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BY thefish

06/01 Direct Link
Confidential to my dear, dear friend: I am so sorry I forgot to wish you a Happy Birthday today! My mind has been occupied by other matters and I didn't think of it until late. So let me use this forum to say I hope you had a spectacular birthday. I hope that all your wishes come true and your dreams become a reality. I know your dreams and what a reality that would make. If both our dreams ever came true, what a wonderful world this would be. Stay well, my friend. You will always be in my heart.
06/02 Direct Link
I have a lot of men friends, a few with "benefits." The truth is, the vast majority of my men friends are platonic friends with no "benefits." I have always gotten along with men. I am not the frilly, girly girl that most women are. I enjoy a good dirty joke, a toke, a smoke and a brew and men seem to fit the bill. I don't do female drama. Men tend to get along better than women. If they piss each other off, a couple of "Fuck You's"does it and within minutes, they are sharing a beer together.
06/03 Direct Link
What an absolute idiot I am sometimes! I almost killed myself today. At the very least, I could have been a parapalegic for the rest of my life. I dove into the five and a half foot deep end of the pool. Now, figure that I am five foot six inches tall. You do the math. My head hit the bottom of the pool and my neck took the full hit like a shock absorber. My left shoulder was wrenched in the process. Thank God Blue Eyes from Philly is great at massages and loves to take care of me.
06/04 Direct Link
Blue Eyes from Philly is moving in. Lord knows how we are going to make room for all of his clothes and mine. Am I happy? Yes. Am I scared? Yes. Am I finally in love with someone who's in love with me? I think so. He has danced around that word but today he finally said it. "I think I love you." The stunned look on my face must have made him shy away, because he immediately added, "Love...that's scary...I like you, I like you a lot!" It's only a matter of time before we acknowledge it.
06/05 Direct Link
It's been five years. Five years since the "enlightenment." Five years since I met God. Five years since I spent three days in a Psych ward because of it. Five years since I lost my fear of death. Five years since I saw the light. Five years since I learned what it's all about. Five years since the end of the world and the beginning of Heaven. Five years since I became one with the Universe. Five years since I realized who I am. Fives years of eternal moments called "now." Time flies when you no longer believe in time.
06/06 Direct Link
Dear Missy: I hope you realize how truly blessed I feel to have you as my daughter. You have brought so much sunshine and joy into my life. It's hard to believe you almost didn't make it. You've gone from a tiny 1 lb. 9 oz. baby to a gorgeous blue-eyed, blonde sixteen year-old. I have watched you dance your way into the hearts of all who know you. I have seen you swim with determination, never slowing down only to finish in last place. Tonight, I hope you are honored as most improved swimmer. You deserve it, Missy Lou.
06/07 Direct Link
The shit has hit the fan. She knows. He told her. He told her he was in love with me. He told her he was moving in with me. Her reaction was not pretty. In fact, she slapped and socked him. He came home crying. He wasn't crying because of that. He just wants to be happy. She is making that very difficult. He wants to see his boys. She makes that very difficult. She is exactly how she has been described to me by him and several friends who know them. Heaven help us through this extremely difficult time.
06/08 Direct Link
Blood flowed freely. The glass had come from a glass votive candle holder at rest atop the television. I didn't realize it had broken until I stepped on the sharp shard of glass. I wasn't sure how bad it was, but it was definitely gushing blood. He grabbed the paper towels and held them to the wound, applying pressure until we could assess the situation. No hospital, no stitches. It was a deep puncture wound. As he washed the blood from my feet, he looked into my eyes and said, "I'm washing the feet of Jesus." How did he know?
06/09 Direct Link
Children are precious. Blue Eyes would love for me to have his baby. I am not on the pill. We have been going at it like bunny rabbits. If I get pregnant, what am I going to do? He would want me to have it, but I can't imagine having another child at my age. If I were to have an abortion, I believe it would ruin the wonderful time we have been having. If I have a baby, it would ruin the wonderful time we have been having. Such is the dilemma. Please let my period start next week!
06/10 Direct Link
The question posed has been answered. Yes, Virginia, there is great sex with a great love. But that begs the question, is it the love that makes the sex great or is it the sex that makes the love great? I only know how I feel when he strokes my hair, massages my shoulder, wraps his arms around me and puts his head on my chest. I truly feel wonderful. I wish with all my heart that this lasts, because if it doesn't, I will become the most cynical human being on earth. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
06/11 Direct Link
The Dragon Lady's eyes were red with fire. As she screamed, the woman sat calmly absorbing the verbal blows being hurled at her. Her only concern was for the child. "How can a woman be so self-absorbed that she doesn't stop to think of the feelings of the child,"she wondered. The woman remained in complete control as the Dragon Lady spewed forth more venom. "Not in front of the boy,"she said. She walked away. The Dragon Lady followed. When they were outside, the woman cast a spell and, POOF, the Dragon Lady was gone in a blinding flash.
06/12 Direct Link
I have not seen him this happy since I've known him. To see him interact with his boy at the pool was a joy to marvel at. How can I not fall in love with this man? My heart aches to know what he has to go through with the Dragon Lady just to spend a few precious hours with his own son. I have news for any woman out there whose marriage/relationship with the father of their children is over. Bury it. Stop the anger. Stop the hurt. Stop torturing the children. Adults can handle it...children can not!
06/13 Direct Link
"I love you." "I fucking love you." "I was thinking of you today and asking myself ‘Why do I love this woman so much?'" "Because you are perfect, you are perfect for me." "I miss you." "I can't wait to see you." "I find myself rushing through work because I want to get home to you." "I'll never leave you." "I have been so happy since I've been with you." "I just want to get in bed and snuggle with you." These are the words that I have heard for the past few weeks. They are music to my ears.
06/14 Direct Link
Once upon a time there lived a princess. She was a sad princess for every time she thought she had found her true love, the one she loved always loved another. And so it went throughout her life. She wondered if there was anyone who could love just her and her alone. She wondered if she was destined to be second best for eternity. Then one day, the princess met a lonely prince who had been married to a troll. The prince was instantly enamored with her and she with him. At long last, she was his and his alone.
06/15 Direct Link
Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Biirrtthhday Dear Dominic, Happy Birthday to You!!! Yes...I said your name. It is the one. It is the name that will prevail. You have won my heart, you have won my love. I have never known this kind of tenderness in all of my 46 years despite two marriages and countless lovers and relationships. I will pick you up when you fall. I will carry you when you can't walk. I will love you when you feel no-one else does. Happy Birthday, my beautiful, younger, sweet hunk of a man!!!
06/16 Direct Link
Why do people want what they can't have, particularly when they could have had it but let it slip away or didn't act on it? Take into consideration Dragon Lady and Dracula. The Dragon Lady and Blue Eyes have been apart for over a year. Now that he is with me, she loves him and wants him back. Dracula could have had me, but now, he regrets that he didn't act on his feelings. Both parties want what they can't have, the only difference being that Dracula is happy for us and Dragon Lady wants to make our life Hell.
06/17 Direct Link
I accepted her apology. I am a mother with ex-husbands and I can understand her pain. I am quite sure that she is afraid I will "win over"her children. I am not trying to do that, but I am a part of his life now and he is a part of mine. Therefore, his children are a part of our life forever. I want him to be able to see his children on a regular basis and for her to get her child support regularly as well. It certainly went better than our last meeting. Will wonders never cease?
06/18 Direct Link
I often wonder how my life would be different had I experienced the love and adoration of a father. Unfortunately, I did not. No Daddy's Little Girl for me. My father was an alcoholic. I only have memories of him visiting when he was drunk. My memories also consist of my mother yelling and screaming at him. How might I be a different person if I had not had that experience? Would I be more confident? Would I be more content? I don't dwell on it, but still I wonder. Well, Daddy, Happy Father's day wherever you are in eternity.
06/19 Direct Link
The day was perfect. The ocean was extraordinary. The sun was slow in coming, but out it came. The breeze was cool to the skin. Little Jon and his father were splashing into the ocean without a care in the world. Why can't every day be like this one? Is it possible to capture the feeling in your heart and hold it there forever? Change happens. We cannot control it. All we can do is remember the good times and keep them close to our soul. My sweet love, I hope we have many more happy memories with your son.
06/20 Direct Link
Jealousy. That is the issue of the day. It seems the green-eyed monster has come to roost with me. I don't really know how to handle this situation. I am a friendly, nice person. That is who I am. I am approachable and approached often. I have many male and female friends, but my boyfriend seems to have issue mostly with the male ones. I have told him a million times I love him and they are only friends. He still gets tense if he sees me talking to one of them. It must stop or we may be history.
06/21 Direct Link
No babies for me! Yes, I am surfing the crimson tide. The menstrual fairy has paid me a visit. That was close. I was a few days late. I knew before I was not pregnant. Being the kind who does not like suspense, I had already gone out and bought a pregnancy test. It was negative. Still the period stayed away. I did get a little concerned, but in the end, it all came out all right. I wish I could get back on the pill, but then I'd have to quit smoking. Decisions, decisions. What's a girl to do?
06/22 Direct Link
I am as happy as I can be. Yes, I wish I could rearrange some events in my life. What is happiness anyway? Is it having everything perfect in your life? If that is the case, then none of us are happy. The opposite of happy is sad. Maybe content is a better word to describe how I feel. Maybe there is no true happiness, just contentment. Contentment is good. I like being content. The happiness is fleeting and rare, but contentment is consistent. Maybe I'd rather be consistently content than happy one second and sad the next, me thinks.
06/23 Direct Link
Did I not explain to you that I am a friendly, good-hearted individual? Did I also not explain to you that possessive or controlling actions turn me OFF? I cannot walk on eggshells for the rest of my life worried that if I smile or am too friendly (by your definition, not mine) you will get tense and angry. If you love me the way you say you do, then you love me for ALL of me and that includes my friendly nature. I am not trying to flirt or pick up on guys or give them the wrong impression.
06/24 Direct Link
And furthermore, I accept your apology and yes, you are an Ass sometimes, but like I said when I got your card...it's a damn cute ass at that! Don't you know that I have never been treated as caringly and lovingly as you have treated me in the past five weeks in all of my 46 years of existence? I know I have told you that. Why can't you just let it go if someone (a guy) talks to me in your presence? Is it that hard to put down the hootspa and act rational? It works for me!
06/25 Direct Link
I made chicken soup. Blue Eyes from Philly has a nasty cold. I have pampered him with all the love and affection that he has shown me over the past few weeks. It is not easy. I have never met a man yet that was not a great big baby when ill. I was down with the same thing a few weeks ago. I took one day off work, slept in until two in the afternoon. Nobody made me chicken soup, but the pink roses were definitely appreciated. Returning the favor has been my pleasure. I do love him so.
06/26 Direct Link
What will it take to bring peace to this world? There are so many ideas about God, morality, right and wrong. People don't even realize that they are brainwashed the day that they are born by the ideas and beliefs of their parents who got there ideas and beliefs from their parents and so on and so on. When people wake up to the reality that they do not have to accept their forefathers ideas and beliefs and are free to develop their own, then maybe the world will change. Until then, we must respect other's different ideas and beliefs.
06/27 Direct Link
The Dragon Lady appeared on my doorstep last night. She wanted to talk, she said. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Nothing new. Please don't show up unannounced on my doorstep again. Thank you. I wouldn't want to have to hurt you.
06/28 Direct Link
My adorable Mr. Bo Jangles is the cutest dog in the world!!! Everyone loves little Bo and he loves everyone. What a joy to have found this angel to love me and mine unconditionally. Amazing how I found him. I was looking for a small, fluffy lap dog for apartment dwelling. I ended up going to the same pet store that sold us Copper. Same circumstances. He was an older puppy, on sale, just like Copper. I knew what I wanted and had even named him. When that little black furball jumped into my lap, I knew he was mine.
06/29 Direct Link
Sex. Sex almost every night. Sex when he's sick. Sex when he's happy. Sex when he's tense. Sex when he's tired. Sex when he's energetic. All this sex! Boy, when it rains it pours. This man cannot keep his hands off me. Am I complaining? Not on your life! I have never been with anyone who wanted to fool around every freakin' night! This is truly a pleasure. And it's good. It is great. The best part is the love that initiates every kiss, touch, caress, hug. We make love. It is so nice to make love instead of fucking.
06/30 Direct Link
I end this month on a happy note. My life has changed drastically for the better. Just a few short months ago, I was running out of my nest egg, needed a second job and/or a roommate to pay the rent, and was lonely looking for love. My, my how God does work in mysterious, if somewhat procrastinating ways. Enter the second job. It couldn't have come at a better time. Enter Blue Eyes from Philly. A roommate and romance all in one fell swoop. May I please say thank you, Divine Universe, for your timely answer to my prayers.