REPORT A PROBLEM
This exercise reminds me of a Journal that I was required to keep in freshman English class. We were required to write at least a page every day. The length was not a problem, I wrote pages and pages. However, my teacher found fault with my writing, it was filled with earth shattering selections, "Now, I am writing in my Journal. I must write at least a page a day."He wanted me to write something more meaningful or personal. The writing wasn't a problem, but letting someone else read was a different story. I'll try to get over that.
I came back from riding class very depressed. I am just not sure if I am cut out to be a rider. Am I making any progress? Will I ever be competent? Will I ever get over my fear of other people watching? I think about yesterday making comments about other riders. What would they say about me? She has absolutely no business being on a horse? Despite any faults that they showed, they are so much more accomplished than me. Furthermore, they allow foolish audience members to view their attempts. I am certainly not there... yet? Maybe not ever.
Yesterday, I was sitting outside watching the birds. It was peaceful scene, birds eating, flirting, chasing, enjoying the warm spring day. Looking around, I noticed that many of the trees in my yard show clear signs of lightning damage. Is this because years of neglect by former residents means that the damaged limbs remain on site? Or, does it mean that there is some kind of force attracting lightning to my home? This thought became more pronounced later that night as lightning crashed through the sky. I peered into the backyard and waited for a crash, but nothing this time.
Last week, my boss told me that I was woefully underpaid and that she would try to do something about that ... next year. She also said that she didn't know what motivated me to work since it obviously wasn't the money. Wow, that sure made me feel good. Truth is, I certainly haven't felt motivated in a long time and now even less so. I think that I have failed that most basic of childhood questions, "and what do you want to be when you grow up?" After 38 years, I still don't have an answer to that one.
Yesterday on my way home, two cars were playing chicken on the highway. One car passed 2 cars on the shoulder. I was one of them. It scared the hell out of me and I am usually pretty aware of the traffic around me, especially during rush hour. But, suddenly there was a car zooming past me on the shoulder. I watched the two of them after that and even wrote down the license plate number of one car, but I don't know what to do with this knowledge. Too bad the cop wasn't sitting on the shoulder this time.
Early this morning, I heard the familiar scratching and scraping above. Undeniably, there is another raccoon in the attic. I wish that I had kept better track of how many of these creatures have been removed in the past year. Am I running a raccoon hotel (or maybe a brothel)? Each time, I think it is the last. It's been months since I've heard anything; I really thought they were all gone this time. However, I have to admit that lately I have been smelling that wonderful raccoon odor that is pretty unmistakable. At least, it keeps other critters out.
It's opening day at Keeneland. Why am I here instead of there? Instead of hoof beats, I am treated to the grating tones of my neighbor. First, she described in detail her latest pregnancy symptoms. Next, she explained her cat's medical condition ("it's a common problem for small boy cats. They are too small down there for stuff to go through easily.-). Now, it's the intricacies of nursing. When is her baby coming? She has been ready to burst for months. I can't wait for her maternity leave. She has been annoying the hell out of me from day one.
It was cold and windy (at least the rain had stopped), but it was Keeneland in the morning. What could be better? Maybe, Saratoga, but Keeneland is only 10 minutes from my house. The main track was muddy, so most of the action was at the training track, including 2-year olds getting ready for the sales. #166 looked good to me, but what do I know? One horse reared, one, two, three times. The rider hung on impressively. Overheard, "Didn't need that show in front of me!" Meanwhile, an old veteran stands like a statue, oblivious to the chaos around.
Today's lesson was an improvement over last week. I took the long way home to remind myself while I moved to Lexington. I was rewarded with green fields of mares and foals. I was surely tempted to stop at Keeneland, but chores were calling. Instead, I stopped at a Furniture store (remodeling, everything must go!). I didn't buy anything, not even tempted. I have this idea that I will furnish my home from antique stores and auctions, but I don't seem to be doing it. I stopped at the auction house, but nothing inspired me to even get a number.
This morning the moon was sensational. Not completely full, a little misshaped on the top left, but big and yellow. Is there a name for a moon like that? Guess I could look that up. It's called, "Waxing Gibbous." Waxing means that it's approaching full, gibbous means "marked by convexity or swelling,"or "humpbacked." The humpbacked moon. That's better than waxing gibbous; although I guess it should be "waxing humpbacked,"to show that it's nearing full or even better, "emerging humpback." That's not right, though, since once it emerges it is no longer a humpback. So, waxing gibbous it is.
I have been doing this pilates DVD four times a week. But, I decided that I really needed to do something about my butt. So, I got this DVD called, (no lie) Killer Butt. Last night, I popped it in. Oh man. This thing was unbelievable, lots of repetition. I lasted only seven minutes and I was absolutely dying. True, I am a rank amateur when it comes to workouts, but this was pretty intense and I can definitely feel it today. I think my goal will be to make it to the end of the workout, but not today.
This morning as I stopped for gas there was a truck at my usual pump. Then, I couldn't use my credit card for some reason. So (horrors), I had to go inside to pay. I was stuck behind the same couple who had taken my pump. The woman was telling her whole life story to the clerk (they were headed to Maysville to catch a train). Finally, I was able to pay and continue on my way. The real question is why did this irritate me so? I arrived at work 5 minutes later than usual, why do I care?
This morning, the moon was entirely full, no waxing at all. I suppose by tomorrow it will begin waning. I was kind of surprised to see the moon, as it was lightning and thundering when I left Lexington. However, not a drop of rain fell during the drive. I left a little earlier this morning because I got ready faster than usual. I think that was because I took a very quick shower, I hate showering when it's lightning. As I result, I was at my desk by 6:50. It's funny how these small amounts of time mean so much.
Yesterday, I took 27 most of the way home. I didn't really plan it. There was an accident on 71, so I decided to take 275. Then, I saw the exit for 27. I thought, "Wow, 27, that's the road that practically runs right to my door,"and off I went. The beginning was very frustrating, construction in Alexandria and then a garbage truck. Soon, however, the traffic cleared and it was a very smooth ride, much better than 25. Surprisingly, the mileage is not that much farther than 75. A good alternative route, when I'm not in a hurry.
Today was the first volunteer day for Rolex. Our job was to put mulch around the jumps in preparation for the flowers. It was mostly uneventful until the course designer came to check out our work. He exclaimed, "you've covered up my fucking jump." (I found it charming that this was related to us as "effing jump-) Then, we had to remove much of the mulch. Taking away was definitely harder than adding. I liked the volunteer crowd, mostly retired couples and older women. Funny, I don't really feel that interested in attending the actual event. Maybe, this will change.
Keeneland was absolutely packed for the Blue Grass, I didn't think that I would find a place to park. My first instinct was to turn around and go home, but finally, I found a spot (in the grass, but not the mud). I always feel conflicted on these days. I love the racing on the big days. But, I hate the crush of the drunken masses (Overheard: "this is where the common folks hang out.-) and the impossibility of seeing much of the actual racing. I hope that Gallant Secret runs Wednesday, so I can enjoy Keeneland in relative peace.
I was reading this book where one character had removed all hair from his body including eyebrows. So, I was thinking, what is the point of eyebrows anyway? Ok, I get the fact that we were once entirely covered with hair and have mostly lost this except for some key areas (like the top of your head to keep heat in). I also understand the need for things like eyelashes and the hair in your nose, but why eyebrows? Are they supposed to offer protection to the eyes? Or are they a signaling device, as expertly demonstrated by John Belushi?
Today, I was sitting in a meeting when a truck went by with large writing declaring that they were a Document Shredding Company. We all found it very strange that they would advertise they were carrying confidential documents. Someone commented that we should steal the truck. I thought, wow, I didn't know you could make a career of shredding documents. I could do that. When I first started temping, I saw a job description in the paper, "duties include sending faxes, distributing faxes, and copying faxes." I was excited because it was something that I was actually qualified to do.
First real class at Masterson Station (first week, only grooming). I was not comfortable from the beginning and the horse knew it. He wanted to go, and I had a trouble getting him under control. The highlight was when I came off the horse. I didn't exactly fall; I started to fall and jumped. But, that's irrelevant. I was unbalanced, I was not moving with the horse. If I'm not getting this, I'm just throwing money away and I cannot afford to do that. On the positive side, I did have a nice talk with one of the advanced students.
At work, we have a great view of a construction site. Apparently, they are building condos. The whole process is a mystery to us, however. They seem to just be removing dirt from one place and using this to build a huge mountain. Someone said that they had to level the area, but it was level before they started this mess. Whatever they are doing, it certainly makes for a welcome distraction from work and we are all more than willing to be distracted. Someone remarked that they would love that job, carrying dirt back and forth. I'll second that.
Rain. I like sleeping in the rain, walking in the rain, even dancing (although not well) in the rain. But, I absolutely hate driving in the rain. Not only does the rain cause problems, but the actions of the other drivers contribute to the chaos. There is the car who doesn't have its lights on even when there is no visibility and the car going 10 even when the rain lets up (usually in the passing lane). Why can't they all get off the road and let me get home? Predictably, as I pulled into the driveway, the rain ceased.
Major accomplishment today. I dug up the entire flower bed, the same patch of ground that defeated me much of last year. Two factors were in my favor. The rain made the ground nice and soft. And, I think all my activities last year actually did some good, because I found a number of dead roots. Interesting find, I was digging next to one of the evil stumps and speared a circle of dirt. Turned out to be a stone/clay circle with a hole about 10 inches diameter. No idea what it is. I guess some research is in order.
Surprise, surprise, I have picked up some poison after working in the yard yesterday. Welcome to my spring (and summer). I swear it's not poison ivy. I think I know what poison ivy looks like after having it so often last year. Speaking of which, it looks like the poison ivy on the tree in the back is really and truly dead. Poetic justice after what it did to me. I hope those unidentified weeds with the white flowers are not poisonous, as I must have pulled up about 50 of those today. Guess I'll find out tomorrow. Can't wait.
Here's an amusing scene: Me, wearing a skirt trudging around Home Depot with 25 pounds of sunflower seed. I didn't get a cart because I hadn't intended on buying 25 pounds. And, the checkout is about as far from the bird seed as it can be. Luckily, I was parked near the exit and was spared wandering around the parking lot with my package. Interestingly, no one offered to help. Not that I needed help, but sometimes it's nice to get the offer. I thought I heard someone say, "Does she need a cart?"But, that was probably my imagination
No class tonight. Canceled on account of inclement weather. Gee, it hasn't rained a drop since I got home. Funny, after last week I didn't want to go back at all. But today, I was looking forward to class. I think that part of my problem is that I go to class expecting things to go wrong and so they do. I need to start visualizing everything going right. By the way, I have poison ivy all over my face (including ears). I don't understand how I always get it on my face. I swear my chin is actually swollen.
Forgot to lay out my clothes last night, so went with something reliable and comfortable, old (and I mean old) sage pants, green sleeveless t-shirt and gray cardigan. Now, I am not at all sure that these items match. No, that's not it. They match all right; they are practically the same exact color. More accurately, I don't think that they complement each other at all. I remember when I got this cardigan; it didn't seem to match anything. I was overjoyed when I stumbled upon the above mentioned combo. Hmmm... this may require a return to the drawing board.
Meaningless meeting this morning with E.P. holding court. Lots of useless information no one else cared about. And a big deal about the title change (which she hadn't revealed to "her"people). Not sure what that was about, some kind of power trip I suppose. Funniest thing was that she looked substantial larger on top than the last time that I saw her. Others thought the same. Hmmm.... may explain why she's been out so often. Wonder how she paid for those? Oh well, I'm just glad that I see her so little now that I don't recall her appearance.
Dressage day at Rolex. Interesting, but I didn't really understand. We finally figured out the scoring at the end. There were some devoted dressage followers in front of us. They laughed at our comments - but we didn't really care. Suddenly one was overtaken by some kind of spell. She was sweating profusely and having trouble catching her breath. She laid down on the bench while her friend fanned her. I was very afraid that she would fall over on me. The funniest thing is that she kept shouting out little bits of info about the riders from her prone position.
Cross-country day at Rolex. We picked a spot at the water near some of the jumps we planted (including the "effing jump.-). Very close to the action. The current leader retired before making it to us. Next up, the defending champ. She looked a bit awkward and went the alternative route. Bam, off she came into the water. She and the horse seemed fine, but no repeat this year. Our favorite was Bad Boy Billy. A bit wild in the dressage, he was pretty rough at jumping. But, he was having fun out there and he made it over everything.
The rain held off at Rolex almost until the end, the last couple riders had to complete the jumping in a light shower. This may have compromised the leader, as her horse slipped making a turn. Still, the winner looked very happy and it was impossible not to be happy for him. The rain began falling steadily during the awards ceremony and it was pouring as we removed the flowers. Ended up soaked, covered with sand and dead tired. Also ended up with 10 flats of flowers. They all need to go in the ground before I leave for Rome.
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