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There are stories that you are unaware of and many you'll never hear. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. Sometimes my lips can't form the words and your ears are not ripe with the intent to listen. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. I like to talk to the moon. She doesn't need to hear the words to know how I'm feeling. She doesn't need to show that she is listening. She knows my faults. She knows my faults. There are stories that I will never tell you. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
Take me away from the sun. Take me away from the mountain rain. I wonder where the strawberries grow. I wonder where they grow. Take me away, take me away from here. I don't want to hear the voices, the anger and the yelling. I don't want to hear the voices, the anger and the yelling. Take me away, take me away from here. I know that you're out there somewhere. Can you hear me calling you? Take me away from here, take me away from here. I want the silence to fall over me. Take me away from here.
There's something wonderful about email, in that you never really have to talk to a person. With a telephone you risk having the other person pick up and then you would have to start a conversation. *ding* that's the sound of new mail *ding* there's another one in my inbox. I don't believe in email addiction, there's no such thing. I broke up with my last girlfriend via email. I still remember my message:
Catherine, We should see other people. Nick.
She never replied back. My current girlfriend is in cyberspace. I have yet to see her face in binary.
I saw you last night on the television and in my mind I was making love to you. I don't know why I was thinking of you in that way. It's not right. I know it's not right. I remember when watching television was to escape into a world that I didn't belong in. I just wanted a place away from reality. Now I can escape but I don't like this world either. You're in it and it bothers me to find you here. It's not right. I know it's not right. But I keep coming back. Back to you.
Smile. I remember your smile and it was your smile that I fell in love with. I recall it so vividly that it infects me. It's so infectious. Your smile. I remember your smile. The way it tugs on your face so effortlessly. Just so effortlessly. Is your smile just for me? It seems like a secret. Just for me. Just a gift that you give to me. A gift just for me. Your smile. I remember your smile and it was your smile that I fell in love with. It was your smile that I fell in love with.
Just another love song. One that I sing to you. It's just another love song that I've written for another person that I love. There have been so many paths that I have tried to follow but they've all led me in the wrong direction. Just another love song. Another love song for you. I'm not sure what my heart is trying to tell me. The world is just another love song that I want to sing to you. I think now I've found a home. Just another love song. Another love song that I want to sing to you.
Today I will find the rainbow and it will be my saving grace. Today I will find God's promise close to me. I don't know where I am sometimes and I don't know who to follow. I lose myself to the nothingness without a pause. Grant me this healing vision, a promise that you will one day return. Grant me something to hold on to for I need to know there is someone that will watch over me. Grant me this promise of infinity. Today I will find God's promise close to me. Today I fill find His eternal promise.
When will this feeling stop and the world stop spinning with it. Don't you know what I'm feeling, this feeling that I have for you. Why won't the room stop spinning? Why won't my heart stop going *thump* *thump* *thump*? This is what's going on. When will this feeling stop? Tell me...tell me...tell me...when tomorrow comes will I feel the same way? When will this feeling stop and the world stop spinning with it. I can't stop myself from falling. I can't stop myself from falling. My heart goes *thump* *thump* *thump*...all over again...all over again...and again...
Lady Luck is surrounded by three men at the blackjack table. It's their turn to put a little faith into their cards. She smiles sweetly at the dealer and Vernon slips an ace into his deck. Jerome switches his ten of clubs for something else up his sleeve. Carl just drools as he oggles the woman in the next table with large breasts. The deed has been done. Luck is now beaming. It appears that they're going to win a shit load of cash tonight. Thank Lady Luck, she's the one that's got the reigns of Fortune in her hands.
Cats and cradles, moonpies and fiddlehead. I wonder what the story is behind the sycamore tree. Mother Goose will read you a story when you have drifted off into sweet slumber. Is there a greater joy than the remembrance of childhood? Awake my little one and dry your eyes. There are no sleepy games of charades being played here. Dream a little dream of me. Dream a little dream of me. Little weeple and tiny streamlets. Come and gather around. I know you are here my little one. Be safe in your dreams tonight. Be safe in your dreams tonight.
Simple. My little world is crumbling and is not even close to becoming that one word. I have tried with all my might be make things simple again. I've failed. Oh, how I've failed. Simple. The world is not like that. The world is harsh and cruel and things are never simple. I do not know what there is, and there does not seem to be anything to help. All this running is not the answer. But it is the only answer that I know. I crash, I fall, I burn. But life is never simple. Not for one second.
Sully doesn't know why his son won't talk to him anymore. He's convinced that it's something that he's done, but he's not sure what it is. His wife doesn't come to visit him anymore, but this other woman, a very kind one, visits him often. He can't remember her name, he just knows that she is warm and friendly. The kind woman takes him out for walks sometimes and points things out to him. He likes that. Sometimes Sully gets really tired and doesn't know where he is. That scares him. When that happens, the kind woman begins to cry...
It's nice to have someone to love sometimes. When you get that warm and tingly feeling (at least that's what I think you get) I only get that from the movies. It's like those christmas specials they put on and you're supposed to get this warm and tingly feeling when you watch them. I wonder if that's how it's supposed to feel like. You know, to be in love and to love someone. Is that how it's supposed to be. Filling me up to the brim with warmth? It would be nice to know...it would be nice to know...
You don't know how it feels to be me. What it's like to be all alone and cry in the middle of the night. You can try, but you can't understand. You're lying. I know that you're lying. You don't know how it feels to be me. How everything is just a constant reminder of how everyone else is happy when I am not. To feel that everything is falling farther and farther away from me. You don't know how it feels. You try to understand, you pretend you do, but you don't know how it feels to be me.
I am weak when it comes to love. How is it that I can fall into it over and over again, coming out scratched and torn, stained and broken. You are my weakness, my eternal weakness. Dropped a million feet through air, I am barely breathing. My weakness, you are my only weakness. I pray you take my heart kindly. I am weak when it comes to love. Falling over and over again. Scratched, torn, stained, broken. I am weak when it comes to love. Scratched, torn, stained, broken. I am weak. I am weak when it comes to love.
The music is loud and the heat is on. It doesn't take long for the room to be yours. All eyes are upon you as you take the stage. They chant your name in a sort of mantra. It's you they want. It's you they want. There are faces in the crowd you can't focus on, these are your followers. You smile at no one in particular, taking a deep breath. The words find their way into the music. They now sing along with the senseless lyrics. All eyes are upon you. It's you they want. It's you they want.
Take these hands, old and wrinkled and let them be your map of wisdom. They have suffered, they have struggled, they have made you bread and given you water. These are the hands that have wiped away all your tears, the ones that you shed when you thought no one was looking. These are the hands that have healed your wounds. A wondrous road map of everything that you have lived through. Of happiness and sadness, healing and suffering. These are the hands. These are the hands. These are hands, old and wrinkled, let them be your map of wisdom.
Forget to breathe, these are my words to you. The early sun will rise and my love, dreams will be able to take flight again. Not a worry hanging in the sky, not a tear that you should cry. Take a ride on cotton candy. Forget to breathe, these are my words to you. Take a ride on a lullaby and may worries melt away. Forget to breathe, these are my words to you. My words of love to you. The drops of evening stars will guide you on your journey. Forget to breathe...forget to breathe...forget to breathe...
You are the love that got away, a love I shall never know. I wish that I wasn't so naive in my youth, but I can't change what has come to pass. I look at you now and my stomach still does flip flops, this is how you have affected me. You are the love that got away, a love I shall never know. If only I wasn't so naive in my youth, maybe there could have been possibilities. You are the love that got away, a love I shall never know. You still make my stomach do flip flops.
Christmas lights are being hung everywhere and the neighbours already have them lit. I like to see the pretty lights when I drive by the houses. There are so many different colours: red, green, blue, yellow. Some of them are flashing, others are just ornate. All of them beautiful. The evergreen tree on the front lawn is twirled in them. It reminds me of stars. The house is also stringed with lights as well...the whole street seems to light up. The Christmas holidays is the only part of the year when everything from heaven looks like it's on Earth.
Your coffee cup is on the counter; you like it black. I fill it up every morning, even though you're gone, I still make you a cup. I don't know how you do it, every day you get up and you just seem to breeze through life without a worry, without a care. Why do I end up struggling? I have to fight to get through the day. How do you keep things so simple? I don't know how you do it. I wonder what you're doing now...if your life is as simple as black coffee—without cream, without sugar.
Take this glass and make it half full, or half empty. There is little time left in the hourglass. I leave you with these words, do not worry about the weather. You have so much to live for, do not listen to them when they call you a failure. I do not know how your perspective is. Make sure you see both sides of the story before you come to a conclusion. I warn you of the corruption of mankind. There is little time left in the hourglass. Do not worry about the weather, everything is going to be fine.
Dear ME...what the hell is wrong? It seems like all the world has suddenly shrunk onto the head of a pin and I am the only one on it. I know there are people out there that love me. Yes, I do know that I'm really not alone...but why do I still feel that everyone has left me? On this head of a pin...on the edge of nowhere...where are you? I know you're out there somewhere...I know you're looking for me...but why can't you find me. Why does it feel like there's no one around...
I'm listening to "How Deep Is Your Love"...it's a Bee Gees greatest hit, but the guy I'm listening to isn't one of the Bee Gees...he's just an Asian singer and I find his version of the song so much better...but the slight accent is a bit annoying, but his English isn't so bad...it's nice...the song I mean..."I know your eyes in the morning sun, I feel you touch me in the pouring rain, and the moment that you wander far from me, I wanna feel you in my arms again...how deep is your love"...
Have you ever listened to "The One You Love" by Glenn Frey...for some reason I feel like the lyrics mean something to me even though I have never been in a relationship before. The song is about a girl that doesn't know who she loves...she is with one guy but is still hanging on to her old love...sigh...there is no way that you can have two guys in your life...well as lovers anyway...I wonder why songs are usually about a girl having trouble with love...is it because love is everything to a girl?
Are you going to go back to him even though he made you cry? Why do you do this to yourself? He's just going to hurt you again...he's just going to take advantage of you again. You don't need him anymore...but you still run back to him...you still run right back to him...you cry and you still run back to him. I don't know why you can't stop yourself from falling into his arms again...I don't know why you can't keep on going without him....you can't run back to someone that doesn't love you...
You didn't get any presents this year: the tree is bare and there's not even a lump of coal in your stocking. It seems that Santa has forgotten to make the trip. Little did you know that Christmas was cancelled this year due to Santa's untimely death. You discover this and become very sad because you spent hours making a VERY special and specific wish list for Santa, only to have it ignored and tossed aside. You're crushed. The elves blame you. Why you ask? Because you told Santa that you were good this year...he died laughing...tee hee...
Who is going to love someone like me? The answer is no one. The answer is no one. The answer is no one. Who is going to love someone like me? The answer is no one. The answer is no one. The answer is no one. Who is going to love someone like me? The answer is no one. The answer is no one. The answer is no one. Who is going to love someone like me? The answer is no one. The answer is no one. The answer is no one. The answer is no one. There's no one...
I miss the feeling of happiness, I wonder where it went. It seems like it just disappeared one day and never wanted to come back. I wonder where it is hiding and will it ever come back? I miss the feeling of happiness because now I only feel the clouds of lingering sadness. Why is this? I do not know...happiness just disappeared one day and never wanted to come back...I miss the feeling of happiness...where are you? The heavy hole in my heart is an old wound reopened again...an old wound that has not yet healed...
I don't want you to ask questions because I don't know the answer to any of them even though I should. I don't know why I'm sad...I don't know why I'm happy...I don't know why I'm crying...I don't know why I'm smiling...I don't know...I don't know...but I do know when my heart is hurting...I do know when my heart is singing...I only know what I'm feeling...but I can't explain why I feel that way...so for every tear I shed and every smile I beam...I cannot give you a reason...
This will be the last entry for a little while. It's been a year now and since then a lot has happened and a lot has changed. I'm not the same person I was last year. I don't think I've learned much and I still have my few vices. I have made friends and learned that some were not very good ones. I've learned a bit more about myself. I haven't gotten any taller, still as short as ever. And despite all the changes I'm still a lonely girl, that hasn't changed yet. And I still have a silly dream...
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