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Don't know why I thought of writing in, but probably it seems the only way to open up myself to the world and more so, an opening into my own inner world. Its strange that how at times we just want to lose ourselves to an unknown force and yet try finding our selves only once we have truly lost ourselves. It just drives me mad! This whole feeling, the dichotomy, the confusions, frustrations, mixing of emotions! Why couldn't things be any better, any simpler? Its almost seems like God's having some real fun up there, watching the ping-pong balls.
There's a long road ahead, but what the eyes see are just thick layers of fog, stubborn not to make way. It just seems impossible. But there is an awareness of the need to carry on. As the night gets thicker and darker, the morning comes closer. It's the challenge to go on, without looking back. The pull forward and the push backwards are just as strong as the urge to stop and just go off to sleep. Unanswered questions, Unfinished thoughts, an Unreal love, Un-understandable realities! Unkept promises!! There's a Dream. Nostalgia - the smell of the days gone by...
The movie, the coffee and then the cold coffee!
Those look in the eyes, So much said and yet so much more to be heard. Love is a strange feeling, hard to explain. But surely, a lot of you out there know what I am talking about. I mean everything just seems so different.There's a reason to move on, to look forward to something. Everyday is a new day. Every second has a revised meaning to it.
The music from the ballet class just faded away, the clock needed to stop right there.
wish all this could stay forever!
Today lets just talk about me. I mean this is the first time I am actually trying to put myself literally into words. Though it sounds a little crazy but should be fun.
Mad, bold, dumb, smart, blue, pink, workaholic, chilled out, friend, lover, hurt, happy! All this is what I like to believe that others believe about me. But now if I have to this job of describing myself to you, as in, what I think about myself??????????Oops!
Words, feelings, emotions, tears, smile, kid, mature, reliable, irresponsible, instinctive, passionate! Incorrigible! What am I, who am I, complete, incomplete, human...
A broken heart, a betrayed love, a waiting lover
When faith ends and the heart pains
Without the clouds and the season
It just rains and rains and rains!
A force, the unseen mystery, the hidden powers
Is it the sea, the wind, sound or sight?
Never through the naked eyes, only with a pure heart
I seek answers in the silent night.
The unsolved puzzles, these questions without an answer,
Always hovering and churning in my soul
Will there be a day of understanding,a day of revelation?
Only then,when true light enters, do I sleep in peace.
Started reading Paulo Coelho's
... completely engaging and simply mind blowing! It was like one deep breath in, before I halted at page 93.Everything sounded so real, I mean, one can! Ok! Maybe not everyone but at least I could relate to so many things. The search for a "true love-, the dream of the ideal home with an ideal family. The truth, that deep down all of us know of an ever-consuming vacuum. The insecurity which haunts anyone who pledges to live life on his or her own terms. Not even past half the book, I got thinking...
... Like I said, it got me thinking! I was left with a feeling of internal satisfaction, the thirst being quenched, answers beginning to be found and a Connection. A connection that binds each of us to another. Not through the physical but with something else. A connection, which stretches farther than a circle of friends, colleagues, family...beyond our realms of daily interactions. Maybe, it's the realization of being equally human and being equally fragile. A link of our common desires and needs.
A thread of emotions, which knows no boundaries of color, class, borders or even sex and age.
Is love really a game? Playing the right tune at the right time! A manipulation, always understanding what drives the other! How to keep the other person interested, not letting him / her astray. Is this love at all or sheer vanity? Wasn't love supposed to be above all this?
"5 tips to keep your woman going-, "5 don'ts in new Love-! Is it really that shallow? Or is it just a phase in my life where everything appears so dark and hollow.
As a teenager I read "Real love lifts you-. I still want to believe that.
Walked into a cafÃƒÆ'Ã‚Â© for lunch. While I munched my croissant and sipped the cold coffee, I looked around. An old couple walked in. The lady took a chair while "the man"went to get the food. "Sweet"I thought. Another couple walked in. This time the lady persisted that the man shouldn't "astray"and stays with her to choose from what she thought they should eat. The man takes a seat. She decides. Two "hunks"walk in. No one acknowledges them. They walk out. Three minutes later, they walk in again. Now with two "babes-. "Quite interesting!"I grinned.
Often in the silence and calm of my room,
I sit, with this pen in my hand, to say it all out.
An overflow of emotions, but no words seem enough.
A feeling deep within; Hard to explain.
The voice of the soul needs to be heard and spoken
Not by another but by me, alone.
A search, an exploration, a look within.
Insecurity! Yet an urge to carry on.
A quest to conquer the demon, to answer the unanswerable.
The furiousity to surge forward, to lead and win.
To Dance to an unheard tune, the music of my heart.
It was a cloudy afternoon; the sky was clear yet quite unclear. Slightly dusty, I think! When I stepped outside of my class, it was almost evening. I was waiting for someone. And I stood outside, still waiting. No one came! The weather began to change. The breeze that was till now "romantic-, started to get rough. And I rushed towards my car. It had never happened before. I mean, he would always come and wait for me with those longing eyes. Something was wrong! I had to leave now. I left.
It poured heavily, but left me dry,Forever!
Saw both of them cuddled in together, warm and snug. Though the softer one out of the two seemed a little restless, the companion was quite comfortable, well at ease. The former shuffled from side to side but nothing really worked. Finally, she decided to get herself company. She started by snuggling in harder, the latter seemed a little disturbed but yet unmoved. He had done enough of a
hard day's work
A lot of wet, soft kissing carried on, lip-to-lip, cheek-to-cheek. And finally the former felt the warmth and the heat and slept off too...
...My housedogs! Simply Adorable!
There's a world out there I want to see. And there's a world within me, I need to explore! I understand now, that life is like that vast sea, which when seen from a distance, looks smooth and calm, but the closer one gets to it, the rougher it is. The quiet appearance coaxes many to leave the safe shore and travel deeper, when suddenly one of those unseen, wild waves come and devours them, forever!
Yet the thirst to see those depths. Even if I don't come back alive, I would still carry the experience. A quest, forever quenched!
Nobody is born brave! Or Strong, or Principled or Successful or even a Failure for that matter. It's just the way life takes on us and, more importantly, the way we take on life. Life's a journey, and its zigzag paths are what shape us. The courage to live life on your terms, do the things you truly want to do, being truly who you want to be; is what decides one's weakness or strength.
To be or not to be-?
"We have one shot at life, face it and smile back at it.
All of us are born brave!
I have been feeling so hungry since the time I woke up today; it's just not funny! It seems like one of those days when you start munching and then after every half hour you keep feeling hungry. And then there are days when you don't feel hungry at all. Guess, we humans have quite a strange system inside. Recently I have been resting quite a bit since the last one week and after working hard for almost three years now, it feels quite good as well as strange. Maybe the body is trying to accustom itself to the changes.
That day when I saw you for the first time,
Without saying a word you said it all.
When you held my hand, and pulled me towards you
I could feel your smell; with every breath I took you in.
There were colors all around, an unheard music.
And we just danced and danced and danced.
It was hard to leave behind all there was,
To follow a stranger into a stranger's land.
But there was trust and faith, and the truth of my heart
That said I knew you even before I knew myself.
Still don't know what love is...
Has anyone ever heard of a dog that just goes bonkers by the smell of mangoes? Indian summers (especially for the northern part of the country) cannot be complete without an entire season of juicy, delicious mangoes. Interestingly, the varieties keep changing within every fifteen days or so. Talking about dogs! The fifth member of our family, a mixed cocker (the fourth being a basset hound) craves for mangoes far more than she would even for meat. In some desperate situations she has even taken the risk of jumping over the chair, on the table, to satisfy her taste buds.
Words like Ãƒâ€šÃ¢â‚¬Ëœdoing what your heat says'; "following your dreams,"sound hollow today. It all sounds great in inspirational stories and poems.
One of those days when your heart and mind constantly clash with each other. On the inside there is a loud tussle going on and the louder it gets inside the more silent I become on the outside. The "dreamer"within me seems tired and worn out. Wants to give in to, what for the world, is the "truth of life-. Follow the path traversed by others and not by my heart.
Hope the morning sees me stronger!
Are we scared of dreaming? Or are we just too scared that are dreams may never come true? I might not be the right person to say this, maybe none besides one's own self, is the right person to comment on anything like this. But over a period of time I have come across some people, some successful people, who after achieving all the "right things"at the "right time"in their respective lives, look back and say "I wish I had...-.
That's the last thing you want to do; better to pay a price today then to regret later!
He wore a decent shirt, a pair of un-torn trousers, spectacles and had a specific style of carrying out his job. He went from car to car sticking his palm next to the window. Constant knocking at the glass approached me; I looked to look away.
"I am hungry-; "rs 89/--was all I grasped in the quick interaction. To my surprise he stuck his face next to the window, his eyes piercing through the glass. A subtle brutal force from the elbow was pushing my side view mirror back, an unmistakable effort to break it.
It was a clear threat.
Was reminded of a friend today. Someone so full of life and energy, so raw and so real, so passionate and so daring, someone who believed in her dreams so much that she would give you the power to believe in yours. Each day of her life she danced to her heart's tune. Danced intensely and madly!
And one day the mishap happened and she was gone. Gone! As if she was never there. A silent affirmation that life changes every second.
Life is every second yet once.
Listen to your hearts music before the musician stops playing his flute!
The music of the heart, un-understood rhythms
The sound of the rain, outside the window
Thunderstorms in the sky, within my heart.
Walking the shore, footprints left deep under
The far sea looks still, while wild waves crash on the shore
Like lovers breaking in love, crashing in each other's arms.
Trees dancing, fierce, the fear of loosing their roots
Caressing the branches, entwined and entangled
It's the wind, the madness of nature, spares no one!
What's life without a risk, without burning in this fire?
The screeching within, seldom heard outside
Marks of the flame left for a lifetime!
Sometimes I feel so lonely and blue...
Sometimes all is dark and grey,
but the moon in the lonely, dark night still smiles, shimmers and shines.
Sometimes the past seems to suck me in with all its tentacles reaching out to me,
but then there is a dream I wont let go off.
Sometimes there is pain and lack of love,
but then a realization of how someone else felt when I did wrong.
Sometimes everything appears false and phony,
yet there is an undeniable truth underlying every lie.
Sometimes there is mistrust and tears...
...Then there's a baby's smile.
There's nostalgia in the air. A lack of love and a need for love. Missing a friend who would understand me, when I wouldn't even say a word.
Busy in our difficult walks of life, sometimes we leave behind the most precious assets of our life; people who love us and whom we love. Tonight I feel helpless and self-bound, apprehensive and lonely. There's a large vacuum, an emptiness! A few tears, one more lonely night of dismay and despair, prayers and questions, eventual surrender to the never-ending, unanswered emotional struggle and some restless sleep. The ritual!
Tomorrow's another morning...
Today there isn't much I would want to talk about. A regular, routine day, actually more on to the boring side. Spent a lot of time troubling my dogs at home. Guess both of them fought over food last night, but they seemed all right by the morning. I think they Ãƒâ€šÃ¢â‚¬Ëœpatched up'! Discovered that one of them actually has really beautiful, brown eyes. Deep enough to inspire some beautiful poetry out of them. A lazy, hot afternoon! Just wanted to lie around, sleep and watch TV, even the flowers and the birds seemed to have sunk in the heat.
Nature, so beautiful yet some times extremely frightful! Its mysteries, never understood by the simple human mind. It seems the more I see of it, the less I know about it. If one thinks about each day of our life I believe that there wouldn't be a day in one's life, when nature wouldn't have surprised us, either pleasantly or unpleasantly. Sometimes we notice the little things, and sometimes completely forget about them. Dreams, supernatural powers, other planets, calamities...there are questions, rather a curiosity, but no answers.
It feels strange yet powerful to be a part of this great dynamic.
Alone in this room, all I think of is you. I dream,
Deep down in the valley, there are waterfalls and springs,
White roses and the rainbows. Loved and caressed we stay.
In my memories, embedded deep within my thoughts, yet
The distance, and so much pain. The heart is sour, eyes numb
Longing every night, with a trickling tear and the dream awake, I sleep!
Love makes you complete, yet always so incomplete.
The pain pierces lower, from the heart to my soul, down to my core.
Still with each breath I feel you, every sound is your footstep.
She lay on the bed, with her stomach lying flat, her back towards the ceiling, her beautiful, brown curls rolling all over the pink satin and her face dug deep into the layered pillows. Like a damsel in despair, all through the lonely night, she just wept and wept and wept. There was no more hope, no reason. It seemed that life would just carry on! Like the dark night that becomes still darker and thicker, till the morning comes and draws open the curtains welcoming the sunshine; she wondered if in her life she would ever see the sun again?
There is inspiration, and there is a dream.
A world of my passions and a world of challenges.
At times, no actually at most times, it seems tough and some times quite useless, trying to catch a shadow within my hands. It becomes worse when everyone behind you is screaming at the top of their lungs "its really not worth it!-. There have been times when they have actually reached the tipping point of almost convincing me. But my dreams just seem to be damn stubborn. They just wouldn't budge.
Actually I like them that way...they help me go on!
There were colors everywhere; a breeze of ease and pleasure intoxicated the senses. The blue in the sky seemed to have turned deeper and richer;the world was painted pink. For that one evening,everything was perfect and honest. And truly, the heart didn't desire to see anymore. Even if time wouldn't stop and life couldn't become still, the heart captured the moment intensely enough, enough to last a lifetime!
The power of love!
The relief and the uncertainty, the strength and the failing, the pain and the bliss, the trust and the fear...
... The falling and the rising!
The entire world around me seemed to be doing a wild dance. The trees swung, from side to side. The branches, the flowers, the plants all seemed to have surrendered to the intense power and madness of the storm. No, it was not a welcome dance for the monsoons. It was something else!
It seemed, as if the gods had let loose all control for those twenty minutes. The doors banged, windows shattered, trees fell, the animals hibernated, chairs flew around in gardens like paper aero planes being swished around.
Something unknown had taken over. It was an angry madness!
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