I once heard that if you have sex with a person, you are technically having sex with everyone that person has ever had sex with. It might have been a scare tactic to deter teenagers from having sex, but even so... if you think about that, it really makes things disgusting. Like sharing bodily fluids with a person you have never met and possibly wouldn't even want to meet. Sex is a strange, rather awkward thing... but I honestly wouldn't know. The older I get, the harder it is to find another virgin. I guess that's pretty sad.
It's so easy to say things to a computer screen, to an anonymous audience on the Internet. But it's difficult to say things to someone's face, to completely bare your heart and soul to one person. That's what I have been trying to do for the past six months or so... let go and give myself all to one person. Yet I can't seem to do it. I want to run away from the relationship, as I have always run away from relationships and friendships in the past. I must stay strong and root myself and not run anymore.
I don't know what to write. I suppose I could start with the dream I had last night. It was one of those bathroom dreams; I'm sure you've had them... you really have to go to the bathroom in real life, but you don't wake up, so you keep dreaming about nasty public toilets with no doors on the stalls, then eventually you find some strange place in the dream and pee there, hoping no one sees you. Yet you wake up, and you still have to answer nature's call. I hope you enjoyed my TMI rant of the day.
Facebook's getting on my nerves again and I'm not even a member anymore. I haven't been a member for over 2 years and I have no intention of going back. The derogatory nickname for it (Fakebook) is accurate; I don't think there's a single person who actually portrays himself as he really is. We put our faces on so everyone else can see what we want them to see. We show our true to self to maybe 10 percent of our Facebook friends. Everybody else sees a mask. It's a shame. Don't get me started on the passive-aggressive rants.
I played basketball yesterday, for the first time in ages. I hope there's a basketball court in my workplace's gym so I can use it... I would literally play basketball every single day (well, except the weekends). I don't know what it is about running around the court and shooting a ball at a hoop that makes me so happy. Maybe it's the fact that all that exercise gives me a runner's high, or that playing against somebody else gives me an adrenaline surge. Not sure, but all I know is I can't wait to play again.