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I am keeping my heart under lock and key. I will not fall in love. I will not get clingy. I will not fall in love. I will not fall in love. I will like. I do like. The jury is still out on falling in love. I just enjoy his company and the sex on the occasional dates. I will not introduce him to my friends or family. I will keep him all to myself. I will not fall in love. I will not fall in love. I will like very much, but I will not fall in love.
The wine flowed. The conversation flowed. I was pretty drunk by ten o’clock. I had to crash on the couch for a little nap before I could drive home. I woke up at one thirty nine in the morning. Oh shit! I can’t believe I slept that long. Half-pint and I spent the evening together at her new place drinking wine, eating great chicken tacos and talking girl talk. I admit I drank just a little too much. So I fell asleep (passed out?) on the sofa and then rushed home for a few more hours of sleep before work.
I did it again!!! After a few glasses of wine and a tasty Mexican feast, I passed out on the couch again at Half-pints. Only this time, I slept a little longer since it was Saturday morning and I didn’t have to go to work. I left around six a.m. and crawled into my snuggly, comfortable bed with my dog Bo beside me and slept until around two in the afternoon. There goes a whole day! I didn’t get anything done. The God of wine has to take a break. I can’t deal with lazy days like I used to!
Hello. The Saints won another game. They have crawled back after a terrible start to have a 4-4 record. And that, my friends, beats the Rams lousy record of 0-8. Does that stop the Gentle Giant from goading me on about how the Rams are going to make gumbo stew out of the Saints next Sunday? No. He can be a little relentless and on the edge of nastiness with his taunts. I, on the other hand, am just having some good old fun. Rivalries are not what they used to be. When did people get so heated about sports?
I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I hate Mondays! I feel better now.
The door to my bedroom opened at five-thirty in the morning. It was Missy coming in from a night out with her brother and friends. She wanted to give me a hug, kiss and say hello. It filled me with warmth to see her. She’s so grown up. She and her brother see each other a lot and talk almost every day. I told the Prodigal Son that I see so much less of her than I used to and I see more of him than I care to. I don’t think he thought it was particularly funny. I did.
The Gentle Giant has grown quiet. My cell phone sits in silence. The familiar chime alerting me to a new text message is quiet. My inbox sits empty with no mail from him since a week ago. We are supposed to watch the Rams vs. Saints game on Sunday. I have no idea now if that is going to happen. I don’t know what I did, yet again, to chase this one away. We were having fun. No hint from me of wanting more. I was not pushy in any way. I was content to go with the flow. WTF?
I will not cry. I saw this one coming a mile away. If I’m honest with myself and you, I knew it from the beginning. Another dump. Another kick in the gut. But this time, I kept my heart under wraps. I never let myself think there was any future with us. I was just having fun. Truth be told, I was getting kind of bored with it too. I never get to be the one to end it first. It was a fantasy fulfilled. I’ll cherish the memories. Well, I still have Dracula, so I won’t be too lonely.
Fridays just aren’t what they used to be. I used to go out nearly every Friday night. It was my play night. Not anymore. I find myself sitting at home on a Friday night, sometimes with a nice dinner I make for myself or take-out, if I have the money. A bottle of wine, a loaded pipe (pot, that is) and the television remote. I just don’t have the money nor the desire to go out and party on Friday night. I guess I’m just ready to settle down. I’m ready for a steady. It kinda snuck up on me.
Saturday night is for hijinks. Jules and I had a golden opportunity tonight. Her boyfriend (and mutual friend of mine) was kind enough to watch her ten year-old daughter while we went down to the Pub for drinks, laughs and karaoke. He even drove us so we would have a designated driver and we could get as smashed as we wanted. I sang my signature song, “Cabaret,” and, as usual, I brought the house down. Before the night was over, we were back at her place cutting up and laughing when I received a text from Dracula! Fucking perfect timing!
I woke up in Dracula’s bed this morning. Oh, sweet poetic justice. We slept in until after ten in the morning. The Rams vs. Saints game had already started. I was supposed to be watching the game with the Gentle Giant for our fourth date. When he decided to not only cancel, but make the decision not to see me again, I was a little down, I admit. I didn’t let it get to me, but it was a great feeling to be with Dracula at the same time I would have been on the date. Ain’t that special?
We have been the fortunate recipients of another holiday. I never read my company handbook, but Dodo does…just to make sure we don’t miss any holidays…always ready to remind the Boss Lady. So he reminded her and we’re off today. I love days off work. I can’t believe Thanksgiving is right around the corner. We’ll have two days off next week. Then Christmas and New Years. We’ll have two four-day weekends in a row. What will I do with my time? I won’t be able to afford to do much. I can barely afford Christmas presents this year.
Where am I going? What is my future? A crystal ball would be in order right now. I find myself pondering in depth sometimes how I got here. If I had mustered up all the psychic energy in the world, I could not have foreseen where I am now. Am I disappointed? Not totally. I thought I’d be married and growing old with my soul mate, but as long as I’m kickin’, that’s still an option. I am enjoying being on my own for now. I like calling my own shots. Someday, when my prince comes, I’ll share the shots.
Life is so unpredictable and random. Why is that so hard for Creationists to understand? One of the arguments in their unscientific arsenal is that nothing could have come together randomly. Oh no, it had to have been planned by some magnificent designer in the sky. Of course, that designer is the God they believe in. But all you have to do is look at life and see how randomly things happen in reality. Everything is random. Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. Good to good and bad to bad as well. RANDOM!!!
Noah’s Ark is a fairy tale. I have discovered late in life that the stories told in the Old Testament are folk lore. The stories are not meant to be taken literally. They are no more literal than Cinderella or Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Seeing the tales in that light take on a whole new meaning for me. The stories are entertaining when understood under those conditions. I could never wrap my mind around them when I believed them to be true stories as I was taught. They never made sense to me. Now they make perfect sense.
I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! I love Friday! Fridays are the bomb!!!
I have seen the funniest scene in a movie. The scene was not meant to be funny when the film was made. But in the year 2007, it is hilarious!!! I settled on my sofa today to play couch potato. During my routine channel surfing, I came upon an oldie with Gregory Peck. “Duel in the Sun.” In one scene, the Patriarch of the family summons his ranch-hand to tell all ranchers nearby to saddle up and join him for a standoff. Within minutes, hundreds and hundreds of horses and riders converged. All without cell phones, the internet or telephones!!!
The Prodigal Son left for a week long trip to Oregon with his good friend that I’ve known since they were in high school together. Soundman is a good kid. Kid? He is now married and has an adorable little girl. He’s all grown up. And to make matters a little weird, Soundman has hit on me not once, but a couple of times. He makes all kinds of comments about how he would be my boy toy if I would give him the chance. Not on your life!!! I have made it clear. I will not be his MILF!!!
I can’t wait until Wednesday. I am sure Boss Lady will let us out of work early for the Holiday weekend. She’s pretty consistent that way. I love four day week-ends. I love holidays. I love not having to work. I wish I could win the lottery. If I won the lottery I would never work again. Instead I would pursue interests that make no money, but mean more to me than all the money in the world. World peace, acceptance and tolerance among humans…these would be my goals. I would work to change the face of the world.
I am so frustrated. My office is the busiest in the company. I still make less than the previous employee in my position. It really doesn’t seem fair. This always happens to me. It’s always the OTHER employee who was making the bucks. When it’s my turn, there is always an excuse. First, I was new to the position and had to prove myself. Well, I’ve proved myself. Now the excuse is we are in a little financial distress and raises are frozen. FUCK!!! Can I never get a break when it comes to payment for a job well done?
I was so surprised to hear from Dracula tonight. What a treat. Honestly, I was hoping I would hear from him this long weekend. I drove over and spent the night. He was his usual inebriated, obnoxious but in a sweet way, self. He did comment that the reason this has lasted so long is because I am so freakin’ HOT! If only he would clean up his act, we might be onto a good thing someday. Not the way he is now. Gotta give up some booze, drugs and womanizing to have me. Is that so much to ask?
Thanksgiving! The first year since I was born I had no immediate family with whom I could celebrate. My family is in Louisiana. I don’t visit the Ex’s family for holidays any longer since Ex has a new girlfriend, a jealous one. The Prodigal Son was on a week-long trip to Oregon. Missy was with Ex and his Green Eyed girlfriend. I was invited to join Jules and Bald M for their Thanksgiving. I made mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and a kick-ass sweet potato/banana dish. I am most thankful for my friends these days. They are my family now.
I spoke with Red earlier in the week and we had made plans to see each other over the holiday weekend. Preferably on Friday. She and her boyfriend were supposed to come visit me. I called to discuss it and find out that she’s cooking a turkey and having company. Two good friends whom I also know and like. Who else? San Diego. I commented that I would drive up and visit also but since he would be there, maybe that wasn’t such a good idea. She agreed. When will things settle into the way things were before? I wish!
ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ...ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ… ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ… ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ… ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ… ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ… ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ… ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ… ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ… ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…ZZZZZ…The only sound coming from my laZy bedroom all day!!!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I am already 12 days behind and the end of the month is fast approaching. How did I get so far behind? This is so much harder to keep up with than one would think. Sometimes I just can’t think of anything to write about. And once a couple of days go by and I think I’ll catch up, a few more days go by and then before you know it, 12 dark gray boxes greet you at sign in I’ve got a few tidbits in my head, but 12 is going to be hard to complete
I have signed up for yet another on-line dating service. I chose Yahoo this time. I’ve used that one before and decided to go a month at a time. So far, I’ve gotten very little response. I almost had a date on Sunday. He called to cancel that morning due to a stomach problem from something he had eaten on Saturday. I wasn’t really disappointed because I hadn’t made up my mind about whether I wanted to meet him. Why? He’s 57. And he looks it! I have gotten so used to younger, better looking guys, I guess I’m spoiled?
I have given the Prodigal Son a deadline. He has until the end of the year to find a better paying job working 40 hours a week. Since he has had his car, he has made very little or no effort to look for better employment. If I say anything to him about it, he gets uppity with me. Then, it was vacation for Thanksgiving. Since he’s been home, he has gone to hang out with friends on his days off. I have had enough! He either finds a better job by then or he’ll be living in his car!!!
I am puzzled by people who profess a faith in God, go on about the Bible, listen to Christian stations, attend church, then, when life gets tough, they fall apart. I am worried about my friend, Half-pint. Since her boyfriend was killed by a drunk driver over a year ago, she has had a hard time of it. She has tried to commit suicide twice, drinks too much, pops pills to cope. All the while professing her faith. I have found that those who consider themselves “Christian” have the hardest time dealing with death and the hard knocks of life.
I wish it would rain. I wish the sky would open up and drench the earth with rivers of water. We need it. We need it bad! I love the rain and when the rainy season is more sunny than rainy, the Fish is not a happy camper. The Fish needs water. The Fish dries out in the sun. The sun is not a friend of the Fish. The Fish likes to swim in the wetness of the water. Oh, please, Rain God, bring us a rainy, west season this year! Drench my heart and soul with your sweet nectar.
I met a very nice man tonight. He was handsome, well dressed, had a great sense of humor, the right age for me (older by a few years) and showered me with compliments. I gave him my number. I hope he calls me. He is in a wheel chair. He has been since an accident when he was 21. But the aura shining from this man could light the world. I have to get to know him better. I have to tap into his positive outlook. He can teach me a thing or two about self-pity or the lack thereof.
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