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02/01 Direct Link
You are about to read about ME. Who's ME you ask? I ask myself the same question sometimes. You're not really the only one that's puzzled. So you're about to read about ME, aren't you bemused and excited! You'll undoubtedly discover that you a) don't know me and now know much more about me, b) thought you knew me and now know that you don't know me or c) you really don't care what you knew or know about me...so you decide which one of those choices you are...and then we'll begin our journey through the life of ME.
02/02 Direct Link
So where should I begin the story of ME? It can take many words, sentences, and paragraphs...pages and pages before you can truly understand what it is to be ME. To be is the way it is. To be is the way I am. So what is ME? ME is the very reason that I am telling YOU about all the things that I never wanted to tell anyone else. ME is about being afraid about what other people think, how they hurt and heal me and how I want to hurt and heal you. Being ME is....tough.
02/03 Direct Link
It's been 17 years now...and I'm now into my 18th year. I'm still the same old ME I was yesterday. Sure I've changed a bit, but haven't we all changed? I've grown physically, emotionally and cognitively in all respects, however I cannot give you an actual measurement of my progress from birth to my 18th year. I can tell you however that as the years have gone by I've made new friends and lost old ones. I've had my heart broken more than once and I've learned that the world is a cold and cruel place for lost souls.
02/04 Direct Link
Today I am sitting in my chair, waiting for you to call me. The hour is ripe and the minutes dissipate and flow into each other. Convoluted. It has been hours since I last heard your voice but it feels like it has been days. You are the reason I get up every morning, you are the reason I do not go crazy. But you are also the reason that I am sad. You are also the reason that I can't deny. The only thing I've ever been sure of in this world. The only thing I ever really loved...
02/05 Direct Link
Today I am back to being ME again. I listlessly immerse myself in the ramblings of daily chatter...the woman standing next to me seems to be so involved in a conversation about genetically modified foods and global warming...I look back at her and smile and nod at timed intervals...following the rise and fall of her speech. In a trance. I wonder how I got into this conversation in the first place, where I became the sympathetic ear to the body standing before me. For I am trapped and I cannot escape from the shackles of human ignorance.
02/06 Direct Link
I feel helpless. I am helpless. I am helpless in your arms. I am weak at your feet and I do not know who I am when I am with you. I lose all sense of certainty and all sense of reality. But I feel safe. I am safe. I am safe in your arms. And all I want to do is meld into the crevice of your neck and stay there in the warm imbuement of you. I feel loved. I am loved. I am loved in your arms. I am loved when I am with you. I am...loved.
02/07 Direct Link
Have you ever noticed that the world just keeps going? The world keeps turning and turning and turning...and the whole world is filled with the essence of him, the thought of him, the knowledge of him. But I can't have it...I can't even touch it...hanging about me like a sweater...but the sweater is full of holes...the sweater is full of holes...full of holes...full of holes. And the world continues turning and turning and turning. And I can't have him. I can't hold him...and it hurts to even breathe because I am afraid of disappearing...
02/08 Direct Link
In my next life I want to be an ant. They never sleep...well except maybe in winter...but that's a technicality. I'm not an insomniac as you may assume...no, I'm not even trying to become an insomniac. I'm just sitting here and typing away at my computer...staring off into space and hoping, wishing and praying that my life will finally figure itself out...I'm so scared of falling asleep...I'm so scared that when I close my eyes I'll lose sight of you...I'll lose sight of the one thing that I never want to let go...
02/09 Direct Link
I am waiting for tomorrow. Waiting for tomorrow. Waiting for tomorrow. And as I stand here and look out the window...out the window...out the window at the crescent moon. Crescent moon to which I have befriended on this cruel night...cruel night...cruel night. When all I can think about is the dreary howl of the wind. Howl of the wind. Howl of the wind. I want you to tell me. Tell me love isn't true...isn't true...isn't true. Tell me that you will still love me tomorrow. Waiting for tomorrow...waiting for tomorrow...waiting for tomorrow.
02/10 Direct Link
I cannot hold on anymore...this mortal coil is my springboard, hanging by the thread of Father Time's beard. The silver songbird chirps to me a sad tune that only I can hear. And I whisper back a reply in the same longing and melancholy. I can't live my life the way you want me to. I don't know where to turn. And I keep running...I keep running to the red door at the end of the forest, but it turns black before I can reach it...and then you appear. You appear and everything is okay again. Everything's okay.
02/11 Direct Link
This is a story about a boy. And I am the lonely girl. Forgive me heaven when I say that I want to change him because I really don't want to change him at all. I just want so badly for him to see, the wonder in everything, the beauty that is in me. What can I do, my heart is torn in two. His hand cold to the touch and there is no where in this life that we can ever belong. Dreams torn from the sky. Eternity in an hourglass. Standing still. How will I ever carry on?
02/12 Direct Link
I'm afraid to close my eyes because I know that when I do all I will see is you. All of my tears lost in the rain, trapped midway between my head and my heart. All the things that I ever wanted shut in a bottle of ambrosia, unattainable. Taken apart piece by piece by the cackling goddess observing me from above. Chained to the root of a catus flower, a tangle web of friendship and lies. Pretending. I shed my skin..the reptile left at the doorstep but I'm still afraid. Afraid to close my eyes....close my eyes....
02/13 Direct Link
I want to fly away from here to a land of the unknowing...to a land of the flying eagles...lifting off into the horizon...lifting off into the setting sun. I spread my wings and sing a long ago song...so sweet like a lullaby...so sweet like a running stream. I am lost under your umbrella. I am lost under a wrinkle in time. I am ME. I am ME. I am ME. I am one with the rising sun. I am one with the falling rain. I am one. I am one. I am one. Just ME.
02/14 Direct Link
The evening gives rise to the indigo moon, pasted onto the black canvas we call the night sky. He is here to hold me. He is here and calls my name and it echoes through me...like the rhythm of the rain. And I run to him...despite the cold heartache and the pain. Now that he has returned, I will never let him go again. Never let him go. The moons are in his eyes...and the heaven's rejoice at his arrival. We are at peace. The world is at peace. The sad little boy found his way back home.
02/15 Direct Link
Yesterday's coffee on the counter, seeping in the morning and remains of yesterday. The wall clock numbers the minutes, and bread crumbs lie there, lifelessly against the Formica counter top. You do not speak. You do not dare to breathe. Languorously poised in the grease of bacon your body still. Your body still. Rigid and sad. You look rigid and sad. Yesterday's coffee dribbles on your lips. Your far-off gaze goes soul searching deep. When will you return to the living. Return to the living. Yesterday's coffee in the back of your mind. Hit rewind. Press pause and hit rewind....
02/16 Direct Link
You are like a puppy sniffing at my trail. I am unable to breathe in your presence. What gave you the privilege, to come here anyway? I never threw you a bone. Never invited you to a playful game of have and have nots. So why is it that you are allowed to rain on my parade? Why is it that I am not allowed to have a little fun without you lapping at my heels? Please heed my warning. I do not like being upset at you. I just need a little space...before I become upset at myself.
02/17 Direct Link
I feel like a grain of sand. Whisked away by the wind. Time passing me by as I stand here in bewildered silence. Trapped in a moment in time, because shadows have shown me...you aren't coming back. They tell me a story about these thoughts that were just for me but aren't mine anymore. Tell me they aren't true. I don't want to believe that they're true. I am a grain of sand. And whatever you want to believe...don't speak. I don't want to say goodbye. Don't want to say goodbye. I'm a grain of sand. Lost in you.
02/18 Direct Link
It's in the palm of your hand. Don't lose it...chances are in my dreams tonight, I'll close my eyes and see it slipping from my grasp. Water droplets suspended on the tips of my fingers...threatening to join its comrades below. And thirstily I part my lips only to find that it's already gone. Suspended above the pool of water, threatening to drop...you did not defy gravity...and you succumbed to the waters of the crowd. Fallen from my grasp...I close my eyes and in my dreams tonight...I see you slipping, suspended in a faraway moment...falling...
02/19 Direct Link
I awoke, but you did not. Floorboards creaked like a sound trying not to make a sound. Your heavy breathing was the only indicator of life. I placed a candle in the centre of a painted circle and stood inside it. Closed my eyes, chanting a Bohemian chant. Still familiar to me. The sound of your voice trapped in mid breath filled the silence. I stood, arms extended in the glow of light. Chanting. I disappear in an envelope of wind. You did not stir. Wrapped in the voice of the Bohemian chant. You will never know that I'm gone...
02/20 Direct Link
There are picture hangers pinned to the walls, they are barren now, not a picture has hung on those lonely hangers for years now. The frames once removed, leaving darkened wallpaper..shadow remnants of the past leaking into the present. There is an echo in the hallway...I thought I heard your voice beckoning me to follow, but it isn't so. Do you remember when there was a picture of us hanging at the top of the stairs? You were defiant and I was humble...we were so different. You were so strong...I thought that you would live forever...
02/21 Direct Link
I am broken on the outside looking in. I am broken just a little. Just a little. Just a little. I am broken on the inside looking out. I am broken just a little. Just a little. Just a little. I am crumbling at the mouth of the raven jaws. Whimpering in the darkness of your raven claws. I am weak at the sight and the thought of you. I am broken just a little. Just a little. Just a little. I lay a puzzle piece down on the terra cotta. Waiting in the silence I am cold and numb.
02/22 Direct Link
She left without word or reason, there's only a trace of her perfume to remind him of her. Moments of yesterday still hanging in the air like an abyss. Her portrait long removed from the faded wallpaper. Forty years have gone by, the interior has changed, but not much else. It's the same smell of her that lingers in the corridors. Her shadow still lives on the walls. Forty years have gone by – she returns – an older woman than he remembered. She returns and tells him not to cry, that it is just her standing in the corridor...just her.
02/23 Direct Link
A weight of oranges lay heavy on my shoulders. Sanskrit hidden in the folds of my skirt where you cannot see them, my hidden language, foreign to my tongue. Pink silks and jade cloths hide me in the dark canopy of nothingness. I can hear voices. I cannot understand them – their words are foreign to me – but I know they are calling to me. The glint of the dagger hangs over your head. I can do nothing but stare through the canopy. I am afraid. Weight of oranges lay heavy. I repeat in a mantra. I have sinned. Mea culpa...
02/24 Direct Link
I look into your face and something seems changed. I am staring at a blank canvas. You stare back at me with as much indignation as you could muster. My eyes dart across your face in search for words. I cannot speak. You stare blankly at the world like you are walking through it as if you were drowning. There is something melancholic about the shape of your lips. You are hollow. I cannot bring myself to take your hand nor do I dare look into your eyes again. I want to run with you. I want to save you.
02/25 Direct Link
Confessions of a female spinster

I am afraid. I am afraid of falling in love because I do not know if you will love me in return. This is my greatest fear. There is nothing I fear more than not being loved in return, failure or pain cannot even compare. I am afraid of the silence that will mar our relations. The awkward stares and pauses in our speech, I am afraid of those as well. When did things get so complicated? When did I begin this fear that my heart will be left in the bitter silence of numbness.

02/26 Direct Link
Meko, the boy that fell out of the sky looked like a cherub plucked of his wings. His body bent into a squatting position to conceal his nakedness. He didn't conceal himself with ornaments of nature. The earth seemed imperfect against the flawlessness of his body. The blue-grey of his eyes danced around in wonderment. It was not long before I discovered that he could speak. A voice as fluid as a flutist's melody escaped from his lips. His childlike gestures accompanied the melody of his words as if he were orchestrating the movement of his lips. I was awestruck.
02/27 Direct Link
Sonorous. That is how I would describe you in one word. I never realized that until you opened your mouth to form the sound of your first "Hello". The way your lips looked at the end of that word, I could catch a glimpse of the gleam of ivory and the pink of your tongue. Who would have know the power of that simple word...the knowing smile that you gave me. Even your eyes could not have stolen me away. Your baritone vocal chords. Sonorous. I could sleep to the sound of your voice. You had me at "Hello."
02/28 Direct Link
Men have an earthworm, a creature that lives on them. He does not try to hide himself from the mouth of the dirt mound. He does not shy away from the gaping hole before him. It beckons to him.

He spends his whole life looking for the right tunnel to enter.

Women have a hole in them, one in which the earthworm would like to call his own. He wants a place to hide. He marks his territory with his "scent". Afraid that others would try to steal from him.

For now he is safe.

For now he is home.