Addicted to blogging - is this blogging? I don't think so - it is trying to record something for the sake of doing it!?? Do I have creative juices I'd like share with others? I wonder how much research has been done on this subject already? I bet there is some psychologist doing an important study right now.

Wonder if the “
” is counted as a word when I type in Word before cutting and pasting into the browser?

I am sure I can live without a computer just fine – just name the day you want me to stop…

the reason I want to do this is because I love to try new things what if I am just doing it because I think I have too and really am not enjoying it. Saying I am doing something and being curious about it are great things to experience. I can say I did it and know about it. plus the more I do the more I can show others how to do – for example my clients will enjoy this site for their creative side. Since I will have completed a batch I will know what I am talking about.

I just realized that word is counting my break html code – bummer, that means I am not totally putting 100 words for my entries in this batch. So, I have to figure out a different way to write the batches. This is a trial of being able to keep up with something but I need to figure out if it is a good resource hence why I am doing it. The challenge of even only writing 100 words really is allowing me to understand how to write better. That is a great thing in and of itself. I love it

We are husband and wife for one month anniversary each 4th of the month how exciting to know that we are together like we once were before a long time ago our love endured times of life making it strong enough to deal with our personalities and the trails of everyday existence reminding each other that what matters is being here not so much about how we are here but that we are the time seems slow are we succeeding in living now is this how it feels so that we can fully enjoy the now? The now with you

Child

My child

Our child

My son’s sibling

My two children

Giving someone a nephew/niece

Having a chance to have a girl as a child

Seeing my husband with his own child in his arms

Knowing that I will be able to have two children

around me when I am old

Feeling the love of an infant in my life again

Walking around with a big grin

Having true love thrice

Feeling movement

Giving birth

Walking

Hand

In

Hand

My

Dream

Of a child

Has come true

I want to work with this idea

I can’t believe it is true

India Germany Two towns over They are around me Thinking of them as they explore their young lives Becoming a doctor Developing a new religion Saving the world Exploring minds to figure it all out Giving them the tools to do this Watching them grow before my very eyes Are these my pseudo children? Why do I always think this? Is there something to it? No need to figure it out but just to watch and see KSD thank you for this knowledge You have instilled in me I now know you had the stuff To know what is necessary

The love song Which is our love song The one we make love to? The one we are meant to hear in our heads when we are apart?

Our love song The one I hear when I look into your eyes When I see your smile The one we both hear when we are working together with our hands?

The love song The one blaring almost too loud when I catch you staring at me from afar? The song that everyone sees in our pictures of our wedding? The song that has the most beautiful lyrics in the world?

Song

Used to be in your life

No longer

sad memories and sad stories of the present

Wishing you’d better yourself

Knowing that would not happen

Tears of sadness that you are in my child’s life

Not able to be a good influence

Hoping to be a good parent?

Knowing you are trying trying so hard

So hard but not hitting the mark

I want to visit my Dad for a shorter period of time.

I don’t want to miss life, life with you.

What will happen to his life? His life, if you are his parent?

What will it do?

I called and called But no one was home

I tried and I tried But you kept ignoring me hun

I loved and loved But nothing came back in return

I wanted to give up oh how I wanted But I kept up the light of hope for you

I dreamt and dreamt Of the love we once shared

Of finding someone who would be just like you in the end

I searched and searched But couldn’t find the one

Until you found me under the rock at one!

[A love poem of despair and yearning written for my love]

Live to be 112

I tell everyone

I say that for sure and know it to be true

Those years are needed to live a few lives, to get the list done and develop the courage to survive

To be 112 before I die

The control to decide this fact

I know I will be fine in the end dreaming of the things I love to be able to live knowing this fine fact of life

I wish I could impart this type of “knowing” to everyone

Maybe that is the one reason I need to live to be 112.

"Honey, wake up! Look!" she said to him waking him out of a sound sleep at 6:30am.

"Oh My Gosh! Does this mean....?”

"Yes, it does! I'm pregnant."

Smiling all day long. A secret - she already knows - Hard to keep it a secret. Other couples do - why shouldn't we? Dreaming of a name Only time will tell will answer the questions we both have flowing between each other, the goofy smiles, the howls of laughter Joined at the hip loving our new reality so soon from our start so happy we are fulfilling our dreams LIFE FANTASTIC

Is this real?

"Want to come watch the second test?"

"Yes, yes I do!" as he follows her.

Second morning in a row - it shows the big fat plus sign! We are definitely pregnant. A baby is growing in there. A human being. Our human. The world's human. The human we will get to care for. Our privilege to be parents. How lucky we are.

At work it almost slipped: I can’t lift boxes, too tired to walk way over there. EAT right now. Go to the bathroom for the 10th time today. They’ll figure it out.

what is happening in my body - what is growing - how far along am I? The doctor guessed 4 weeks on the phone - I am guessing the same, but I sure am having a lot of sympotms like I am farther along. What does that mean? I got pregnant the day after the wedding? Impossible!

Never know. Life is tricky sometimes.

I want to tell everyone – I want to make it known to all I love and who loves me. They’d like to know. What is the “right” time to say something? Most people are going to guess.

Hiding I was not resting I was winning at the game of teasing I did not want to play so therefore I hid to escape the tease the love coated tease but a tease none the less I was not strong enough to withstand the tease so I had to hide in order to keep the secret. I needed to be able to keep the secret I want to keep the secret so we can tell them when we are ready on our terms. When we know more such as when science thinks our loved one will arrive. Our love.

energy being sucked out of my body sleep attached me so that i can continue to build our little one our new life we have made together I napped but for how long can you chart my naps so I know how much I am sleeping in order to keep my body in shape for this creation that is happening in side of me 30 days for a rabbit 20 months for an elephant. I only have to wait 9 more months because humans are 10 months cooking….

be happy

I will love the amazement in your eyes

Told them at work - couldn't not - I can't lift boxes and I can reach up to get things. I need to play it safe with this so I don't get physically changed too quickly and then it goes away. Life is interesting. Now my co-workers know before my mother. Before my loves mother. Is that right? Should it be like that? So many questions. Maureen!? How did you get here? Are you going to be a girl? Will I have to find another name? I have no idea what to name my child if it is a boy!

Irish, Scotish, Ancient Celtic Cadeyrn Gwrtheyrn Breandán Campbell Carbrey Maitiú Réamann Kane Jarlath Seòsaidh Redmond Pádraig Murrough Cathaoir Cianán Kerr Moray Heckie Cowal Senan Irish, Scotish Ruairidh Braeden Scotish Fingall Somerled Feidhlim Ultan Murdo Ramsay Taskill Gregor Sechnall Kyran
(on my own) Emerson Vincent Luke

this could go on - where is the creative nature of naming a child? - finding a list that just goes on and on - where is the personality matched to the name? Should I try waiting to meet him and then name him - if he is a he?

the music is drawing me....

Whirlwind of human love – free spirit – enters my home and brings an energy of which I am addicted. I love her for her being – for how she is. I love her humor and affection. I cut her hair – her lovely hair – freed it from it’s tangled windblown swirls. Free at last. My love for her is strong, my husband’s love for her is increasing – I can feel the energy vibes between the two – this is such good news as two people I adore are fond of each other.

Only 13 days left – then my love returns to me. Hugs galore.

sick
she arrived and they bonded - it was beautiful to see to experience the diamond connection something I couldn't get into at all. This is ok oh neil diamond. I was tortured because he wanted it to slip that I was pregnant - he enjoys this - second time in a row? The answer to why is because he enjoys it? The reaction from me? The saves that are created? I guess a little of both. Neil diamond has sung so many really famous songs and so many are familiar even if you are not a fan of his.

planning cleaning dreaming

the sun walks in and streams around making life work the way it wants.

add a bit of water and you have the true sense of life working overtime.

do this do that quick now quick you are running out of time

working hard to get things accomplished to work as hard as life. Growing as fast as life

constantly adding water and sunlight watching it move around me and in me if I remember there is no reason to be working as hard as life then I can sit and watch – how calming how rewarding

surprise

we missed you so we drove down here to hang out with you and it makes your son happy to be here - I love to do things that have the potential outcome for his happiness - and if he is happy - you are as well. I can see it in your eyes - in both of your eyes. It is one of the best things I can see EVER!

Will the rest of my life be me striving to find things that your son will be happy about so that two happy people are in my life?

Humans are morally responsible for the world in which we live An individual comes to sense this responsibility as he or she develops a personal bond with nature What does one do with this responsibility? How do I teach my child about this so they can ACT? I have so many questions as a parent, as an adult. Who will answer these questions? No one but myself. I long for the answers, the answers that are the truth for me and my family I wish I had them so I could move on Searching always for the answers on earth

Mom my new mom oh how I love to have two moms but the pain of the past second mom oh how I want that pain to go away but I can’t because I see her each and every year at the holiday I want to only have three moms but there is something in me that wont allow this to happen I have four moms this fact will change the feeling that I have three and will allow me to move I will spend time with mom number one so that I can have more brain energy to forget

pain

slight pain

didn't think of the pain

had no idea that it meant anything

night arrives

I now know it means something

blood

i sleep with tears in my eyes and waken 6 times as my love sleeps - knowing but not knowing because he doesn't see the blood

what does blood mean to a girl? we see it ALL the time since we don't get pregnant so much in this day and age.

but to men - they are affected by blood a lot differently....

in the morning it is clear my life is different again – yet again!

Drip drop They look like smoke rings in the water Bright red dissipate in the water the farther down they go

Large drop dlop No ring formed

Falling quickly to the bottom of the toilet bin Collecting the pieces of my unborn child Nothing to hold, nothing to experience except the

Drip drop Into the toilet Smoke ring number 20 How many more to go? Drip drop Into the toilet Wishing I could share it all knowing that I’ll never forget this one

Drip drop Drop dlop Kerplunk Into the toilet this one goes good bye sweet child of mine

Cramping and the pain

Strong

Strong enough to strike fear into his heart He doesn’t want to do this again I can see it in his eyes This is what being a parent is like

Massive fear massive fear that is overpowering

Nothing I can do to try to tell you otherwise

If we are blessed with a child we’ll both know the fear and can work it out together

But up until then we are on our own with the fear.

Cramping and the pain Passing out now Weak from the sadness or is it the pain? Dear one

A baby becoming a doctor I think not A small child becoming a doctor I think not A preteen becoming a doctor I think not A teenager becoming a doctor I think not A young adult becoming a doctor I think not. An adult becoming a Doctor? Thank the lord. I see the progression in you as you strive to your goal for your future I see you in the profession indeed helping the baby become a doctor on the table. I see you shaping and changing the world as an adult with the spirit of all that you once

I grieve For the man I only see in you The man I’ll never really know I can see him in the eyes of your mother I see him in your nephew In your sister too I look for him in the spirit of the days that we are together I feel like I have no right to grieve because I never knew him I never can have the memories you do I grasp at the one or two I have and dream of having more I hung you sometimes wondering what it would have been like to hug him.

nothing is separate I believe this with all my heart I love to know this fact so that my life is complete It allows me to know other facts which bring calm to my life Thank you KSD for this knowledge for developing it in me from my early years For never telling me but for letting me discover it myself. Nothing is separate Nothing will ever be different It is all one and the same My heart sings with this truth of my life so full I will pass this on to my son and others I already have

One month you have been gone Will I remember you? Will I find you in my arms again? It seems like it has been forever. I need you I want you near me Five years is not enough for you to be gone so long. I need you here with me In my arms my sweet child Return to me soon so I can be whole again I love you my sweet child I remember you I find you in my arms It seems like forever You are near I am content And happy that you are home My love

The nerves I used to have them I have taught my self skills to get rid of the nerves I have learned to leave them I took your nerves in my hand this morning and held onto them tight. You asked me to return them but I can not I have integrated them into my system without ever letting them go This will allow you to see that life can be without nerves I used to let them take control but no more. I dream of this for you. Let me take your nerves in my hand from now on.