07/01 Direct Link


They call me a liar.  They say it’s something they can see on my face.  If they can see it, I don’t think that makes me a very good liar.  Now they don’t believe anything I say, even if it’s the honest-to-God truth.  I know Sarah started calling me a liar.  That got spread through the school.  Well, she’s wrong.  It’s Sarah who’s lying.  She’s been lying ever since she could talk.  I only tell the truth.  My friends would stand up for me, but my only friend is Crispin and he’s graduating.  What am I supposed to do?

07/02 Direct Link


I’d like the liberty to retire, but the school needs me.  Call me arrogant, but I don’t think any other principal could handle the discipline problems as well as I can.  The superintendent says I have a way with students – a method that makes us tolerate each other.  It is interesting to be principal – in my school, it’s a new crisis every day.  That’s how it will continue until we put new discipline measures in place.  All I can say is that I hope they work out well.  Speaking of which, I have to fill out another discipline report.

07/03 Direct Link


At one point, I had lice.  Our family came from Georgia, and when we moved up to North Carolina, we stayed in a hotel that probably gave us the lice.  They were not friendly, those little bugs.  I remember being very little when it happened, probably only six or so.  I think my mom used to wash my hair with that special shampoo that smelled terrible and gave me bad dandruff.  I still have dandruff today, thanks to that shampoo.  Indirectly, it was the lice that put flakes in my hair.  Well done, lice.  You really made my day.

07/04 Direct Link


That weird girl Orrin keeps following me.  Like so many other girls, she’s got a crush on me.  I don’t think I’d ever date a girl with a boy’s name… but then again, I’m a hypocrite.  I have a crush on a girl named Roxanne, but she goes by Rocky.  She’s two years older than me and doesn’t give me a lick of attention.  Oh well.  I’m too focused on trying to create my websites and I’m actually making some levels for a video game.  I’m trying to play them through myself, but they’re too hard even for me.

07/05 Direct Link


I sneaked over to Rocky’s house one night, just to see her.  I was having a bad day.  My mom was bitching at me, my dad was egging her on, and my boss just doesn’t give a damn as usual.  Rocky is the only person I can bounce problems off of, and just to get a glimpse of her would make me feel better.  It was three in the morning and I couldn’t sleep.  I walked to her house, looked up at her window, and saw lights on.  She was awake, but why?  Maybe it was a one-time thing.

07/06 Direct Link

Little Black Book

A long time ago, when Sarah and I were preteens, I found her little black book.  She must have had the phone number of every boy in the school!  I was in sixth grade and she was in eighth grade at the time.  I had no idea where she got all those phone numbers, but I had a theory that she just looked through the phone book and copied them all down.  It’s something Sarah would do – in a bid for popularity.  She even had my crush’s number, even though she had proclaimed him as “disgusting.”  Weird.

07/07 Direct Link
Little Piece of Heaven

I don't believe in a heaven anymore.  I don't remember the last time my parents took me to church, if they ever did at all.  I wouldn't want to go there anyway.  What have they got to teach me besides bullshit that only gullible idiots believe in?  I used to be naive, but now I think I've grown up a little bit.  I know there's only three things in life: me, myself, and I.  I'm all I've got to rely on and that's the truth.  Go ahead, call me a nihilist.
07/08 Direct Link
Little White Lie

I don't put up with liars.  I can tell when a student is lying to me.  Sometimes it's something in the eyes, sometimes it's in the way they smile, or it can even be in their posture.  A girl came into my office recently and she wouldn't even look me in the eyes when she spoke to me.  Definitely more than a little white lie.  I didn't take four years of psychology in college for nothing, and it sure does come in handy working for a high school, especially this particular high school.
07/09 Direct Link
Listen Carefully

I have a secret, so listen up.  I have never told anyone except Restless, and he's the one who gave me the secret.  It happened on the day I met him, in my freshman year of high school.  I don't remember anything about that day except what Restless did to me: the wonderful secret that he gave me.  The secret enables me to do so many things I wouldn't have time for otherwise.  This secret finally makes me different.  Do you want to know my secret?  Here it is: I don't sleep. 
07/10 Direct Link
Live to Tell

I will live to tell the tale.  I have to be able to tell the tale; I'm a journalist.  I was there at the band competition in Indiana, I was there for all of the football games, looking for a good scoop.  I'll be there for all the basketball games, too.  I just hope this sickness doesn't kill me.  At times, I feel like death.  Damn Andrew probably gave me his disease.  I just hope it's not that disease.  That would be a definite disaster for me and Andrew, both.
07/11 Direct Link
Living On A Prayer

That's one of the most overplayed songs on the radio, especially on the station we play at work.  We've got to play mainstream, which doesn't bother me except when it gets repetitive, which is most of the time.  Sometimes I find myself actually singing along, which is strange in itself, but the customers see me with a smile on my face and I feel better.  Even on days when I'd rather be doing anything but working, the music pulls me through, even the Jon Bon Jovi songs.  At least I'm making money, right?
07/12 Direct Link

When I was a girl, I had a golden locket I always wore around my neck until I got into high school.  The one boyfriend I had never let me wear it.  I wore his military dogtags and the locket got put into a drawer.  My boyfriend was never nice to me.  He'd beat me up, hurt me, and control me.  I thought it was something I did to make me deserve it, but it wasn't.  Much later, when we had broken up, I took my locket back out.  I wear it everyday.
07/13 Direct Link
Locked Hearts

His heart is locked to me.  I know that what he shows is not what he actually wants to show.  I have to keep my heart safe.  I know what he can do now, and I'm afraid of him - I admit it.  I just feel terrible that he's not the same as he used to be.  Before all this happened, we'd tell each other everything, but now... it's like he's got this secret life that I can never be part of.  I know it involves Allison.  That part makes me really worried.
07/14 Direct Link
Lonely Feelings

Being the only one of my kind that I know of, I get lonely feelings often.  Every time I do, I try to remember Jesus.  He must have been lonely so many times, because nobody on Earth truly understood him.  They believed in him, but because they were human, they could not understand his heavenly thought processes.  Jesus was not just lonely, he was also misunderstood.  So, when I find myself locked inside this shell of my former body, I begin to understand Jesus better and I meditate on that until the feelings leave.
07/15 Direct Link
Lord of the Flies

We had to read that in school for freshman English.  I didn't really like the book; I felt the characters would have been better off in a British schoolchild novel.  For some reason, Piggy always reminded me of Neville from the Harry Potter series.  I know I'm probably off on that, but that was what came into my mind when I was reading it.  When I read the story, I wanted to take the characters and bring them back to England and their normal lives.  I guess I did sympathize with them.
07/16 Direct Link
Lose Control

I'm losing control of Rachel.  I think I bored her today at lunch when I was talking about physics.  She wasn't paying attention to me at all.  I was getting caught up in what I was saying, so I hardly noticed she wasn't listening.  Peter came up, like the freak he is.  He's on a vow of silence for some weird reason.  I think Rachel is in love with Peter and I don't understand why.  Maybe it's something Peter did with that power he has - he's punishing me for not watching him.
07/17 Direct Link
Lost Everything

I've lost it all, man.  I got kicked out of school, my girlfriend thinks I'm an asshole, my friends hate me, and I've got to work at this crappy fast food place from now until whenever.  Probably the day I die.  It's all because of the principal over at school - she's had it in for me ever since I started there.  I don't know what I did, but I think it's because I'm Puerto Rican.  She thinks she's so anti-racist and anti-discrimination, but she's as much of a bigot as the rest.
07/18 Direct Link
Lost Forevermore

I feel lost without Rocky at school.  I'm the smartest girl in my graduating class, but Rocky was smarter than me.  Now that she's graduated, I feel like I have nobody to look up to.  Everyone looks up to me and begs me for the answers, but I won't comply.  They think I'm a bitch.  I know I am, and it's only because I haven't seen my best friend in forever.  She's probably having a ton of fun at college.  She's probably forgotten I exist.  I know I'll never forget her.
07/19 Direct Link

Love is strange to me.  Dad said he loved me, but look what he did to me.  Mom said she loved me, but she's long gone.  I guess Deirdre loves me, but she's just my sister.  I don't believe in love.  Maxine, my girlfriend, might love me, but she's so jumpy.  She can't keep her mind on one thing to save her life, but that's what I like about her.  She'll probably wiggle away from me like they all did at one point.  Then I'll be stuck with Ricardo, my best friend.
07/20 Direct Link

Everyone wants to show loyalty to me.  Orrin's still hanging around.  I know she'd be more than loyal, but even so... I don't understand her motives at all.  I wish people wouldn't beat around the bush.  I'd love it if someone actually told me their feelings straight out so I wouldn't have to guess.  To me, that would be true loyalty.  If you're going to be loyal, you should probably trust the one you're being loyal to.  It only makes sense.  I don't understand the human race sometimes.  This is one time.
07/21 Direct Link

Some girls have all the luck.  Before I came to high school, I was one of those girls.  I went to a Catholic primary school (kindergarten through eighth grade) and nobody picked on me.  Now that I've moved into a public high school in the city, nobody likes Catholics here.  It's frustrating because all my friends are gone, all my confidence... and Dad's started having problems again.  I used to think I was lucky, that I'd have everything in life, but not any more.  All I can do now is pray it works out.
07/22 Direct Link

In the summer months, when I'm not a high school English teacher, I like to go up into the Appalachian mountains.  They're beautiful and provide inspiration for the poetry book I'm writing.  I go up and visit my parents in their old log cabin sometimes.  At night I hear the lullaby of the wild creatures and it makes me think of times when I was a child.  Every summer, we'd vacation up there as a family: my parents, my sister, and me.  Now that my parents are retired, they can own the log cabin. 
07/23 Direct Link
Lying With My Mouth Open

Peter is a goddamn liar.  I can't believe he'd do such a stupid thing.  He got me pregnant.  He was the only guy I slept with that night.  He's lying - saying I slept with two other guys - I know I'm rumored to be that low, but it's not true!  I'd never do anything that crazy!  He just pisses me off - he's got nothing to live for but his own damn lies.  This baby is his and I will take all the DNA tests in the world to prove it!
07/24 Direct Link
Mad Kung-Fu Skills

When I was in third grade, or even younger, I used to imitate Jackie Chan and pretend I was a great master of martial arts.  I'm not so into them now, but I used to be.  I'd practice with my little brother Dirk until Mom screamed at us to stop or we'd hurt each other.  When I got into middle school, I wished those mad kung-fu skills were real.  They would probably have helped me with the problem I had then, but thank God that's over for the rest of my life.
07/25 Direct Link

My little sister, Carmen, is the only one in our family stupid enough to believe in magic.  She's nine years old and believes in Santa Claus, fairies, elves, the Easter Bunny, you name it.  She once asked me about ghosts.  I'll admit it.  I do believe in ghosts.  I'm not sure if they're magical creatures or not, but I believe in them.  Ghosts are kept walking on this earth by a kind of magic.  Maybe it comes from God himself, but these days, I'm not sure if there is a god at all.
07/26 Direct Link
Magic of Innocence

I don't remember much about being a kid.  All I can think back to are the times where Levi, my older brother, used to scare me.  I'd be reading a book or minding my own business, and he used to jump out from around the corner and disturb my peace and startle me.  I was so innocent that I believed he'd stop doing it, but when he saw what a shock it gave me, he kept doing it just to freak me out.  Childhood was hard because you saw the good in everyone. 
07/27 Direct Link
Make Up Your Mind

One time, at band camp (ignore the movie reference, please), Harley told me I needed to make up my mind and get it made up quick.  Like it's a bed or something.  I can't make up my mind that fast.  It's never been part of my nature.  I like to really think decisions through before I act on them.  Harley makes a half-assed decision and ends up regretting it.  I don't like regretting anything and that's why Harley and I don't cooperate well.  Band camp was hell for us.
07/28 Direct Link

My obsession is made manifest in my eyes.  Andrew can see it.  Sydney can see it.  Charlotte can see it.  My parents can see it.  The only one who can't see it is my number one crush, my obsession.  Peter.  I wish I could just tell him, but it would destroy the thrill of the chase scenario I've created in my mind.  I can't even explain why I like Peter so much.  It might be that he's never spoken to me.  It might be his eyes.  They have power...
07/29 Direct Link

I wish I could wear a mask so nobody would recognize me.  Then I could do my duty to my parents and not have anyone pestering me or calling me a daddy's girl.  It's hard when your parents and your sister are in a war and you're the one stuck in between.  I'm forced to spy on my sister for my parents and vice versa.  I don't know what else to do besides just run away to a nice family who aren't at each others' throats all the time, where I won't be in the middle.
07/30 Direct Link

My makeup is a mask.  I feel like I don't have to be my real self when I put it on.  My real self is not a pretty sight, internally and externally.  The boys want me for my fake self, for the mask I put on.  The girls admire me for my mask.  I drew masks on their faces several times.  They loved it and said I could work for Clinique.  You know, the kiosk in the middle of the mall with the woman in white who draws masks on peoples' faces - masquerade.
07/31 Direct Link

I don't understand Polk High.  Ever since I moved to Polksboro, I've noticed an undercurrent of anger and hatred.  Nobody seems to know what I'm talking about, not even the Christians who are getting beat up.  There could be a massacre at the school and nobody would ever know - they're just so ignorant.  They don't see what's right under their noses.  Maybe I'm smarter than them, but I don't think so.  Jekuvia High, my old school, had pretty low standards.  Strangely enough, the students at Polk are supposed to be more intelligent. How?