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There is a letter out condemning Pope Francis as a heretic. I'm not sure if he is or not, but things he says are being misinterpreted or misunderstood and he isn't correcting them. I mean, if I was the pope, I'd bring the hammer down on people and try to correct their bad behavior, not encourage it. I mean, he is the Holy Father. Isn't that what a good father does? Correct his kid's bad behavior? There are gentle ways to go about it, and maybe that's what he's aiming for, but there is a such thing as too gentle.
Here I am thinking that everyone is happy. But the only one who's happy is me.
He says he would be happy if I went to confession more, which is kind of weird. But he has to watch the baby while I go to confession. It is a catch 22. He doesn't like watching the baby because it's annoying.
I don't get it. But I guess, to keep the peace, I will go to confession. Makes me feel like I did something bad. But I will go. Cheaper than a therapist, but the times are inconvenient for me.
I better do my best and follow their stupid style, even though it seems to change constantly. I was just wondering, though.
Weird dream last night. My subconscious is trying to tell me something.
Why is it hard to get along with one's mother-in-law? There shouldn't be any rivalry, but for some reason, there is. Or maybe it exists in my head. She doesn't have to try to be my mother. I have a mother. And I like my mother. Even if she was not my mother, I would probably like her as a person anyway.
5/6: Tips. My opinion on tips, and I was a waitress at one point. At restaurants, if it is takeout, you never give a tip unless the service was outstanding, above and beyond, like... angels delivered the food to you. If it is not a sit-down restaurant, same thing. Delivery and sit-down restaurants with waitstaff, yes, always tip. However, an exorbitant tip isn't warranted unless service was truly outstanding. Also, don't eat out at a sit-down restaurant with waitstaff if you can't afford to tip. Get takeout or eat at home or get a frozen pizza.
5/6: All weekend, I was perishingly hot. Oh, man. It was horrid and making me pissed off. Another thing: coffee is not something to be rushed and gulped down. It is something to be savored, with a nice book or a journal next to you. Non-coffee drinkers do not realize this. They don't understand that coffee is a ritual, not meant to be gulped down on the go when you're being rushed. Hell, if you're in a rush to go somewhere, sip the coffee in the car. Never gulp coffee, even when it's lukewarm. That destroys the experience.
Next month, we have to start looking for a house. I tell you what, it's going to be HELL. First off, there are no houses available in my price range, and the ones that are available are pieces of crap that need a ton of work to make them live-able. Second off, I want something with a small yard or no yard, like a townhouse. My husband and I are not outdoor people. (Well, husband thinks he is, but that's a story for another episode of 100 Words.) Third off, everyone wants houses in my area. The competition is fierce.
Baby only woke once last night. So that was good. He can turn from his back to his side, but he can't turn onto his stomach yet. I hadn't been swaddling him because he would always manage to escape from the swaddle and I never figured out how to do it super tight like the nurses in the hospital. So better to not be dependent on the swaddle anyway. Or the pacifier. I only give him one when he's out in public or at church and starts getting loud. I think it's odd when you see a large child with a pacifier.
Gotta blaze through today with flags flying. There is a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in. Work will supposedly slow down after our busy season.
Two goals for the month (don't know if I've already written about them): (1) don't charge to work's general overhead account (which should be easy, given how busy we are), and (2) don't eat out at restaurants unless someone pays for me.
Doing really well so far. But let's see how it goes the rest of this month. It's not even half over. That will happen next week.
I don't have much to report for today. Man, do I feel like crap if I skip meals and sleep. I literally get suicidal. Well, not suicidal, but I get weak enough to want to curl up and die. I would not do well in a survival situation. Like in Bird Box. I keep picturing myself in that movie. I guess I'm just not that kind of person. But it doesn't matter. Also, shedding after pregnancy was no joke. I am still shedding, but my hair doesn't appear any thinner. I don't get it. It's crazy. I still have too much hair.
I have been feeling like utter crap. I guess I need to see the therapist consistently, but the urge to save money is more powerful. My husband's aunt chewed him out in what he thought was a passive-aggressive way. Sending an email isn't passive aggressive. Certain people just communicate better through writing. Honestly, if I wanted to chew someone out, I'd do it by email too. Unless they were the kind of person who wasn't going to read the email.
This LGBT stuff has me so frustrated. All this SJW stuff on Tumblr that people actually believe as truth...
5/13: It was a good first Mother's Day. My parents took me to the Vietnamese place. My husband took me out on Friday night. Church had a nice pancake breakfast.
But I felt depressed. Like I couldn't be a good mother because of a lack of consistency. But I have to try my best, even if it means putting myself second or third. Motherhood has opened my eyes to how lazy I used to be, how selfish. And it has made much more clear exactly what I can do to correct that and be a better mother to my son.
5/13: There is so much hypocrisy in this world. A lot of it is just failed perfectionism, people not practicing what they preach because it is hard and they fail. But some of it is just plain old not wanting to practice what is preached or the tenets of the religion they supposedly live by and live for. If you follow a religion, you need to follow everything involving it, none of this half-assed stuff. If you deliberately fail to follow some of it, then I don't know if you really want to follow that particular religion. Start your own?
There is this woman who goes to my church. She has five kids, and they're always impeccably dressed, the two girls in matching outfits and the three boys in matching outfits. I assume she homeschools them. She always looks flawless, with artfully messy hair and a full face of makeup. I wonder what the interior of her house looks like.
I found out she had a sixth child (another boy) three months early. He is in the hospital. That put a whole new spin on how I look at her. She is strong, and her family is strong, and the baby is strong. None of us is perfect.
Today was my ninth blogiversary. I got three comments, so that's more than what I typically get. I guess I have to go meta and blog about blogging in order to get people to come out of the woodwork. Good to know that everyone still reads. I better get on it today. Seems like I have been slacking when I'm really not. I don't know why I feel that way, but everyone is happy with my work on the proposal. I just wish I had more to say during meetings. But I can never talk over everyone else. They are too loud.
Won't be long until the baby starts talking. I've tried talking to him in my normal voice, which you're supposed to do instead of going all googoo and gaga. That way he learns proper English. I tend to vary it. And he listens when we talk to others, too, so he hears how I treat his dad and talk to him. It could be better, but there is room for improvement. I want his first words to be "I love you" and I repeat them to him all the time in hopes that he says them. He is trying to repeat after me.
Time to get to work. It was hard to put the baby to bed last night. I think he was overtired, but I didn't see any real signs of tiredness before putting him to bed. I feel out of the loop because I don't see him all day, then when I put him to bed I don't know what I'm doing. Like he's not even my kid. But the stay-at-home life would be torturous for me. I'm glad I recognized that, because I used to think I would be OK as a stay-at-home mom. Thank God I'm not.
The good news is, I have work today. The bad news is, I might end up with too much work today. It will simultaneously suck and be good when certain people retire. I'm like 30-something years away from retirement (even more if I want to keep on working until I'm dead), so that will be cool. I'm trying to imagine working at the same place for 50 or 60 years. Some people have done it, but it's not as common in today's society where robots are stealing all the jobs.
Someone got bitten by a rabid fox, in other news.
5/20: I will have faith in God. That is my motto. Faith in God uber alles. No matter what happens. He will give me the grace to get through whatever it is. If the worst thing I have to fear is everyone hating me, then I am in great company. Many of the saints were hated, Jesus was hated, Mary was probably hated, but if not hated, then looked down on. Yes, this is the modern age. Yes, I should have been more careful. But I know without a doubt that this is correct. This is all right. This is supposed to be.
5/20: I would not want another person's life. I used to think I did, but I was wrong. I don't want another person's life at all. Theirs would be boring and lacking in love and lacking in amusement and all that stuff. The other thing would be that I wouldn't have the people in my life that make it worth living, and that would be the worst thing to lose. My husband was so sweet this morning before I left for work. I don't know what it was about it. The baby slept all night, so that was fortunate.
I just discovered the song "Rock Me Amadeus" by Falco, which is supposedly a one-hit wonder. I wonder what possessed that guy or that band to write a song about Mozart. I mean... it's weird. I should do a song called "Rock Me Salvador Dali" or something like that. But it's a fun song, and that's all that matters. I mean, you're not supposed to listen to songs for the lyrics, right? Just the sound of the music. Then what's the point of even having lyrics? I have never agreed with that sentiment. So I will continue to be rocked by Amadeus.
Well, the house hunt is almost on. Need to get financing, though. It sucks. Wish I could buy the thing in cash. But only wealthy or super savers can do that. I think if I still lived by myself at my parents' house, I could have saved enough to actually buy a house in cash. That's what I was looking to do at one point, but it's just unrealistic for most people and it's unrealistic now. I'm going to talk to a loan person and see if we can get this stuff started. It's a little bit crazy. Just a little.
There is this one crazy driver around where I live who tries to cause accidents and get people to rear-end her on purpose so she can collect insurance payments. Hopefully they will take her license away and/or get her off the road for good.
People on CNN are talking about the reasons they had abortions. Oddly enough, after having a child and going through pregnancy, I can see why people would do it. I can see why they'd think it was a good decision. But I personally would never do it. Not to my child. Never ever.
5/24: I didn't write yesterday. Got too distracted by worrying about my brother and my sister-in-law and their unborn twins. She has something called vasa previa, which I have never heard of but could be pretty dangerous. They are going to admit her to the hospital when she is about 32 weeks along for monitoring because if she goes into labor or dilates, the blood vessels could break and she could bleed out or the babies could bleed out. That is seriously the scariest thing I'd heard all day. But I will pray. St. Gerard will be with her.
If you say you like what I write, it would be awesome if you actually read it. I hate it when people are like "oh you're a good writer" but they never read a thing I write because their attention span is nil. But plop them in front of the TV for an hour, and they're good. It gets me kind of pissed off.
My hamster was sitting on my shoulder last night. It was weird. It felt like having a mascot, something cute and fuzzy to keep you company.
Long weekend is coming up. I'm not too thrilled.
5/28: My coworker came to work on Memorial Day. That's either dedication or insanity. I probably would have at least logged in to clean up email, but to actually come into work... I guess if I didn't have kids or a spouse, I might have, but otherwise, said kids and spouse would think I was nuts. Plus, there is too much to do around the house that I only think about doing.
Over the weekend, I read a book that was so political, it's taking everything in me to keep reading it. I want to put it down.
5/28: Soon and very soon, I will be all done with these crazy proposals. I don't know why I took so many on, only that I felt like I wanted to be useful at work. And I have to reconcile bank statements and receipts. This past weekend was an expensive one, and only because it's Memorial Day and not really all that much to do except spend hard-earned money. The holiday was at the end of the month, so it wasn't bad, but if it was Labor Day, then we'd have issues with it. Oh, well. Who cares?
5/28: The chaos is impending. I hope people understand that
Ah, scratch that. I spend too much time worrying about what people think and what they understand and what they are thinking that it doesn't even matter. I might as well stop caring. When you are a parent, you stop caring to some extent because everyone has an opinion. I guess the only opinions I care about are the ones about family members. But you can't even control that either. I spend too much time controlling things. Or trying to. Or feeling like I'm in control when I'm not.
Day after Memorial Day and thus, a Ninja Monday that is actually a Tuesday but appears to be a Monday, tricking you into thinking the weekend is farther away than it actually is. I still feel like I'm incredibly itchy and there's nothing we can do about it. Someone was writing about how hard it is to find a good Christian spouse. Yes, it is hard. But it's worth it because you will be happier than you would be if you were in a marriage with a person who did not share your beliefs. Don't just settle. Wait, and keep waiting.
I am reminded of why I don't care for YA books anymore. There's always the self-serving LGBT plotline that doesn't do anything for the plot unless it's the main plot (and in the book I just finished, it wasn't). The main character was so invincible and hardly ever showed weakness, which I didn't think was realistic. I guess you'd have to be strong to be a cheerleader. The positive side of the book was that it gave me a better perspective on cheerleaders and how hard they work, because they really do work hard. It's just not appreciated because they're seen as ditzy.
Collecting paperwork for house buying stuff. Oh, what fun. I guess it'll be more fun than actually signing all the papers. This is going to be a bunch of craziness and I'm going to have to save more money than ever. My husband is not going to appreciate me turning into a Nazi, but what can you do? One person in the relationship should be the saver and the other should know how to have fun with money so the saver doesn't make everyone's life too boring. Both benefit each other. The saver makes sure the spender doesn't have too much fun.
Last day of May. Woot. I realize that I have to change my attitude about things because I can't change people. Obvious, right? Sounds so, but it's hard to do in practice.
But I'm trying to decide what kind of attitude I should have, and the only one that comes to mind is an honest attitude. If someone asks me something, be as honest as possible without being rude but also without sugar coating to the point of losing that honesty. It's a fine line to walk, but I need to walk it now. Every single day until I'm dead.
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