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BY M

03/01 Direct Link
What a nice feeling when the car is paid off and the title comes to you in the mail. You feel like jumping up and down and doing a debt-free scream like Dave Ramsey does on his radio show. Most people cannot realistically be like Dave Ramsey. There is nothing wrong with rice and beans every night for dinner, and I would do that if I could, but my husband would never be able to handle it. He would go insane. The man was raised on restaurant food, and that is all he knows how to eat, which is bad for my budget.
03/02 Direct Link
I thought of something in relation to my steadily molting purse. The less you buy things, the more you think about money and possessions. The goal is to give up possessions or at least to be less materialistic. I haven't bought a purse in a long time or gone clothes shopping in an even longer time. That is no hardship to me. But it makes me even more attached to the clothes I have because I have had them for so long. I suppose the same is true for money. If you have a large sum of money, you get attached to it.
03/03 Direct Link
SOOOPER TUUUUESSSDAYYY!!! Or Super Thurs-uh-Tuesday, as Biden supposedly said. 

Anyway, I am going to try and keep my mouth shut about politics today because at work almost everyone is of the opposite political persuasion as I am. It is actually somewhat disappointing. These are people who are very smart and whom I hold in very high esteem, so it is sad when they are so irrational in their politics. So let's keep the peace and not argue or even say anything today. I have my stock answers ready for when/if anyone asks me anything. The rest of the time: mouth shut.
03/04 Direct Link
One week since I have been without a washing machine. The sheets have not been washed; neither has the rest of the bedding. Nasty, I know, but I hardly sleep in the bed anymore, so that is not really a big deal. 

It makes me realize how lucky we are to have a washing machine rather than go down to the creek and wash our clothes in questionable water, then wring them out by hand and air dry them. We are so spoiled in this day and age.

Well, I am going to have to go to my parents' again to wash the clothes.
03/05 Direct Link
The coronavirus threat is real. At work, they busted out the bleach wipes and told us to sanitize our desks, phones, and so forth. Now my entire desk smells like bleach and it's giving me a headache. Also reminding me (not so pleasantly) of the animal shelter where I did my senior project. That place closed, which was something of a shame because it was a temporary home for many animals. There were a bunch of people who wanted to keep it running after the old owner retired, but I'm sure she would never hear of it. I wonder how she is doing today.
03/06 Direct Link
There was supposed to be a card to sign, but I don't see it.

Facebook is like an echo chamber. My husband got kicked off for phishing, so he made a new account. (Why? I would have taken that as a blessing that you got kicked off.) Then he added all his friends with similar beliefs and outlooks, so he can be back in his little echo chamber. Facebook can be soul sucking. I am glad I don't have one. Kudos to all who gave it up for Lent.

The baby has a cough. Same cough as I had a few weeks ago. 
03/07 Direct Link
I was thinking that I would be washing baby bottles forever, but now I only wash maybe one bottle a week. For the next baby, I have to remind myself that it really doesn't last forever. The three months of postpartum hell, the nights when he won't sleep to save his life, the times he gets sick, hauling around that infant car seat carrier thingy... none of it lasts forever. I saw a baby smaller than my son and I was thinking... my son did not stay that tiny. He grew so incredibly fast and he wasn't all that tiny to start with.
03/08 Direct Link
At church, they suspended reception of the Precious Blood because of the coronavirus. I remember that they did the same thing during the swine flu outbreak. They also barred us from receiving on the tongue, so we had to receive on the hand. I have no idea how one would receive on the hand when one might have to go up with a baby. I was having hateful thoughts (about an unrelated issue), so I did not go up. I did not feel worthy. And now I must go to confession and try to purge all this hatred from my mind. 
03/09 Direct Link
They always tell you to volunteer at church and spend your time with various ministries, but it is hard to do that when you have young children. I say that raising my son (and possibly others) is my vocation and that's how I am giving back to my church. By giving them future members. But that is not a hard science. Who knows what kind of stuff my son will believe in. I can train him in the right way, but he still has free will and can do what he pleases. 

My notebook from 2008 has a Blockbuster ad in it. I feel ancient. 
03/10 Direct Link
The coronavirus has infected the town where I work. I predict that in two weeks, someone in my workplace will come down with it. Then they will make us all work from home for the unforeseeable future, which could be a pain in the ass. 

Max von Sydow died. You may never have heard of him, but he played in quite a few popular movies. I will always associate him with Leland Gaunt from Needful Things. May his soul rest in peace. 

Actors always seem so immortal, then something happens to them. Reminds me of Robin Williams. 
03/11 Direct Link
I was thinking of the moment I lost my child, who was only 6 weeks in the womb. I wonder if they were aware of that moment, when I was holding my living son's hand while trying to get him to sleep in the crib. I wonder if the child in the womb heard my voice and the voice of his brother, clear at first, then slowly fading away as God took his (or her) soul. 

We called him Jonah. I don't really know why, only that it was the first name that came into my head. Jonah and Lucy, my two lost ones.
03/12 Direct Link
Everything is getting cancelled or postponed due to coronavirus. Pretty soon we are going to be confined to our houses to wait out the invisible storm. Work is not mandating that we all work from home but recommending it. I think I will work from home after Friday because I have a meeting Friday and I hate phone meetings or Skype. Also, when we use Skype out of the office we are supposed to show our faces, which I also hate. Someone might be able to see something odd in the background at my house. I guess I could tilt the screen up.
03/13 Direct Link
I took the census. I feel like I served my country (or the government) or whoever. I can't believe that they will send someone to your house if you don't take it. I wonder if that will still hold if this coronavirus is still going around. Literally everything is getting cancelled. We are going to have to learn to entertain ourselves without going out to eat. Oh, the horror. The stores are fresh out of toilet paper. My brother sent me a picture of the empty, desolate shelves. They should start limiting the amount people can buy. But that would be communism. 
03/14 Direct Link
3/16: The coronavirus crisis continues. Weekend Mass was cancelled because it is a larger gathering than daily Mass, but I wonder if more people will go to daily Mass and will that get cancelled as well. 

I can't help but think of that Chinese curse: May you live in interesting times. It certainly seems that interesting times are upon us.

I feel like a worse threat than coronavirus would be starvation if the infrastructure breaks down and food cannot get to us. We're going to have to forage in the wilderness. 

My imagination is running wild today. 
03/15 Direct Link
3/16: Because church is cancelled, I am going to send in my tithe electronically and save the check for whenever church actually happens again. 

I wonder how long it will take before every restaurant closes. 

I cannot help but think that all of this will save us money, unless we get price gouged on groceries and toilet paper. 

I still don't have very much toilet paper. Mother and mother-in-law gave us a few rolls, but who knows how long that will last. Better hope nobody gets the runs. Well, if there are no restaurants open, we won't. 
03/16 Direct Link
I get irritated at people whose pets are like their children. When they go overboard spoiling the dog with birthday cakes especially for dogs or when they dress the dog up in sweaters and stuff like that. Get a stroller for the dog. Enlist him in a highly priced doggie daycare where he can socialize (and possibly contract parvo virus). I will never understand it to save my life. But I suppose that is what makes some people happy, so a happy life to them. 

In the meantime, I am enjoying have an actual child, not a "furbaby." 
03/17 Direct Link
This is an odd world we are living in now with the coronavirus. I am glad all the restaurants went to take out only mode because that will dissuade my husband from dining there and bringing my son there. I wonder what his parents will do. They are addicted to going out to restaurants all the time. I guess they will either get take out or do delivery. I wonder what the waitstaff will do since there are no dine-ins. I think that the government is supposed to give them money, but I am not entirely sure of that.
03/18 Direct Link
General teenage insanity or emerging mental illness? I like the word "prodromal" because it sounds like droning. I can imagine mental illness like a cloud of hornets, coming toward you, droning and humming, then settling down in your head, where the droning and humming get louder and louder. 

Reddit is irritating. It is full of all these people who think they know everything in the world. It is the same reason why I don't like forums anymore. Everyone there thinks they are hot shit and everything I say is something stupid. So I contribute very little, if at all.
03/19 Direct Link
Everything is closing. I just got an email from the eye doctor, saying that all their offices were closed until early April at least, depending on how this all shakes out. This is getting crazy. I hope people are heeding the warnings, staying home, washing hands, all that good stuff. I think I will slowly start to go crazy. But with God's grace, we will all get through this. 

I keep thinking of the food in the office refrigerator. They should have reminded people to take their stuff before the office closed. When we come back, it is all going to be stinky.
03/20 Direct Link
Day 5 of the "working from home exclusively because of coronavirus" experience. I am not getting the same cabin fever I used to get when working from home for three or more days. Maybe that is because my mentality is different. There is no date when we are allowed to go back to the office. If I had a date, I would probably be freaking out and waiting impatiently for that date. If this thing lasts 18 months, then I guess I will have to be OK with it. There is no other choice. I am glad I am not out of work.
03/21 Direct Link
3/23: I literally did not know what day it was when I woke up this morning. I think I can attribute it to the coronavirus. Saturday and Sunday were essentially the same because there was no church. All the weekdays are the same because I am working from home all the time now. 

The only reason I know it is Monday is because it is Moe Monday. I am glad the restaurants are still doing takeout. I feel so bad for the people who are out of work during this time. I just hope they don't hold that stimulus package up too long.
03/22 Direct Link
3/23: I do not know why I perceive Southerners as being insincere. It probably has to do with all the "bless your heart" and "have a blessed day" and how they don't say "you're welcome." They just go "uh-huh" and nod at you or something like that. Sometimes they don't even say anything in response when you say "thank you," making you feel like your thank you was not respectful or enthusiastic enough. 

I have lived in the South for the majority of my life and I still cannot understand these people and their hospitality. I'm a damn Yankee. 
03/23 Direct Link
I have not been listening to music much at all, and when I do, I normally have a song stuck in my head at all times. (Part of the reason I gave up music.) But now my son's toys get stuck in my head all the time, like the ones that sing nursery rhymes or have their own little earwormy songs. I am trying to figure out if it is as annoying as Top 40 music on the radio or not. At least the little kiddie songs don't have sexual innuendos. They just have fewer words that play in my head more often. 
03/24 Direct Link
Bleh. I think we are on Day 9 of the coronavirus lockdown. Pretty soon I think martial law will be enacted. I can imagine them taking my temperature with a forehead thermometer the second I arrive in Food Lion for groceries. Your temperature is 98.9. You have to go home. But I need eggs! We don't have eggs anyway. 

Well. I guess it has to get worse before it can get better. All these lockdowns and quarantines are for our own safety, so it is better than nothing. At least husband and baby are leaving the house for brief periods.
03/25 Direct Link
3/27: A few days behind. Has nothing to do with coronavirus, but that would be a lie because everything has to do with the coronavirus these days. I am trying to use cell phone apps more so I can stop doing nonwork stuff on my work computer, and I realized that there is no app for this website, which is strange in a day and age when there is an app for literally every single thing imaginable. It is annoying using cell phone apps because everything looks so small on my phone screen. I guess that is why phones are getting bigger.
03/26 Direct Link
3/27: I do not know how much to freak out over this coronavirus. On one hand are the people who are saying it is more deadly than the seasonal flu, swine flu, SARS, MRSA, and the Spanish flu. On the other hand, there are people shrugging it off and saying that the flu has killed far more people than coronavirus ever will. Then there are those who have terrible symptoms and there are those whose symptoms are no worse than the common cold. So I am feeling a lot of conflict. I do not know what to believe anymore.
03/27 Direct Link
On the plus side, the washing machine is fixed (well, I figured out how to operate it). My mom found a bunch of food at the stores. She has been going every day to see whether eggs are back in stock. So I should be stocked for some time now. There is a lockdown in my county, but I am wondering how long it will last. It is supposed to go until April 16, but based on what everyone is saying, it will go on a lot longer than that. This is the craziest thing that has happened in a long time. 
03/28 Direct Link
3/30: The only good thing about this coronavirus is that my house is almost entirely cleaned. My taxes are done, the bills are paid, stuff is good. Except the world might end. there are all these funny parodies of coronavirus songs on YouTube. But I cannot listen to YouTube at work because it bogs down the network and uses a ton of bandwidth. Also cannot stream music from Spotify and the like because of similar issues. It has been such a slow day at work. I wish it would pick up. I really like to be busy most of the time. 
03/29 Direct Link
3/30: I just hope the virus does not mutate. I am sick of writing about it. I wonder if we had a Democrat as a president, would he have handled it better? I doubt it.

Not going to church is making me depressed, but the thing that makes me even more depressed than that is watching Mass on TV or YouTube or even Facebook. Praying the rosary with our friends over video is nice, but it is still not the same as seeing them in person.

I wonder how many people are having nervous breakdowns over this stuff. 
03/30 Direct Link
I have nothing to write. Not one single thing. Except that oddly, club crackers are really good with salsa. I wish I could get rid of everything I have and give money to the poor. Speaking of which, that stimulus check and the crazy economy. The housing market may tank if they give people relief from their mortgage payments. I hope that people won't lose their houses, but if they do and that is the only way I can buy a house, I will feel as though I am profiting from someone else's misfortune. This whole thing is so nuts.
03/31 Direct Link
Testing the word counter on the phone to see if it works. Does not work and this website is a million percent not mobile friendly. I suppose I am going to have to do things the old fashioned way and count the words manually. I am also going to have to learn to text with two hands. I am still plucking letters out with one finger. 
That was 66 words in the paragraph above. I took forever to count it. If the font was courier, I could do some calculations because the line would always have the same number of characters, but it would be an average at best.