March 2004 - Quanita

03/01

Yesterday, his eyes twinkled as he extended his hand to me and said, "Let's play hooky." Giggling, I slipped my hand into his, and we escaped to the park. It was delightful to sit on a bench and play. Although the world continued to revolve around us, we were each other's world. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I'm happiest when we are together. He makes me laugh. Underneath that handsome, arrogant exterior, is a dork...MY dork. And when I see that combination together, I want to kiss him all over, and love him up.

03/02

The universe has a way of sending signs of confirmation. Today the sign was two beautiful geese in the park. We watched, spellbound, as they followed our energy, mimicking our dance of love. He, standing so proudly, guarding his beloved, as she nurtured herself; every once in a while spreading his wings, when her tail waddled seductively. It was fascinating to watch how they stayed close to one another, inseparable. As I turned and looked at My Beloved, I understood. We are akin to those geese. Playfully he shook his tail feathers and I swooped in...! GOD I LOVE HIM.

03/03

My Twinkie is like a toy box, filled with all kinds of things to play with and discover. Every time I open the box, there is something new to enjoy, as well as all of the nostalgic favorites. All day long, I think about that toy box, and anticipate opening it again. Sometimes I reach in and pull out something soft and cuddly. Sometimes I pull out a Super Soaker Deluxe. Although I've been taught the importance of "sharing" my toys, this is THE exception. I don't want anyone dipping into my toy box, because it's THE most specialist one.

03/04

I invoked the union of Shakti and Shiva, with pure intention of heart, mind, and body. The room illuminated beneath us, and we were lifted to celestial realms... We were in heaven. Wrapped in creation, in the space of perfect, divine bliss and ecstasy. Each touch...every sensation... a true expression of our heavenly union. The tantric sensations resonated throughout the ethers, and beyond. Our higher selves merged into our physical tabernacles, and as I experienced my first heart orgasm, he came roaring triumphing like a mighty lion conquering his domain. It was THE most wonderful experience of my life.

03/05

In celebration of their union, the Ancient Ones gift Seven Dragons of Light to the Twins. The first dragon is red, representing a divine foundation of courage and empowerment. The second dragon is orange, representing tantric passion, intimacy, and creativity. The third dragon is yellow, representing, empyrean joy, optimism, and success. The fourth dragon is green, representing unconditional love. The fifth dragon is sky blue, representing, heavenly communication. The sixth dragon is indigo, representing, divine intuition and inspiration. And the seventh dragon is violet, representing, celestial pathways and adventures. When loving one another completely, these gifts of creation are opened...

03/06

We laid in a perfect embrace, his head snuggled softly against my breasts. As I inhaled his warm essence, and stroked his soft, brown hair, I closed my eyes, and thanked God for this precious moment. I could not remember any other moment, when I had felt so peaceful and happy. Surely it was another moment in heaven. I didn't want to move. And that's when the vision of Cristina and the Padre re-emerged... Across the divide of dimensions, we were both holding our Beloved. We were both smiling. And we were both at peace. It is "all that is."

03/07

We laid on my bed, watching the shadows on the scrying wall. Images and visions played like an old, silent, movie, flashing insight and revelation to questions asked. "I can't believe I am seeing this." is the neophyte's response. Oh but you are...this is my reality...this is what I "see." Shocked expression from the observer when Elvis Presley appears. "OH MY GOD THAT"S ELVIS PRESLEY?!!!" "Yup." I say. He smiles at me like a lovestruck schoolboy and says, "I'm your biggest fan. We all are..." pointing to Marlena Dietrich, Katherine Hepburn, etc... Dead you say? Nah ah.

03/08

He slithered into my life 25 years ago. After years of experiencing the cycle of abuse - honeymoon, tension building, explosion and honeymoon phase - over and over again, always hanging on to hope, and attempting to create the illusion of a "happy family," finally I realized I couldn't fix him. The crap inside of him was there a long time before I manifested in his life. It wasn't my fault. I didn't fail as a woman, wife, mother, companion. Now the snake wants back in, vainly attempting to lure me with his venom... If I let him in, he'll kill me.

03/09

My emotions rose to the surface today. Every effort to shut them down, or hide them, was futile. I can't put into words the depth of emotions I feel. I think that's why God gave us tears. Sometimes tears say everything there is to say. But who's listening? Can you hear the depth of my love and devotion? Can you feel the "knowing" inside of me? Will you hold me and tell me everything will be okay, even after the promises you've made to another? I've kept my promise...always... lifetime after lifetime. Please don't forget yours to me....please.

03/10

What if I didn't want Jesus or anyone to else to suffer and die for my sins? What would God say to me? Would he say, "Then you will live forever in your sins? You'll never be forgiven?" I don't think so. Let me tell you why...If that is/was God's attitude, then HE'S NOT MY GOD. Understand?!!!!! I would NEVER on a conscious level, want anyone, including Jesus, to pay or suffer pain for my transgressions. Just like I am NOT responsible for Adam and Eve taking a bite out of that apple. My God/ess is NOT cruel.

03/11

Oh My Beloved, I humbly bow before thee seeking the honor and privilege of sucking thy delicious cock. Unzip thy trousers, and expand before me, but whisper the words, and I wilt pleasure thee as only a Goddess can. I hungereth for thy sweet nectar of life. I exposeth my heaving breasts for thou to stroke and suckle. Doest thou not know how much I desireth thee? I willeth thy noble, majestic, scepter to thrust forward, so that thou might rule my kingdom....and claimeth the throne of ecstacy. Be not hesitant Beloved, for I am ready to cometh, noweth...

03/12

I need you. I need you now more than ever. I need to see you, look into your eyes, and see you smile. I need to know you are happy. I need to hear you speak. I need to feel you near me. I need to touch you. I need to hear you say, "Everything is going to be okay." Today, I needed you, I went through the motions of our conversation, so you don't see how vulnerable I'm right now. I'm not use to "needing" anyone, but I do need you... I need you to love and hold me.

03/13

I gazed lovingly at his handsome face, memorizing his peaceful countenance. I closed my eyes, placed my hand on his heart, laying my head gently on his shoulder, and allowed myself to accompany him through his vision. I saw what he saw. I've seen it many times, but this time, it was important for him to see it...and then I saw the sun, beaming brightly overhead. I stood up, spread my arms wide, and allowed my spirit to soar towards the light. The closer I got, the more my body was transformed into a zillion particles of kaleidoscopic light...

03/14

He watched me like a ravenous vampire stalking prey. When our eyes made contact, I knew he was there for me. His demeanor was intoxicating, and although others craved his attention, he was focused. As I walked by, he boldly caught hold of my arm, arousing violent, past life visions of the desecration of the "Temple of the Seers." Seductively pulling me close he said, "My name is Greg. I have been searching for you beautiful Seer. We've shared a past life together in Egypt. I sought your heart in passion and you dismissed me, will you do so now?"

03/15

I can only "be" who I AM. I am not meant to be "ordinary," I AM extraordinary. I am not meant to be hidden, I AM meant to be seen. I AM multi-faceted, and yes, I AM magick. I don't fit "the" mold of what the American culture deems desirable, but I AM beautiful. I am not a convenience, I AM a privilege. I am not a part of your deception, I AM truth. But alas, there are those who want me to fit their "mold" of "right and wrong." Perhaps I should introduce myself, I AM a Goddess.

03/16

Dear Sir, I feel I'm THE best candidate for Twinkie status. Not only do I have eons of experience, but I'm very familiar with the creamy filling. Now you can take a look at Ho-Ho's, Ding Dongs, and Cherry Pies, but I'm telling you right now, I'm THE ultimate Hostess. Besides, I've looked at a few of the other "candidates," and in my humble opinion, something looks fishy. With that in mind, let's you and I come to an agreement, and make this happen. 'Cause the bottom-line is, I love you, and when we're together it's delicious. Wouldn't you agree?

03/17

"Where's he at?"
"Right there."
"How come he's so far away?"
"You have to find each other."
"What if he doesn't recognize me?"
"He will...eventually..."
"Eventually?!!!!!!!! How long is eventually?"
"A few decades."
"Anything we can do to speed up the process?"
"Choose your highest path."
"Is this our highest path?"
"Of course."
"What if we fail?"
"You won't."
"How do you know that?"
"You love each other."
"It looks like we have a lot of obstacles in our paths to each other..."
"TRUST HIM. He'll find you."
"What do we do then?"
"Play. Love. Laugh. Heal."
"I'm ready."

03/18

God?
Yes child.
I love him.
Yes, I know.
I mean, I really, really, really, really, really, really, love him.
Yes, I know.
Does he know I love him?
Of course he does, how could he not?
Is it okay to love someone as much as I love him?
Of course it is.
Have you ever been in love like this?
Yes child.
So you've felt this yearning too?
Yes child.
God?
Yes child.
Please, oh please, oh please, bless him with a long, happy, healthy life.
You got it.
God?
Yes child.
Does he love me?
Oh yes child.

03/19

I am always with you Beloved, as I have been throughout the centuries. You do not have to face your trials and challenges alone, for where you are, there I am. There's no need to be frightened, for I will be your champion. And where there are tears, you will find my arms reaching out to hold you. I cannot bear to see you suffer, and yet, I cannot interfere with your choices...but should the cross of change become too heavy to bear, then I shall lift your cross, and carry you home, as you have done for me.

03/20

"I'm horny." No two finer words have I ever heard on a day like today. Well buddy, you are in luck, 'cause I'm horny too. Let's cut to the chase. Bring that big boy out, and let me take a couple of hits off of you. There's nothing like Italian sausage in the afternoon...something about it makes me SIZZLE. What's that you say? You've a taste for Chinese? A little sushi will do you? Stir in some creamy breasts, and you got a meal fit for a king. I'm hungry now, let me eat you. You can't resist me.

03/21

The scrying wall never ceases to amaze me. Last night's revelations where quite prophetic. I saw myself with My Beloved, laughing and sitting on a bench near a pier. We were watching the boats and enjoying the sunset. He turned to me and said, "Every day I share with you is the happiest day of my life." The vision played itself over and over again, and each time I saw his eyes sparkle with love, and I felt my heart swell. I can never say no to those beautiful eyes of his. I take one look at them and surrender.

03/22

How can I ever deny the importance of your presence in my life?! You've brought me so much happiness and joy. I look at you and I smile inside. Do you know how proud I am of you? Do you know how much I cherish our silly moments? Every day, I look up into the sky, and thank the Universe for you. Just when I thought I couldn't go any further, you show up, as a reminder not to give up, 'cause there's always hope. I needed you. You're my hope, my joy, my wish come true. I love you.

03/23

"You saved my daughter's life."
"I did?!"
"Yes, you did. A year ago today, she had just been released from the hospital for attempting suicide twice. She had shaved her head. Mutiliated her body. Out of desperation, we came to see you. You were the only person she wanted to see. The only person she felt was "real" and not full of bullshit. Whatever you said to her, changed her life, and I've never seen her so happy. I'm here to thank you, but I'm curious about what you said to her."
"I don't remember sweetie."
"Well, we won't forget."

03/24

His sensual kisses explored me like butterfly wings against silk. His fingers explored the wet orifices of my body with determined abandon. I loved it!!! I relished the feeling of his velvet, steel, shaft slipping inside of me...stroking...teasing... It was THE most exquisite lovemaking I've ever experienced. I could feel his body trembling, wanting to explode his hot cum inside of me... We took our time, enjoying each elegant sensation...licking...sucking...tasting...riding... grinding...until our energies burst into rhapsody of bliss. I felt so high afterwards, in a state of paradisiacal blessedness. GOD/ESS I LOVE HIM.

03/25

The plane took off smoothly. I closed my eyes, and dozed off. In a flash, I saw him, smiling and looking over the sunny horizon. The image was so vivid, so real. My heart smiled. I reached out to touch him, and woke up. The stewardess was passing out beverages. "Would you like something to drink?" No. I don't want water. I don't want peanuts. I want him... but I have to be brave. I have to remember what he said to me. I close my eyes tightly and whisper silently to myself, "I am always with you in Spirit."

03/26

That can't be me. NO WAY! I look like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Guy on Ghostbusters... YIKES! Yes ladies and gentleman, observe "Da Body By McDonalds." No matter how I turned, there was no way to camouflage it...I now knew the definition of "morbidly obese." Okay, so what are my options??????? STARVATION!!!!!! Oh yeah! That'll do it. Now if they would only lift this, tuck that, trim this... OH GOD I'M HAVING A CRISIS! CALL 911!!!! I've turned into Jabba Da Hut! How the hell will any light saber penetrate this? Houston, we definitely have a problem. MAY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

03/27

Dildo? Not the Same.
Vibrator? Not the Same.
Shower Head? Not the Same.
Porno Flick? Not the Same.
Masturbation? Not the Same.
:::Sighing:::
I want to be held, caressed. rubbed. licked, sucked, and probed by A REAL MAN. And not just ANY man. I want a STUD, someone who pleasures me from start to finish....and I mean FINISH. None of this "fuck and duck" business. That's right fellows, it's all about Da Goddess now. So get out your safari hat, and get in there. You're working the big game now... Let's see if you are qualified for "King of the Scepters."

03/28

Do you miss me as much as I miss you?
Do you?
WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm MISSING you!
I had a couple of opportunities to get laid this week...but they aren't you. A freaking army couldn't satisfy me like you. And besides, I don't want anyone else.
I'm lonely without you. I mean, I'm keeping myself busy, and of course I'm surrounded by lots of people, but you aren't here...are you?
Maybe you forgot about me.
OH GODDDDDDDDDDD maybe I've been replaced.
I shall drift into the ocean, and become a speck of sand...tossing to and fro...

03/29

I don't want you to love me because I look like a centerfold; I want you to love me because I look like me. Don't tell me how you want me to change, because "you care," if you cared, you would accept me as I AM. I don't need to hear you go down the list of my flaws, tell me what's wonderful about me. If all you care about is what my "exterior" looks like, than you've missed the point, haven't you? Underneath it all, do you have a thin spirit? Well, guess what? Mine is LARGER than life.

03/30

I got the coolest keychain today, it's a big, plastic, Crayola Crayon, with crayons in it. No matter where I go, I'll have my crayons with me. I think I'll change the colors inside and include some pinks and purples. I love to color, it's so relaxing and fun!!! The cool thing is, I give myself permission to color outside the lines, which in it's own way reflects my current state of mind. Let's see...What color do I feel like today? Hmmmm...:::Looks through the box:::...WHAT!!!!!! No - Passionate Pink?!!!!! No - "I Miss You So Much" Blue?!!!! BLACK then.

03/31

We sat in the restaurant conversing as usual about men, orgasms, and magick. When the handsome waiter appeared, our first thoughts were, "BONUS!" As he walked away, Priscilla confided, "He likes it doggy style." Looking him up and down, I replied, "You think so?" "Oh yeahhhhh..." nodded Priscilla. "Wanna bet on that?" I said, while motioning the waiter back. "Excuse me...my friend and I have a bet going...She thinks you like it doggy style." Smiling and leaning forward seductively he whispered, "If you follow me to the back, I'll prove which one of you is right." I win.