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BY MING

02/01 Direct Link
i read an article about Money. It said in this new year we should all reach out, communicate more, be more considerate and helpful. in life, money is important but even if in the material world, more money proves how successful you are, you might be very lost in the real world – no friends, no family and no love. I live in this very materialistic place. Where everyone goes "wow" at that new Mercedes Benz and everyone aspires to have at least the 5Cs (Cash Car Condo Credit-card Country-club). We all stand so close together and yet we are strangers.
02/02 Direct Link
A lot of stuff happened today. 1stly, I went to work in the morning & there was this Indian lady who boarded the bus, she smelt like stale sweaty baby powder. It was horrible. Everyone moved away from her. Air conditioned buses are great on hot tropical days but it also traps in bad smells. Went to the airport to send my friend off. He went off to Australia to study. Bon voyage ol' boy! We had fun just sitting around. Had some last snacks together. He'll be back but that's 6 months later. We'll all miss him so much.
02/03 Direct Link
Went to the doctor at school today. I've got tonsillitis AGAIN. I have it quite often and it irritates me. I just don't like my throat feeling sore. Plus it makes me feel weak. Ended up not going for the lecture or my tuition class ‘cos i wanted to take a break. Now i feel better though.

I still don't know what i'm doing with my life. I'm still just going along with it now. I used to think "at least i know what i DIDN'T want to do" was good but now i think it's not going anywhere either.

02/04 Direct Link
Sometimes things seem very bad, other times they don't. Life works in a strange way doesn't it? Today's discussion for tomorrow's class presentation was relatively short and it's completed. I'm relieved. Maybe the people I'm working with aren't as bad as I thought but I'm uncertain.

Miss my Little Dragon, haven't seen him in 4 days. Our schedule times have changed. Now I may see him less. He's a busy child although he's only 4 and a half. Wish sometimes he could just go run around in the park or something. But he probably does that sometimes. I don't know.

02/05 Direct Link
I had tiny Graham chocolate chip cookies on the bus journey home just now. They're so yummy. But after awhile I got sick of them and stopped eating them and chucked them in the freezer after I got home so they won't get soft.

I think my theory of milk-lovers being larger than non-milk-lovers is true. Like all my skinny friends drink milk but they don't really love it or anything. I, on the other hand, LOVE milk. I like the creamy cold taste. Would I give up milk to get slimmer? No, I don't think so. Milk's more important!!

02/06 Direct Link
Just watched a TV interview with Tom Cruise. It was really long. "Keep Dreaming!" he said. Many times I want to but maybe I'm not very courageous. I try. Perhaps the country is too small but I really shouldn't be blaming it on the land mass.

Did a brain analysis quiz today. I'm predominantly right brained. And it also says I've piles of mess around me and I cant find anything if the position was moved from what I had remembered. This is completely TRUE. My goodness! A simple 20 question can tell so much about me. Amazing. Incredible. Fasinating.

02/07 Direct Link
Tried logging in the contest answers online for my brother. The prize is a new cellphone. But the site wont load and everything. I think they just don't want any winners.

Assholes.

Did the brain test quiz on my mom. She's a Lefty. I'm a Righty. Left brained people are more analytical than right brained ones who're more arty farty. But i don't feel as if i'm too much into the arts or anything.

I'm 60+% Righty though. And my mom's a 50%-50% visual-audio person. Haha! That's too perfectly strange isn't it? But i like my mom alot, she's fun!

02/08 Direct Link
Listening to sentimental songs. Well and feeling "where do broken hearts go".. the song playing on my RealPlayer now. Sometimes thoughts of Chris pop into my head and each time i think how lucky i was we're no longer together. I don't have to put up with his shit.

I know i cant be with somebody who is so impatient with me, let alone live with someone like that the rest of my life, right? Sammie said she'd get me a gigolo for my 22nd birthday. I decided on a Josh Harnett type after i watched 40days & 40nights again.

02/09 Direct Link
I think I'm very strange. I'm Emily the Strange. Well, inside I am. Not outside. My exterior is just a boring old girl. I've strange thoughts like Emily but they are not exhibited much. A lot of times I'm just quiet like Emily ‘cos I've nothing to say and I don't like those people anyway. I'm just drawn to Emily. And I like cats too, just like her.

"Emily's not lazy, she's just happy doin' nothin'."

I wish I could live my life like hers sometimes. Without a care. Telling people I don't like to "GET LOST" in their faces.

02/10 Direct Link
Met Sammie for breakfast at Macdonald's today. There's this newly opened Macs in school now. I gather that in a couple of years more, the students in schools surrounding the restaurant will be overweight. I don't understand why they agreed to have a fastfood joint in the school when they're promoting healthy living.

What are they doing? Making learn how to make life's choices and test our willpower by tempting us?

Went around getting people to fill up my survey forms today. Was a tedious and arduous task but I got it done. Now I gotta rush off! Dragon Time!

02/11 Direct Link
Today I received, to my mind, some horrible news. Practical Training (Attachment Programme for school) is compulsory. DAMN IT! Now all my plans are ruined. I felt unhappy. Thinking about how fixed & rigid the education system here is and how disillusioned I am.

Ate a bag of pretzel with nacho cheese fillings. Very salty, somewhat sinful (240calories) but I felt better. Rather I wanted to feel better. It's not so bad… worse things could happen.

Drank 500ml of Weissbier with lemon just now. Trying again to relive my enjoyable days in Munich but it just didn't taste the same.

02/12 Direct Link
Saw a cute guy at work today. I thought he was cute you know. Not like WOW CUTE more like .. Ooo..Cute.. I haven't seen a guy I deemed cute in a while so this was refreshing. But I think he's too mature for a kid like me.

I broke a bowl of soup at work. SMASH! All the cream of mushroom was everywhere. And worse thing is – ON MY SHOES!! 1st thing I thought of were my shoes you know. And as soon as I could I went to clean them up. It's a me thing. I like ‘em clean.

02/13 Direct Link
Idealistic.

Never thought i was. But maybe it's an impression i gave others. Like "proud", "arrogant".. don't really think i am but some people feel that i am. Sometimes i wonder why i don't have a boyfriend too. But the gap between my ex and my previous ex was about 3 years, so maybe another 3 years?

Today a lady offered me a lift to the main road while i was walking out from the dragon's. Strange offer, i declined but it was nice. Needed to walk and clear my head anyway. Was feelin' pissed with the kid and situations.

02/14 Direct Link
Today's valentine's day. To me, it's just another day. I wont say i'm alone. ‘cos i know i'm not. But i don't have a significant other, if that's what alone means.

I'm at this stage in my life where i'm thinking i don't need one at all. That's true i guess. I don't even know if i want one. Very skeptical and disillusioned. But i've no regrets about my past relationships and i'm mighty glad they're no more.

Yes, i do wish things could have been better but i'm happy the way i'm now. I like the way i am.

02/15 Direct Link
Today passed quite uneventfully. One of my supervisors at work's still an ass. Basically he's an OK guy just that he doesn't know how to control his emotions well and that's not good, for the customers and also for the staff.

Think managements should really focus on their staff, be concerned for them emotionally, physically and mentally. Well, these people are your means of money anyway, they are the link to the customers. You gotta be nice to them. I believe well cared for staff are happy staff and they do good jobs or are happy doin' jobs for you.

02/16 Direct Link
Saw a TV show about fat/big women today. I think it's really an issue these days. Being bigger than models, movie stars etc. But the reality is that some girls are just bigger boned or have "large" genes.

I know there're those who simply binge and become overweight. Those who just love eating too much and become obese but alot of "big" girls are just born big. Hell, we too wish we weren't big sometimes you know.

All that teasing, "why are you so big?", "you shouldn't eat so much.", "have you tried dieting?". Think everyone shouldn't be so judgemental.

02/17 Direct Link
Clicking noises fill the air. The cold air is still. Voices whispering. The sound of chairs rolling across the room. The slapping of flipflops on the floor.
Such are the voices of the activity in the room at the moment.

The strange background serenity.

The clock that ticks relentlessly.

Unemotional, stark and plain.

What goes on in the minds that stay within this confinement?

Are they asleep?
Do they ramble?
Are they floating away into the soft cotton candy world of dreamland?
Are the eyes staring blankly into the flickering screens before them?

Caught in the virtual world.

Lost. Unknowing.

02/18 Direct Link
The days are dim. They're not dark ‘cos there's still a flicker of light. Sometimes the wind blows and i worry that it might just blow the lights off.

Strange feeling.
Weariness.
Emptiness.

Been feeling like this for a while. Not knowing what to do at all. I'm like a leaf in the river, just floatin' along. Eventually i fear i may sink and rot.
My body is tired but it does not surpass my mental exhaustion. Trapped in my own realm twarped by endless spears of the outside world forcing me into the cage of this life.

Broken.
Tattered.

02/19 Direct Link
Today's a FULL day. Went to school for tutorial which I presented. Pretty boring. Everyone was really uncooperative with the tutor. Guess we're all more interested in lunch.

Later, went for arbitration discussion for tutorial, project and also negotiation discussion. Lastly the bloody economics lecture.

Horrid lecturer. I used a chair to keep the back door open. It was so freaking cold. She asked to shut it, I told her why it's open.
She told me "wear more clothes!!"
BITCH! I was wearing a T-shirt & knee length skirt! Think she's low EQ though she's a "scholar" and probably intelligent.

02/20 Direct Link
Feeling very explosive. Irritated. Unsettled. Easily agitated.
I think my life's very stressful at the moment.
I really wanna get away for a while.
Away from this hustle and bustle.
Gone from the crowds, the noises, the technology maybe...

Something's not right.
A lurking feeling.
A disturbance.
Something at the back of my mine, calling.
But i cant hear what it is.

I sense the presence of uncertainty and i'm on the brink of being overwhelmed.
If only i had the courage to pluck myself out of this calm unaltered mess.
To set myself free.
To be refreshed.
To live.

02/21 Direct Link
was thinking about how people behave or react to things and wondered why they do so. i tend to get quite affected by them and it's ingrained into my mind and i remember them forever.

It's true about how people tend to remember unhappy incidences more.

in a way i think it's good training for me. Yes, this sounds warped. But through being screamed at, i know how it feels and i know how to behave to others if i was in such a situation.

"to avoid criticism, see nothing, hear nothing, do nothing, be nothing."

But i'm not nothing.

02/22 Direct Link
One down, i don't know how many more to go. Projects/reports i mean. No i didn't mean guys. Hahaha! Hmm... bad humour.

I ate KFC today. Actually wanted to have Chinese dumplings and noodles but the Q to get seated was so long i decided to change my mind. I didn't think of eating fried chicken initially until i walked by the shop and saw the poster on the door. Plus i was hungry.

Crispy greasy delicious fried chicken.

I hadn't eaten it in a LONG time. The meat was tender and juicy.
Forget about the bird flu!
EAT FIRST!!

02/23 Direct Link
Another day's past.
Some of the projects are completed.
But there's still others to do which is most tiring.
The idea of "there's more", is not very appealing.
I think there's more to life than just copying words from some place typing it out printing it out and then doing a presentation and submitting the report.
The tutor has probably seen like 50 of the same kind.
I don't know why they do this.
It's so dumb.
School shouldn't have to be a chore.
It doesn't have to be like that.
But it is.
Isn't it sad?
Isn't fun anymore...
02/24 Direct Link
This probably sounds quite dumb.
I was sitting on the toilet at school today and this thought popped in my head.
What happens when i'm on the loo and suddenly all the 4 partitions blocking me from the view of the outside world just fell apart and dropped onto the floor?
I know it's an insane thought.
I don't know how i had this idea.
But it's quite a mortifying yet comical situation to be in.
Firstly i don't think i want any stranger staring at me while i'm on the "throne".
Secondly, with my pants down??
So no way!!
02/25 Direct Link
I'm hungry, always hungry.
I don't know if I'm digesting my food quickly or I'm just eating too much junk nothing is absorbed to fill me up.
There shouldn't be guilt or thinking twice before eating.
But it's done in order to maintain a healthy body weight and socially acceptable size.
Tonight I'm going to enjoy myself, a nice dinner with my friend. We haven't seen each other for a long time.
My projects are all about done. The semester's coming to an end.
I don't know if I should rejoice or not.
There seems to be nothing worth celebrating.
02/26 Direct Link
Today started off well. I guess I was in a pretty good mood. Then as the day progressed I just got increasingly depressed.

I don't understand why.

I spoke some Japanese today. There was this cute old Japanese man at lunch hour. He gave me his strawberry ice-cream dessert. I like strawberry ice-cream. So it was good. We had some trouble conversing about the VIP discount so I used the minimal Japanese vocabulary I knew.

But he didn't seem surprised. I felt like he expected me to know Japanese or something. He spoke to me some parts in Japanese too.

02/27 Direct Link
The weather's horribly hot. Heard from my mom it was 34C outside yesterday. I don't like the heat much.
I'm still trying to find means and ways to get outta this place.
Even for a while.
Just to breathe.
I still feel trapped in this place.
For strange reasons unknown clearly to myself even.
Just too many commitments.
Still feel the need to runaway from it all. But reality stays solidly in tact unfortunately.
Read this book which was talking about freedom. That humans try so hard to get it, they're actually trapped inside the want to be free.
Life.
02/28 Direct Link
I feel a certain sense of elation. Also a bit of weariness and triumph.
That this is finally going to be over tomorrow.
I've managed to stick to it and complete every single day of this journey.
I may not continue the next month as i might be too busy to come online to log in my daily words.
But at least i've done what i set out to do and i've conquered against all odds.
It has been tiring at times.
However, i've fought my exhaustion and reached the finishing line.
I can't wait to see the final master-piece.
02/29 Direct Link
The last day.
A tiring day.
Angry day.
Depressing day.
Explosive day.
Stressful day.
Sad day.
Sorry day.
Crazy day.
Long day.
Mad day.
Bitchy day.
Lazy day.
Guilty day.
The only day which comes once every 4 years.
A typical day.
Uneventful day.
Unworthy day.
Unmemorable day.
Unhappy day.
Unsatisfied day.
Uncomfortable day.
Painful day.
Exhausting day.
Sleepy day.
Listless day.
Hungry day.
Draggy day.
Boring day.
The days pass,
Sometimes so slowly it doesn't seem to move,
Other times,
So quickly you don't even know if you can keep still.
Days,
Weeks,
Months,
Years,
Decades,
Centuries...
Gone.
Past.