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BY Terry

03/01 Direct Link
I am a man of constant sorrow. I am a man of constant pain. I am a man of constant hope. I am a man of constant heart. I am a man of constrained heart. I am a man in constant arousal. I am mainly a man of constant thought. I am a man of continued heat. I am a man of contempt. I am a man to be concerned about. I am a man corrupted by the pleasures of the flesh. I a man complete. I am a man crying crazy, catholic, cursed by love and consumed by love.
03/02 Direct Link
Last time I dinner by myself and not that I'd call it dinner it was just fuel. Part time web editor full time writer confused conflicted spouse not conflicted parent snow shoveler tie wearer (hates every minute of it) meeting goer (dies a little every moment of it) tries not to snore through it word appreciator love appreaiator missspellere fuck up screw up the whole nine yards the whole no no me the tired of sleeping by himself and not sleeping with someone don't get that and want to get it and the time is growing short to get it.
03/03 Direct Link
Yes no I don't think so can you repeat the question? Can you repeat the act? Can you repeat the motion? Just that one motion? No you don't need to use the lotion. You can if you want to though. Throw me one well not just one but can you start with one? Don't say yes and don't say no just go where you know and go with the flow because I want it to flow I want to feel it flow and flow through me and seep into me and not into my hand but right into my heart.
03/04 Direct Link
Fifteeen fucking hot dogs who cares self talk self confidence self righteousness self satisfaction been there done that will likely do that again will likely go there again will want to see the sparrow thing maybe not the egg dropping thing no never want to see that again just want to get along get away with that get thee away satan get that shit away from me get me back on track back on schedule back into the game get me to the church on time get me me a lawyer get me a get out of jail card free.
03/05 Direct Link
Poor jud is dead poor uncle john is dead poor poor pitiful me pour your misery down on me when I'm down I want you above me I'd do anything I'd get down on my knees for you supplicate suffocate sacrifice strive santimony serves no single purpose just a sense of self worth just a chance to claim to be just just just this once I want to feel something different I want to be your no wait don't go there be patient be quiet be accepting be serene be single minded keep eyes on the prize not that prize.
03/06 Direct Link
What's a boy in love supposed to do what's a man in pain supposed to do what's a bleeding heart supposed to do in gw's world what's the name of that thing what's your best thing why do fools fall in love they're fools of course on course still eyes on the prize aiming at the target targeting the one I want to get getting over not getting wishing, hoping, crying not fading away no way fading away howling at the moon but staying at home and hanging on for dear life my dear's life the light of my life.
03/07 Direct Link
Seasons don't fear the reaper neither do fear the reaper I fear no man and no man fears me because yea though I slog through the valley of life I'm not afraid of death and if someone wants to take me there he's going with me. Wow. Macho or what. Sounds like ice cube ice t ice ice baby sounds like teen spirit sound like a little slice of nirvana to me. Sounds like what you'd expect to hear from a hack a tired hack but a well-intentioned hack hacking up he tries to not fear anything like his job
03/08 Direct Link
Do you hear some kind of trouble do you hear some kind of fight are you fighting with the better the worse the base the brilliant the bastards that want to keep you down? Nah, neither do I. I hear the flowers growing and the children laughing and the bunnies hopping. I hear myself breathing I hear her sleeping everyso often sighing I hear him laughing and grinding. I hear my hair growing cause I swear I'm not cutting it for months cause I like it in my eyes and I'm told it makes me look soulful and that's enough.
03/09 Direct Link
My schedule for the week: write. Breathe. Want to get fucked. Try and resist infidelity. It's getting harder. Lunch and discussions of Nigel Hawthorne and gay porn and actual man/ woman coversation about anything in the world that comes up. Drag queens. Her first period. Just say no to drugs not that I ever did. I do now but I can only say no to my needs so much longer. Please Please Please let me get what I want. Lord knows it won't be the first time but I'm sure not ready for it to be the last time. Not yet.
03/10 Direct Link
Words that a man will never tire of hearing: "shut up and lay down. I'm going to give you the hand job of your life." "Make out with me." "Do you want to talk or do you want to fuck?" "Hey it's the victorias secret catalog. Want to read it with me?" "Can I make you a sandwich?" "How about if I'm the baby sitter tonight?" "This bra or the other one?" "Would you mind washing my laundry?" "I'm going to the store. Can I get you anything?" "Faster." "Right there just like that." "Shit I'm coming don't stop don't
03/11 Direct Link
How many times can a man write about sex in 100 words? Don't know don't care. So my cubicle neighbor got a pissed off tinkerbell figurine today. Tinkerbell was always way too hot. Think Nicholson Baker. Think hips and lips and figure on that figure. Wendy was ok but was boring and catered to the wild boys by being their mom. Tink wanted Peter and she wasn't shy about showing it where the dolt wanted wendy. That whole never growing up thing. A real man would have wanted tink. He would have been hard pressed to keep up with her.
03/12 Direct Link
Now I'm starting to sound like a perv. Who gives a fuck. I am a perv. I want to have a certain tree stump back and a certain person back on that tree stump. It's lent, it's penance, it's abstinence it's a sacrifice it's an offering it's a real fucking pain. You can figure out where. It was never an ache before but it's an ache on levels I never even knew existed Beggin is a pleasure. Waiting is a chore. Suffering is a fate. Deciding is a bitch. Hanging in there still another day but boy is it hard.
03/13 Direct Link
I don't fear the reaper I don't fear the end I don't fear the last night of sadness since holy fuck I've had so many nights of sadness I don't fear worms I'm not afraid for my soul since I felt and heard and been toughed by god. You call it what you will I call it good I call it early monring nobody there just the no sound just the no worries and then just the overwhelming sense of peace write at leisure and repent all the time all this time all anytime all the timers to come amen.
03/14 Direct Link
If I want too many things well that's just too bad I want the sun the moon the stars the cars the bars the chololate bars the whole planet of mars the orbit of your hips the carpet of your hips the carpet under your hips and the everlasting peace the complete and total peace of having that piece of getting to the promised land the land that was promised the holy land the land where I want to plant my flag. The local area network where communication takes place and the network is never down and never ever crashes.
03/15 Direct Link
Dreaming from the waste on down dreaming a little dream of you all I do is dream of you all I do is yearn for you all I dream of is touching you dream on rave sure it's a crazy feeling but what feeling isn't and why would it be worth feeling if it weren't? Bless me father for I have sinned but haven't sinned like that well actually in my heart but not like that way it reall corporeally counts. Not tearing down the temple and rebuilding it for I have received absolution I have resolution I have hope.
03/16 Direct Link
My work is the work of ten because my heart is pure. The rest of me is rotten to the core. It's selfish, arrogant (not that it has anything to be arrogant about) spoiled whiny and needy. But my work speaks for itself and it speaks for others who can't speak for themselves it takes their half-baked ideas and their hare-brained schemes and makes them sound reasonable plausible practical proactive-able desirable. Most of all desireable. I know what is desireable and I know how to make it sound more desirable and how to resist the desire. Starting to show, though.
03/17 Direct Link
I'm not the first person to say it and I won't be the last, but how did St. Patrick's Day end getting turned into a national buffoon-fest? Imagine if the transit company offered free bus rides to all the Juneteenth Day revelers so they wouldn't drive drunk? It'd be a whirlwind of outrage. Had "hey-der-stan" accents on what ever the national polish celebration day? Wore toques on canada's boxing day or whatever it is (well, probably nothing there. They are Canadian after all)? All these kiss me I'm irish fuckwits whould be hit repeatedly with that saving civilization Cahill book.
03/18 Direct Link
There's nothing like spending the better part of a Sunday lolling around in bed in your pajamas watching fishing shows and nascar races. Not that I'm a big fan of either (fishing ok though, just don't have the time for it) it's the lazing talking philosophizing with the great boyo in the world. That's the best part pop-tarts for lunch, a salad for breakfast (who am I to argue? It's better than what I usually have) muskies the szie of your dad being in by guys with beards as long as your arm. Boy do they get excited about it.
03/19 Direct Link
Are you awake? Yup Can I ask you a question? Sure anything you want Are you having an affair? No I'm not having an affair Do you want to have an affair? No I don't want to have an affair. You're the only women I ever want to be with. If you want to have an affair go ahead. I always told you that you could leave me for somebody younger and prettier. I'm not having an affair. I made a friend. What's her name? No wait let me guess Bambi tiffani tawny lasequentia krystal with a k? sigh... No
03/20 Direct Link
It's getting harder and harder not to be literal, and who wants to read more of "today I didn't feel good" or "today I had great sex" or "today the world blew up and went to hell?" I don't want people to look at this and say "oh yeah, another one of those" or "been there, read that." I want to be misunderstood. I want to be confusing. I want to be soulful and mysterious and get fan mail. Typical guy stuff typical writer stuff typical artists stuff. Why not a sparrow why not the world why not a little
03/21 Direct Link
Bring me the head of alfredo garcia bring me the tea cozy bring me home take me there teach me how to write linear like teach me how to care non-linear like show me the way to go home to get home take me to the chapel take me to the river wash me in the water and the blood and the spirit and the spit and the amazing grace all I want to do is write and so much more but at this point writing is sublimination or was that subjegation it's a joy it's a curse it's me.
03/22 Direct Link
So I just like talked to sarah like and she's a busy girl and she likes to meet face to face and I kinda want to meet her face to face because the energy level was so high but I'm not sure I can keep up with that energy level but then again it might be fun to get that kind of workout might be good might shake off the dust al least would keep the interpersonal skills up after all a good interview is like good sex two sided listening sharing and getting what you need and then smoking.
03/23 Direct Link
Celibacy is unnatural enforced celibacy is cruel celibacy is sacrilige celibacy is tedious celibacy is inspiring celibacy is productive celibacy is awful celibacy is wonderful celibacy is as celibacy does and this celibate ain't doing anything. That's the problem that's the challenge that's the joy celibacy raises you up makes keeps you thinking about the down its tension at its purest most painful most enlightening most erotic most educating it's sexuality in its purest form its learning living and loving from afar and up close it's holding your breath not holding your length its holding on while there's holding out.
03/24 Direct Link
Why vote why care why not succumb why not throw it all away why not love the one you're with why not because you're not that kind of guy but oh yes you are you just haven't admitted it to yourself just haven't given in to your self just you've just spent too much time giving to others and now you feel bad you feel guilty you feel tingly about the prospect of taking something for yourself about sharing with someone else let alone anybody else let alone anybody new why noy because of the knot because of the ring.
03/25 Direct Link
In the entry 25 25 will your fingers still be alive will your mind still survive sure it will because you live for the sound of the keys and the please and the in between pleas please whose line is it anyway it's improv writing at is most challenging go with what seems right and keep yourself out of it and remember you live to serve the words you are a slave to the words you are a slave to the soul and the get go and the heart and whole and not being in control of fucking anything now.
03/26 Direct Link
When I can't think I just accelerate that's why I get in trouble I should slow down not charge ahead bull ahead rush ahead but if you don't how will you ever know if you can get what you want what you need what you crave and after not craving for long and not caring too long now I want to crave and care and seek and feed the cat and pet the pussy and live it all for as long as I have it to live and these days it doesn't seem like that long I could be wrong.
03/27 Direct Link
I had vicodan (not even going there) left over and so why the heck aren't you sharing it I'm looking for highs in all the wrong places and no it's not my job to keep track of the mailing lists it's not my job to help you take care of your computer to help you learn to work your computer to know where the fucking labels are that's not my job just because you can't understand it it's your job to know what you're doing that's why 15 years later I hardly know what I'm doing everybody else's fucking job.
03/28 Direct Link
Jodie foster. Academy awards. Holy shit. Hot fucking shit. Orientation who cares looks I do and I did. Made comment generally was not disapproved of holy fucking het did she look hot. Startling to me cause never was one of her big fans was never disapproving either just not a follower. Then she shows up like that. All hair and height and dress. Knocked down floored completely. Getting back to that whole wanting to kneel thing hell I'd be her prison bitch in an instant and I'd like it. Good for the heart good for the souls good for the
03/29 Direct Link
I can't wait I can hardly believe I had the chance that I had the chance let alone a chance for a glance. I can't wait I have to wait I have to write I have to type but I suck at typing I'd be happy to do it for you I'd be happy to wear your letter head to have my head oh never mind (those mounds again) don't go there let's just say that that's the way head not just hear but head and hard to have coming around coming around again. That's the way it should be.
03/30 Direct Link
Pour your misery down on me isn't it what you've done for more than a decade and a half and I've stood in the shower and bathed in the shower and learned from the smell and site and scent of the shower and gleaned from my time in the shower how you feel and if you feel you have to write in total silence well then you ain't no professional writer you're a prima donna who is pretending to be a writer who wants to feel fulfilled. No good writer ever feels fulfilled just hopes to learn something and go
03/31 Direct Link
Christ the Lord is risen today, that's why we're slaughtering each other wholesale. Blowing our selves up. Sacrificing our selves but there isn't any hope in hell that you're rising after that. No virgins await you, not concubine, no endless glorification just cold hard ground and the realization that all that bullshit was just a line. The God I worship mister doesn't want me killing anybody. It's God that gives me the peace to get through the day and enjoy the morning and deal with all the crap that I and the rest of the world has to deal with.