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9/3: Wages of men and women should be made the same. I don't see what childcare demands have to do with lowering a woman's wages. If anything, she should be paid more because she has to deal with more. That might be my only feminist argument ever. I was thinking about romance novels and how there is a very fine line between consent. The woman's consent does not come from her head all the time but because she is caught in a wave of passion, she gives into the man's sexual overtures. I imagine all those relationships falling apart.
9/3: Back to what I was saying about romance novels. Often there is an age disparity between the man and the woman. The woman is often young and inexperienced and the man has "bedded" several women before setting his sights on the heroine of the novel. So because of his experience, he can intimidate the woman. Feminists would say that this is not right. But so many people read romance novels in spite of these tropes. Perhaps women want a man who is older and can be trusted and respected. I think in a way, all woman want to be protected.
All of that is the premise of my NaNoWriMo idea (so far). A woman wants primarily protection from a man and will go to many lengths to get that protection, even though the relationship may be more dangerous than protective. I can name several women off the top of my head that have fallen into bad relationships because all they wanted was to be loved and protected. This is a fact of life and/or biology that cannot be denied, no matter how much the feminists cry and try to change things. Sales of romance novels and 50 Shades of Gray do not lie.
I got my NaNoWriMo idea, finally. I think it's halfway decent, but I don't know what form I want it to take. Nonfiction or fiction. You know what annoys me? This fly flying around right now. I hope he slams into the lamp and dies because the bulb is too bright. That sounds really morbid. Also, there is a hurricane going on right now, but it just reminds me of a thunderstorm at this point. I'm glad I finally got my computer back up and running. I had to do a system restore because the whole thing was filled with junk.
Strangely, someone at work posted a quote from Mother Teresa today. I bet they didn't now that it's her day. Someone else at work was putting sticky notes with motivational quotes on people's desks randomly, which was a nice thing to do but hardly to be equated with Mother Teresa. I say that half out of jealousy. I keep thinking about being a saint and how hard it must be.
I have the double whammy. A stomachache and uterine cramps. Nice. I took an ibuprofen for the latter but the only thing that will help the former is going to bed.
Still doing research for the new story I'm hoping to write. What I can't find out, I'm going to make up. It is based on one of those "truth is stranger than fiction" cases. My old stories still interest me, but this particular one just won't leave my head. These things happen all the time, but I think it grabbed me because I could have been that girl. I have a suspicious streak and I think that's what saved me several times in my life from falling into things I should not have gotten into. I think too hard about everything.
This was an odd September 7. We went to Eucharistic Congress, my husband, the baby and I. I actually had a good confession for once in my life. Or at least, I feel like I can actually function again. The need for Eucharist is not just a lie. It is a legitimate need, and there is proof of people surviving off just the Eucharist for many days, even though it's supposed to be just a regular bit of bread.
I thought of the old September 7s of yore, but nothing really came to me. Soon it will be totally meaningless.
It seems like eating out would be the easiest thing to cut out of the budget, but it's not. My poor husband grew up eating out all the time and can't eat at home to save his life. I think it's a function of his dad's job than anything else. His dad is always on the road because of his job, and thus the family ate out all the time. Or at least that is what I tell myself to make me feel better. Home-cooked meals are not "quality" but I think he said that when he was pissed one time.
Churches are for sinners, and that is what we need to remember when we get pissed at people at church. Nobody there is perfect, and actually, we should be more willing to admit we're not perfect than everybody else. But it has less to do with sin a lot of the time and more to do with pain old human error.
Drat. Now WordPress is going to keep bugging me about renewing my URL. I'll do it when I'm good and ready... next month. It's not my fault that my card got eaten by gremlins and I had to get a new number.
This morning it was foggy outside. A video camera is charging next to my desk. Who still uses video cameras and cameras when that capability is built into cell phones? I guess professional videographers and photographers, but they are the only ones I can think of. There is literally no reason for an average person to have a separate camera. I remember using one way back in 2007 or somewhere thereabouts. Taking pictures of the cat, who has since passed away. Can you say "passed away" when referring to an animal? Is the euphemism necessary? I guess it depends on how sensitive one is.
The housing search is getting me in a pit of despair. The good stuff is gone too soon or we cannot seem to offer enough money to beat out everyone else. The bad stuff is in bad neighborhoods or is a total fixer-upper. If I was a handy person, I wouldn't mind a fixer-upper. Other houses only have two bedrooms and I don't want that. Others the homeowners fees are too high. The only real option is to stay in the apartment. Cheaper apartments are in more dangerous neighborhoods, so I don't want to do that. Not with a baby.
The story that I based my NaNoWriMo novel on (or should say, going to base it on) is so depressing. I listened to some stuff about it online, and I just feel like crying hysterically. I hope that with my story I can give some closure. Normally I wouldn't be obsessed with this kind of thing, but it was so close to me and so similar to what I dealt with (present and past) that I can't get it out of my head. I guess the only thing I can do is pray that God will make it better in time.
Someone said I was a natural leader. Um... whatever you're smoking, I want some, haha! But I don't see that in myself. Someone else, a long time ago, said I was intimidating. I don't know how. I barely weigh 100 pounds soaking wet. Must be my aggressive, penetrating stare. (I'm being sarcastic when I say this.)
In any event, I guess I'm going to try and be more of a leader and less of a follower/yes-man. I don't say much in meetings because it's not necessary. My rule at work: speak only when spoken to, speak only when necessary.
9/16: Getting inoculated today. That sounds better than getting vaccinated. It is important for everyone to get the flu shot because the babies can't get it and don't have any immunity. I got the flu shot when I was pregnant with him, but I don't know if that immunity lasts. Probably lasts at least as long as the mother's immunity does, which I think is about a year, which is why we get the flu shot once a year. Every year it gets worse and there are different strains, so we are always one year behind. Better than nothing, I guess.
9/16: Yesterday was her birthday. I think about her quite often, about whether she is still married or has kids or perhaps even got married again. She is most likely still married. I don't think I believe the statistic that 50% of marriages fail, just like I don't believe the one that says there are falling fertility rates. All that stuff is happening in the more populous and liberal states that are making the news, not in my state, which is still not as liberal as it could be, thank God. But it'll get there in the next few years.
Communism sounds so good on the surface. Everything equally distributed no matter what. But it makes no sense given the realities of the world. There is a big stink over equity versus equality. OK, let's try to make things equitable, but if it goes beyond reason, forget about it. That's what they try to do. I thought I believed in a meritocracy, where those who have the ability to succeed should do so, no matter their race, but that apparently doesn't work out in the world we have created. Other meritocracies are mostly run by money. He who has the most money wins.
I kept having nightmares last night. I think I have them more often, but they don't ever complete in my brain. I just get all freaked out and wake up before the nightmare "completes" and you get that tingly feeling. I remember that when I was a kid, nightmares were the worst thing. That and getting sick from all the germs you were exposed to in elementary school. But life other than that was very nice. I was just thinking that I wasn't going to have that again until I retire. Those long, lazy Saturdays where you don't do much of anything.
I was reading about a couple who had triplets the natural way, after having twins (also naturally). No fertility drugs. It's extremely rare, but I have a hunch that this kind of thing will be happening more often. I think God is trying to compensate for people who have no kids in favor of pets or whatever. I like dogs and cats, don't get me wrong, but I would never want to own one. So much work. I am happy with the hamster and the baby. Maybe when the baby is older and can help take care of a dog, but for now... no.
Haven't written in a while. It's our anniversary. I'm thinking of completely giving up the computer, other than at work. It's just a distraction. People on their deathbed probably don't say they wish they had spent more time on the computer. They probably say they wish they had spent more time with real-life people that matter to them. I have contemplated doing writing without the computer, but that would be difficult because my handwriting is awful and my hand cramps up all the time. I have been reading a lot, though, and fortunately it is easier to read a book than a computer screen.
9/23: Today is our second anniversary. I was thinking a couple days ago that when you're a kid, 2 years or 5 years seems like such a long time and makes up a significant chunk of your life, but when you're an adult 2 years is not a big deal. Well, 2 years of marriage is a pretty big deal no matter what. And we went through some tough stuff. Still going through it, but we will survive. I have faith in God who brought us together. I just wonder what will happen in the future, in the next 2 years.
9/23: Still writing about anniversaries. We technically have two kids. One in heaven, one on earth. It is strange when you are a parent. You imagine the most horrible things happening to your kid and yourself trying to defend the kid or prevent said terrible thing from happening. Or maybe I'm just psycho and I'm the only one who has those thoughts. I was going to ask my mother but forgot.
My brother's twin girls are getting bigger and bigger. I wonder when we will get to see them next. They are so cute with enormous anime eyes.
9/23: I was researching meat rendering plants a couple days ago. I have no idea how I got on the subject. Must have been something random I googled. But they were saying something about how they throw all this garbage meat into a vat and heat it up and kill the bacteria and turn it into dog food. Disgustingly fascinating, but I think it's a good form of recycling. Otherwise all that stuff would get into landfills and corrupt it. I have been so worried about recycling and saving the earth lately. It's getting to be a neurosis.
Back to recycling: I was reading articles about the great floating garbage island (or something like that) and it makes me think of all the plastic I have ever used in my life. Every time I touch a straw or a plastic fork and don't see anywhere to recycle it, I feel bad. Even when I recycle I feel bad because it's not guaranteed to go where it's supposed to go. China and Indonesia turned down recycling from the United States because it had food stuck in it. Some recycling never makes it. I guess you just make your best effort.
Yesterday we went to Texas Roadhouse because we got a gift card for our anniversary. That place sucks, no offense. It's too loud and chaotic and the food isn't really that great. It's a fun place to go if you're a loud extrovert or if you have kids who like to be overstimulated. But it's just not my cup of tea. I like restaurants where I can actually hear myself think. The good thing was that my son's joyful shrieking was drowned out by all the other noise and the blasting country music. Otherwise... I would not go there again.
I'm not a big fan of salad dressing most of the time. It turns the entire salad into a lake of salt and/or sugar, depending on which dressing you use, defeating the entire purpose of a salad, which is supposed to be healthy. Raspberry vinaigrette is one of the better salad dressings but only when used in extreme moderation. Otherwise, it turns the salad into a dessert. Ranch is also OK but in moderation. Olive oil and vinegar is probably one of the best dressings there is and you can't go wrong with it. It makes every salad better.
Sometimes classical music gets stuck in my head even though it has no lyrics, which is awfully strange.
I saw a gorgeous townhouse with over $200 a month in homeowners' fees. What the heck do they do for that kind of money? They better be fixing my toilet every time it breaks. Part of me doesn't want to complain because the housing prices where I live are much less expensive than the U.S. market as a whole, but still. I don't get paid as though I live in Silicon Valley or NYC. I'm just a lowly editor, dude.
Money can be such a problem. I really do wonder if the poor are happier than the rich. Because no amount of money you have will ever satisfy you, and if you have too much, I guess it burns a hole in your pocket and in your head and you end up going insane. Or you spend it all willy-nilly on a bunch of stupid things. I don't know how celebrities do it. They give it all to charity and are still rich. I wonder if any of them live in a modest-sized house. Probably some of them.
End of the month. End of the fiscal year scramble to get everything done before the deadline. Stuffed crust pizza is better warmed up than cold. I wish I had some marinara sauce to dip it in. I remember that on my first date with my husband, I was thinking of marijuana because I was working on a report about it, and I called marinara sauce marijuana sauce by accident. He cracked up. He didn't think I was weird. To this day, I'm surprised he didn't run, but I guess he felt comfortable enough with me.
I could fall asleep now.
Haven't listened to the radio or secular music in a long time. Well, I have listened to classical, and some of it is really good. I used to just listen to it as background music when I needed to concentrate, but if I focus on it, I can appreciate its beauty and intricacy. I never used to notice that before. I have no idea what's playing on Top 40 radio, but I guarantee it doesn't have the staying power of great classical music from 100 or 300 years ago. All hail Johann Sebastian Bach, Mozart, and all the other great composers.
Someone peeked at my lunch in the refrigerator at work, where it was somewhat neatly wrapped in tin foil.
There is someone at work who is so much like me and says stuff that I relate to so much, it's like he secretly reads my words on this site and my blog. Don't lurk, say hello has always been my motto, even though I am a notorious lurker myself.
I wish the weather would cool off. The flies in the apartment need to die out already. I could put my plant outside. Then the weather would go into a deep freeze.
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