an apparition.
As the Oracle's powers increased, a great deal of her essential life-force grew weaker. Her health diminished until she feared that sleep might suck the very life out of her. Her children feared what might happen and her doctors found it fascinating that her brain waves went off the charts in sleep sessions. She still can change these things, but it will be hard. Maybe I shall compare this to a past life when she lay locked up on a chaise and ate grapes while being fanned with palm leaves from slaves. She's not locked up anymore, Change is inevitable.
On a side noteÃƒâ€šÃ¢â‚¬â€I am very much missing Thomas today. I miss his stupid songs and his damn guitar. I miss the way that he made my mom laugh. He was very much her best friend and even though I threw out his vodka when I'm sure his body needed it the most he still loved me. The afterlife has brought him many things, one of these things is the ability to travel wherever whenever and to be almost in two places at once. He helps my mom and is still around when needed. I wish he'd visit me.
Though she had many admirers and friends' one dark-eyed man always visited the Oracle at night. In one of these lifetimes he was a priest whose vow of celibacy was for the Oracle alone. He promised to always find her no matter what life-time they were in and that he would always be for her alone. Though she knew he was her companion and truest friend the Oracle saw what she would have to endure to see him in future life-times and accepted the fate because of her devotion to him as well. She wouldn't and couldn't deny her heart.
My dreams are driving me insane! I cannot seem to sleep at night for longer than a few hours. I've been waking up in sweats and cannot go back to sleep right away. I've found video games to be a good energy release except that I will play them well into the next day without a moments rest and I still do need to perform my Ãƒâ€šÃ¢â‚¬Ëœnormie' job. Sometimes I share with my love these dreams and sometimes I don't. He always understands me and encourages me, but still I fear that I look very insane when I wake up.
I am not the know-all and be-all of the world of paranormal events. All I know is based off of the things which I have experienced. So when people make statements about how they think they have a ghost in their house my response usually includes a pre-recorded answer such as: "maybe you do have a ghost, have you spoken to it yet?"or other such responses as "do your doors and cabinets open and close on their own?" I'm finding that these questions lead to more questions so maybe I should settle instead to saying, "yup it's a ghost.-
I really love to observe people. Call it an obsession call it crazy, but as I watch people walk through the mall I see the ones who are unhappy those who are hiding something whether it be an affair or an illness. The soccer mom who is constantly in motion because of her children, the true her is trapped to try and give her children happiness. Very interesting, and very perplexingÃƒâ€šÃ¢â‚¬â€I just don't see why everyone could be more simplistic. The world would be so much easier and full of far less bullshit. That's just my opinion of course.
I never know how I make it through the month. I doubt every adult lives like this. But I'm not an investor I'm just a blue-collar worker. I've always been told to pay your bills first and then see what's left. Well that is bullshit because for me there isn't anything left usually. This month I've been slightly over-spending but I feel that I deserve it. That of course is what gets me in trouble. So I just hope that the universe will in some way manifest the money I need to make it through another month. Money is crazy!
My father offered to help me get my Masters Degree. I don't know what planet he walked off of but he had this delusion that they are about 10,000 dollars. I laughed and told him that most Master's Degree programs are 20-25,000 dollar. I thanked him for the offer, but right now I can't afford to just drop everything and go back to school. I wonder if one day I'll be bitter because I didn't decided to go back to get my Masters Degree right away. I'm not a particularly bitter person usually I'm just cranky because of my hormones.
Don't you see? I think that the animal instincts in me are driving me to have a desire to build a nest. I'm ready for it all. I want to be able to enjoy fixing my house up the way I want it and having children. As I watch my friends with their children I realize that you can have a family and still maintain your relationship and identity. It's hard but not something that is an impossible feat to accomplish. Now if only others saw it the way I do then maybe building that nest wouldn't seem so difficult.
Where has this month gone to??? I'd say that it's pretty much gone to shit based on the fact that I don't even know what day it is. Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday are all the same to me these days. Maybe I need a talking day planner to tell me good morning and that it isn't the day I think that it might be... now that I think about it that would be a bad idea because who is a computer to tell me what day it is. Machines have been wrong before so maybe it really is Friday!?
Many of my most favorite moments growing up were of the times my family sat down to watch a scary movie together. The humor that we find in each other is insurmountable and should probably be seen in one of those reality television programs. Unfortunately for us we are quite loud and obnoxious when we get together. I suppose that some would find that to be annoying but to me it is what family is all about. Loud and obnoxious pot-smokers who like to watch a good horror flick now and again. I will never expect anything more than that.
Maybe it was because you were on your fifth cup of coffee but for the record, NO ONE treats me like that. Not even my own mother or father. To think that you would belittle me and embarrass me like that in front of a crowd of people at a restaurant no less enrages me and hurts me. So I left you there, have your friends drive you home but in the end you are going to have to come home to me. I am not your bitch and I deserve to be treated as a lady at all times.
You little prissy-ass bitch! Your job is on the line and you don't fucking care because you are a B-I-T-C-H! Stop partying and figure out what it is that you want to do in your life and behave like a professional. Your childish actions are causing you to be sent home. You don't blame others for treating you like a child when all your actions cause others to treat you as such. Get off your lazy ass and do something to make yourself look good. Your potential is over-spent and under-used so get with the program. You waste my time.
I came home from work and felt like I walked into something private. He and his were friends playing poker and betting money. I wasn't angry that his friends were over, but I was tired and cranky and thinking to myself of all the things which needed to be done. I took out the trash and ran to the store to get some nylons. While him and his friends played poker. I then colored in a coloring book and got sad that I didn't have the right colors. This arrangement is quite depressing and I feel like crying too often.
I know that he is depressed, but does he know how his depression has been affecting me? When I come home from work and find him sprawled out watching television in his food-stained pajamas I get sad at the potential he's tossed into the trash. So much opportunity to make some choices about careers and schools but the effort isn't there. So I get irritated and sad and then I begin to become a depressed bitch with a short temper. I try to remain supportive and not scold his choices. I never expected his choice to be such a strain.
I was attacked in my dream last night by a knight with a really big sword. My love couldn't save me and my mother told me I was stupid to even go into the place where it was said that the ghost resided. Of course it wasn't my fault my love didn't tell me the place was haunted until after we already entered it. It's my fault my guard was down that attack could've killed me but I mustered up enough energy to protect myself until I was dragged out of the place. I woke up with a nose bleed.
As I cleaned our room today I realized how crazy my life really is. My college days are not far behind me and the future is looming ahead. Still, this bedroom is filled with things. I never seem to get away from the things and the dust is enough to cause insanity in any normal human or extraordinary human. Am I even human or evolution in action? Either way, even the Oracle's daughter needs to clean her mess. My next day off I will sleep the day away. It's said that the best prophecies come to the Oracle at night
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