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02/01 Direct Link
In the dark and steamy kitchen, Ezili, Uchawi, Baka and Kennis stand guard, overseeing the ritualistic cookery of the Voodoo Queen. They are the Loas, the Voodoo spirits, who were summoned into the cafe this morning, complete with appropriate bones and/or chicken feet. The pleasant but overpowering odour of Banana bread sweetens the air, as vapour clouds form on the cold windows behind the Loas. But the Loas are newly created, and as yet, their powers over the coffee machine were not strong enough. Despite their best efforts, the steam continued to hiss out from the Chrome Monstrosity, malevolently.
02/02 Direct Link
Ezili has gone. She was summoned by Master Sin, off to another part of the mortal world, ne'er to darken the windows of the cafe again. As the Love spirit, she will be much missed, but I hope she is not scorned. True to her nature as a female spirit, in addition to bringing Love, she can also be spiteful and jealous. Much like the Voodoo Queen herself, who is suffering acute frustrations in her absence.(not involving the coffee machine today, however) The wonderful thing about Voodoo magick is that even the metaphysical entities are subjected to hormone imbalances!
02/03 Direct Link
Voodoo Queen is knackered. And frankly, Voodoo Queen stinks – of coffee froth and bleach, and if we're really honest here, sweat. The cafe is busy. This is a good thing. Voodoo Queen's hair is scragged back in an untidy knot, but greasy strands still fall in her eyes periodically which drives her more insane. However, the coffee is perfect. The food looks great, and is plentiful. Highly alcoholic chocolate cake smells amazing. The cafe's occupants look happy, at least, as happy as moody teenagers ever do look. Positive energy pervades the room. This amount of Voodoo magick is hard work!!
02/04 Direct Link
Creating 'magic' is all part of the job. Why does Voodoo Queen work in a cafe? The question is often asked, even by her nearest and dearest, even by Baron Samedi himself. The answer is, because she genuinely loves it. This simply creates more questions, however – WHY does she love it? She loves the Stench of Teenagers (stench being the proper collective noun, of course). She loves the banter with the Real Actual Alive Customers. She loves Baron Samedi downstairs. She loves cooking up exoticisms. But she has embedded herself too deep, and now, she can't ever let it go.
02/05 Direct Link
Asking the universe for wishes has been a chore of late, the Voodoo Queen is resisting the charm of Cosmic ordering, and that’s sending mixed signals to the great old ones who grant our wishes. Apart from that the gumbo is better than ever and it’s inevitable that the Voodoo Café is going to get busier, even without the assistance of beings from the other planes of existence. When the café ingredients are mixed with love and happiness the customers can’t resist the culinary charms of the Voodoo Queen and neither can the Baron when it comes to feeding time.
02/06 Direct Link
“Right you 'orrible lot, bugger off!” That was the second time The Voodoo Queen had said this today; next time the mop would get brought out. Wouldn't you if you had a Stench of Teenagers hanging around after you'd closed? “But we have coffee!” Said Grem, the Cafe's resident, or persistent if you prefer, bum. “Well finish that and then go, alright?” “...” “I mean it Grem!” “... alright then” He sighed. “Fancy letting me hang around if I buy you a pint after?” “No.” “Oh well.” And with that, he left into the great unknown. Never to be seen 'til tomorrow.
02/07 Direct Link
Meh! Why is love so pants? When one is usually strong and independent, love turns you into a withering weak fool. This cannot be healthy – surely! What's with the 'warm and fuzzy' feeling? I'm sure cave-men didn't feel warm and fuzzy inside when dragging their biatches across rocky terrain by the hair, and ripping into slain beasts! Sweet nothings should not be allowed to be uttered when not within a foot of a bucket. Perhaps love is a kind of mental psychosis – and now that I have fallen in love, (puke), now the time has perhaps come kill myself!
02/08 Direct Link
Dave sat penny less in the voodoo café in the less reputable side of the town. The café was run by Voodoo Queen Bel. The mysterious and alluring creature that she was disguised her pure lust for his very stabbable body by way of aggression and hatred of him never spending anything. Dave knew this was a ruse, for he had scrounged an uber-coffee that very morning. Dave didn't mind, as far as he was concerned, if the young temptress wanted to poke him with sharpened steel prongs, for the betterment of her want for Johnny Depp, she could.
02/09 Direct Link
It has recently come to my attention, and, by recently I do, in fact, mean immediately...right now, that I have no particular thoughts or opinions to write about at the moment. So instead, I shall record a bizarre series of observations. Firstly, of course, I must declare that Hotpoint's cabbage is green and invisible. I'm of the impression that his statement was intended for humour value only; however I shan't omit to point out that it is illogical and contradictory. It has also come to my attention that not one of the cafe layabouts is without a head. Yeessssss....
02/10 Direct Link
Well that was wierd, Grem had thrown Voodoo Queen a party yesterday at closing time. Just to say "Ha! You're old! Sorry, ahem, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" and "We love you, lots, that is The Stench does, really we do" What Grem didn't know that although she'd just arranged the "Oh shit we forgot to have the 'Oh shit we forgot it was New Years Party' Party" that it would be the last chance he got to have a drink with The Voodoo Queen. For what may possibly be a long while. Grem wants Voodoo Queen back as soon as humanly possible
02/11 Direct Link
I do love the teenagers, even if they smell and smoke and get moody and spend all day in here not spending anything. They decided to Do Something for my birthday, so at 3.30 precisely, Grem came marching up the stairs clutching a crate of beer, saying “By the way Bel, Les says you’re officially shut”… cue rapid clearing up, and an evening of Copious Amounts of Alcohol. They even took me to the only pub they can get served in and bought me drinks all night. Aww…This does not mean I’m letting them off buying things in here though.
02/12 Direct Link
Another perfect, silly little day in my wonderful world. Am encouraging the kids to write 100words entries too, so far, they seem to be pretty good at it, but none of them have the discipline to write a whole month’s worth on their own. By ‘the kids’ I mean, the group of teenagers that occupy the café, day in day out. I can’t help feeling somewhat responsible for them. One of them even calls me Mum (ironically of course). And this evening I had wine and happy talks lounging round on the sofa with their ‘Dad’…My whole world is here.
02/13 Direct Link
My voodoo doll has grown, after I left it in water for three days. (under light of the full moon, obviously). So today I got to stick pins in it, and now of course Johnny Depp is going to fall in love with me. Mr Depp did in fact turn up today, after a lovely customer overheard my voodoo chanting and decided to buy me a 100% Unofficial mug. Brings new meaning to 'mugshot' -heh. Meanwhile, the other person I wish to cast my love spells on seems paranoid, and says I sound 'ominous'. That dear, is the point. Surely.
02/14 Direct Link
I love the word Gumbo. GUMBO. Fabulous. That, and it tastes great. Exotic but deceptively simple. I love this sort of cookery – throw everything edible nearby into a bit pot and see what happens. You can skry, see the future with a good gumbo, apparently. Generally speaking, the future is going to contain a good dinner. Providing you remember the Cajun Holy Trinity, that is, celery, onions and chilli pepper, all other ingredients are variable. Oh, and Ladies' Fingers of course. Isn't that the other name for Okra? Very fitting. Humble, bubble, toil and trouble, baguettes burn and gumbo bubbles....
02/15 Direct Link
How much of this is Magic, and how much of it is an extension of Voodoo Queen's ego? Voodoo Queen has to depart... I don't know how long for. Voodoo Queen does not want to go, at all. I will miss this place, so so much. Everything I've worked on, all my friends, everything we've built up – is it really going to disappear without me? Even Voodoo Queen is not arrogant enough to believe that. But it will change. And even though the future is completely uncertain right now, I do not think it will ever be the same again.
02/16 Direct Link
Tis a wonderful thing, having wifi in the Café. All those hours frittered away hunting stupid cartoons and silly songs. Did I know that badgerbadgerbadger.com has more hits than the Llama song? Did I care? Much better to write your own, really.

Coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM! Coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM! Coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee STEAK! It’s a steaaak, oooooo, it’s a steeaaaak! Coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!

I do wonder why people call me strange? Voodoo Queen is confused.

02/17 Direct Link
Here's Steffi's contribution:

I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel I miss Bel LOADS

02/18 Direct Link
Sometimes, the teenagers speak, and sometimes it's even comprehensible.

Charly: “regarding 'food-from-the-cafe-related -comments'
rarely is such good tasting food delivered with such care, despite possible (probable!) mishaps during the cooking process! although manners aren't always given in exchange for these creations, they are always enjoyed to the furthest extent, with unspoken thanks shown by the plate being returned spotlessly (sauce doesn't count!). i know all of the above makes very little sense, but the thought's there!”

Bel: “thanks hon”

Charly: *hugs Bel some more* no worries - tis what i'm here for. and pizza wraps, of course.

02/19 Direct Link
Minion is a relatively new addition to the Voodoo World. She missed the creation of the universe and also the evolution of the dominant population. But, she has fitted in well, and warped the world to fit around her. Her control over the physical world is remarkably. Where Voodoo Queen goes, mess seemingly mushrooms up around her. Where Minion goes, sparkling cleanliness follows. Washing up simply vanishes before our eyes when she is in the proximity. Shopping arrives miraculously, and garlic bread is created almost effortlessly. What Voodoo Queen would be complete without her Minion? We love her to bits.
02/20 Direct Link
Hello Children,

Due to quietness and some cases of heavy piss-taking in the cafe recently, we've decided its time to post some Rules.

It is a cafe not a youth club.
This means: Bums on seats; No sitting on the floor, on each other, at the top of the stairs, hiding outside the loos, or standing round the kitchen looking moody.
Bags/coats/guitars/laptops/bike helmets should NOT be piled up in an untidy mountain next to the sofa, or on tables that are not otherwise occupied, and most definitely NOT right where I'm gonna trip over them.

02/21 Direct Link
2) It is a cafe not a storage space.
Any clutter that remains in here for longer than two days gets binned, given to charity shops or stolen by Voodoo Queen. By 'clutter' I mean college notes, Maz's collection of costumes, Grem's jackets, scarves, Viking helmets, hats, posters of Johnny Depp, Grem's glasses, MP3 players, art folders, shoes, CDs, knickers, unidentifiable alcohol and table legs (yes, I really did find table legs!)

3)More than three of you sharing one coke/filter coffee counts as a piss-take.

4) Interweb access is only free WHEN YOU BUY SOMETHING.

02/22 Direct Link
No amount of pleading will convince me to let you smoke in here, even if it's quiet, and even if me and Rachel are.

Horrible noises are to be kept to a minimum
By this I mean crappy 'music' off your laptops, idiot ring tones, squeaky caveman bats, the sounds of you killing eachn other, and your 'singing' are to be kept below a certain level of irritatingness. This level is set by me, and varies depending on my mood/hangover.

Chewing gum is COMPLETELY BANNED

No sleeping, canoodling, or attempted to suffocate each other is allowed on the sofa.

02/23 Direct Link
The cafe's first Official Couple are being a little nauseating at present. They met here, a little Voodoo magic had to be employed in order to get things moving along in the right direction, but now the love birds are coo-ing in the corner, swigging coffee and stuffing their faces on giant burritos, completely oblivious to the world around them. When they do surface and register the existence of other mortals in the vicinity, it is only to divulge lurid details of things We Do Not Want To Know About and other topics generally classed as 'Too Much Information.'
02/24 Direct Link
Coffee! We all love coffee... And this is Damn Good Coffee. Luxurious, rich, ethically sound, gourmet coffee to be precise. Some is called Guatemalan Huehuetenanga. I don't know what that means, but it sounds fantastic. Other stuff is Monsooned Malabar – apparently warm wet monsoon winds do something dramatic to the coffee beans, giving it a more chocolatey scent. I learn something new everyday here... and I learn plenty now I am officially a Fully Trained Barrister. I mean, Barista. I am Mistress of the Chrome Monstrosity! Caffeine is my passion, and all shall bow down to my mighty Uber-Coffee!!
02/25 Direct Link
In the beginning was the Word. And the Word was “Bored.”

One of the very first conversations we had, way back before The Big Bang.

“I'm bored of all this. I want to work for myself. One day, I want to have a fair trade cafe.”
“Yeah, I've always fancied owning a cafe. I want to do all sorts of exotic South American food.”
“I like Mexican....”

That was... September 2004. Two and a half years later, and here we are. And Baron Samedi made the world, and saw that it was Good.

Beware Bored conversations, they can be prophetic.

02/26 Direct Link
Where did Gremlin come from? I don't mean in any reproductive sense – I have his Mother's number permanently installed in my phone under “Grem's Mum”. I mean, where did The Gremlin Caricature come from? His larger than life persona, the ridiculous, almost cartoon image. He turns up at the cafe, daily, yelling “Get me a coffee, wench!” in dulcet tones. The clothing varies, but the most memorable costume was the hippy oversized purple shirt, ultra tight black jeans, a beret and a floor length knitted pink scarf. Hayley's comment really summed it up:
“You've really out-gayed yourself today, Grem.”
02/27 Direct Link
SNOW!! The Voodoo Cafe “yay-it's-snowing” party was a bit of an impromptu affair. The day was quiet, rain pissed down outside and even the die-hard smokers didn't dare leave the comforts of the Warm Sofa to fuel their addiction. Voodoo Queen was engrossed, staring into the oven and willing a giant banana bread to hurry up and cook. That was until the cry went up: “Its snoooowwwwiinnnggg!!!!!!” Outside we all rushed, even Baron Samedi dared to stick his nose out the door. Everyone danced around idiotically, like a bunch of teenagers. (Which is exactly what they are!)
02/28 Direct Link
So, that's it folks. The Voodoo Cafe's first contribution to the world of 100words. Will we continue? Voodoo Queen would like to think so. But will the Stench of Teenagers actually generate enough collective interest to combat that ultra-cool apathy and world weary cynicism? Will Baron Samedi or Minion ever do anything other than work, without Voodoo Queen to distract them? Will Voodoo Queen return to her beloved cafe? Will Dave ever spend any money? Will the Chrome Monstrosity continue to function in a less threatening manner? Find out in the next thrilling episode of The Voodoo Cafe Ramblings....