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01/01 Direct Link

chickadees towhees squirrel

seeds fly,†

ice melts in sun

projects in play

* 100 words.†

nahaiwromo? maybe as part of 100 words? or

more writing

* alphabet finish pages, compile abecedary info

* rune set carving rune, setting words

* 2nd and 3rd book in FLUXX trilogy, subtraction, circling, ago

* another poem book maybe wooden, or a poem not written

* carving a usable chop for use as a hand stamp, foreground and background

* here.say. blog -- at least one photo per shop day?†

* more music: busker book

* notebook, idea capture

how many ideas got away today

lost to doubt, imagine not knowing how to imagine

01/02 Direct Link

we have added a new rule to the list of† (now 5) tenets and precepts of the secular church of the holy wave

5. follow your intuition;†

it was a year in the waiting, and testing, and was given final go ahead and inauguration on new yearís eve, and since then itís been merrily flapping on a strand of kismet†

intuition not the same as whimsy, or impulse,† but moreso a particular brand of attention to, or maybe away from; a discernment

inuit pp. stem of intueri (see intuition). Meaning ďto perceive directly without reasoningĒ†

01/03 Direct Link

every once in a while his hoarding seems to be our problem, hard to tell if itís because all of that particular sudden we arenít busy enough or if from time to time we need to re-evaluate the itís none of our business stance, taken clearly because heíd rather it be none of our affair and he does not take kindly to our mentioning it, but all that said, when it bubbles to the surface all the reasons we have for saying and doing nothing seem to fall under the not so benign neglect category, hard as that is

01/04 Direct Link
ago not so much lantern wood stove, an about turn wist remembrance paper handwritten notes black&white photos heís had a cold forever, we were young just the other day not so long ago ago not so long ago ago not so long ago where are you, he wanted to know bogged I was, down, stuck in the glue of some of my ohsoimportant (all one breathy eye rolling word) ideas...but I'm coming up for airÖ responsibility, an ability to respond playing is important work working on is important play butandso, we are only good at what we practice
01/05 Direct Link
you were always a busybody she said which she could since sheíd known me forever asif it were true any of it but some would agree, Iíve been den mother and earth mother and freight train youíre like a freight train he said hurt me mightily asif it were true any of it been a bitch witch not a snitch or a rat but I will call your name I believe in blameworthiness and truth is was all true and none of it was now Iím old enough to be all of it and to wear it as fine drag
01/06 Direct Link

so, what about when a project doesnít go the way you think it ought, or is going the way right way but isnít quite right, or you are not doing it as well as you hoped or what if you donít exactly know what you had in mind, or youíre stuck how do you decide, as decide you must, to stop or keep going, how do you resolve it such that it is along the way rather than a failure, to simply abandon a project is to abandon a piece/peace of oneself,†

it must be respectfully pronounced and released

01/07 Direct Link
of whales&men

sea lions in the lip of the wave, no wind
three years later heís talking to me like weíve been talking all along,
whale! short spout half-snort sigh

three white pelicans feeding

and forgodsake my 3rd husband is it seems, he wonít say, divorcing me again---asif Iím in default---for reasons Iím sure never to know last time I patched the quilt of our longtime friendship, this time tired of the game, Iím not sure as my first husband wouldhave said if the hassle is worth the bummer, though he was talking about graduate school
01/08 Direct Link

so they work as in, IT WORKED! with joyous jumping ,this no beginning no end this round about series of book poems which started as ďIím going to make an accordion bookĒ and a flat piece of scrap paper folded in 3 and took on a shape and story of its own still unfolding ohmygod telling untold stories which seem to have a theme as yet not known

and the alive mobius strip with a tale of its own oh for chrissake!†

and while Iím at it, from the middle of the night: ohm is where the hearth is (doubleparaprosdokian)



01/09 Direct Link

weíve always been friends, still are, but something is different now, which weíre settling into,† something has changed now that neither of us are working and both of us are doing what we want all the time;

thereís an ease thatís a whole other part of loving, an easing which is a whole other layer of friendship within the context of a thirtyplus year marriage which always embraced friendship and love but was at times fraught with the complications of growing and changing, needing and wanting, and fear of loss all of which still exist but somehow itís different now

01/10 Direct Link

proud as the full moon marching from my bedroom window to the front room over the yonder tree asif it were my creation or mine as good is it, itís at least as proud

typefaces chosen goudy48pt again for the front face, janson18pt for the center faces and centaur12pt for the poems, poliphilus just too big, taking up too much room, and Iím appreciating the irregularity of the centaur, appreciating its nonlanguishing elegance

a book among other things is a conveyance; is a container of (time and space, for instance) never mind a thematic assemblage; it must be tolerate handling



01/11 Direct Link

and the color thing Iím getting to the bottom of it, which is where it is, in a mixed batch it is the thinnest layer and so I came close to the effect I wanted, the colors of our house, fog and sunlight--the spiral then in gray and the background yellow,†

need to lighten it though, and figure out yet the mechanics of getting it to the paper...looking at it this morning maybe a tip in, or not

did you know to get a lighter yellow you mix in magenta? not so intuitive, yes?

another trajectory to travel

01/12 Direct Link

whatif weíre the Sebastopol 8or9 as the case may be or7 for that matter

are we bound or unbound exemplar or exempted extemporaneous or contemporaneous compos mentis or non†

non unification theory

each with our own 8 x ______ sheet to do with what we might presented in a folio, or box, or sleeve, or envelop or tube, or show, so we are installed

an installation rather than installments†

parallel play

parallelographia

so maybe instead of magazine which is sent out we should be a show which can be catalogued hmm

perfect binding with glue deargodinheaven what have i come to



01/13 Direct Link

so it came together the play, the explorationing of the coulds mights and noways testing the ezrubber cut of the spiral, had been just what made it the rather straightforward if nerve wracking and heady pull that it was, hellyes!

the most time consuming as it ended up was the proofreading not so much spelling errors as mismatched sorts, the wrong dís & nís,† eís a t or 2 and an o upside down on the other side which I didnít see until later, it adds nicely to centaurís regular irregularities

silver spiral, daniel smith black bfk rives,†

beauteous! now folding.

01/14 Direct Link

I think of each of them at different times, as if they†are part of a geography, like Jose was driving on certain streets, or Chuck†a part of listening to the jefferson airplane or helen when I put on my fancy shmancy sunglasses, her time is when I am plucking hairs off my face, it was so† important to her, and not allowed a mirror she couldnot do it alone, and no one else would help her, so it fell to me; she was the one who said to me, thereís lots of love around here, but no hope

01/15 Direct Link

itís a stewardship not a new chore, not a new challenge, but an anxiety just the same, built in and by default, a good steward after all manages among other things anxiety, the tension inherent in any embarcation, it is the unknown, it is the risk taking, it is the expectation, it is the headlong tumblestumb toward outcome, I hope this time to think of it as a grand improvisation, theatre, music, not to mention conversation salted with a taoist sense of simply along a way, the intertwingle of work and play, joyful sweet banging and then, a book

ha!



01/16 Direct Link

ha indeed. if Iím going to sleep for the next three months in fact weíre going to have to add a step--I will need a working proof on a like kind of paper for each page before you actually print a hundred copies...yup. soif I have those no later than mid march or as soon as you can get them to me, I think we can still meet the Mar 30 deadline for print completion

update1 from errati-ohyeswe-can desk

meanwhile I dreamt of ĎOís many ĎoOooOOoooís rolling down the soft hill of the page†

o!my

01/17 Direct Link

interesting to embark on the third of the trilogy, looking through old stuff not knowing exactly what Iím looking for thinking there is a through thread here Iíve not yet quite grabbed hold of

ONCE AGO

AGO ONCE

ago a certain time in the past

ago

not so long ago

orso far away

earlier than the present time

lanterns

woodstoves

prom dresses

photos

checkbook stubs

1976 yearbook

mrs doug clark

i loved him

i didnít know him

impossible

ago just caught up with me

curious donít you think

how long ago is long ago,

how short a short time ago

01/18 Direct Link

nose to nose asif itís no problem

andso that counts as good, itís been a long time coming

not that they always remember or that they even forget I think sometimes

it just doesnít come up, and other times asj,f they never knew they reinvent†

the distrust

thereís a common bond though. and they are a pack. like it or not.

sameĎs true I suppose of a team. or a family.

on the spectrum he said of his team and neurotypicals he called the others, not on his team

important he said to be able to translate

I agree

01/19 Direct Link

following where it is taking me rather than it following my lead yet truth such as it is be told one imagines either way the process is informative, informs contains directs compels has compelled me as if I knew what I were looking for to look through my old poems and finding just the perfect one a sweet if harlequin reflection of a time, a story untold I will use it as backdrop,†

thing is working now on the 3rd of the trilogy I still am unsure of the exactitudes, though clearly it is about redemption in the broadest sense



01/20 Direct Link

too old now to be embarrassed to remember not to tell to remember why I wouldnít have told not altogether true; my masterís thesis didnít pass muster the first time, the second time it was Ďone of the best theyíd ever seení; well that was hard enough and yet it seems itís not the all of it, telling the all of it, no one wants to know the all of it, as in really no one wants to know all the details, only that they could,†

nice try.

vainglory comes to mind. foolís gold.†

the point has been missed.

exploration



01/21 Direct Link

ago

not so long ago

flux turn about 4-1 spiral

no in the beginning

the trees†

the whales†

the songs†

would he remember I still owe him $500.00

or why he left me

why am I picking on him now

no wrong turns

funny how a deadline informs the process of thinking about a blank white page†which just before the imposition of a dead ________ line was full of promise and possibility and now somehow itís a contest which one is doomed to fail as if I have no ideas and certainly none good enough

or not rightnow

01/22 Direct Link

irreverence comes to mind in the worst sense, unmannerly comes to mind

I think we were irreverent and probably seen as unmannerly but I donít remember us being disrespectful, and hello, by that time we were at also out on our own, earning our keep at a local shitjob and going to school and yes smoking dope and protesting the war but on our own dime

ah itís the contempt of familiarity which is throwing families for a loop. not to mention micromanaging otherwise known as helicoptering parents who are hopelessly over involved and otherwise unclear about boundaries and blameworthiness



01/23 Direct Link

backstory is important

ago††not so long ago

loved him didnít know him

impossible

truth. nothing but so†

help me god

no such thing.

truth telling

not true confession

secret

unfolding

un

fold

ing

tell

ing

sec

rets

yes



unwarranted truths

warranted lies

twists

cheap peach

trap part

star rats

sham mash

what is the story Iím looking for

the story Iím making room for

sun comes over the horizon anyway†

I do not remember†

the name of every man†

or woman I slept with is†

not what Iím talking about

unseenly

itís the light of day

Iím looking at


01/24 Direct Link

so, maybe each of these last 5 books need to be, will be, is going to be different, and so the overprint on the backstory page will tell a different story, ahso there is no single truth

1)slut harleQuin

2)loved him

† † never knew him

† † impossible

all in different typefaces

3)or maybe each of those ought to be just one line per book

4)older then

5)younger now

was saw

quest yon

older then

younger now

actually truth told I think this is the first in the series

start with printing the backstory (the title!)

&also unstated



01/25 Direct Link

looking for river truth†

as if it were written in†

the stones,

the old story, fog dragons†

coming & going†

staying or leaving with†

or without names†

I never knew or†

cared to until now

the sun comes over the†

horizon anyway

overlapping stories back and cover inside upstairs and down

gossip, by any other name

telling the story is remembering

not telling the story is not remembering

itís about not forgetting, not dismembering

me as if it were some damn poem

itís all only words

what about porch truth or stove truth or cat potbelly truth

itís still about telling

01/26 Direct Link

stories not told is not the same as keeping secrets or maintaining justthose lacunae, those coves&valleys of privacy sacrosanct but fact is telling stories is how we keep alive how weÖwell grudgingly I use the word...solidify, but in the best sense, and how we remember or know by heart where weíve been and who weíve known who weíve been where weíre known and it allows rather than confines; itís where change starts†

or understanding

andtoo I think of remembering music, and how itís sometimes important to look at the notes even if you know it by heart

01/27 Direct Link

and which stories do you have you wonít you tell over time and which details get left out or underscored which ones change in the telling swerved this way or that by the listeners by others who think their version is true/r and how is it we donít come to tell our every day story after all it is in the every day we live our lives though we let our secrets our shame our stories not told define us rob us because in the not telling we forget what the story was ohdeargod that came out all wrong

01/28 Direct Link

itís that word shame that derailed the trolley, otherwise itís close

anyway everyday stories are the ones which need telling interspersed with those ohmygod I remember the day I had blood on the back of my skirt; or, it took me a long time to realize there were people I didnít even see, nevermind not say hello to when I passed them in the hall; and push come to shove, of course I am bisexual, but back to my first husband, in the not telling stories about him regularly Iíve forgotten salient things---not only about him is the point

01/29 Direct Link

I remembered finally it was about the fun. the journey the exploration the playing with working with pieces which hadnot for whatever reason seen their own light flushed out andthat it was about all good work should be playful and and all good play is instructive, illuminating, inspiring, evocative, encompassing, it elicits

I remembered the rules,† 2)if youíre trying to be cool youíre breaking rule number 1)the best surfers are the ones having the most fun

so there you are.

and beyond that how do you pick 4 representative pieces

you donít. you just go with the flow

01/30 Direct Link

again the business of numbers comes up and again my sense of less is more comes up, I canít extend myself over 100 copies, thatís not hand made, thatís another version of mass produced, and why would I want to do that? at that point itís a fake judi goldberg handmade piece, it loses its luster and youíre less experimental because you have to do it over again so many damned times or something

flaunting the undaunted by the numbers notwithstanding, thankyou cheryl for that but

how many can you do honestly before itís not what it purports to be

01/31 Direct Link

we were just coming to the end of a luxurious bottle of scotch, a gift and wondering how, on a fixed income we could possibly justify buying another, cheap wine is one thing, even for us, cheap single malt scotch another and lo if in the mail didnít come from srmh (where I get my weekly pt for my hands) billing office a check if you please for 62.00. ha!

I even called and told them I thought I was getting off like a bandit, but she assured me her records showed I had overpaid my co-pay, ohwell. líchaim