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All was white in February. She was thinking she could change his mind, get him out of the black, since everything that surrounded them had been coated with the white of purity.
It was really snow. She just liked to put that kind of dramatic spin on it. She wandered through life pretending it was a musical that never ended. Everything had its own theme song. Every character emitted his or her own theme music as he or she sauntered down the halls.
All was white, including the frost of her tears. She knew she couldn't console him anymore.
Every so often, that rare person is born. The person who is automatically fitted with a sense of wisdom - a person who is older than their years. They may not fit in too well with their peers, but they don't know that. Don't tell them that, either - they will spill forth their wisdom upon you.
The wise have much to talk about, many to share it with - that is, if people are willing to listen to them. Listen and do not speak if you find yourself speaking with a wise person - someone who seems beyond their years or their time.
With Deadly Accuracy
I shall correct your grammar, punctuation, and spelling with deadly accuracy. I shall edit your plot, settings, and characters with deadly accuracy. I'll look at your work through the eyes of objectivity, give you honest feedback, and strike fear into the heart of every grammatical error or typo! I'll turn you into the writer you always wanted to be. Let me edit for you and I promise we can be a good team.
(This is what I wish I could put on my resume and cover letter, but it's probably too bombastic and amateurish. Gotta love wishful thinking!)
With or Without You
If she had just asked me, I would have given her my boyfriend at the time. I was sick and tired of his idiocy and wished he would just go away. I hate breaking up with people, so I was hesitant to let him go. I knew my "best girl friend" at the time had a crush on him. (The only reason she bothered to hang out with me.) I should have just told her flat out she could have him.
I could have lived with or without him, but preferably without. He was driving me crazy.
Won't Back Down
I will never back down. I've accomplished everything in life that I've set my mind to accomplish. I've never failed at anything I have had control over (malocchio, as my mom would say). I have the confidence I need to win, to succeed, to go above and beyond, to never back down.
Who's with me? Who wants to accomplish something in life? Who wants to leave their past behind and look toward the beaming light of the future? Who wants to leave their town, their family, their friends, and everything they've known...
to take the path of success?
That's one of my priest's favorite words. His other favorite is "beautiful." I wish I could be as optimistic. It's so hard to see the wonder and beauty in life when it's so easily corrupted and putrefied.
And there's a song by Everclear called "Wonderful" that is a pretty good anthem for the 90s, which were the best decade in my opinion. Haha, I'm only 22, so I haven't really lived that long, but hey - from what I heard about the 80s, I don't think I would have liked them.
Grunge was mainstream in the 90s. You can't beat that.
I actually had a dream I was headed to Disney World or some other theme park, but strangely enough, I was in England going to meet someone I met online. (If that's not sketchy enough, haha!)
It was a strange dream because I thought I got off on the wrong exit on the highway and I ended up in Durham when I was trying to get to Raleigh.
So I met up with the guy I was supposed to meet in England (even though England looked like Durham), and he transformed into my best guy friend.
Dreams are a wonderland.
I was an English major. I write all the time. But when I speak, I can never think of the right words to say. I stutter, I pause for long periods, I don't speak up.
The way I write is totally different than the way I talk. When I talk, I use double negatives, pronounce words wrong, and curse every other word.
When I write, I actually try to do justice to language. But you'd never know it was coming from the same person.
I sound completely illiterate. (Maybe that comes from living in a small, "redneck" area of the state.)
I love words. As I said in yesterday's (was it yesterday's?) entry, words are they only way I can communicate. Writing a note or a letter to someone is easier for me than to say it to their face. It's easier for me to do well on resumes and cover letters - then I totally flunk job interviews because the person on paper doesn't match the actual person. Not that I lie on paper - it's just that I can never say what I mean when I'm talking. It's still words, but they're not the same. I can't manipulate or edit them.
Work of the Puppet Master
That reminds me of some horror movie I wanted to see. I think it was the Puppet Master series or something like that. I believe they came out in the 80s and 90s. The third movie in the series (correct me if I'm wrong) had Nazi puppets, so that sounded kind of interesting.
But... the movies I want to see other than that are: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, V for Vendetta, The Butterfly Effect, Tangled (it looked cute), and basically anything with Hayden Christensen in it. He's probably the hottest actor alive... Anakin Skywalker...
Quite a difficult topic... I worship Jesus Christ. I'm a proud Roman Catholic.
I don't want to be the stereotypical "narrow-minded Christian." I'm tired of hearing about all these extremist Christian groups who go out and kill people who don't believe.
That's the opposite of what Jesus wanted us to do. If someone chose not to believe his teachings, he'd leave that town and go somewhere else. He wouldn't kill the people who wouldn't convert.
As a matter of fact, extremist groups of all kinds (not just Christians) really need to reconsider what they're doing. It's just not right.
Worst Pick Up Line
Back when I was a freshman in high school, there were a bunch of guys who used to hit on me, but they didn't really mean it. They were just doing it to tease me. They used pick-up lines out of country songs.
I wasn't interested. Not just because I didn't like country songs, but because I already had a crush.
When I have a crush, I have a crush for a long time. I liked this one guy for a good four years before I got a boyfriend, who I dated for four years. Odd.
Would You Miss Me
I keep thinking "does he miss me?"
Probably not, not anymore.
I miss him, but not constantly. But every other day, I get this screaming agony in my chest. It's like all the "I-miss-you" has compounded itself into a white wave of rage.
It's like when you get so hungry that your stomach starts to hurt and when it growls, it's like it wants to launch itself out of your body and start feasting on whatever looks like food.
That's how I get when I miss him, but luckily, it doesn't come that often now.
Write Your Own Ending
Once upon a time, when I was an extremely overdramatic senior in high school, I wrote a story about how I would die. It would be at the bottom of the longest stairs in the school (E hall) because someone had pushed me (the boy I loved). I imagined it all romantic and stuff... and I imagined him standing over me, looking at me with his adoring blue eyes...
Later, I worked that into a story of mine and that's where it will stay - in the story. No more overdramatic death fantasies for me. It's pretty sick.
We don't have a yard. It's a large expanse of weeds pretending to be a yard, but failing miserably. The "yard" is full of turned-up dirt from old mole hills. My cat digs holes in the yard, both to relieve himself and to dig up lizards, moles, and voles that might be hiding there.
There's one enormous pothole in the yard. You can't see it until you step in it and nearly twist your ankle. We keep saying we're going to fill it in, but that never happens.
Every so often, a tree tries to grow in our yard.
I want to learn how to do more than write. I'd like to learn to knit with yarn, to make graphics on Photoshop, to draw anime and portraits and still lives and whatever else.
I want to learn to cook. (Seriously, I can only make Hamburger Helper.) I want to learn to sing. (Or am I too far off-key to have any potential at all?) Heck, I'd even want to learn to play a musical instrument. I know my dad would probably teach me the saxophone. My brother would never have the patience to teach me to play guitar.
Sehnsucht. That's a German word that's particularly difficult to translate, but it means something like "longing" or "yearning." It's a pretty word. It's like the Spanish word "demasiado," which means "too much." I always use the Spanish word instead of the English word because it just feels like it works better. And whenever I have some kind of longing or yearning for something, I just use the word sehnsucht instead. It just sounds better. I don't know how to explain it, really. Sometimes words in other languages just sound (and express thoughts) a whole lot better than words in English.
How many years does it take to forget someone? Or perhaps there are some people you can't forget, no matter how hard you try. I really wish you could go through your mind like it was a computer and delete memories or pieces of memories you didn't want, modify memories, change your own thought patterns, insert positive-thinking modules, etc.
One day, perhaps we'll be able to do that. After all, there was a time when computers were merely science fiction and cell phones were total fantasy. I wonder what kind of ethical implications it would have, though. Interesting.
My least favorite colors are, in this order: orange, yellow, purple. Red is OK. Brown and black are good. To tell the truth, the only time I like to see orange and yellow is when they're on leaves changing color in the fall.
I can't really say why I don't like those colors - it's just that... I don't. I prefer, in this order: blue, green, white. When I get my own house or apartment, the entire place will be blue, green, and white, in varying shades.
I like cool colors that make me feel relaxed. I want to be calm.
Reminds me of that character on Smash Bros. Brawl - Captain Falcon. He's always saying "Yes!" to everything.
It's a good mentality to have in life. That positive mentality can get you anywhere. If you believe you can do it, and you set your mind to it, you can do it. It sounds like a cliche, and it's a cliche for a reason. It's true.
Don't beat yourself up. Don't put yourself down. Just be the best you can be, even though there will always be someone better than you out there and someone worse than you.
You are you.
Yes Mother Dearest
Sometimes, I'm an awful daughter. My parents are my best friends on this earth and I treat them terribly sometimes. I yell and talk back and act sarcastic. Sometimes I forget that they were the ones who brought me into this world. (And they can take me out, haha.)
The gift of life is sacred. Always treasure your life, even if sometimes you may be in such pain (physical or otherwise) that you wish you were never born. You may sometimes feel hatred for people and wish them ill.
Close your eyes and ask for patience and strength.
I get stuck in the past a lot, constantly thinking about all the what-ifs, the could-have-beens, the should-have-beens, the would-have-beens, etc.
I usually get a lot of writing ideas from stuff that happened in the past; that's why I'm reluctant to pull myself out of it. Maybe I should start writing more about the future and speculating - what if this might happen? Maybe my writing would turn into science-fiction at that point; I've always found that to be a difficult genre. I don't read much science-fiction. I prefer fantasy novels instead.
I'm a very annoying driver. It sucks for you if you happen to be behind me, so as soon as you see the dotted line, you better pass me. I make a complete stop at every stop sign. I go exactly the speed limit. I'm cautious. I'll brake for squirrels - I won't run them over unless I absolutely can't avoid it. I turn my brights off when I'm behind someone and I turn them off when someone's coming on the other side of the road. I stop at yield signs because I want to be absolutely sure no one's coming.
Yin and Yang
In probably about 7th grade, I was obsessed with different symbols - the peace sign, the yin and yang, the logos for all the different makes of cars. the Christian cross, etc. I don't really remember why I was so obsessed with these symbols, but it was neat.
I was a weird 7th grader. All the other girls were getting into makeup and clothes and I was still a child. I could've cared less about all that stuff - I'm still that way now. Putting on makeup is a pain in the neck and so is worrying about my clothing.
I don't understand you. You are still a thorn in my side, a perfect Freudian headcase, but I think deep down I still have some degree of affection for you. (Notice I didn't say 'love'.) I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving, you - and I hope you're not whining about having nothing to be thankful for this year. Your family loves you. They're all you really have in this world. Do not take them for granted. Tell your id to shut its mouth and just enjoy the holiday. And you, please step out of my thoughts.
You and Me
He's like my perfect match and it took me three years to realize it. The reason I say "he's like my perfect match" and not "he is my perfect match" is because I just don't want a relationship. I'm beginning to think that I'll never want one again. So we'll just be friends. And no, I'm not leading him on. I explained it to him and he understands.
I'm happier on my own. I really am. Most people I know don't understand that. Romantic relationships exhaust me. They suck the life out of me. Better off without them.
You Are the Original Myth
It sounds like the beginning of some lame action movie that will probably get less than 30% on Rotten Tomatoes.
"In a world where... you are the original myth..."
Like a choose your own adventure movie, if they'll ever come up with something like that for the big screen. I know they have simulators and stuff out now, but I'd still rather see a movie - with actors.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part I was freaking amazing. I loved the special effects and the intensity of emotion. I literally cried about three times during it.
You Did What?
Truth is stranger than fiction. That is the truest statement I've ever known. I don't think any fiction writer can come up with some of the crazy stuff that's actually happened in real life. Sometimes our greatest source of inspiration can come from news stories that are so outrageous you'd think the reporter was making them up or they belonged in a tabloid somewhere.
Nope, they're 100% true. Black Friday stories are an example. The interstate in my state was jammed at 2 in the morning on that day - some people are just crazier than fictional characters.
I was on a gaming forum the other day and most of what I read was like Japanese to me. I didn't understand hardly any of the particular jargon for that game. They were all references to Internet memes, which brings me to the subject of this post.
"You Fail!" or "You Fail Epically!" or "OMGWTFBBQ" or any of the Internet memes are funny, but certain people just overplay them. It's like when a song plays too much on the radio. At first, it's a good song, but then you want to punch the radio when it plays.
You Left The Door Open
That's something my mom says a lot. "You left the door open! You're letting all the heat out!"
Or if it happens to be the summer: "You left the door open! You're letting all the cold air out!"
And the only reason I really leave the door open is because my hands are too full to shut it and if I swing out my foot to kick it shut, I'll lose balance and go crashing to the ground.
My balance isn't good. I trip and fall all the time - up stairs, down stairs, on banana peels...
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