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I stood at the abyss. My feet were ever so close to the edge. My toes were dangling over the side above the dark. "Jump," he said. "But I can't see." "Jump and I will catch you." "How do I know that?" I asked. He replied in the most loving voice I ever heard, "My dear, sweet child...you have had faith in me your whole life. Have that same faith now. I would never let you fall. Jump and I will catch you." So I did. And he did. My soul has been flying ever since. Care to join me?
If I could just be me, I would sing Kareoke, I would dance the hokey pokey. If I could just be me, I would sail the open sea, I would go to see the Mona Lee, In gay ole Paree. If I could just be me, I would climb the highest tree, I would look over land and sea, I would say "Everything is okey dokey!", If I could just be me, I would buzz around like a honey bee, I would be so very happy, I would sing with joyful glee. If I could just be me. I am.
Attention Earth people!!! PICK UP YOUR FUCKING TRASH!!! You are ruining my walks every morning. Do you think Mother Earth has little fairies that come out at night to pick up YOUR litter? Do you think she waves a magic wand and makes it disappear? She doesn't!!! But I pick it up every morning on my walks. That's another thing...if you see some trash, PICK IT UP!!! I don't care if you didn't leave it there. There are these neat containers we have created called "trash cans." USE THEM!!! What a sign of a lazy, selfish society...GROW UP!!!
Sixteen years ago, she stood in the bathroom cleaning a soap dish. It was just after midnight. She saw the reflection of the blade in the mirror...the arm wrapped around her throat. She didn't think...she acted. The only wound she received was the cut on her right hand from knocking that damn blade off her side. She fought and screamed knowing deep within that he would turn and leave. He was planning to rape her. She shuddered when she heard that...to be the object of someone's rape fantasy is not in the least flattering. She forgave anyway.
I just came from an afternoon in Tuscany. I bought a villa there. Then I had a wonderful adventure with my big, bad, beautiful divorced self. I fixed up my Casa Polonia. I shed some tears. I had a lot of laughs. I had a wild, sexy escapade with the most delicious Italian I have ever seen. I made a lot of wonderful friends. I was there when my best friend, having been dumped by her girlfriend, brought her beautiful baby into the "light." I survived the divorce. Yeah for me. I'm so happy. "Under the Tuscan Sun"...great movie!
Flesh. What is so awful about our flesh??? Why do some people in the world feel that the flesh is something you should not want to be? Here you are...in the flesh...yet you are not supposed to enjoy it. It is the spirit you must quest for, they say. But spirit is formless. Spirit is like the wind...you know not where it comes from or where it's going. But...awwww...the flesh. You can SEE, you can HEAR, you can TASTE, you can TOUCH, you can act on an emotion while feeling it. The flesh, bad? NEVER!!!
She stood at the window looking out at the passing cars. She wondered if he would recognize her from behind. She was confident that he would. She waited, hardly able to breath as the clock ticked away the seconds into minutes. Suddenly, there was a presence behind her. His lips were so close to her ear that she could feel his warm breath on her hair. He whispered, "Hello, fish." She slowly turned to face him. The moment she looked into his eyes, the earth stopped turning and time stood still and the stars began to fall from the sky.
Family suggested I take the puppers for a short, evening stroll. Copper was delighted at the idea. I got my jacket and sneakers on and we headed out for the canyon. The music of Mother Nature called me deeper into the brush. I stood listening to the crickets and frogs and various other instruments she uses to conduct her symphony of sounds in the evening. The only distraction was the passing cars over the bridge. I stopped by a tree and looked up at Venus shining so lovely in the dusk colored sky. A beautiful ending to a great day.
Strange evening. The Last Supper. On Good Friday. How utterly perfect. We had dinner tonight and spoke of fond memories during the sixteen years we shared a life together. Nothing sad spoken. Bad memories banished from the conversation. Many good times were had in those snippits of time long past, but the best part is the seed that he planted fourteen years ago that I will cherish for eternity. Our daughter, Melissa. There's a reason for everything and she must be it! So a toast to her dad, my soon to be ex-husband. I couldn't a done it without ya!
Most gut-wrenching scene in a movie? Francesca sees Robert standing in the rain. They both smile at the thought of the love they shared. He returns to his truck. He pulls out right in front of her truck. Her hand is on the door handle as the love theme takes you into the suspense of the moment. Will she? Won't she? Will she? Won't she? Robert leans over and takes out the cross she gave to him and hangs it on the rear view mirror. I cried for three weeks knowing I would never have that kind of love.
Well, on a happier note...today was a beautiful day! Gray skies for ten straight days, then, appropriately enough, sunshine for the walk. A gentle ocean breeze just to cool the air. Great way to start the day. God sure knew what they were doing when they made Easter in the Spring Time. Everything fresh and new. Baby rabbits on the golf course...a multitude of colors bursting from the newly showered earth. And FUCK the diet...I had my Easter dinner anyway...I'll just take another walk. Lots of laughs with the brothers...too many to count. GREAT DAY!!!
About the spirit. I'm not indicating in my view of the flesh that the spirit isn't important as well. It's just that if you pursue spirit and neglect flesh, there is an imbalance. The flesh will not function as well. And pursuit of the flesh to the neglect of the spirit also creates an imbalance. The spirit will not function properly. The perfect balance leads to the perfect harmony between the flesh and the spirit. When both are functioning in perfect balance, the blissful high you get is beyond anything you can ever imagine. I'm already there! It's very cool.
What is the meaning of life? This question has been pondered since we began to question anything. Many have tried to answer, but all have failed. Let's see if I can try...the meaning of life is, hmmmmm, well, if life is to have meaning then it's meaning must be to....uhhhhhh....hmmmmm....well, to live?....no, that's not it....to reproduce?....not exactly....to never feel pain or sorrow?....nahhhhhh...to only feel happiness and joy?...not that either...to not ever die?....no, wrong again. How about just having fun? Oh, fuck it and pass me a Corona!
Does anyone really understand who and what God is? Does anyone ever really try to figure it out? Or do they just listen to what they've been taught by blind people? Do they NEVER try to understand on their own? I didn't listen to what other people told me about God. I decided to find God myself. Did I find God in a building? No. Did I find God in religion? No. Did I find God in another person? In a way. When I realized that God was in me, I realized that God was in everyone else as well.
If I don't get this into writing, I will surely forget. An amazing truth about me. I am a Pisces. I am water. My first husband was a Leo. A fire sign. My current husband is a Virgo. An earth sign. Now I find myself in an unusual situation with a Gemeni. An air sign. We came from the water. The sun came along and started to interact with the water and earth appeared. Dry land. But we needed one last thing to come out of the water. Air. The story of creation. Now that's a trip! Way too cool!
Never say never. That's what my mother used to say. Boy, was she right. How did she know? Her wisdom has rung true so many times it's downright supernatural. This is my long list of NEVERS: Never smoke. Check! Never drink. Check! Never smoke pot. Check! Never do any other type of drug. Check! Never have sex before marriage. Check! Never have an abortion. Check! Never get a divorce. Check! Never have a one night stand. Check! And NEVER fall in love with a married man.....too fucking late! When you say never, the Universe just laughs it's ass off!!!
This is a fucking GREAT rainy day! Too many good rock songs from the seventies to count today!!! I love the way songs bring back memories. Nearly every song you hear can remind you of something and take you back to a fabulous time. Today that song was Peter Framptom..."Show Me the Way"...lake concert two summers ago. The lake hosts free concerts every summer. Sitting under the stars with the lake in the background and listening to Framptom was magical. He sounded GREAT!!! What a fantastic night! I'll never forget it. Thank God I didn't drink too much!
Dear Universe: I've got a friend who needs a little cheering up right now. He's a really nice person and a great soul. He trusts and believes in you, so could send a little sunshine his way??? You know who he is. So you know he's feeling really down right now. Could you remind him that he is a special person and is cared for very much by many people? Particularly a little fish in California who wishes him nothing but happiness and sunshine and rain, if he so desires it. I ask this humbly of you, Universe. Thank you.
The children come out one by one. They always seem eager to see me. I know many of them by name now. This is one of my favorite things to do. I pull their reading card and do away with the formalities in lightening speed. I skim the back cover to gain knowledge of the contents. They spill the stories with ease, so I know they read the book. I always listen attentively only to pepper the conversation with a question or two. I always leave them with pearl of wisdom. I see the face of God on those days.
Been thinking about Fred a lot lately. He was the closest to the real thing I ever got. But he was from town money and I was the girl from the wrong side of the tracks. He had a high school sweetheart. He would drop her off at home after a date, then track me down at the local watering hole. We would run off and talk and make out for hours to Barry White tunes. He would even complain to me about her, and I would console him. Finally, I had to choose...and he lost the coin toss.
It has been written about and discussed by many people who have experienced it. It is the proverbial "light" at the end of the "tunnel." Some individuals who have "died" during surgery or illnesses have described going down a dark tunnel and seeing a light at the end of it. These are my thoughts on the matter. I think the tunnel is the birth canal. When you are born, you have been in total darkness and water for approximately nine months. Can you imagine how bright the "light" is when you emerge newborn? Birth and death go hand in hand.
My Ode to the Tomato: Oh, tomato...I love you so...you are so fine when ripened on the vine. Are you a fruit? If so, you're a beaut! Are you a vegetable? If so, every night, it's you I want on my table. You are so juicy and sweet, you are such a treat! Whether with mayonnaise, which is best...or cottage cheese, if you please. Between two slices of white bread, with a mayonnaise spread...or just for fun, bite into one! Any way you choose, with the tomatoe, you will never lose! I love a ripe tomato!!!
OK, ladies, listen up. I am going to share my "technique" with you. It's always worked for me! Rule number one: Always start with a kiss on the lips first and work your way down. The neck is next, followed by the chest, then the stomach. Rule number two: Always be careful NEVER to touch the targeted area until last. Rule number three: Start on the underside at the base. Using lips and tongue, now start working your way up to the top. When the time is right, go in for the kill. Two words: Deep Throat! Practice makes perfect!
Hey, Universe...I've got a bone to pick with you! What the fuck is up? What is going on? Why do you keep playing these fucking mind games with me? What the fuck do I have to do to finally get mine? Always the bridesmaid but never the bride! Ok, so I was a bride...twice. So fucking what? What did it get me? Hello? I'm still ALL FUCKING ALONE!!! I'm just about done with this shit you keep doing to me! You hear that...I'm just about done!!! What's that you say? Faith? Hope? Yeah, yeah...I get it!
Human beings are interesting creatures...very interesting creatures indeed! Humans have the power of thought. No other species on earth has this power. Yet, with this power, humans misuse it to create division, hate, fear, torture, hunger, war, strife, pettiness, greed, selfishness, religion, government, rules, Heaven, Hell, God, the Devil...this list goes on. But the mind can do more than just think abstractly. It can discern what is real and what is fantasy! That's our power. We should use it wisely. We can change the world if we change our minds! Think Love and Peace, not Fear and War!
Take the Bonobos primate family. They are also called Pygmy chimpanzees. These are the ONLY species of primate that do not fight or war with each other. If anyone in the clan begins to feel the least bit stressed or angry...they stop what they are doing and fuck. That's right...they FUCK...morning, noon and night. They go at it face to face, front to back, hanging in trees...they just start fucking. They won't FIGHT. Humans could learn a thing or two from these fabulous monkies!!! Make love, not war. Sounds really corny...yet it is so true!!!
What if? What if I decided to walk? What if I decided to walk across America? What if I decided to walk across America to promote peace, love, tolerance, respect for one another, dialogue over weapons? What if I showed my true faith and just started walking and relying on the kindness of strangers? What if I was interviewed in newspapers along the way and spoke my truth? That I am Pisces, thefish, ruled by my feet, and I walk for peace and love and being kind to one another no matter what! What if people actually listened? What if?
One of my favorite sounds in the world are the birds of Mother Nature. There is something surreal about the way the birds have been singing lately. They are very vocal and LOUD!!! Every morning, like clockwork, they are up at the crack of dawn, chirping to their heart's delight! I can hear them so clearly while I'm reading the paper, I feel as though I'm sitting outside with them. If I do decide to venture outside, the sound can become deafening. One bird in particular always catches my ear. He seems to be chirping, "pretty", "pretty", "pretty"...sounds delightful!
Everything has happened so fast, yet it feels like it has taken forever to get here. Here is where I belong. Here is where my soul is taking me. Here is where I part with the old and welcome the new. The new life, the new me, the new home, the new outlook. It feels good. It feels right. Sometimes I get a little scared, but I remember that I have always had faith in someone...me! My life has been filled with a series of ups and downs...yet with each up, I've climbed higher. The possibilities are endless!
I made it!!! I actually logged thirty days of words! This has been quite an adventure. I've really enjoyed it. I hope there are a few readers out there who will be touched by my entries whether it be just a giggle, or a revelation...I truly hope you've enjoyed my first month of words. Words are cool, are they not? We humans are quite clever, no? All these sounds to make up all that is...give it names, ideas, thoughts. The funny part is...it's all made up. Every last alphabet...all made up by humans. Very clever indeed!
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