"Now that's fucking love." Revin said, as I lay on the tattoo table, my pussy fully exposed. Dennis smiled and said, "Women with meat on their bones turn me on." His hands moved sensuously as he shaved and prepped the area. "Relax sweetheart...some women get off on this." Excruciating pain, unexpectedly followed by cresting waves of pleasure. "Did you just have a release?" he asked. "Yes!" "Are you still going?" "Yes!!!!!!!!!" He gently spread my pink lips apart, "Oh yeah...you're still going..." "I want you bad." he whispered, finishing the tattoo, then politely excusing himself to jack off.

I dismantled the altar one precious piece at a time. It had been created with love and hope, but that wasn't enough to light it. In the darkness I wept, reaching out into the void to be filled, but the nothingness remained. Perhaps it has been there all along. There was no comfort, warmth, or laughter, in the silence. I am alone. I can raise the dead, heal hearts, instill hope, convey and master the energies of the universe; but underneath it all I just wanted to be loved. I was foolish to hope for that, wasn't I? Farewell Beloved.

Creating the Amethyst Labyrinth took great focus and intention. Onlookers gathered to bask in it's beauty and the flow of peaceful, serene, energy. As I meticulously placed each stone, some would catch a glimpse of my face and cry...: Some just wanted to hold me. They felt safe in my arms. They kept saying I looked like a beautiful angel. They said they could see pure love coming from my eyes... What they were seeing was my heart, exposed. Walking the Labyrinth for spiritual guidance and rebirth, I heard these words, "Pure love extends it's hands and never lets go."

We merged into the swelling passion...The sounds of our mutual pleasure echoed through the forest. Curious individuals smiled and gave us two thumbs up, as they happened upon our lovemaking. By that time, we had lost all inhibitions. When I am in the throes of worshipping his penis, nothing and no one can stop me. My whole focus is to take him to new orgasmic heights. I like when he says, "Please." I like how he gently strokes my hair, as he gently thrusts into my mouth. By the sound of his coming, I would say he saw God.

OH GOD I HAVE MY PERIOD!!!!!!! I have cramp-o-rama right now. The only balm is a really good fuck, or chocolate. Chocolate won out. So off to the convenience store I go. Hmmm...What do I have a taste for? Did you know they have "Pina Colada Almond Joys" now? I wouldn't recommend it. It's kind of nasty. It seems like they are putting white chocolate on every decent chocolate candy. Soon they will have white chocolate M & M's. I'm still mad about the tan M & M's being eliminated. INCOMING CRAMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quick! Gimme da damn chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was early winter, she squatted naked in the tippee. He held her hand, tears gently falling across his handsome cheeks. "PUSH Beloved...PUSH..." The baby boy slid out into his awaiting arms...eyes wide open. "My son! My son!" The women gathered the baby in skins, and brought the baby to his mother's breasts to suckle. There were sounds of jubilation outside. She saw the pride in his eyes. He lifted the baby and stood outside, as the tribe celebrated. A new chief was born.

In the hot springs they lovingly bathed one another, their son held between them.

I saw through his eyes tonight. Quite a feat I'd admit. It kind of made me seasick. I saw him look at his penis. I wonder does he do that every day? Probably. He's definitely a voyeur, but then again, so am I. Did he notice he wasn't alone? Because if I can see through his eyes, could he see through mine? So I saw blue flannel shorts, a wife beater t-shirt, a magazine, woman sleeping on her right side...... Then I got sad, because I thought, "I think it would be heaven to snuggle with him." But I'm not.

My eyes look so sad today. Even after I put my make-up on, I could see the sadness. Others could see it too. I miss sharing time with him, our long talks, playing in the tree house, the way he smells, his smile, rubbing his leg, making him laugh. I just miss him. In its own way, it's a form of grieving. I try to keep my mind occupied, but the missing is always there. I wonder if he ever misses me as much as I miss him. I've never loved a man as much as I love him.

Who defines what true beauty is? Who said bald isn't sexy? I realized tonight that I have allowed other's perceptions of "beauty" to make me feel less than. And the more I dwelled on it, the sadder I became. What's really odd about that is I am constantly being told how beautiful I am. Unfortunately, I've got this stupid, dysfunctional, tape that keeps recycling in my head that says, "You're not 110 pounds, therefore you are unattractive." Heavens forbid someone should fall in love with a fat girl! Oh what would the family think! Wouldn't want to ruin their "image..."

Okay men, listen up. Get off the idea pleasuring a woman means a ten second orgasm. Where the heck does this condition come from?! Who said that a quick orgasm denotes pleasure? LET GO OF THAT BELIEF. Just as a man enjoys being brought to the brink of pleasure over and over again, before coming, so too does a woman. Forget about the size of your penis. Forget about how long you can sustain an erection. SHOW ME WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR TONGUE, YOUR HANDS, YOUR CARESS....Don't just focus on one area of my body...WORSHIP ME.

You know how most people scream when they are scared? Not me, I laugh. So listen, if we're in a spooky/haunted space, like Bachelor's Grove, and I start laughing hysterically, and telling you to move faster, and get the heck out of there, that means I'm scared shitless. That's right...MOVE! Don't ask me why, and for goodness sakes, don't look behind me, because there's something chasing me, and it's not Mister Rogers, especially if it moaning, "GET OUT OF MY CEMETERY" in a menacing voice. And if, by chance, whatever it is grabs of hold of me...RUN!!!!!!!

I would have found a way. I always do. One way or another, I would have made contact with you. Nothing and no one could have stopped me. And so I laid my head down, and fell into a deep sleep, allowing my astral body to travel hundreds of miles from home. You were on the phone. I saw the joy in your heart as your children bantered back and forth with you. And I stood there and watch. It was I who was the outsider. It was I who had intruded. Why? Because I fell in love with you.

"Does anyone know a Robert Benjamin, or a Benjamin Robert?" No response from the audience... "I'm hearing the name very clearly. Does anyone know a Robert Benjamin, or a Benjamin Robert?" Still no response from the audience... Today on my voice mail, "Remember when you asked the audience if someone knew a Robert Benjamin, or a Benjamin Robert? One of Z's best friend's names is Robert Benjamin. At precisely the time you asked that question, he had fallen down, cracked open his skull, had a massive brain hemorrhage, and died."

He was attempting to get a message to his family.....................................

"Ask your guides. How much longer does he have to live?" she pleaded. Sadly, I already knew the answer. "Within less than four days." I responded. "The doctors say he has up to six weeks...!!!" she replied. "Sweetie, I see the portal to the other side open for him now. The only thing holding him back, is himself. When he has shed the layers of guilt from his energy field, he will cross, which means he can go anytime within less than four days." I said.

Later that day she left a message on my voice mail, "He died this afternoon..."

Come here. I've missed you. Did you miss me? Did you miss my touch? Let me refresh your memory. If I stroke you here.......Yes, that's right, you did indeed miss me. Shall I continue? Or are you in a hurry? Be still, I want you to enjoy this...... Close your eyes. You don't have to be inhibited with me. I know you. Feel the sensations. Experience the energy. You like that don't you? What would happen if I used my tongue? Right there....... I love the sounds you are making. Should I stop? I didn't think so. Let's continue then.......

I've been pushing myself lately, even though I have enjoyed and am grateful for a few moments of "me" time. Tonight, after work, I walked in and went right to bed. The minute my body got under those soft, silky, sheets, I was out. I woke up at 2 a.m., with my kitty sprawled out next to me, and the feeling My Beloved's presence snuggled next to me. It was such a warm, loving, comforting, feeling. I didn't want to move, and basked in the "knowing." I enjoyed stroking him adoringly, and snuggled in closer. I love him beyond words.

I dreamt about him all night long. We played, laughed, conversed, fucked, and fucked some more...I must have climaxed three times. The last time he held me from behind and whispered into my ears, "Please don't wake up...Stay with me." Oh how I wanted to. I loved the feel of his massive cock pressing against my flesh, eager to be pleasured. "Never, never, forget how much I love you..." I told him, as we snuggled into one another. I worship this man, his cock, his spirit. When I opened my eyes I cried, for my bed was empty.

I love him. I just love him. He's so cute. I look at him and smile inside. Sometimes he's a dork, but I like that about him, 'cause he makes me laugh. When we talk, we talk for hours. Even when we aren't together, we're still communicating. He always shows me his penis. I always look. It's magnificent! I take one look at it, and I have to taste his sweetness. When his penis is in my mouth, the only thing that matters is us. Afterwards he holds me. Oh how I love when he holds me. I love him.

I want a god damn, good looking, "take my breath away," male stripper for my birthday who looks like Superman. I want him to be at about 6 ft. tall; big, brown, puppy dog eyes; dark brown hair; pale to light skin; Italian; in a business suit; a wife beater t-shirt; wearing flannel boxers underneath; sunglasses; smelling good; and the sweetest, most magnificent, penis! I want him to stand over me and dance....:::Starts to have an erotic fantasy:::.......YES! YES!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's what I want for my birthday.

Only qualified Twinkies need apply.

(It's all about the creme filling!!!)

I think it's time. Yup, I've thought about it long enough. I am ready to be loved, completely, fully, wonderfully, by a man. Not just any man mind you. It has to be "the one." I wonder what that feels like? I bet it's gloriously blissful! I don't think I'm asking the universe for too much, 'cause the way I figure it, I'm loving people and healing their hearts all the time, now it's my turn. I want to be loved so much, I smile just thinking about it. That's possible, isn't it? I believe it is. I am ready.

Today was supposed to be "my" day, but due to circumstances beyond my control, it didn't manifest. It was fun thinking that today would be "my" day! It made me feel very "special." I kept thinking of all the many possibilities available on "my" day. Even until about one hour ago, I kept thinking, "my" day isn't over yet...! But perhaps it was good it wasn't my day, because I needed to rest a bit - pneumonia and all - even though I kept myself very busy. On a final note, "OH GOD I MISSED MY TWINKIE!!!" :::Starts chicken soup IV drip:::

My mind says, "Yes!" My body says, "NO!" Oh to find the true balance, surely that is my quest. So I honored my body this morning and stayed in bed. I slept, and slept, and slept....Then that darn alarm clock went off! "Only doing my job!" it said to me. So I slink off the bed, grasping on to the soft, silky, sheets as long as I can, and scuffle off to the bathroom. That smooth talking shower head said, "Come here baby..." I rolled my eyes and said, "Not today buddy...there's no time..." So I brushed my teeth.

Vince was standing in the parking lot when I pulled in. "Hi beautiful!" he said, then he looked at me with concern and said, "Is something wrong?" I shook my head no, and kept walking. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and looked at me with earnest concern, "Whoa...whoa...whoa...Come on pretty angel, smile for me." I turned my sad eyes away. He grasped my chin and said, "What's the matter?" tenderly kissing me fully on the lips. "I've been wanting to do that for a long time." he said, "Tell me I don't have to stop...."

Stupid things that drive me bonkers: 1) Cleaning the carpets, and coming home to my son's friends, tromping all over it with their dirty shoes; 2) Litterbugs and/or individuals who throw trash out of my car, while I am driving; 3) Doors slammed in my face; 4) People who repeat themselves over, and over, and over, again; 5) Elevator music; 6) Obligatory gifts; 7) Okra; 8) Men who want to eat sardines off my cha cha; 9) Magick wannabes; 10) Feeling like a sausage when I put on my clothes; 11) People who say they will call, and don't.

"I still love you." he said. I heard those words and my heart whispered, "Oh how I love you..." Tears filling my eyes. You're right, we need to keep loving each other, and stand side by side, impenetrable. We can't let anyone or anything tear us apart. We need to continue to believe in each other. We've created such magickal moments together, and there's so much more for us to explore. One day soon, we'll be able to play all day...NO hindrances.... Till then, I AM always with you...Always thinking of you....Always your Twinkie. We are one.

He has the most handsome, sweet, penis I have ever had the privilege of pleasuring. How anyone could ever dishonor that part of him, is beyond me! The world has an illusion about "size" mattering. How many of us devalue ourselves, because of society's opinion of what the best "size" is? Our bodies ARE beautiful. They come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Why do we allow others to make "us" feel less than, or ugly, because we don't have silicon breasts, and viagra penis'? He is THE most incredible man. He is perfect for me. I adore him.

My dear friend, who is a RN, told me it's been proven scientifically, if you swallow a man's jiz your breasts get bigger. Then my bestest friend from high school, who is an esthetician, said she's never heard that, but she has heard it contributes to healthier and younger looking skin. I thought about all of this and thought to myself, "I AM THE MOST LUCKIEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD!!!!" Know why?! Because My Twinkie has THE bestest creme filling, and my skin is glowing...and my breasts...well.............................. So I'm thinking about running an experiment.... :::Calling coyly::: "Oh Twinkieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee................."

"Tit for tat...." he giggled... Sometimes he makes himself laugh, and when I hear that little boy laugh, I just crack up laughing with him. Sometimes the stupidest things, that no one else would get, makes us crack up laughing. I love laughing with him.

Sometimes when he's pontificating, I just like to hear all the "stuff" he has thoughts on. I think that man can talk more than me, which is really something!!! But you know what I love? When I talk, even though he is multi-tasking, he hears me. He hears me. I hear him.

"And thennnnnnnnnnnnnn......................."

She's the one who showed me how to be a good friend. We never ever fought with one another. We stood by each other's side, when others left. She always knew the right thing to say to make me smile. Here she is, sitting in my living room, over 27 years later... She's so beautiful! I think she looks like an Italian Barbie Doll. We talk as if no time or space has ever come between us. And just as in high school, we share and laugh for hours. She's flying home tomorrow morning. I don't want her to go.

I will be patient, because I believe you.
I will be patient, because I believe "in" you.
I will be patient, because you believe in me.
I will be patient, because you satisfy me in ways no man ever has.
I will be patient, because you taste so good.
I will be patient, because you're the bestest one.
I will be patient, because "we" are worth it.
I will be patient, because I need you.
I will be patient, because we are happy together.
I will be patient, because I love you.
I will be patient, because you love me.

I've got your release.
Come and get it cowboy.
A release would feel so good.
But we'll take it slow.
No need to rush pleasure.
Besides, we need to "explore" the possibilities.
I think I have a grip on the situation.
Even if the market is unstable.
I've got a few good strokes in "my" pocket.
That's right, you need "it..."
I want it.
I won't take "no" for an answer.
I like the way you say, "YES!!!"
I've got your release.
I'll give it to you, if you give it to me.
GIVE IT TO ME.
You'll enjoy this.............