12/01 Direct Link
We cannot be mad at people when their mentality is lower than ours. We have to ask to ask ourselves where in the fuck did they get their education and how could they possibly know anything about manners.

Of course they know. They are just the rebels of society which keeps this dying system moving.

We are all caught up with various hooks in our mouths and inside of our insane brains.

And how would you ever know what it is like to be sane, and fully conscious of your membranes, and future embryos impregnated by my vegetarian sperm seeds?
12/02 Direct Link
Now that NaNoWriMo is over I can focus on catching up with my journal entries scribbled in my small notepads; recapturing the pieces to the puzzle, wondering if all the pieces would mean my completeness or if it would lead to a search for something else, like more puzzle pieces, and more questions.

A Shift In Consciousness….

I am finally reading Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards and everything she is saying makes sense. People must learn how to see first in order to draw, reminds me of The Zen of Seeing by Frederick Franck.
12/03 Direct Link
At the sound of the adhan for Maghrib a part of me said alamak. Was that alamak, “damn I have to pray?”

Then the struggle began between choosing a nice warm bed and sleep versus splashing various parts of my body with water and reciting versus revealed by Allah through the angel Jabril and his prophet Muhammad s.a.w.

Of course I had to get my lazy ass out of bed. Anything is probably better than sleep unless you’re having a real good dream, lucid dreaming, or astral travelling to some distant realms.

Today I discovered while searching for characters.
12/04 Direct Link
Some consider a man to be someone who has two sets of balls, a beard, and a curly mustache to go with it. He’s successful in monetary ways, or maybe he has a lot of material possessions like fancy cars and real estate property. These things are all temporary and should not be seen as the criterion for man.

What about a man who is spiritual or religious. Reflect on God in the silence and stillness.

When we meditate we don’t think of the one thousand breath meditation. We start the meditation with a single inhalation and a single exhale.
12/05 Direct Link
They kissed inside of the car in the evening as the sun set and as the moon rose with crickets chirping while the coyotes and foxes ran after wonderful dreams carried in the magical wind sparkling in frosted mountain tops.

Meanwhile back in the city she would blow another fuse at another one of her nerve endings and open her door again while looking at me with big wide eyed zombie space eyes wondering what I was going to do, while I was wondering if she was possessed by some kind of voodoo child shit without the Jimi Hendrix magic.
12/06 Direct Link
Then came the Black Mighty dragon as his words spilled out, speaking wisdom from deep space, and a tunneled out vision filled with clichés and time is running out.

So they opened up their pineal glands and travelled to the deeper levels of space that no man had traveled before except the original Asiatic Black man.

They didn’t care much for their thoughts, what concerned them was that those thoughts would become manifest with Black people being together and united and that there really would be peace, love, and harmony on Earth as it was in the beginning of time.
12/07 Direct Link
So what do we do without the cable and the television?

We can replace it with a stereo system or a brand new piano. He would teach them the first musical keys of a, b, and c not realizing that these letters were not just in alphabets but that they spelled words in so many different languages, and it could be found in mathematical particles.

It had been proven that everything consisted of mathematics but not on the level that we understood mathematics which is something that should be broken down and built back up again consisting of various elements.
12/08 Direct Link
Lay down and meditate on this feeling and see where it takes you. Whatever you do, don’t go back to sleep.

As the winds blew he was having second thoughts as the winds seemed to beckon him to go outside. Maybe I could run into some free tai chi chuan classes for beginners.

The bed bug that got smashed before I got slashed was a sign that I should stay up and the repetition of Rumi's poem, “don't go back to sleep.”

In the end I walked around the park, enjoying the fresh air and the gravel beneath my feet.
12/09 Direct Link
I wondered if at the moment of death;
does it smell like yellow roses and yellow rose incense?

Suddenly my entire head was covered by yellow roses like a hood over my head. Upon looking in the mirror I realized that I was looking at death, who had no face. All I could see was triple darkness and deep space.

This was the void, the place of dying before you die.

It was through this place that many became enlightened and it was through this place that many didn’t return.

Chalices are also cups said to symbolize emotions and water.
12/10 Direct Link
In order to see the thing of which you are looking at, it can no longer be that thing. The object can no longer be named. It must be stripped of all titles.

In fact you can't even see yourself as the artist or the materials that you use as materials.

At this point nothing has a name and neither do you.

In order to see, you have to watch without judgments.

Once you get to that point then you have reached the Zen of seeing point and can proceed to draw on the right side of your artistic brain.
12/11 Direct Link
The question was on how to stay in this deep meditative state that taught me so much about myself and who I really am as a man.

Beyond the stages of man, outside of these realms, and borders, and names of things, and dictionaries, and the words found in them.

The beyond is a place somewhere deeper than the word silence, and silence has been another one of my lessons which I am failing at.

It’s not the silence of silencing my creativity or these words, but the silence of just being silent and doing nothing more with my mind.
12/12 Direct Link
Is sex another intoxicating drug?

You don’t know anymore, if you should call it sad, or something that’s still considered sacred.

You think about all the exploited women out there who did it only for the money and many of those women really didn’t want to do it but felt like they had no other options, or choices, not even the God they claimed to worship was an option.

Who could neglect the Nourisher and Provider knowing that He is the One who provides for all beings?

Sex is not supposed to be something that assimilates with torture and humiliation.
12/13 Direct Link
Procrastination is this evil mother fucker. It has horns on its head and it is just disgusted with itself and would hate to see anything started or even the smallest step towards action. Perhaps it’s not just procrastination that is a devil but all the other ones, like negativity, hatred, doubt, faithlessness and so one down the line.

I wonder what kind of character I had if I gave each one of these characters the above mentioned characteristics.

So, draw what is around you, and what is a part of you should be part of your drawings, sketches, and paintings
12/14 Direct Link
And then Love came and said “do you know that you do not need any of that?”

Wadud told me how he had fell in love with Allah and how he could not express enough the love of Allah above all else.

It has to be Allah over this, Allah over that, and over any other things that comes in your life. Soon you will know what I am talking about.

And that my son is pure resins, true cycles of the Earth's four seasons or four emotional vibrational waves.

Tune in to nature and the cosmos not into television..
12/15 Direct Link
I honestly believe that if you look at the world a little bit closer, you will really begin to realize and experience a world of wonder and endlessness.

Don’t take things for granted and don’t be afraid to just be.

Do you see how beautiful these herbs are and their resins and how clumsy you can be when you are not doing things Zenfully?

Let's make tonight a Haiku night.

It looks even stranger underneath a magnifying glass and its natural crystals sparkle with delight.

I think I’m willing to invest in a microscope for a closer look at particles.
12/16 Direct Link
Let’s talk about Zen and what I believe to be one of the main misconceptions and misunderstandings of Zen which is the concept of emptiness.

There’s something about the emptiness, that if we had experienced or grasped a small measure of its concept, we’d begin to understand that this emptiness isn't without substance.

The difference in Zen is that there’s no name for it, and so people are left perplexed at the profound idea that there could be something that doesn't have a word, a definition, or a title since all of their lives they had been taught like this.
12/17 Direct Link
How much would you be willing to pay for a decent smile or to have a decent conversation with someone without feeling insecure about the fact that people might see how fucked up your teeth are?

I knew an employee whose teeth were so fucked up that they looked like they had been through three world wars.

Now he wears dentures that every once in awhile get stuck to turkey sandwiches and he is not even in his fifties yet.

The sad reality is that poor people can't afford to get their teeth fixed so they suffer all the same.
12/18 Direct Link
It was like a sudden revelation when I realized that women were like magnets.

If you want to gain wisdom then study nature and see how nature plays in a part of your life and affects it.

But it wasn’t just women that were magnetic, it was also materialistic things, constantly pulling on us to go in the opposite direction.

If you are going to be anything at all, be more humble than humbleness, more empty than emptiness itself and see right through.

Be easy going, nonchalant, laid back, sarcastic with dry humor, mystical, and fully present in the moment.
12/19 Direct Link
So then she had made the mistake of hitting on one of his children, so she was met by a tight slap, then grabbed by her neck with his eagle claw fist and shoved into their room where she was smacked around some more until she began to get some kind of sense in her head who she was dealing with.

“I am the man of this house got damn it!” he shouted. “I told you that you are not going to beat these children whenever you get angry!”

She tried to fight back and was nearly choked to death.
12/20 Direct Link
Just as our hands grasp for things and holds on, never wanting to let go, there is aspects of our mind and being that picks things up and holds on to them not wanting to let go.

We are so attached to these things that in a sense we become a part of the things as a vine becomes a part of a tree, through its attachment to it.

All aspects of you can be based on your attachments.

True freedom begins by learning how to let go of these attachments until they no longer become a part of us.
12/21 Direct Link
push button
remote control
command your soul.

Well today never was the end of the world and I am still alive, but it was the end of cable finally.

I was so glad to call Comcast up and tell them to cancel my cable. When asked why I wanted to cancel, I wanted to say “because it is the end of the world,” but the real truth is that it is way out of my budget.

I was not watching it at all and it was mainly the children who had free reign and control over it.
12/22 Direct Link
Well it is officially Saturday, and this shit is so fake, that past midnight on the stroke of mechanical time a new day has begun. Collectively our days and nights are continuous and collectively equally one and the same.

I wondered if listening to Alan Watts lectures actually put me to sleep or not as it had done in the past.

Can you see the shades of light on her beautiful Black body, and I know that I really need to learn Español.

It’s confirmed that Watts puts me to sleep despite the fact that his conversations are quite interesting.
12/23 Direct Link
Now your path is a path of emptiness.

In the now you have to come to the realization that you are not separate from the things that you see and that they are an extension of you.

You are really not you as there are no names to refer to, just as there are no things, since after removing their titles there is nothing less to describe it.

At this stage you begin to see things or to see just as seeing is and not how it is talked about.

Don’t always think that you have to be doing something.
12/24 Direct Link
I came home this morning feeling really down but mellow, so it wasn’t depressive or anything but it was contemplative.

I am going to make all of my dreams come true, whatever I thought those dreams were, so that perhaps I can know if it was just a dream, something to manifest, or just another realization of some sort.

It feels nice just to leisurely spend time with family and your loved ones, even if it is only a few moments of time.

And we clear the ceremony, but not without giving deep meditation and praises to the Most High.
12/25 Direct Link
“We do not celebrate Christmas,” I tell him over and over again.

It’s easy to see how any child can be so influenced by television and the commercials that they see.

Once he gets older I will be able to explain why Christmas was a big lie and Santa Claus does not exist. I won’t tell the same lies that I was led to believe, not by my parents but by others who were told the lie.

And wait until I show them the Bible where it says do not put up Christmas trees decking them with silver and ornaments.
12/26 Direct Link
Surah 57 at the end of ayat 4 says ''And He is with you wheresoever you may be. And Allah sees well all that you do.''

There’s another verse in the Quran where it says “if it were not for our prayers, Allah would not care for us.”

I think that the reason that this is stated is because if it were not for the institution of prayer, perhaps we would not even think of Him except for a few who were really connected in some kind of way or another.

We are too busy pondering over the worldly life.
12/27 Direct Link
Despite me having a penis and two sets of balls, I had to say that I wasn’t a gender, since gender is a word that comes with a definition.

If I want to find this absoluteness, I have to drop all names and all titles. I can tell you that it’s not easy, and maybe this is why Zen Buddhists spent hours and hours in meditation with this goal in mind without attachment, to really genuinely empty the mind of every single thing and concept ever imagined.

There are no rooms, no numbers, no doors, and no breathing walking steps.
12/28 Direct Link
It’s quite sad to think that perhaps some people think that when the empty mind is spoken of in Zen that it means you become some vegetable from outer space staring at blank space with your mouth wide open drooling all over the place.

This emptiness of mind deals with a sort of presence. Not necessarily a presence with your body which is a part of the presence but I’m also talking about a presence of consciousness and a presence of mind.

This idea is not some philosophy that you can talk about, but is something that must be experienced.
12/29 Direct Link
Wisdom is knowing that despite the infinite power of knowledge, in the end there really is no this or that. Wisdom can tend to be a real paradox until understanding comes along.

Once we can unlock the shackles of our own attachments and the shackles of illusion placed on our minds of which we have been led to believe then we can really be free.

Let's regain the power and knowledge on what it means to be human and know the power of the human touch, a simple smile, a joyful look, or simply the containment of a loving thought.
12/30 Direct Link
Out of all things in life, the one thing that we underestimate and neglect the most is death until it comes of course. We don’t make preparations for death nor do we care to even think about it.

We would rather live in our stale comfortable content lives that is gasping for real air, gasping to fulfill our dreams and we just shrug our shoulders wondering who really cares to begin with and what does it really matter.

I am willing to guarantee at the final moment of death everything will matter and we will have regrets and unfulfilled wishes.
12/31 Direct Link
I can sense all of the excitement in the air about New Year's and each year as New Year's comes I am beginning to see it more and more as just another day.

I know that tonight I will have to deal with drunk idiots, morons, and did I mention 14 long hours of work too.

Now that I am older and wiser in age I just can't understand why people feel that they have to bring in the New Year’s drunk out of their minds and that they have to scream, shout, and light fireworks.

What is the logic?