I sat on the toilet - lid down of course - hanging on to every word he spoke. Tears streaming down my face, my voice trembling, I spoke to him from the fragile space I am obstinate about exposing. All I wanted was for him to keep talking. I wanted to beg, "PLEASE DON'T HANG UP!!!" But he did. Wiping my tears away, I went through the motions of getting ready for work, all the while thinking about what we share. The phone rang. It was him. He called me back. "I love you." he said.

I smiled.

"I love you too."

Beautiful Heriphanes, your tears aren't in vain. Oh Goddess, remove from us the thought and sorrow of ever losing one another. Remember, though our souls may separate, it's only temporary; we always find one another. No one and nothing can prevent our hearts and spirits from uniting lifetime after lifetime. Please feel secure in our relationship with one another. We are one.

I love and adore you.

I celebrate every moment we share with one another. Besides, Banana Slurpees wouldn't be the same without you!

You're everything that's wonderful, loving, feisty, and FABULOUS, in the universe.

Time for more magickal adventures.

We gather every Friday at 3 p.m. It's our time to explore the mysteries of the magickal universe we live in. It's a time of great healing. We learn to love one another, despite our frailties and imperfections. Indeed, we see each of those frailties and imperfections as facets of the beautiful jewels we are. Our gathering helps us to remember the gifts, talents, and incredible abilities we've shared - lifetime after lifetime. The only inhibitions we have are temporary interference's of society. You see, we ARE magick. We ARE healers. We ARE sisters. We ARE Goddesses.

DON'T fuck with us.

Okay, okay, here's the bottom line. I'm kinky. This gets me in trouble. So when he asked me to meet him at the cemetery, all systems were "GO." So I arrive right on time and anxiously await for his arrival. My cell rings. "Where are you?" he asks. "I'm at the cemetery." I reply. "How'd you get in there? The gate is locked." he responds. :::Silent pause...My mind starts to process what he has said. Is he kidding?!!! Am I in trouble!!!!::: OH MY LORD, OH MY GODDESS IN HEAVEN, I'M LOCKED IN A CEMETERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

His laughter was priceless.

There we were, locked in a sensual embrace, my lips and tongue dancing to the rhythm of his arousal. Just as he was about to climax, he slipped his hand between his legs, and began to gently fondle himself. The visual sensuality of watching him touch himself, made me so horny, and shocked the heck out of me! I didn't want him to stop. It was the single most incredible, erotic, "awakening" moment of my life. My pussy swelled with desire, and I sucked his cock like I owned it. His roar of pleasure melded with mine.

We are one.

In my mind, I've always had a curiosity about how difficult is it to pleasure a woman. Here's what I've discovered: Unless she's into quickies, take time with a woman. Caress her. Hold her. Touch her. LOVE HER. Communicate with one another. Don't focus on one area of her body, focus on her entire "being." Pay attention to how her energy responds to a variety of stimulation's. DON'T RUSH, ENJOY. Explore. Reciprocate. Take charge. And for goodness sakes, be consistent. Check the pressure you are using. If she's not becoming more aroused, is enough or too much pressure being used?

"Can I kiss your heart?" he asked. "Okay." I said, exposing my chest to him. His sweet, cherub lips caressed and sensuously sucked my nipples. "Hey! That's not my heart!" I exclaimed, feigning protest. "Yes, I know...I'm working my way there..." he smiled, as he searched and fondled my other breast. God/dess I didn't want him to stop!

I traced my fingers over the tight bulge in his trousers; he likes that. I fumbled to unzip his pants, and his throbbing penis popped right out. Sometimes I just like looking at it. It's magnificent!!!

Yes, I swooped on it.

I hear her soul calling mine... Her name is Glenda. She's one of THE bestest friends I've ever enjoyed in this lifetime. We'd spend hours together laughing, creating, healing. It's been over four years since we last communicated. She unexpectedly disappeared without a trace. After years of searching for her, I finally resorted to doing a $7.00 paid search online. With hope in my heart, I called the number listed. Her ex-husband's voice spoke on the answering machine. I left a message with my cell phone number. I woke up hoping there would be a returned message, but there wasn't.

When the moon is in void, my whole energy field gets out of whack. All emotions, sensations, etc... are raw, sensitive, overwhelming. I find I have to keep checking myself and how I am responding to the smallest of stimuli. It's probably better for me to just crawl under the covers and emerge after it's over. A couple of times I closed my eyes really, really, really, tight and wished for My Twinkie to hold me. When I opened my eyes, all was silent. No Twinkie. No snuggling.

OH GOD/DESS WHO AM I KIDDING???!!!!!!

I WANT MY TWINKIE.

NOW.

:::Pouting:::

"Is Daddy coming home today?"

"No child, he is far away, across the ocean, in a land of ancient wisdom."

"Then I shall wait, for he will return soon with gifts and treasures from the orient."

"Is Daddy coming home today?"

"No child, he is far away, fighting a war, in a land where brother has turned against brother."

"Then I shall wait and heal his wounds with my hugs and kisses when he returns."

"Is Daddy coming home today?"

"No child, he's sleeping the eternal slumber..."

"Then I too must sleep, and find him, for I miss him so."

My unofficial son-in-law's name is Matthew. He comes over after 2:30 p.m. to watch Japanese Horror Flicks with me. It's one of my favorite things to do. We laugh so much! He's of the opinion I should be a stand up comedian. I just enjoy sharing time with him. Know what I enjoy the most about him, besides him being a snuggle bug? I love how he loves my daughter. He thinks about her feelings. He openly expresses his insatiable passion for her. When they are together, he extracts the joy out of each precious moment. He's the bestest one.

Memo to self:

I called him up just the other day.

"I'd like to see you, if you don't mind."

He said, "I'd love to, if I could find the time.

You see my new job's a hassle and the kids have much to do,

But it's sure nice talkin' to you, Goddess.

It's been sure nice talkin' to you."

And the lion's in the cradle and the golden spoon,

Little man blue and the Lady of the Moon.

"When you comin' home?"

"Goddess, I don't know when. We'll get together then.

You know we'll have a good time then."

Last night I tried to turn "it" off. It didn't work. In fact, "it" got stronger. If anyone would've asked me the secrets to the universe, I had the answers. Every day I experience the emotions and secret desires of those around me. "It's" maddening at times. Thousands seek me for comfort, guidance, and hope; they don't know the price I pay for this gift. Even the skeptics want more. I can't continue to do this. I can't. It's too lonely. It's too sad.

Those who hear my silent tears attempt to comfort me. I love them so for trying.

Life Lesson 333:

The gifts I utilize comes from the Divine. Do I feel there are individuals more worthy to utilize these gifts? ABSOLUTELY. Do I live a perfect life, and make perfect choices? NOPE. I don't want ANYONE to put me on a pedestal, expect me to "part the waters," and live a pristine life that "society" accepts. When have I EVER fit into "normal" society?

Bottom-line...I work for the Divine. If you have a problem with my personal choices, take it up with God/dess. Write a letter, post-it, e-mail, fax, whatever...but take it up with God/dess.

Marty and Mary are so happy together! On Sunday, they created MAGNIFICENT feast and invited me over. Present were Marty and Mary; Mona and Ron; and Brian and myself. I had THE bestest, funnest, time! Not only was the food and company excellent, but the conversation was light hearted and healing. It felt WONDERFUL to "be" in their presence. I needed it. It was a compliment to the delightful, healing, day I shared with My Sister Patti. I love her. I like to squish her. She's funny. I'm blessed to have such dynamic, loving, individuals in my life. THANK YOU!

My father was dying.

My Grandmother stood vehemently in front of me, "You don't love your Father."

"I love My Father!" I responded defiantly.

"YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR FATHER!" she screamed like a banshee, pulmelting me with her fists.

I didn't lift a finger to block her blows. I could've knocked her out with one swing, I didn't. She beat, and beat, and beat me, till the room was spinning; after each blow she'd say, "SAY YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I looked at her without crying and stated, "I LOVE MY FATHER."

I will not apologize for LOVING someone.

When making choices and decisions in my life, the "question du jour" is "Does it bring me joy?" This is an important question to ask myself in all areas of my life - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... If one is focused on joy, how can one "self-destruct?" I am consciously going to share time intimately with those who bring joy into my life. Music and Magick brings me joy. Loving fully brings me joy. Crabby, judgmental, yucky, skeevy, people do NOT bring me joy. GO AWAY!!! I spent over 27 years with my wings clipped.WATCH ME SOAR NOW...GODDESS STYLE!!!

"What's that?"

"An ice cube."

"What are you going to do with it?"

"You'll see."

"God Quanita that's a first for me! No one's ever done THAT to me!"

"I'm sorry, I should stop."

"NO! Don't stop! Keep going!!!"

"Mmmmmmmm..."

RRRRRRROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Oh the things I do to that man!!! The interesting thing is he lets me! I don't think there is one orifice on his body I haven't sensuously violated. I've experienced many "firsts" with him.

I CRAVE him. Does he feel my desire? Shall I send him a tickler of orgasmic energy through the ethers? Mais Oui!

Come into my room.

Sit down.

Let me look at you.

You are so handsome.

Why is there sadness behind your eyes? Oh if I could remove the sadness and replace it with joy, I would, but it is not for me to remove.

How I love embracing you.

In your arms I am complete. I know you feel the same. "You are me. I am you. We are one."

Your essence is drawn into my soul.
Together we are free.

I understand now we are inseparable.

I want this moment in time to last forever.

I LOVE YOU SO.

In the vision, Kwan Yin came to me dressed in a gossamer gown of ivory. She embraced me with unconditional love and compassion, which soothed my heart and soul. Our souls merged into a beautifully gilded, ivory tree, with deep roots, and branches so high they tickled the stars. The tree was laden with the most delicious fruit, which was desired by many. Those who ate the fruit awakened and wanted more. After partaking of the fruit, some individuals wanted to possess the tree, and have the fruit all to themselves, but the fruit was to be shared and enjoyed.

Kwan Yin pointed to the roots of the tree and asked me to look closely, and said, "How do you think they have grown so deep, in environments filled with manure? It used the manure to GROW. Those who judge will not see this. They are unaware of how many lifetimes it has taken to sift through the manure, and use it to heal and benefit not only yourself, but humanity. You don't force anyone to partake of the fruit of this tree, because you know it would infringe on their right to choose. In choosing the fruit, they'll "see."

"Their lives will be filled with more compassion, understanding, and LOVE." I saw how the fruit enhanced the lives and gardens of those who had partaken, and how beautifully majestic each soul's individual trees was. "The Forest of Compassion and Hope" was growing, expanding, illuminating. Those who vainly attempted to tear down or destroy the forests were selfish, judgmental, and in pain. No matter what they did, because the trees were rooted in LOVE, they couldn't be destroyed, or torn down. The trees continued to uplift, sustain, repair, and nurture, confirming the universal law: "By their fruits, ye shall know them."

Words. Words. Words.

Last night my youngest daughter spoke words to me that crushed me, all over a piece of Cheese Danish. The Mom in me knows that the Cheese Danish was a "symptom" of what was bugging her, but nonetheless, she hurt me. She felt justified in her stance, but I would NEVER think of speaking so disrespectfully to my Mother. Are you kidding me?!!! She would've beaten the shit out of me! I don't beat the shit out of my kids, but what came out of my daughter's mouth, beat the shit out of me.

I won't forget.

On the night of the full moon, an oasis of passion surrounded our hearts, as we "became." It was the first time I've ever seen such clarity in his eyes and heart. It was one of the most spiritual moments of my life. There was no shame, no deceit, no secrets, just pure clarity and light. But do you know what else I saw? L O V E. The most amazing love, an expression of divine "knowing." It just keeps getting better and better, and we're enjoying ourselves so much. How I wish we had more time to play in the tree house.

He looked like a perfect, virgin, Catholic, boy, with that purple Sharpie marker in his hand. He was VERY focused. "Don't move..." he said in his "serious" voice. I held my breath, but couldn't help giggling. He drew the perfect smiley face on my tummy. "Draw me!" I requested gleefully. "Okay!" he said. (I noticed my head was twice as big as his.) Once again his focus was impenetrable. "You have big teeth." he giggled. "WHAT?!" I asked feigning being wounded. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HOW BIG HE MADE MY EYES! I loved every second. We so are happy together.

It was erotic when he began to say my name over and over again, in rising crescendo. Afterwards, both of us started giggling. The look on his face was priceless! It's the clearest I've ever seen his eyes. How handsome he looked smiling at me! "That's the first time I've ever called out any woman's name while climaxing. I surrendered." he said. I know that feeling. I surrendered the first time I heard his voice, the second I told him to take off his glasses, the second I saw his eyes. There hasn't been one moment I haven't loved him.

All my life I've been mindful of not hurting people's feelings. That's not to say I haven't, because I have, inadvertently or not; but on a conscious level, I try not to. What I don't understand is why anyone would think it's "okay" to make fun of, or say ANYTHING derogatory about "fat" people. Ugly is as ugly does. "Fat" people have been discriminated against long enough. CUT IT OUT. STOP IT. STOP HURTING OTHERS WITH WORDS. Each of us desires to be accepted for who we are, as we are. "See" the beauty of life in all it's forms.

The waves of pleasure were unstoppable. They kept coming and coming... My heart felt like it would explode with pure ecstasy and love. My body trembled and spasmed while he masterfully touched me, as I've experienced with no other man before. I lost all shame, and became entwined in pure bliss. It tickled so good. Our orgasm wasn't ordinary. It was an orgasm of love. Ancient, sacred, divine, love. Every fiber of my being responded, and responded, and responded... I savored the moment, allowing it to fill my being. Next to a tsunami, I'd classify this as a SUPER NOVA.

He smiled and laid right on top of me. Surveying the results of our lovemaking, yup, I'd say we had a wonderful time! Let's see, besides all the pillows and sheets being strewn all over the room, there's a pile of sex toys, etc...etc...etc... I had to laugh, because it was so much fun. We did things I've NEVER seen in any porno, and we kept going...and going... I climaxed so many times I had to push him away, less I pass out in ecstasy. Afterwards, I was slightly embarrassed. I covered my face and started giggling.

The sun shone brightly. It was THE most beautiful day. I stood on the edge of the sidewalk, watching his car back up, as he drove by he rolled down the window and extended his hand to mine. I eagerly reached for it, holding on with all my heart. "Remember, I'm always with you." he said lovingly. He held my gaze, his fingers caressing mine. We maintained passionate contact, as he slowly drove away, our hands and fingertips romantically danced with one another, till they slipped apart, and still we were reaching for one other. I love him soooooooooo much.

Do you remember when,
our lives were worn and thin,
before I met you?

I was sad and blue,
you were lonely too,
before I met you.

The adventures we have had,
some were naughty I'm so glad,
since I met you.

All it once it felt so right,
we talked the day and through the night,
when I met you.

We leave this earth and space,
for our treehouse special place,
when I see you.

You raised me from the dead,
the love and magic of your bed,
since I met you.

Life in technicolor began that December Sunday.