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I like to work with elderly people. The ones that I meet once a week are full of life, full of energy, full of laughter. They know that life is not simple, it’s not easy, it’s not straight-forward. They know there are good things and there are bad things but what’s most important is that they know it’s pretty complicated. They are less bound to judge. This may be contrary to what many people feel about the elderly, but it’s my experience that young people are more often full of righteousness and absolute truths than those who have seen life.
I had coffee at her house. It is such a wonderful building. Fine architecture, not your typical readymade house, fine materials, high ceiling, lots of air and light. Some of the interiors have nice furniture but some of it they just haven’t been able to do yet as the money is tight. I like her, even though we are different in many aspects. I don’t know what it is with her husband but there is something about him that I don’t trust or like. I think he is a uptight and the family is probably a bit scared of him.
I have got used to plucking my eyebrows. I never did it earlier, but now I’ve done it for some time and I feel that it really enhances my looks. I look more awake and less down. My eyebrows are still quite natural and strong and I keep their natural shape as it is really good as it is, but the plucking makes them more defined and clear. Sometimes I go to a beauty parlour to get them plucked but lately I’ve been doing it myself as it saves some money and it’s less painful when I do it myself.
Why do I waste my time fighting over details in a group I’m not that interested in? I don’t know, I just feel it’s not fair the way some of the things are handled in that group. And I just don’t understand the fear that some of them feel towards one of the members. She is really not that dangerous! How did she ever get such a power in that group? Why does she maintain the power year after year? I hope she is getting too busy with her work. She’s hungry for power and thirsty for having all control.
It was an amazingly nice day. We took it easy even though there were a lot to do. We even kissed and hugged several times in the shopping center and had coffee there instead of rushing back home and just drinking coffee here. Although my espresso is better than the one in the shopping center because I use a better quality coffee at home! Shopping was also surprisingly easy even though it was rush hour and we had so much to buy. In the afternoon we took an hour long nap while the children were away at his parents’ place.
It will be interesting to see how her life will be. She is an amazing little girl, so full of trust and love and life. When she was a baby, and later a toddler, it was wonderful to see how trusting she was. Her eyes would glow, her whole body would radiate of a deep love to herself and to the world. Why does the love to yourself so often vanish with the years? Luckily, she’s still quite satisfied with herself. I love her, I love her! She’s a shining baby star in our family. Well not a baby anymore.
Are there some rules as to what kind of obscenities we are allowed to use here at 100 words? I can’t help but want to SWEAR, and A LOT!!! Vaginal yeast!!! I hate you, vaginal yeast!!! I seem to be getting it every month again, like I did a few years ago, for months and months in a row, like one and a half YEARS in a row. Why the fuck do I keep getting it, why exactly now that I’ve been cutting down the amount of sweets that I consume. And I have lost weight. Why why why!?!?! Fuck!
It’s the international day for women. I don’t know, it’s nothing that I or the people around me celebrate in any big way. I gave my students candy, though. And said to all women I met happy women’s day, and they said likewise, or then they said happy women’s day and I said likewise. At work, there was some really nice Danish pastry with coffee. My husband thinks it’s the men in our society who are suffering, not the women. Sometimes I just can’t understand his total blindness to women’s issues. He has advantage of his sex each day. Always.
I couldn’t use my wonderful Keeper this month because of the fucking yeast that’s bothering me again so much. I’m using my old cotton pads, those red and green ones that make me smile. They are cool. I wonder if I should cut using all sugar, go see a doctor (and probably get a really long cure that kills everything) and not just whine to my doctor friends and make them write prescriptions of one-dose yeast medicine. I don’t know if those doses just make it go away awhile just to let it come back in a month or so.
Everyone else is sleeping. I would so like to drink a beer but there is no beer in this household, it’s all gone by now. I think we shared the last one yesterday. There is an unopened bottle of that Sprite that has no calories in the fridge. Wonder if I could take it? Wouldn’t it be like a really nice substitute for a cold beer? Or even just a nice substitute? Okay, a substitute? I don’t think he will mind, he won’t miss it in the morning and if he misses it later, he can go and buy more.
This evening, there is beer. Two bottles. And he’s out of town for business. It’s not often nowadays that he is away for the weekend. I kind of enjoy this solitude. Well, ofcourse I’m not alone, I do have two sick kids to take care of here with me, but they are sleeping already. And there are two bottle of beer here. In the television a bad movie, with lots of violence. What more can a girl ask for? Oh wow. How can this movie be soooo 1990s??? 1990s was something you didn’t really notice when it was happening. Beer!
I have gained some self-confidence lately. Or, during the last year. With regard to driving the car. There are many places where I can drive without being really nervous! We got our first car when I was 28 or 29. And I got my driver’s license when I was 21. I didn’t drive much during those years, and even later there was no need for driving that much, at least outside of this little town where we live. And often, if we are away as family, he drives because it’s something that he enjoys doing and I don’t. Still don’t!
We were supposed to do so many things today but the children were down with the flu and I wasn’t feeling too good either. So it became a day at home watching videos. We saw Supersize me – I had already seen it but my family hadn’t. I hope it was a good learning experience for my children! I hope I remember the weight gain he managed to get in only a month, and what all that crap eating did to his blood tests! Obviously, it wasn’t a scientific experiment but enough support for my already strong beliefs about healthy food.
More video films today. I have the flu, too. Oh shit. I SO could have lived without it this time. The children are so tired and not at all like usually. Well, they do their share of daily quarrelling though. I have let them watch one of the daily soaps. I never thought I’d let them do it Maybe we get back to normal after this week is over. Anyway, I like the fact that he is interested in watching other than soccer games in tv. We have already had some interesting discussions about the themes presented in this soap.
We saw the doctor today. My mother took us all to the doctor and while we were seeing him, she bought us pizza and milk and bread and stuff. Friendly of her. Good to have relatives living so close to us, especially as they all have a good grasp of privacy and boundaries. They don’t drop by unannounced, at least not that often, and even though they do have our house keys, they generally use the door bell instead of rushing in. Anyway, it’s awful having all family sick. Everybody’s coughing all the time. He’s not sick yet, thank God.
Is there any place where fellow writers of these holy one hundred words gather together in the internet? Where can I talk with these people? I guess I have to do some googling and see if I can find you somewhere. On the other hand, I’m not quite sure if I want to get to know anyone, or, better yet, let anyone get to know me. Then I wouldn’t be this free to write what I want. Even now I feel a bit self-conscious. I guess it’s part of the fascination: that your words will be read by other people.
My body aches. There is a strained pain all over me. When I cough, which is practically all the time, the muscles in my lower back sort of stretch and it feels like I had been working out hard a few days ago. I can’t sleep because of the coughing. Cough, cough, cough. This is intolerable. Okay, I know this will be over in a few days time. I don’t know if I will be well enough soon enough for one particular work related thing before Easter. Shit. I so would like to participate. We’ll have to wait and see.
When I look at the mirror, I see a beautiful woman. It hurts my heart to think that I used to think I’m ugly. How terrible is that! I had that bad picture of myself for so long. I felt like it was a miracle that I got a boyfriend, another boyfriend, a third boyfriend at 18, and he was good-looking, and he wanted to be with me and marry me! How come he does that when I look like this? What I didn’t see was that I indeed was just fine. Beautiful. I see it more clearly now. Beautiful.
There is a baby elephant in the television. A former baby elephant, nowadays dead. It has been dead for hundreds of years. The baby elephant was two or three months old. The thought of a baby elephant is somehow touching. Its skin must have been soft and sort of hairy. All baby animals are so cute, meant to wake the caring mother in any animal. Okay. Now there are dead rats in a row in the tv. Not hundreds of years old, these are more current. They remind me of a book called 100 ways of using a dead cat.
Let me say something about film industry and extreme cold weather. I may have held the same speech earlier, but here goes: Why is it that there is virtually no sane behaviour in those icy scenes in catastrophy movies? Take any movie with a sudden snow storm that kills most of the people of New York, and you will see what I mean. If it is cold, I mean, cold-cold, you do not, I repeat, you do not rush out without wearing a hat. You do not leave any buttons undone in your coat. You cuddle up with the others.
I like this doctor. He’s so friendly and collegial, he talks to me like I’m an adult. Which I ofcourse am, but some doctors seem to view all patients as inherently being children or something. He’s nice. He’s specialist in precisely what I need, so I really like to go see him in case I have anything. He gave me a real speech today, telling me about all the risks if I don’t give my body time to heal before starting working again. It’s good to visit him as I trust him. That’s not something I do with all doctors.
There are many dates that sound vaguely familiar. Like, 17th February. I think it was my first boy friend’s birthday. But it might as well be the birthday of my youngest aunt. We don’t keep in touch anymore, which is more than sad. Her choice to stay away from the rest of the family, even her own sister. I think she has some mental problems. Anyway, sometimes those vaguely familiar dates come back to haunt you. Like, you remember 11 p.m. that it was your father’s birthday. And you spoke with him that same day. I hate when that happens.
I want to learn to like tofu. It sounds like a superior ingredient for anything. No cholesterole, lots of good protein etc. I haven’t really tried, but those times I’ve tried to make something out of it, it has been less than successful. It’s something about the texture that makes me less than eager. But now I think, NB, I think I have found a cook book that helps me make good stuff out of it. I’ve already tried three recipes and it’s been good! Really, nothing to complain. I want to be someone who’s cool enough to eat tofu.
We sat in the car together. Exchanged some light-hearted words about nothing special. It had been a relatively good night but I was exhausted after having been sick for so long and then exhausting myself. I leaned back in the car. And then I decided to take the first step, for once. Usually he’s the active one and I confirm. I took his hand in my hand as he drove through the night. So soft, so wary, so near and so far away. I like him so much. Somehow he’s so similar to me that it almost hurts. His fingers.
I got my first real kiss on a good Friday. If I remember correctly. I think I do. There was a lot of nice things attached to the Easters of my younger years. I got to travel abroad, sans my family, from when I was 15. With a group of other young people plus some adults. Those trips were very influential for me. It took me many many years to stop feeling low in Easter time because the days of Easter travelling were over. When it was time for goodbyes I cried each time so much. Still miss it all.
I wonder where he is now and what his life is like. He was very tall, and nicelooking. I was flattered he liked me. I was brokenhearted when I travelled back home, and then he never wrote to me. Suddenly he came here next summer. I got his postcard the very same day he appeared. Mind you, it was the time before internet and mobile phones. I didn’t like him anymore and showed it. Never heard from him again. What ever became of him? Is he alive? I can’t locate him in the internet. He was sad when we met.
One evening that week in that cute little country, he talked a long time with someone else than me. I felt that sting of being abandoned. It was someone from his country, he could speak his own mother tongue. He talked long, he cried, she consoled him, she hugged him. Later, he told me that he had problems and that he needed to talk about them with someone. I knew he couldn’t do it with me because we didn’t share a language, not for difficult discussions like that. I wasn’t someone he could talk. I was 15. He was 19.
And it seems like yet another winter is getting old and dying. It’s spring, it’s officially spring. Daylight saving time just started, and suddenly it truely is another season in this country of clear seasons. The winter was surprisingly quick. Where does all that time go? So much undone, but on the other hand I feel like I have made a break-through in my thinking or focus or something with regard to something that I have had undone for a long time. I enjoy this new season because it means less clothes! In the winter, summer seems so distantly unproblematic.
Thai tuna. Wow. My mouth waters at the thought. And mind you, I’m not talking about any gourmet thing, just your usual tuna in can thing. I guess I should go and try some real Thai food some time. But even this, Thai tuna in can is really really good. It’s so hot, there are three stars out of three stars for hotness, that is, it’s hottest. Well it is quite hot. It burns so bad on my tongue. But there is a nice stinging pain is so close to pleasure kind of feeling there so it gets enjoyable. Ah.
I knew nothing about Jeff 100 words man before reading his news update yesterday. You know, google his name and pope. Well wasn’t that interesting! I should have gone to sleep already but I started to check all those google links. Interesting! I hope he has a nice year ahead, travelling wherever he wants to. – And now back to this moment. I’m eating yesterday’s grilled thai tuna sandwich. Rye bread, cheese, thai tuna. It tastes good even cold. Ah. The hair in my neck and arms and legs stand up, I get cold shivers, my nipples are erect, so hot!
It’s late in the evening. I’m drinking beer, this is my third beer. He drinks too much, it’s 3-5 beers a night, it is too much. I’m usually fine with one. But I don’t know, tonight I just feel like drinking beer. I was supposed to do this one writing thing (I volunteered!) but luckily someone else saved me the moment I realised I’m not up to it. It was a good day, I had 8 lessons, well, I didn’t, I only had 5 lessons as some people were too busy, but I get paid for all of them. Yay.
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