Can you believe that anything you're husband/wife tells you is privileged information including if they murder someone, molest kids, or whatever else. I just don't know what I would do if this happened to me. First, I would get a divorce I guess and get custody of whatever kids we had, on the basis that the other parent is disturbed. Then I's have to figure out a way to get them brought to justice. I think this rule needs to change. Being married shouldn't shield criminals who wish to share their self-inflicted burdens and force spouses to keep their secrets.

Loins on my day planner. Can't find the Alien Nation books anywhere without paying a lot of shipping fees which I ddon't want to for cheesy science fiction paperbacks. No matter how much I want to read them. Discovered new author here on Blogit. Printed out all his stuff for later reading; seems good so far, but I like my words in print rather than on the computer. I think I have PMS. I'm bored. I can't even plan my dance lesson for Saturday. I can't think clearly enough. I hope I feel better tomorrow. I have work to do.

That's the title of a book on unfaithfulness, which I haven't read although people keep encouraging me too, but. I'm way too attachment oriented for that. not being monogamous is very trendy and politically correct right now, but I just know what suits me most naturally and I'm even willing to negotiate it if it's important to someone I like enough. I'm a little bit old-fashioned I suppose. Gee, my mom would be weirded out and and happy to know that (now if only I'd start sleeping with boys; she'd be overjoyed, but no such luck in that department).

That's title of a new show where, mom and daughters switch places. My mom could never finish one of my graduate school classes (she doesn't even instead what I study, global financial institutions), I'd shudder if she actually had to turn in work for work for me, I'd fail. She couldn't teach my dance classes or give any speeches, manage my PCA schedule, or go meetings and represent me. I don't think anyone would hire me again. I, of course, would be scared being a neonatal intensive care unit nurse (taking care of future disabled people is important after all).

I'm feeling better. I'm excited to teach this weekend. I hope it goes well and they hire me to fo more gigs. Maybe I'll even perform/choreograph at next year's First Night Northampton (our annual New Year's celenration). That's my big dream, but I know it's going to require a lot of work and commitment on my part and my students. I think I can do, though, if I put my mind to it. I guess/hope that the work starts Saturday. I'm up for it, I think. I'm ready to get make to my life and over all this stupid sickness.

"You can't die with dignity; you can only live with it." Dr. Gregory House of House, one of my new favorite TV characters and fellow disabled person. I don't know I completely agree with that; although I believe that for me life in almost any form is more valuable than death in the most dignified fashion. I don't believe that needing help of most kinds, including in terms of help with bathroom duties, is humiliating. But I know a lot of able-bodied people think this need as an excuse to kill themselves after they become disabled. I find that sad!

I am not my mother's daughter. She tells me all the time. I am her sister's child dropped off by some misguided stork. My aunt and I both forget to pick up toilet paper and need to bother neighbors in middle of the night. My mom would never do that; she's too perfect. Folds her napkin neatly. You could eat off her floors. It's hard being the impefect daughter or such an ideal person. I should know; I have 29 years of attempting to do so without much luck. I guess I'll have to keep trying or just give up.

My sort of friend Patrick has as my PCA calls it "serious rage problems". He doesn't like able-bodied people, nor do I at times. He was pretty much abused by his family in an effort to make him walk. Some stuff that happened was truly horrible. Not that it's an excuse, but it mitigates stuff I think. He's a good person and an activist, though. He just needs to see a therapist. I hope he gets the help he needs someday. We almost went on a date a couple of times. I really like him, but can't deal with him.

Princess Penny settled down on her bed dressed in a pink blouse, and her overly fluffed pink Petunia skirt made out of satin and covered metal wires that poked her every time she moved. She hated this outfit, but had no choice except to wear it whenever her father decided to throw one of these "find Penelope a husband" parties, which since she had turned 19 were occurring at least once a month. Penn wasn't ready to marry anyone for a long time. Nermind one of the pompous, annoying boys her father found. But no one cared what she thought.

I'm so not feeling well after my blood draw today. I didn't even go to hockey practice. I'll be lying down for a nap soon. Missy was not feeling well, too, and went home early so Tammy's working for me now. Just when I thought I was getting better. Tomorrow I have an improv workshop and an ice cream hang out moment with my friend Robin. I'm really forward to chilling with her as we haven't really talked since before I got sick. I did manage to start filling out the dance teaching paperwork for the Bangs Community Center today.

I don't have a lot to write about today. I had plan to go to an acting improv workshop, but felt too sick. At least I got some sleep which I badly needed. I'm reading the new Monk book which is funny. Tomorrow I go to two doctors appontments. I hope I feel better soon and can't keep feeling like this all the time. At least I found my day planner and remembered to mail the check to Danna so some things are looking up. I'm going to call the dance studios again tomorrow; I need a place to teach.

I'm watching figure skating on TV. I saw the neurologist today. More tests for me. I'm almost out of cell phone minutes and my mom's freaking out about this. I'm on medicine for a bad back to which has caused me not to sleep a lot and not to be having as much fun as I would be dancing around to the skating show music as I normally would. Still even the even the backache won't stop me from having a bit of fun. I wish a could get a CD of all the music. I's be great for dancing!

Hey, I can't wait to read the lastest 2005 3 day novel contest winner, Day Shift Werewolf. I wish I'd hadn't started the disability nutcracker story already. I would have been a really good entry, but hindsight is 20/20. I only wrote 100 words and I might not even use those. I suppose I could cheat, although I posted the entry here, I could delete the entru and no one would know. I could easily just not use those words, but that's not very ethical now is it? I can't even believe I'm thinking of doing this, it's very un-me.

I'm watching skating and dancing around in my house to the music that they're playing. I cashed my teaching check and spent most of it on food, toilet paper and laundry. I need to buy myself a treat with the money I have left; it was my first paid dancing job check after all. I want to buy a book, a goldfish (even though my landlord forbids pets), or some ice cream as a reward. Of course, I only have about $21 left so nothing to extreme can be purchased. Still, buying practical things is sometimes good, but not always.

I'm watching a recording of Extreme Makeover Home Edition and happy because I can fast forward past the commercials. I should work on the proposal of the 7th World Assembly, but I don't feel like working on it because it's not going to be inspired. I reread a little bit of a story I wrote awhile ago, a scene of which Iposted on Blogit (with no comments as yet), and I decided to it's good enough to continue. I never finish any writing projects. That's may biggest writing difficulty! It's not that I'm lazy; I just lose my muse sometimes.

I'm watching a show on the chupacabra, the Puerto Rican goat sucking monster, in hopes of inspiring me to start writing my young cryptozoologist story again. According to National Geographic, all l the cattle mutilations that are credited to the chupacabra are more easily explained by normal decomposition. That's no fun! Even the footprints seem to be a hoax. A good question the show asked is, "Why would aliens who are vastly more intelligent than us, because we barely made it to the moon, waste time mutilating cattle instead of going to the White House and saying here we are?"

I'm sick... I've been peeing every hour, but I don't think it's a urinary tract infection because it doesn't burn when I pee. Anyway, it's off to the doctor tomorrow. My science fiction story props, the one-ryed soldier and the fairy princess came today. Read an excerpt of the story that I've posted here (and please comment). I tried to write a lot today, but to no avail. The muse has vacated, but at least the main characters are on my TV awaiting her return (when and if it ever comes, which is sadly looking not likely any time soon).

I didn't get to see the Brokeback Mountain. Bob and I had our times confused and he had my ticket money. So sad! At least I get to see the film on Saturday with Robin and Jim, which is too cool. I'll see Bob and play on Friday. I need to start planning to do things everyday, so that I can get out of the house more. I'll feel better that way. I know. I'm just so used to being busy all time to much rest isn't good for anyone and maybe that's way I can't sleep at night anymore.

I tried to install Vontage telephone service today, but had no luck at all. I don't know if I'll keep the service; it's hard to operate. I played with my PCA's little girl today. We had fun; she loves to hop a ride on my power wheelchair. I'm playing Scrabble at Bob's tomorrow, going to therapy, and seeing a staged writing of a play about civil rights and the First Amendment. I'm happy to be busy again. I also need to finish my science fiction writing homework. I'm behind on my work because I didn't get the books on time.

tried to install Vontage telephone service today, but had no luck at all. I don't know if I'll keep the service; it's hard to operate. I played with my PCA's little girl today. We had fun; she loves to hop a ride on my power wheelchair. I'm playing Scrabble at Bob's tomorrow, going to therapy, and seeing a staged writing of a play about civil rights and the First Amendment. I'm happy to be busy again. I also need to finish my science fiction writing homework. I'm behind on my work because I didn't get the books on time.

Activist, progressive, left leaning disabled (any kind of disability) person (female preferred, but open to the right man as well). Mid 20's to 30's. Prefer nonwhite, person of faith (again the right person might change these rules, but...) Must love kids, good conversation, books, and politics. If you care about money a lot; you're not for me. No heavy drugs or drinking. No smokers; I don't want to become attached to someone who's going to die of lung cancer or some such. Ideal person also have a passion and purpose in life.. Long-term, mostly monogamous, relationship sought, marriage a possibility.

Not getting a lot done on the "to do" list. Got a new book; Solange lent me the money. It's called Forbidden Fruit: Love Stories from the Underground Railroad. Although I had never heard of the book beore a week ago when saw it in Target and just really needed to read it, maybe it'll revive the fiction muse. Who doesn't love a good romance anyway? Although, I can't write romance for sh_t.. I'll read a little bit of it before I lay my head down tonight. I'll let you know if it's worth the read and the almost $12.

I have nothing to write about today, because nothing happened. I was stuck inside all day because of snow, but at least I got my week scheduled with the van service. I am excited about the People Music Network this weekend and I'll also pick up a bunch of dance magazines on Wednesday, what I hope will inspire some choreography from me. I've had the idea for years to modify able-bodied dance into disabled bodies. Hopefully the magazines will help me do that, even though I don't know how it will work out. Tomorrow is crip hockey, I'll post pictures.

Projectile...

throwing carafe full of wine raspberry wine
into offending bed sheets
that hide unexpectedly discovered tryst between betraying now ex-lover
and former beet red best friend.

Projectile...

pregnancy test positive hurled across a room;
two pink lines and peeing on a stick
doesn't make him less of a jerk for doubting her fidelity
even if his doctor told him he was sterile.

Projectile...

Frustrated sixteen year old girl
smashes mother's beloved inherited China collection
plate after plate,
gravy boat after gravy boat;
to no one inside the empty room
she screams,
"I am here and I am not you!"

Aside from serious physical, emotional, and mental abuse, I think the worst thing parents can do to their children is to coddle them and not let them experience life; this is especially abusive I think if the child in question is disabled or somehow different than the norm, because those kids are more likely to assumed incapable of participating in society. It is any parents' job to make sure these kids know what their capable of and provide them with whatever support they need. If you overly shelter them, they won't reach their full potential and they'll always doubt themselves.

I'm watching the Elvis birthday cake challenge on the Food Network which makes me want to eat sweets, badly. I'll have Tammy come over and me crackers and peanut butter because that's the closest thing I have to bad for me food right now as I have no money literally. I spent my last $10.20 on a birthday card for my friend and hockey buddy Andrew, OJ, and a big package of soap. I have an exciting weekend planned with music festival and a concert at Bob's house. He's getting a tribute; he doesn't even know about but I do.

I had a great time tonight at the People Music Network; I saw Tom Nelson, Roit Folk, and Emma's Revolution tonight. I'm excited for the workshps tomorrow and wishing I had known I could choreograph a dance for the open mic, which singers call a round robin, tomorrow, but I didn't. I should sleep soon because I need to get to sleep soon because I have to get up at 7AM. I'm going to go broke buying CD's at this event so I can choreograph, but such is life. At least it's tax deductible because I am a dance instructor.

I bought too much stuff today. Six CD's over the weekend and 2 books; I'll probably buy one more tomorrow. This guy Chris Copland is rotally cool. I'm going to make a dance project called "Dances Inspired by People's Music Network '06" (better title needed) for next year. I am also going to talk to Bob about writing a musical with me. It's called I Might Care and about a college student who decides to forego her values and sell out to the establishment and her issues as a result. Bob needs a project and I need his help with this.

I had a great time tonight at the People Music Network; I saw Tom Nelson, Roit Folk, and Emma's Revolution tonight. I'm excited for the workshps tomorrow and wishing I had known I could choreograph a dance for the open mic, which singers call a round robin, tomorrow, but I didn't. I should sleep soon because I need to get to sleep soon because I have to get up at 7AM. I'm going to go broke buying CD's at this event so I can choreograph, but such is life. At least it's tax deductible because I am a dance instructor.

was busy all day today; planning choreography and looking for grants. I listened a few CD's from People's Music Network that I bought. I'm so tired because I got up at 8:30 in the morning and didn't sleep while at all last night. I never sleep while; I'm to the doctor's tommorrow. Except for not sleeping I feel really well. I feel like I've returned to myself and it's been too long that I've been gone from myself. I missed being myself. I didn't realize how different I had become, but know I'm back and ready to take charge.

I wrote a letter to Tammy today, explaining the difference between what we both want in terms of my PCA progrram. I want control of what happens with me and my assistants; she wants to make sure people show up so I don't need to call her as a back up all the time. I think we both need to figure out how to get what we need without compromising the other person's needs. I think lotsof this is my fault. I got stuck in"sick person mode" and forgot to take back control of my life when I got well.