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Life is Zoe
OK...so i really started on the thirteenth, so maybe this wont count, but i felt the need to catch up the month...i dont want to leave it incomplete...its ok if it doesn't count, I am really just doing this for me. You know it has been quite some time since I have done any sort of quick write, much less a series of them..i wish this thing would count off the words so i didnt have to count them every several words. I mean, what if i miss count...its not like its math its words
so maybe if someone is reading this they might want to know somthing about me...I like:my daughter zoe, dr pepper, the moon, strawberry shampoo, vanilla perfume, karaoke, good humor, hearing other people's points of view...I like to bowl, ski, chat, game. I like water aerobics the word fuzzy a good book a good movie a good friend...I dont like conceit, anger, perpetual lying, the "c" word. I dont like Guiness beer..it tastes too much like coffee...I dont like injustice or unfairness (is that even a word?)I dont like seeing people treat others badly
Zoe is the greek word for life. That is the epitomy of what Zoe is to me. She is my life. She is my second chance at life. Is that too much pressure to put on such innocents? Boy she is just this little clump of beautiful, i can not even believe how lucky I am. She amazes me every day. She looks like me, except from the eyebrows up, then she looks like her dad, so sometimes when she is concentrating or doin that thing with her eyebrows that she does, I can see him. He is missing out
I am tired today. Spring forward really messes with my internal clock for some reason. I know that we only lose an hour, but it seems like much more than that. Oh what ever happened to the days that I could run on fumes for days on end...working fifteen sixteen seventeen hour days. Now I feel the urge to lay down whenever Zoe goes down for a nap. When does the sleep when the baby sleeps rule run out? Im pretty sure it is not until they are fifteen. Zoe is moody today, but at this moment she plays
I put Zoe's miniature lounger in the living room today. I dont think we had these when I was a kid. Its adorable. It is like a big overstuffed chair, except small. It has small checkerboards on it. Its colors are sky blue, yellow, pink and green. This really is a sweet little chair. It was given to us, and needs to be cleaned up a little, but it is hers and she looks so grown up while sitting in it, eating her apple. The child can eat, and eat and eat. It seems to be her favorite past time
Perhaps it is time to throw Zoe up on my shoulders and saunter on over to the Corner Cafe. That is the name of the place as well as its location. The food is not bad or expensive. The waitresses there dote on Zoe, which is nice, because she is pretty shy, so it is good for her to interact a little with people she doesn't know well. I think she may have inherited that from me. Im shy too. Well, untill Im not anymore.(85) Then I often say things that can get me in to trouble. Thats ok sometimes
Quietly waiting for the noise to go out of my ears. I slip my thumb and two middle fingers in to their propper places while stairing straight ahead. My thumb sticks, so i take it out, blow hot air in to its slot and replace it. Leading off with my right foot...step one..arm falls out in front of me. left foot takes the lead while right hand swings back behind me..one more step, arm is down at side...last step to the line.. release...crouched, left hand out to the side, right hand swinging. damn! only eight
Has it been a year already since I received my new Life? I can hardly believe how warp speed time flew by. Did i give birth to her or was it the other way around? I am sure it was the latter. Her eyes of greyish blue, so filled with innocence and wisdom. If I could only see inside that mind I am sure I could find the answer to any question ever asked. Thank you thank you to whom ever it is I am supposed to thank for such a gift. I must have done somthing so very right.
They sit, two of them, playing seperately, but together. She's taller than him now, almost weighs as much. The six months that divide them's hardly noticible. He's all boy. pushes, tosses, throws everything that comes in to his path. She has courage in her, especially when it comes to high places, but she is very much a girl, gentle, snuggly. Wouldn't it be amazing if, one day, a blink of an eye from now, our jests would catch up with them, and we find ourselves watching them walk down the aisle in order to play seperately, but together for life?
Zoe got a stuffed dog for her birthday. If you pet its back it makes noise. It really is an adorable little critter, but it freaks the real dog out. It is quite funny to watch her be scared of a toy. I wonder if she will get used to this puppy as if she would any other nuisance. She is used to the abuse the kids put her through, she really is quite a good dog. The babies can do pretty much anything to her and she rarely complains. She usually just licks them in to submission. Good dog.
Im almost caught up with this game, having taken longer than planned to get the original two weeks or so that I had missed because of signing up mid month. It’s amazing how one could drone on and and on, on a subject once they get started. the difficulty seems to lay in the starting and stopping. It takes a lot out of you sometimes, this game of words. I love the challenge of writing exactly 100 words. i made it to 100 on the dot 3 times this month now, maybe four, lemme me check, five over I must edit.
Finally! This is the last dark blue day that I have to fill in. From now on it’s all a forward motion. I will be in the moment. I hope I can remember to do this on a daily basis. I’m sometimes not so good at remembering to do things that I need to get done. I get scattered, and the days melt in to eachother, so I sometimes forget where I am on the timeline. I will just have to set some sort of alarm for myself. Now I am hungry. I must eat. I am sure Zoe agrees.
I am here now on the advice of a friend. I am excited for the new challenge and hope that in this place, somewhere my muse will show herself. The t.v. drones on quietly in the background as my tired eyes watch letters appear on this screen. I love the clickity clack of the keyboard. I have always loved that sound. Ah sounds. Somthing to think about. Horse Hooves on cement. A childs laughter. The soft sigh that escapes a lovers lips as you kiss their lips. The funny sound of the z's when you say the word Fuzzy. Great!
Im bone tired. The last two days have been spent spring cleaning and doing laundry. I feel like any attempt i have made at plans have all been foiled. I have been getting a ton of stuff done, just not the stuff i intend on. Funny how life has a way of happenin while one makes plans...is that a bumper sticker? I hope im not plagerizing. It seems like whenever I stop to count my words I always end up being on word sixty-eight or sixty-nine. so is sixty-eight one word or two? Im bone tired.
Once again sitting. The glow of the screen staring back at me...taunting me...daring me to put words in this little box..One hundred of them. This is not a big number until my mind is empty. T.V. drones in the background seemingly unnoticed by anyone in the room. How many people are not watching the same thing we are, I wonder, I look up and remember this episode and go back to whatever it is I am not doing. Song lyrics drift in and out of my mind as my fingers hunt for letters to turn to words.
I sit here, listening for words. Narration plays in my head, but it is really just saying,,"I sit here, listening for words. Narration plays in my head, but it is really just saying..." We had water aerobics today, and the pool was brisk, crisp, clean. It was a decent work out. I am tired these days. Im not sure why. I think the gods made my body to be tired...I'm happy though, so that is good. I saw the first hooker of the season down the street. spring is here. Get the hell off my street you bitch.
ok, well it is St Patricks day. I am partially of Irish decent, but I am not exactly sure why people are proud to celebrate this day. As I understand it this day represents when St Patrick chased the snakes from Ireland, and, well...the "snakes" were the Pagans. Many of them were tortured and murdered...in the name of Jesus Christ. Yes, please lets celebrate the cruelty of man in the name of religion. While we are at it, maybe we should celebrate the day Nelson Mandella was put in Jail or the birth of Hitler. Perhaps I am cranky today.
boy oh boy i can’t seem to get untired lately. I dunno what it is, because i went for a good little stint without feeling like i needed a nap all the time, but apparently that feeling has passed. Oh well, it was good while it lasted. tomorrow i start a class. it will be the first time i stepped foot in to a class room since about forever ago....should be interesting. I’ll miss Zoe to no end though. This’ll be the first time i have been away from her for any amount of time. I wonder who’ll l cry first
twenty percent of my class is officially over. I survived it with flying colors, except that it is spring break, so there was nothing opened on campus that sells food. I was starving by the time the day was over. You know how there is always ONE person in a class that is irritating to no end. if you have never experienced this feeling, then, that person is more than likely you. This time, however that person has the name Karl. I hope he comes down with a flu that doesn’t kill him, but keeps him from coming to class.
Again ,I find myself sitting here, my words spent for the day. I wrestle with the desire to play this game well, or simply to just play. A friend tells me…just write…it doesn’t matter if the writing is good …just do it…finish it…so I do this with him in mind. I trust he knows what he speaks of. I could write about Zoe…I could ALWAYS write about Zoe, but I am afraid she’s not nearly as interesting to you, as she is to me. I could write about me, but I know I am not as interesting as Zoe. Conundrum.
I went and toured a water treatment plant today. Can you imagine pulling in to that smell punching you in the face every work day? I don’t think I have it in me to do something like that. Everyday, smelling the most foulest of the foul we human beings have to offer. Looking at our stench. No, I could not do this. I know I couldn’t. It might be funny, some of the things you find people flush down the toilette. But there’s no laughter loud enough to cover such offensiveness. Just thinking about it makes me need to shower.
I tried to read what I’ve written to date. As far as I can tell they won’t let me. They (whoever that is) are holding my words hostage! Hostage, I tell you, for another week my words will sit in darkness, probably not even being let out for an hour a day. Even felons get to see the light of day sometimes. Hundred words is like the Alcatraz for words. Luckily, the words for march make parole soon. I feel much worse for March 1st than I do for 13th though, because that is two whole extra weeks of darkness.
I’m pretty sure I walked in to the forum and heard my words clanging a tin cup against their jail cell. I can hear them singing faintly “swing low…sweet chariot…comin for to carry me home” and I can’t help but think they need to be a little more original in their tune selection. Leave it to my words to be cliché’. I do miss my words though, some of them have become very dear to me especially the one’s that have a “z” in them. Try to say a word with the letter “z” in it and not feel happy
So I was walking to breakfast (Zoe perched on my shoulders), mourning my jailbird words, when it dawns on me…It is my fault they are there. I am the beat cop in this whole word round up fiasco. Suddenly a wave of guilt rushes my mortal soul. I mean, some of these words are young, innocent even, and I have subjected then to several weeks (or days) of darkness. How could I have preformed such and egregious offense?? I mean, some words, perhaps deserve to serve some time (most of them are only four letters long)…But really…what was I thinking?
Its Sunday. I tossed Zoe up on my shoulders in order to walk on over for breakfast and then to the bookstore. I say this like it’s a weekly ritual just for Sunday. Maybe it should be. We bought a book and a sodalite stone meant to bring clarity of thought and conviction of path, well, and plus it’s pretty. It’s like there’s a blue lightning storm going thru a black rock. It is muggy, summer is just around the corner. I won’t feel clean for 6 months I expect, even if I take two or three showers a day.
I wish I had the ability to take an object and turn it in to another object, even if only in words. My mind does not seem to think that way. Or even, just…bring it to life. I was privileged to read a friends poem about Light this morning and I now feel like I have a new little friend. She made my heart smile, Light did….It is going to storm today, I know because my ears are bothering me more than usual. Talk about having an itch that can’t be scratched! Whoever invented Q-tips is one of my heros.
Been wracking my brain for two days, trying to figure out how I was gonna break my words outta jail. I could slip one of them a file in a cake, and they could all ban together and the shear volume of them would make it hard to round’em up and putt’em back behind bars. So I began rooting around hundred words, looking for a crack in their foundation, and I found my words are, in fact not in jail, but on vacation at a very high class resort and I can check them out under the account section anytime.
I finished your hundred words today. I couldn’t read the dreams (most of them). They made me anxious. You had dream 69 twice though, how very Freudian of you. I admire you. You know so many words. A few I’ve never even seen before. More than that, you know how to take words and bend them in to something else all together; a surprising alchemy recipe one did not know existed. I quietly admit that maybe I’m a little jealous of some of your words. I’m also grateful because you’ve inspired me to try and figure out how to alchemize.
started smoking again. Why? It’s been close to two years since I quit, only fudging once in a great while, when I’d get too stressed out. Its really mostly just at night now, but I feel like smoking now, now that the energy of kids playing In my living room has been squelched by nap time…now that we are on the verge of rain outside and the air smells… no… feels… sticky. Did you know, if you write your words on word perfect and put more than one period from one to the next it only counts as one word.
Your March words are almost ready to come out and play. They sit, like a present under the tree waiting to be unwrapped. Wanting to be read. Wanting me to know you better. I love playing with your words in my head, spinning them around, dancing, frolicking (does anyone even say frolicking anymore?). very strange word, that, I bet I wont find it this month in your words. It’s a silly word actually, wonder if it will even last a day in hundred word’s jail, its like the fresh fish of the word criminals. Looking all innocent, but is it?
Hello s’is thing on? No 31 to click on for march. 100 words idea of an april fools joke? These words are itchin to be put in to their day. These are like the drunk in public words that only have to sit in their cells for an overnight spell. I hope they don’t fight, I so don’t wanna hafta clean up bloody words. Was gonna write about daydreams and purple kisses and pear trees, but those words are so sweet and wonderful that I did not want them to get shut in to the darkness of the word jail.
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