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BY M

02/01 Direct Link
2/3: The water bill wasn't bad this past month. I guess the slow water pressure helps with that.I hope that when we finally get a house, the bills will still be as manageable as they were in the apartment. A lower mortgage compared to rent should help with that, but the mortgage rates are creeping up. Those who want houses in this area are morbidly waiting for another housing crisis a la 2007/2008 or so. That is kind of terrible, but it is what it is. I don't want to take on too much debt with a house.
02/02 Direct Link
2/3: I keep looking at the house I almost bought on Zillow, kind of like how you stalk an ex's social media page. It either sold this past weekend or was taken off the market. I will keep checking the county property records, just to make sure because I am super curious. Maybe the owner is renting it again. I hope the person who owns it, whether the old owner or a new one, can bring that house back to glory. If my husband and I were handy, I would have kept the house and it would have been fine.
02/03 Direct Link
Valentine's Day is coming up and I have no idea what to get my husband. I guess we could go to the movies using the gift card we got for Christmas. We almost never go to the movies because it's super expensive and my husband's ADHD doesn't allow him to sit still for a whole movie. Instead, he reads the summary of it on Wikipedia, then watches the cool scenes on YouTube. No offense, but that's lame. Oh, well. To each his own, I suppose. I just have to pick a movie that's exciting enough for him to sit through all the way.
02/04 Direct Link
One of the benefits of my job is that we have a hotline we can dial if we are having issues in our personal life. It is like counseling. I keep wanting to dial it because of the issues my husband and I have been having, but then I feel stupid for wanting to do so. There is no shame in getting help, but there is also an expectation that you should be able to handle your own problems. Kind of like how you are encouraged to take time off, but if you do, you miss out on all your important work. 
02/05 Direct Link
Lord, there is nothing I could do to make you happy, but I try anyway.
I pray my efforts are not in vain.
My senses fail, my brain dulls.
Still, you guide me patiently,
Your hand always at my back, 
Always my support. 
A rod and staff my husband may possess,
But my God knows how to wield them. 
My God is patient with me through the travails of life.
I know not how my next day is to go, 
But blindly I stretch out my hands, 
And he leads me to the next morning. 
02/06 Direct Link
My Lord, you give me what I cannot possibly deserve.
In every one of my son's smiles, I see hints of your glory.
In every sunrise is your embrace.
In every sunset is a promise of a new day.
Each flower, tree, and animal praises you with its existence.
If I only I could do the same, 
unimpeded by the weight of the world.
When I ponder you, light fills my darkness. 
My face relaxes in sleep,
my hands unclench. 
O Lord, let me never want anything less than you.
Supply my daily bread so my focus can be upon you.  
02/07 Direct Link
Pet parenting. That must be a new concept, propagated by liberals who do not have children. I saw something on WordPress that was about "your style of pet parenting," and I read all this stuff about doggy daycares and cat daycares and pet nannies and other overbearing parent type things. 

I love dogs and cats, I honestly do, but I would never want to own one again. At least, not while the kid(s) are young. Once the kid(s) are a bit more grown, they can help take care of the animal. But it will never be a "child" to me. 
02/08 Direct Link
I went to my mother-in-law's cousin's house for a party this past weekend, and I found myself looking at their house as though I was going to buy it. I was pretending to be a home inspector and noticed that the vents were up super high on the ceiling, a bit of the linoleum was peeling off their floor, and their carpets were white and dirty. I mean, nothing that would stop me from buying the house if it was indeed for sale in my stupid price range. I guess I was just practicing. Getting that detailed eye to work.
02/09 Direct Link
"Get in groups." Worst words you can ever hear. Oh, man. I always volunteer to be the notetaker or the one who writes the report, so I don't have to listen to anyone try and tell me what to do or so I won't have to make the presentation. You'd think this foolish groupwork would stop when you're in college, but it goes on into the real world, too. When we do trainings at work, they treat us like this, like we're little kids again. Circle time! Everyone go to your centers, get out your markers, and color! Those were the days...
02/10 Direct Link
Still thinking about buying a house. What is the worst that could happen? I also need to decide whether to pay off the car loan in one fell swoop. I have been considering this for a long time now. It doesn't make sense to have a car loan when I have the money to pay it off. Maybe I'll do it with money from my other account so I can close that account out. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, my grandmother would say. Oh well. That is how it is. You get what you pay for, and so on.
02/11 Direct Link
I hate interest. Well, it is nice when your money sits in the bank and earns interest, but it's not nice when you have to pay interest on stuff you got a loan for. And I generally hate loans. I'm with Dave Ramsey... the only loan one should have is a mortgage loan, and even those suck. Sometimes it is hard to get away from loans, though, like when you get in an emergency and need a new car but don't have the cash to pay for it. I guess a used car would be your best bet in that circumstance. 
02/12 Direct Link
Sometimes I like reading books about historical figures, especially if the author makes it feel as if you are right there next to them as they go on their journeys. It is cool to know how to the story ends and still be surprised by turns of events. 

In other news, my husband posted something controversial on Facebook and got the typical backlash. You're so narrow minded and all that. Dude. I think my generation's number one virtue is open mindedness. And that is not a good thing. Whatever happened to standing up for what is right even when everyone else is wrong?
02/13 Direct Link
Time to pay bills. All of adulthood is bills and taxes are your permission to live on this planet. I hate doing taxes. Used to like it somewhat because of the promise of a refund, but now I hate it. 

They say that if you are wise, you can save half of your income for retirement, a house down payment, or whatever you would like.

I guess that would be awful nice, to be able to do that. I remember that when I was single and lived with my parents, I could save 75% of my income, possibly more. 
02/14 Direct Link
I really hate Valentine's Day. I keep forgetting about it and pretending that it doesn't exist. Forget going out to eat today for it; it's a Friday night and that's what everyone will be doing. 

Honestly, the best present would be some alone time. Either time alone with my husband or time alone with myself. Just a little peace. Actually, I thought of an even better present. A cleaning service. Holy hell, would that be amazing. I am obsessed with having a clean house these days, and not just clean. Neat. Without all this junk everywhere. Marie Kondo. That kind of thing.
02/15 Direct Link
My entire family ended up sleeping on the couch this weekend. The baby refuses to sleep in his crib, so I slept on the couch with him. Husband got lonely, so he slept on the floor beside the couch. I fell off the couch in an attempt to roll over and landed on top of my husband. Then I got back on the couch, but the baby woke up at 4 in the morning and refused to go back to sleep unless he was between me and his father on the floor. What a friggin' weird night. But things won't improve until I have a second bedroom.
02/16 Direct Link
We were going to go to the cat show this weekend but ended up missing it. I just end up with so many chores that I can't leave the house until after noon, and by then it is almost too late to do anything because by the time we get anywhere the baby will need his nap. He hardly ever takes naps in the afternoon on the weekends anyway because things are so exciting. I don't know what to do about it. This no sleep thing is getting old fast, but it's a universal parenting problem, so that makes me feel better. 
02/17 Direct Link
Edited something and never heard back from the author, which is awkward because then I feel like I made a mistake and never sent it, but I did because it is sitting in my sent folder. They just never acknowledged receipt, but I assume all is OK because if they didn't get it, they would be beating my door down asking where it is and when I will have it back to them. Just a "Thank you" or "Thanks" in an email would be good enough. But not read receipts. Those are just plain annoying by all accounts. They make me think that a recipient is paranoid.
02/18 Direct Link
Psalm

Praise to the Lord for giving me days,
filling them with light and delight.
Praise to the Lord for showing his ways,
for the truth in every blue sky.
Praise to the Lord for being my hope,
when all else seems lost or horrid.
Praise to the Lord for helping me cope
with all that comes to pass.

In all things, I praise the Lord.
When I look upon the most mundane of heaven,
it cannot compare to even the most exciting of earth.
Heaven's grandeur need be my haven,
if I am but worthy enough to get there.  
02/19 Direct Link
Oh, Lord, I am sick of going out to eat, but at least we got to somewhere I actually like. Chinese food, yay. Some people are not going to Chinese restaurants as often as they used to because of the threat of the coronavirus. Supposedly a careless scientist let it out of the lab. 

I am actually interested in watching the democratic debate tonight. I wonder who will come out on top: Bernie, Buttigieg, Bloomberg... why do they all start with B? It will be disappointing if Bloomberg actually gets the nomination. Then it will be rich guy vs. rich guy.
02/20 Direct Link
Well, we are going to get some snow this winter, finally. I don't know how much, though. This will be my baby's first snow, so that is exciting for him. He will not remember it, but it does not matter. This is more for mommy and daddy to see how he reacts to it and take some cute pictures. He does not have any snowboots yet because he cannot walk. I don't know how I am going to work tomorrow if he can't go to Grandma's house. I guess I will manage the best way I can. Or take time off. 
02/21 Direct Link
A rare day when I do not really have anything to write about. I want to go through all the papers in my closet and throw them all out. Some of what I was saving is totally pointless, but other stuff is good. I could just take pictures of the stuff and upload it to the cloud, where it would take up less space. That is the trouble with keeping all this paper stuff. It just takes up room. I like the minimalist trend that is going on these days. Have less stuff. Get rid of whatever does not bring you joy.
02/22 Direct Link
2/24: The topic of the homily yesterday was "love your enemy." But who is my enemy? People who do not believe what I believe? People who have aligned themselves with the ultimate enemy (i.e., Satan)? 

I recently learned that freemasonry is from the devil, but I never really thought much about it. I never understood what freemasonry is supposed to be. I guess some club for men, kind of like the KKK or a perverse Knights of Columbus. Supposedly you don't know what you're getting into until you join, and I have no intention of joining. 
02/23 Direct Link
2/24: Just saw a house on Zillow that looked immaculate and perfect, for an incredibly cheap price. It wasn't a typo. Just some very wealthy people who own a bunch of properties throughout the country and wanted to give back. Wow. I am impressed. But if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. They wanted the money as a cash only with no real estate agents representing. I don't know if I would trust something like that without getting my agent involved. The house was built in 2018 supposedly, so it did not sound like a total wreck.
02/24 Direct Link
I need to get a professional portrait done for work. My current picture is a crappy one from my very first day back in 2012 and it is old as dirt. I don't even know if I look the same anymore. I have more white hairs. 

Our arch enemy at work is known as either EMC or EMK, I can't recall which. She is the boss's boss's boss's boss's great great grandboss, or something like that. So, speaking of praying for our enemies...

I am praying for one of my coworkers. She is not my enemy. But she seems so confused. 
02/25 Direct Link
Not too many days left in the month and today is Mardi Gras. Time to get rid of all the meats or at least be careful about the day on which I cook them. Today I am having meatloaf for lunch. If I lived by myself, I probably would be a vegetarian or at least eat very little meat. Like maybe chicken once a week or something like that. I'm not a big fan of pork or steak. Bacon is good, but I can't justify buying it when it is so unhealthy. Turkey is OK but most of the time ends up too dry.
02/26 Direct Link
These past few days have been so cloudy. It is one of those days where it is colder in the apartment than it is outside. I would say the apartment is insulated pretty well. I put in a maintenance request for the stove top that got broken when a Pyrex glass container fell on it. Gee, I don't want to get charged for damages, but I bet I will. Oh, man. Such is apartment life, I guess. They charge through the nose for every little thing. But I will make the best of it. At least I don't have to pay for maintenance.
02/27 Direct Link
It is always anxiety inducing to have your work reviewed by superiors. 

Finding out that more and more people are retiring. I guess that is because most of them are of that age and don't want to work until they're 80. Even stranger is the fact that they are retiring early. Perhaps you just get sick of it after awhile. And they have health issues. Stress at work contributes to health issues. 

Something is wrong with one of my friends and she won't tell us yet. I wonder what it could be. I am thinking all sorts of crazy thoughts. 
02/28 Direct Link
I was reading an old entry of mine about how I did not like when others talk about their kids. I still don't because they tend to brag. I only talk about my kid if someone asks, and I try not to stay on the subject too long. I hate bragging or feeling like I'm bragging. It bothers me how these kids seem so overscheduled. Like they are in soccer and they are in this high-class math and science school and they're aiming for this super high-end college... and I'm like... how is the kid's stress level these days? 
02/29 Direct Link
I stayed off the Internet the entire weekend except when I got super curious and started looking up facts about Queen Victoria. I am reading a fictionalized account of her life.

Spent more money than I would have liked, but that is more because of poor planning than anything else. 

We tried Qdoba, which I thought was more like Chipotle than Moe's. Moe's is the least expensive of the three but probably the most unhealthy. They also have a pretty good promotion where you get a discount burrito on Mondays. I will probably end up sticking with Moe's.