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In my dream I'm in a warehouse transformed into loft-apartments. It's a belly-dance/ dance ministry retreat. My belly-dancing teacher is teaching us how to use the elements in our dancing; our class masters wind. T and I lie on the dance room floor: he says, You and I should really get together. I say, No, I'm in love with someone else. He gets angry and grabs me and chases me, but I run and tell my dance ministry leader. The girls lead me away but I can still hear him shouting until I wake up. (J is leaving for Africa)
I had the morning to myself, and it felt wonderful to take a hot shower, watch 24 with my mother, paint my nails, and start writing the best out of my three term papers. With muscles newly acquired from last weekend's 'adventures' I feel comfortable in my skin and attractive. I've finally finished my period: going to be more mindful this month& (Not that I of all people am at risk of unwanted pregnancy). I've decided to write every month until I turn eighteen. Does anyone else have the nasty habit of sitting on their feet so they fall asleep?
This morning I painted my toenails like my fingernails. He came over at ten and we spent the day together. He was exhausted and high on lack of sleep: I tried to get some work done. I made my dip and we bible studied in preparation for my small group. It was wonderful as always. I was almost tempted down to Namur to the Dollar Cinema but a term paper beckoned half-written from home. I have to work (a bit) tonight because I promised him I wouldn't be paranoid-about-school me. I hope I'll at least get an E for Effort.
Expedition to the MFA was a failure because no one mentioned that the building containing Canadian Landscapes is closed until November 26th. We got Soup n' Noodles to make it better. Went over my term paper so thoroughly; I made him read through it with me to make sure I wasn't talking out of my ass. I am incapable of writing something that I don't agree with it (I found a loophole). Today was filled with giggles and him dipping my tassel in tea and sticking it up my nose. So cute it hurts. My brain has just fallen asleep.
I've been working on assignments all weekend just barely making ends meet. I'm having a Mexican standoff with the sandman; right now he's winning. I'm trying to write these words as fast as I can so I can have a half an hour to veg in my comfy big black sweater before bed. I wish I could skip French tomorrow but I have a test de lecture that I wasn't expecting. My cousin turned sixteen today; it was lovely sitting in her hallway (giggling in the dark) while the others watched a movie. (In other news: I feel connected now&)
Finished my humanities term paper and it feels indescribably good. It will be short-lived thought, because there's more where that came from coming down the pipes. I'm still wiped; came the closest I've ever come to falling asleep in class today (POA). Every time he'd turn off the lights to show slides, my consciousness would wane. Art classes tomorrow: I don't want to face Flood, having to relate to her the tragic instance of my failed museum visit. At least I got soup n' noodles. They've discontinued my birth control, did you hear! Something about a shortage? Just my luck.
I escaped 2d early because I had all my work done. Flood told me that if I finish everything before the end of term we'd arrange something. I never realized how ahead I was in her class, so I might just try and haul ass so I do finish by then. I just typed up my humanities term paper cover page. It's ready to leave the nest&but am I ready to let it go? I don't even get to bask in the afterglow, because I have to start (and finish) my English essay 'rough copy' and research Topkapi for HOA.
So instead of going on a small group field trip today (to hear a wind quintet play Mozart) I sat in etcetera and ate greasy fries. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. I just really wasn't up for Mozart after saying goodbye to my first term paper. A company selling posters (Imaginus?) came today and I bought Edvard Munch's The Scream and Gustav Klimt's The Kiss as well as some other small treats. I've placed them in red frames to match my framed koi paper. My stress levels are too highly dependent on what happens in Veronica Mars.
Sat in one of Jess's art classes today, playing with her markers that smell like happiness. She kidnapped me from my museum trip to her house for a drippy chocolate doughnut and warm tea (for some much needed chitchat). I've decided to stay up until I have a thousands words of information for my HOA term paper. There's something so thrilling about staying up late on a weeknight for schoolwork. More tea now will probably make me wired like a Christmas tree, but I fear it's necessary — I'm falling asleep at the keyboard. I blame it on the black sweater.
God bless FineTune, the answer to my father's no-downloading rule, my problem thereof. I've been listening to earworm songs since last night, the really embarrassing ones, and taking ceaseless pleasure in it. He called at nine and I got up to unlock the door for him. Battlestar Gallactica is the best show ever; blows my mind every time (we watched three episodes). Managed to take notes on all my book sources for HOA and went over my English essay with him to make sure it wasn't (total) nonsense. Song of the week: I Hear The Bells Mike Doughty — Veronica Mars.
She's officially the first one of us to leave the nest, even if it's only into her sister's basement. When I got there around seven-thirty she was already all settled it in her new shag-pad. We played a guitar-oriented video game for a while (at which I was inept), and then settled down into The Italian Job. It's good that she is exuding this independence, and we approve whole-heartedly. My jaw ached up a storm, and he was waiting for me at home so I called it an early night, but it was good to spend quality time with them.
Hip-hop workout at church was fantastic. I know I had my reservations, but wow. He brought his mom to church today, which was interesting. I felt like I was being naughty, but I really wasn't. He told me she was going to come to lunch. You guys are too cute! Are we really? She didn't end up coming. He took me to Amir's and then dragged me around Angrignon mall looking for shoes: my jaw hurt, he was frustrated. Things didn't clear up until right before he left. I'm happy though, because he's picking me up after my Wednesday classes.
Started studying poetry in English, and this is what I got out of spontaneous, collective 'modern poetry': HOA TERM PAPER NOVEMBER SIXTEEN ENIGMA CANTALOPE PENGUIN, FLASH DANDYLION TOUCH PRECIPICE, UNEQUIVOCALLY NEEDING TOE NAIL LICKING PREPOSTEROUS! BREAK HANDS THIS IS N OT A POEM IT DOESN'T EVEM RHYME FOUL EXTRAVAGANT GLORY &MACABRE (Experts picked from my own mind, and the minds of my classmates) PO.ET.RY /poh-i-tree/ —Noun 1. The art of rhythmical composition, written or spoken, for exciting pleasure by beautiful, imaginative, or elevated thoughts. 2. Literary work in metrical form; verse. 3. Prose with poetic qualities. (Definition courtesy of Dictionary.com)
I couldn't dance tonight because I'm still too sore from hip-hop. I might be brewing a cold to. I really can't afford to get sick now: lousy timing. I'm almost finished my biggest term paper, but I'm losing momentum — I feel it, I'm not enthused. But it always gets more difficult near the end; conclusions make my heart sad. I should really get to bed early tonight, but I'm always so wired after I've worked all night. Did I mention that I'm still on Alesse? Apparently the pharmacy got a shipment in right after that guy called me. (heave sigh)
Woke up feeling sickly this morning. Fantastic. It got better during the day though. I got my mouth guard during lunch today. It feels wonderful wearing it; it takes so much pressure off my jaw. Met up with him after English, and then we ran into his mother and Mary. I almost choked on my chocolate bar (that he got me). We got to 'serious talk' for a bit, which felt really good, and I finished my term paper too. I'm so exhausted right now because Dad arm-twisted me into watching GG and VM with him last night. Smart. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Welcome to a full-fledged cold. My head feels enormous. My sinuses were so swollen today that I had to run out of my POA class cause I kept gagging. So attractive. Handed in my baby though, and it feels incredible. Cough, cough. I have a ton of homework to dig into this weekend, plus social events to manage&maybe. Emma's been watching Sailor Moon all week now, and it's making me so nostalgic. I remember I'd come home after school and watch it while having my snack. Or I'd watch it super early at my babysitters. Cough, cough. Sniff. So nostalgic.
Spent my morning at the walk-in clinic. He sat with me for three hours before work and the doctor only had to look at me for two minutes before deciding I had a sinus infection. Antibiotics and a nasal spray later, I'm home now preparing a friend's birthday card. I'm determined to go, at least for the surprise! part. I'll take a nap first and everything will be fine. He doesn't want me to go and overexert myself, but I feel it's important. I'm sure I'll be fit as a fiddle by Monday. You know&I've never really understood that expression&
The antibiotics the doctor gave me yesterday made me throw up for two hours straight this morning. I'm totally wrecked, still nauseous as hell. Haven't been able to touch my weekend homework, which has turned me into 'anxiety central'. I've spent most of the day sleeping it off and watching movies, with him watching over me as usual. Needless to say I can't take anymore of the medication, which pisses me off. I don't know how I'm going to manage all my work this week& siÃƒâ€šÃ‚Â·nusÃƒâ€šÃ‚Â·iÃƒâ€šÃ‚Â·tis — noun 1. Inflammation of the sinuses or a sinus, especially in the nasal region.
My abs are killing me. What a work out. To make myself feel productive I got up (with difficulty) and showered, tidied my room, started my French homework, and emailed my teacher asking her to give me an extension for my oral presentation. I'm about to put on a movie and finish up my French assignment before taking a short nap. I have another doctor's appointment to get me new antibiotics (that won't make me wretch). I need to paint today for Flood's class, and pick out my black and white for Eva's project&3 weeks until the end of term&
Wearing cherry lip-gloss is yucky, but it feels so good on my chapped lips. Finished my ugly blue monochromatic landscape today and I couldn't help but like it when my little sister showed me off to her friend: she's a real artist, isn't that amazing! I felt all warm and ego-stroked. I have mastered talking in my mouth guard, which for some odd reason I'm proud of. Good news: the new antibiotics don't make me puke. Fantastic. I'm not on top of all my work, but that's okay. A little Nyquil here and there and it'll all turn out fine.
I've finally finished my landscapes, yet she still kicked up a fuss when I left half an hour early. It makes the class restless. I left anyway. I really need to get to my self-portrait though. My outline needs to be completely finished by Tuesday because I need to spend all class painting. She's gone so far as to say she's keeping me all of next class. We'll see. Francis face-modeled for us for forty minutes! instead of just ten in Eva's class this morning. It was hysterical; we were on the floor contemplating the complexities of his nose aloud.
Eleven months have passed and we're starting to feel the pinch. This whole partial relationship thing, which face it- that's what it is- is driving us nuts. He was in really bad shape for a while tonight, and it breaks my heart. I just fail to see how this is still necessary and not just cruel and unusual. Six months left to go, and it just feels so long to wait for the inevitable. Whatever. I'm just so tired now; I could sleep for a year. I'm not even going to stay up to watch one of my guilty pleasures.
Lost my cool this morning. How embarrassing. I make an effort not to, it makes things easier. She loves talking about how cute it is, but I don't laugh. It's not funny or cute. It's just the way things are. Luckily HOA was the right medicine, how bizarre. Tara's urges lead to oatmeal cookies, and nothing but good can come from that. She brought in a veggie cooking magazine that we poured over in the dark while Frumkin showed slides of Notre Dame de Paris. Called him to apprize him of the situation; it'll be good to see him tomorrow.
What a glorious day of not doing my homework. Watched a What-Not-To-Wear TLC marathon and drank in uneventful-ness. Caught up on personal hygiene, and mental rest. Since last weekend was a total write-off, I took the liberty of saving all my work for tomorrow and Sunday. I'm nervous for dance practice; I feel like I'm always one step behind the others. I'll have to practice tonight or something to make up for missing. Spent a bunch of time on YouTube looking up Veronica Mars videos. My favorite was set to the song Naked as we came by Iron & Wine.
Spent the day depressed over my silly self-portrait for Flood. It's the worst thing an artist can do to themselves: you end up doubting your self-image AND your artistic skills. I ended up pulling weeds with dad to clear my head. I swear he must've asked me if 'he' was coming over, over twenty times. He did come over, for dinner actually. I was babysitting the girls while mom, dad and Debbie went to a fundraiser dance. My cousin Gabe came over after he left, and we took the time to catch up while I worked on Eva's home assignment.
Dance, dance, dance. Stretch, pull, slam. Breathe. Side to shoulder, side to shoulder, and around two, three, four, five, six (and up with the arms) seven and eight (hands down hard on the right leg). And dive and dive and dive! He didn't come to church with me so I sat with Christa. The sermon was good, but boy o boy was the worship incredible. I haven't felt wonder like that in a long time. I wanted to go up to the guy who led today to tell him, but I decided against it. I sent a telepathic thank-you instead.
Caffeine withdrawal this morning. You can tell the semester's ending by the stage of my addiction. I haven't had time to stop for a minute today. Practically botched my home assignment — and her face was so pretty! Self-portrait is done&I guess. Working on my French presentation, and that's about as interesting as life gets right now. Work, work, work, work. And Heroes at nine! With his work and my school, caffeine won't be the only withdrawal to worry about. Songs for the week: Naked as we came by Iron & Wine. (Still? Re: VM video) and Praise You Fatboy Slim&
Last Visual Expressions class was this morning! How triumphant. My botched lady face earned me a 19/20 too, fancy that! Flood's class was long, but I painted and actually made a dent in the work left to come. I still have to buy origami paper and find hair samples from magazines to collage onto my own. I don't own any magazines. I'm nervous for my French oral tonight, and I can already tell I'll be up late making cue cards for HOA (panic attack). I won't even watch Veronica Mars tonight (gasp) Too tired. I need six words to finish&
Did you know that the Winged Nike, made in 200 ad in Athens, now stands in the Louvre's lobby? Or that in a Romanesque/Gothic cathedral there are three levels called the nave arcade, the triforium, and the clerestory? The New York Kouros was made in 600 bce in Athens; the Abbey Church of St. Pierre is along the pilgrimage route to Santiago Del Compostela in NW, Spain; The Parthenon came before the Pantheon, one being Greek, the other Roman, one being square, the other including a dome; in The Toreador Fresco, 1500 bce, Knossos, the three figures are 'wasp waisted'&
Got home from my last HOA I class ever (final exam went remarkably well) and my jaw was already killing me from the stress. By the time I got home the idea of eating dinner was already unappealing, I knew it would just lead to more pain, but made my way through it; now I have no energy to do my homework tonight, which I know I'll regret later, I know it. Still, I've put my mouth guard in and I'm about to sit down to Grey's Anatomy for a little lie down before trying to paint a little. Zzzzz.
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