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Itís a good thing we donít get report cards as parents. Our children would never give us a decent or honest grade. No matter what good things you do or have done, it is never good enough.
Parenting is similar to two courses we all have to study. History and Mathematics. Mothers are generally better historians, while Fathers are better mathematicians. History changes and math stays the same.
Perhaps we shouldnít focus on the grade so much, but focus on the effort behind the grade. Nah, I really donít think weíd score too well there either. Not in their eyes.
When you became a parent, did you think you would lose your identity as an individual? You donít have time to look for it until the thieves are in pursuit of their own. Thatís when your identity as a parent changes. You no longer know what you are talking about. That is, unless you say what they want to hear. When does a child become an adult? In their eyes it happens when they identify themselves as decision making individuals. Their independence is only present as long as they get what they want. Their dependency is always your fault. Why?
Did you ever wonder how your children can tell you every mistake you ever made but manage to forget their own?
I especially love when children tell you what they will or will not do as parents before they are parents. Some things they aspire to do as parents they will. But parenting itself isnít as black and white as they imagine it to be, and only a parent knows this.
Just as there are no perfect children, there are no perfect parents. Should parents apologize for this lack of perfection? Nah, youíre going to hear about the mistakes anyway.
Why do our children (not all of them) try to make us feel guilty for their failures? When things donít go their way it inevitably comes back to the parent. No matter how hard you try, how much advice you give, it just doesnít pan out. Advice falls on deaf ears no matter how sound it is, especially when the advice is not what they bargained for.
Iím still trying to figure out at what age our children become adults. Are we bad parents for wanting to finish out our remaining years as individuals, solo of our children? Dear Lord!
Enough already. Iíll just continue to pray that Iíve made some good decisions and put my trust in Jesus. He is always with me and has a way of letting you know that everything will be fine as long as you trust in Him. I ask for more for others then I do for myself, and thatís the way it should be. To me anyway. Iíve been so blessed throughout my years. I know it and appreciate it. Donít get me wrong. I didnít always see the blessings. Only as Iíve matured I have been able to see the blessings.
Tiffany returned from Jamaica a couple of weeks ago. She just got her photo album together of her trip. It was beautiful. She spent a lot of hours making the pages come alive. I would not have thought her to be the type to put so much energy into a photo album. It makes me think about how things will be if she does indeed become my daughter-in-law. I hope she is the one, as I have grown to love her like a daughter and will welcome her with open arms and heart to my family.
I love you Tiffany!
I watched a show on MTV called ďPimp My Ride.Ē I just so happened to be up at 2 a.m. and the television was left on, on that particular channel. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Couldnít take my eyes off the set. It made me look at people differently. How you ask? One of the mechanics reminded me of the Statue of Liberty, the way his hair was spiked. Initially I thought, ďwhat a freak.Ē By the time I watched four half hour episodes I found myself thinking what a wonderful guy he was.
Donít judge a book by its cover!
Getting back to MTVís ďPimp My Ride,Ē all of the mechanics where wonderful. I donít think Iíve ever watched a show like this that has left such an impression on me. Talk about gifted! If you ever have the opportunity to watch this program, indulge yourself. I never thought I would be interested in watching old hoopties take on a new life. Quite the opposite. I couldnít stop talking about it to my husband who must of thought I had lost my mind. He does however, now have an interest in watching an episode or two and Iíll be there!
Lightening and thunderstorms. I do not care for them at all. Some of you don't experience them. My brother for one, who lives in California, doesn't. He knows what they are like.
A fourteen-year-old boy was struck by lightening in Cherry Hill, NJ. He is in critical condition with burns over fifty percent of his body. The shirt he was wearing caught on fire and was extinguished by another pedestrian. When the paramedics arrived, he was not breathing. They resuscitated him. I donít have any other details, no updates. I can only pray for him, and I will.
A woman in Delaware placed her 18 month old baby in a hospital parking lot. She attached a note stating that the babyís name is John Vincent. She also wrote that she had recently become unemployed, had no medical insurance and quite simply could not take care of her baby. She asked that ďGod have mercy on her soul.Ē I donít know why, but I feel so very sorry for this woman. I know theyíll find her, find out who she is. She didnít harm her child. She opted to give him life, assumingly better then what she could offer.
We havenít sold our house yet. Donít get me wrong, Iím not worried about it. I just donít want to continue paying two mortgages. We can handle it for a while without a struggle but Iíd rather keep my money in my pocket. Donna Summers would understand. ďShe worked hard for the money. So hard for it honey.Ē Since I do not have a job lined up in my new location, it would only seem right to want to keep what I have managed to save. The longer I hold onto it, the longer I have to find a job.
Some of the things he says to people are totally uncalled for. They are mean spirited things that he says are only jokes. I donít buy all of this and I told him so. I totally believe he knows he says mean things, however I am not sure he knows why he does it. I sure as hell donít know why so I am of no assistance to him on this one. I do not believe it is his nature to be a mean person. He is never mean to me. Underneath, he is a very kind and giving person.
I asked him if he ever wondered why people take to me but not to him. He doesnít say much but I know he listens to me. I told him that people shy away from him because he is so quiet. I donít mean to suggest that being quiet is a bad thing. Some people should do a little less talking and I wish they would. But in his case, he should consider what comes out of his mouth when he does decide to talk. He fails to remember that he is as far from perfect as the next guy.
Are people really just kidding when they say something? Iíve heard that there is always some underlying truth to what one says, even when they say they are just kidding. I believe this. Perhaps the person doesnít want to come right out and say what is really on their mind so they make out like they are just kidding. When you care about the feelings of another it can be awkward. Itís not always what you say, but how you say it. Sometimes it can be ugly no matter how hard you struggle to make it nice. No win situation.
I get very angry with him. If it were not for the fact that I love his ass, Iíd leave him. Probably not for long. Just long enough for him to see the error of his ways. One thing about him if left alone he does change. He does not want to be without me. He loves me. He is a person that can change the way he does things. Iíve witnessed it. So with perseverance on my part, the mission can be accomplished. It takes a lot of one on one, me ranting. Hang down your head Tom Dooley.
There are those who would disagree with me on how I handle the situation with him. They think itís not my job to correct the situation. Ultimately it is my decision. It is also my investment. I believe you get out of a relationship what you are willing to put into it. No one has the right to tell you what is right or wrong for you. Only you know. If you are being physically abused, then yes you need to be told the situation isnít right for you. Everything else is a personal choice. The operative word here ďpersonal.Ē
A very dear friend of mine recently told me that he is being physically abused in his relationship. My response to him was to get out of it. Anything other then abuse can be managed. Physical abuse rarely ever goes away. I was stunned when he told me ďmaybe I deserved it.Ē No one deserves to be hit by their partner. That isnít love.
This person is very well educated. He has a Masterís degree in Education and is also an RN. He wonít admit this, but I think he tolerates the abuse because he is afraid of being alone.
Itís very sad to me that a person would tolerate physical abuse rather then facing life alone. I would hope that I would be able to make a rational decision if the shoe were on the other foot. Perhaps Iíve never been that lonely. Would I be able to fill the void of not having someone with me? Would I be able to find new ways of occupying my time? Would being alone with myself be all that bad? What defines loneliness? Will we go to any extreme to avoid being alone?
I donít know how to help my friend.
I am surrounded by artists. A talent I would love to have. Artistic people are so creative and expressive. The only drawback to this is that they live in chaos. Everything around them if you watch them, causes them some sort of grief. The more grief they experience the more expressive the art. Iím not just talking about the art of painting. Iím talking about every aspect of art. Music, photography, pottery, decorating, sculpturing, writing, etc.
Just because I write 100 words doesnít mean Iím an artist. Letís be very clear about that. I consider this journaling at its best.
I collected a ton of books when I worked for the airline. Books left on airplanes go to lost and found and are never claimed. After 30 days they are thrown away, if no employees take them. I couldnít see any books go to the trash bin. So, now I have so many books to read when I have the time. Iíve got some of everything. Itís amazing what people will read. I have mostly best sellers. Iím going to make a library for myself in my new home. Iíve always wanted a bookcase and now I will have one.
What makes a house a home? The furnishings or the people who reside in it? Iím having a hard time figuring this one out. We furnish our homes for ourselves. We place things in the home that we enjoy, that make it a comfortable abode. A safe haven for us to hang out. Sometimes it can be homey when there are people in it and sometimes it can feel intrusive. I guess it feels intrusive for a couple of reasons. You either donít feel like the annoyance of being around other people, or you donít like picking up after them.
The reality of it is this, I am not a cat person no matter how hard I try to be. Yes, they can be sweet and cute little creatures, even cuddle buds. I just donít care for them. I have two cats. One is very mean and will bite the hand that feeds him as well as anyone who touches him. The other is as sweet as the day is long. They just exist. Eat, sleep and shit. So whatís the point? The way I figure it, the only reason a person wants a cat is to catch a mouse.
Dogs are great. They are interactive animals. Great companions for everyone. They show love and are eager to please. They always forgive you, no matter what. When you come home they are always excited to see you, even if youíve only been gone for five minutes. They protect and defend. Iím never lonely with my dog around. She knows when I need her and I know when she needs me. The new house we bought has a pool and I canít wait to see her swim in it. Sheís never been in that much water (although she hates getting bathed).
Three weeks from today I should be arriving at my new home after a twenty-four hour drive. I canít wait till the fat lady sings. There is so much to do it is overwhelming me. I canít sleep, I have no appetite and my nerves are shot.
I have two wonderful daughters that console me. One daughter awaits my arrival and the other is off to school in LA. The latter has enough of her own battles right now just trying to get packed herself. Life is changing all around me. Iím fearful, but my faith will see me through.
Weíre approaching the end of the month and I have so many things to do that it is getting harder to keep up with my 100 words. Iím trying to pack up my household belongings in addition to working a fulltime job. Itís not easy for those of you who havenít done it before. I ask myself how important it is right now to write these words. I have cheated because I havenít done it each day. Oh well, we all have to do what we have to do. There is no absolute black and white, only shades of gray.
Why does everything go wrong when you need it to go right? The closer I get to my move the more wrong things are happening. Things that I shouldnít have to worry about. Things are breaking that need to be repaired for the sale of my home and I really donít want to put out any extra money. My son is still living in my basement, hasnít packed a damn thing and I donít even know where he is going to go. Is he waiting until the last second to make his move? I really donít need his stress too!
Iím going to be without a washer or dryer for ten days. This means I will have to go to the Laundromat. I donít want to go there to do my wash. Iím pouting about this like it will be the end of my life having to do so. They are hot and I donít like the thought of doing my laundry where someone else has done theirs. The dryers wreck your clothes. Oh to be done with this move. I must make a promise to myself that this will be the last for me. Please Lord, say it is!
Preparation time is now in progress. One more day before my stepson the vet puts down my oldest cat Little Fish. You are asking why his name his Little Fish? His mother was named Big Fish and he had already been named by the animal hospital when he was born so we kept it. He was the runt of the litter and my stepson thought he would be the best cat of them all. He was so tiny when we picked him up. His siblings were 3 times his size. He was small enough to fit into my husband's shoe.
It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was the humane thing to do but it felt so very horrible. Before Little Fish was euthanized he was given a shot to make him sleepy so I could spend time holding him. You see, this cat would never let anyone hold him. He would cuddle with you on his terms but never ever pick him up and think you could hold him at will. I held him and stroked him gently while talking to him. I cried uncontrollably as I sat in my rocking chair with him.
From hours of crying my eyes look like swollen cotton balls. My Little Fish is gone but he will never be forgotten. He was my little warrier cat. He was fearless. I will always remember how he loved to go out in the yard on his leash, hide under the pine trees and watch for the birds to fly by. He could catch a bird in mid air. I would always make him let it go and he would wait for the next one to come along. Little Fish was a biter. He bit people. This had to be done.
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