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Everybody needs to know they are important to somebody. Everybody needs to know they make a difference. Everyone should have at least one person they can call at three in the morning and know the phone will be answered without judgment. Everybody needs someone they can turn to no matter what.
I have someone like that. I am someone like that for someone else. I have needed that three in the morning ear more times than I can count. I have also been that three in the morning ear.
As Becky says: "We are none of us alone." Never ever.
I spent the day watching Beth go under sedation and then sleeping off the sedation and then going to Lowe's (twice!) to buy an air conditioner and then a board. We had to make a mad dash to Lowe's to buy a single board. I was a bit perturbed by that turn of events.
She did good with her procedure. The sedation took effect within 30 minutes and lasted for a good 5 hours. When we got back to the house, she immediately went to sleep.
She is feeling much better now for which I am completely and totally grateful.
The air conditioner works so good that I had to put on sweatpants this morning when I went into the kitchen to make coffee. My nightgown had me shivering. Now I know what I've been missing while the last air conditioner was dying it's very slow and painful death.
I am picking up Dylan in a little while. He came over yesterday too and I told them he had to be ready to go earlier today because this waiting until 4pm crap they have going on wasn't working for me.
We'll see if they actually listen to what I said.
Today happens to be my parents' 36th wedding anniversary. I called this morning to talk to them for a few minutes. It was a short conversation as conversations with them seem to go here lately.
I have spent my evening working behind the front desk. I managed to sell all the rooms tonight after they missed it by one last night. When Jessica arrived there was really nothing left for her to do besides babysit the desk. Better her than me. I hate nights like that.
I am ready to eat a little something and take myself off to bed.
It's almost 9pm and I'm wishing I could curl up in a corner somewhere and go to sleep. I am so freaking tired. Of course, I'm at work so that can't happen.
It has been so busy in here tonight. I have one room that I probably won't be able to sell tonight but it won't be from a lack of trying.
I had a very emotional day up until I came to work. I won't even begin to try to explain why but it was pretty intense for a while. I'm feeling better now.
It only it was 11pm.
Today was the first day of Beth's hunter safety class and from all indications, she is having a great time with it. The instructor is rumored to like her a whole lot. She's a likeable little girl though so I'm not surprised.
It is very hot inside this building. I am hoping for it to hurry up and be 11pm because I am tired and it has been super busy in here this evening. We are only a few rooms from selling out but I doubt it will happen. Walter works next. If it was Paul, we would sell out.
She had her last day of the class and she made a 96 on her test so she got her hunter safety certificate. I haven't talked to her yet but I'm sure she's over the moon about it.
I have just over an hour and a half at work left. I'm really looking forward to being done for the night. It's hot in here and I am about to roast in this jacket.
Thinking about fluff to avoid thinking about serious stuff right now. I cried at work last night and I don't want a repeat of that this evening.
Sometimes, the effort to always "be on" just gets to be too much and I want to hide away in a corner somewhere. It is very infrequent that such an opportunity to hide like that presents itself but I'm getting better at recognizing when such a chance comes about and taking full advantage of it. I still miss a few but not as many as I did.
My sister calls them mental health days when she retreats from the world for awhile and lets it pass by. I haven't given mine a name yet but I'm thinking it is time.
Given that school resumes in just over two weeks, the kids have gone back to a routine bedtime. Surprising to no one, except maybe me, they have still not managed to get out of bed before 1 or 2 in the afternoon. I sometimes sit and wonder how they sleep for so long but then today Beth informs me that they haven't really been going to sleep. Going into their rooms, yes. Sleep, not so much. I don't know why it amused me to the level that it did. For some reason though, I found it to be seriously funny.
I felt so bad today that I didn't know what I was going to do with myself. I got up early, ate breakfast and then promptly went back to sleep. Beth woke me at one this afternoon to ask me didn't I need to get ready for work. Of course I needed to so I got up and she made me lunch while I attempted to put myself together.
Thankfully, it hasn't been too busy at work. We've been full every night but it hasn't been unbearable. This is good because today, I just haven't had the energy for it.
I ran a bunch of errands before work today and then got here and wanted to take a nap. I should have had the nap when I had the time earlier but I didn't.
One more day here and then I have a weekend off for which I am extremely grateful. I am so tired these days that I seriously don't know how I am managing to put one foot in front of the other on a daily basis.
I think part of it is depression although I would be hard pressed to tell anyone what I am depressed about.
Who thought it was a good idea to attempt to write every day for the next 365 days? Oh yeah. That would be me. I've done okay with it but my days off work tend to catch me up. You would think I'd have more time to do it then but I don't. Some days, 100 words is about all I can manage to do.
It is busy tonight and I have decided rollaway beds are the bane of my existence. People have been pretty nice considering. There is this one lady though. Oh my goodness. I wanted to scream.
You know what's great about a weekend off? My husband is off on weekends so I get to spend some time with him. Theoretically. Know what happened instead? He went to Elizabethtown today with Beth & when they got home, he disappeared into Nick's room to play the XBox that Dylan left over here since he's coming over again tomorrow.
And then I got sick from the sub he brought me home from my favorite place in the world so I ended up going to bed and going to sleep. Because we really know how to keep things interesting here.
I spent most of day feeling horrible. I shouldn't have ate that sub last night. We went to the grocery store to get the last few things I forgot to buy yesterday and then spent the rest of the day just kind of doing a lot of nothing. Dylan came over again and they played video games and more games and Chris worked on the dog box and I cooked a really big dinner since I rarely get to cook anymore.
I'm ready to go to sleep but it's a bit too early. I'm not real happy about that now.
Every now and then the words won't come out. They are floating beneath the surface, so tantalizingly close that I can taste them but they won't break free. It's these instances that bother me the most. I know the words I'm looking for; I just can't use them.
It's happening more and more lately which leaves me feeling sick. Add it to the tremors and it seems to be one more thing that I don't want to have to deal with. I can't handle anything else. There's enough going on as it is.
Why can't things just be slightly simple?
School starts in just over a week. I'm really glad about this because my electronics need a rest. I swear the tv and the computer have been running practically non stop for the past few months. Between the four of us, someone is always wanting to use one or the other and in some cases, both.
I am ready to have some quiet before I go to work. I'm ready for just a tiny bit of peace. It has been fleeting this summer.
The kitten has me laughing right now. She's stalking my every move. I'm glad she is here.
Is it possible to be happy and unhappy at the same time? Because I have a lot of that going on lately so I guess my question is rhetorical since I'm experiencing it.
I am overworked and feeling under appreciated. Regardless of how much I do (or don't do), it never seems to be enough.
I guess I need to get over myself.
Quick. Fast. In a hurry.
I'm tired today and just want to curl up and sleep. That isn't possible at the moment though.
I'm ready to go home. It has been a really long day for me.
It's going to be a long night. My head hurts. My arms hurt. Really, my entire body hurts.
I think I'm coming down with a cold. I hope not because it takes me forever to get over one when I get sick.
There's a lot going on here that I don't have the words to describe. So I talk about random, boring things designed to hide my true feelings about the "real" stuff. That is very unhealthy, I know. But it's how I'm coping at the moment. One day at time. It is mostly getting through the next 15 minutes.
I love my job. I absolutely do but this is getting ridiculous. I feel like all I do is work anymore. People keep stacking their vacations which makes everyone else have to work 6 day weeks. I support their right to take their vacation whenever they wish but I also wish they would give some consideration to other people once in a while.
It's been busy this evening. I am ready to go home. Susan is working tonight which means she'll be here a little bit early. The few times she has taken over for me she has been early.
People who use speakerphones in cars irritate me. I understand being safe; I truly do. But when someone calls and it's echo-y they always say: "Oh, my husband is driving." or "We are in the car." If he's driving, why can't you hold the phone up to your head so that I can hear you without having to guess what it is you are saying?
I am in a pretty good mood otherwise. I can not begin to tell you why because I do not know but I am. It's been a fairly easy evening. Those are always nice.
I am waiting for tomorrow with an intensity that even I can't believe. It will be my only day off for the week. It has been slow here tonight. I'm working by myself, thank goodness. We have a new girl and she's really nice but I can't stand to have someone hovering and she does that. I know she's learning but at some point you have to actually do what you are being taught, not just watch it in action.
So day off tomorrow. It can't come fast enough. Nor can 11pm. I'm ready to go home right this minute.
Today was a day of the great hair dyeing experience. We picked up Dylan and went to the beauty supply store where they both got the stuff to do their hair. I did Dylan's first and then I did Nick's after Dylan went home for the evening.
Why they insisted on black (Dylan) and purple (Nick) is beyond my very limited comprehension. It is what they wanted though so I held my tongue and colored their hair. It turned out really well in both cases.
I think I'm going to make it an early night. My head hurts a little.
This is the first day of the schedule from hell. I work all week long. Not off again until next Monday. I don't like weeks like this. They are draining and it feels like I leave work to just turn around and come right back to it.
Tonight is the first night that the new girl works. I probably shouldn't call her a girl because she is 25 years old but she seems so young and idealistic. I like her though. She's got personality. I think she's going to work out just fine. Sometimes, you just know these things instinctively.
I can remember the night before school started every year, I had trouble sleeping. I don't know why. Part of it was probably because I was nervous. Part because I was ready to go back to school so I could get away from my sisters. Both of my children are in there talking. They aren't nervous or excited. I think they still need to get adjusted to a sleep schedule that resembles that of normal people and not night owls.
I am willing to be there won't be any hesitation to go to bed tomorrow evening. Not a single peep.
I ended up having to take Nick to school this morning because we never saw his bus. Hers came a full half hour earlier than it did last year. I ended up calling the school this afternoon because he sent me a message telling me that a bus no longer came down our street. Turns out there was a huge mix up and he was on the wrong bus this afternoon. And it did come this morning. It just came half an hour earlier than last year too. This is our budget cuts in action. Not enough school bus drivers.
This morning we were all up by 5:45. Both of the buses were at the house by 6:30. That's early.
I had to work tonight so I picked her up from school again and that went fairly smoothly.
Hurricane Irene is breathing down the coast of North Carolina and we have a lot of disaster relief teams at the hotel. Everybody else seemed to cancel their reservations. There is some irony there.
The wind is blowing really hard and there's some rain but so far, it's fairly quiet out there. I imagine that will change here very shortly.
When I woke up this morning, the wind was howling. I'm so brilliant (not!) that I walked out onto the porch with my coffee while the wind was gusting approximately 50 miles per hour. Guess who wore her coffee? I was a sight.
I left for work early because I didn't want to run the risk of being late since I didn't know what the roads were like. The roads were fine; I was at work by 2pm.
It has been a really good night. I had a lot of crazy questions being thrown my way. Ready to go now.
There was a huge snafu today in that no one knew what anyone else was doing and people were leaving and arriving with the disaster relief team and by the time I could catch my breath, there was a huge mess.
We did, however, manage to sell out on a Sunday night which is practically unheard of for us.
Craziest question of the day: Is the hotel still there? This after I answered the phone. I wanted to say no but I bit my sarcasm back and just said yes we are definitely still here, Everything is just fine here.
Today is my first day in the past 7 days. I have no plans to do much of anything other than be really quiet and maybe read a book. There is so much going on in my head related to medical issues and then some personal emotional issues that I have no idea where to even begin to separate them all. That's probably really stupid. I am making my head hurt right now just thinking about it.
I'm very glad for the night off. I intend to do some cooking later. Maybe go to bed early. It's supposed to storm.
Smoke detectors going off in rooms are never a good thing. I know this first hand.
It has been a really good day for the most part. Work has gone fairly smoothly minus the smoke detector incident. Which came about because someone turned the heat on. I am still trying not to laugh about that. It's 75 degrees outside.
Beth has been coming to work with me in the afternoons and today was a smooth day for that. She sat quietly and did her homework. After the incident on Friday, I'm very much impressed with her ability to act sensible.
It's very difficult to believe that tomorrow is going to be the first day of September.
The month of August was not really all that kind.
An earthquake on the east coast.
The deadliest month in Afghanistan. (This one is really breaking my heart. 10 years later, we are still in that country and our soldiers are still dying. It makes me sad.)
I lost a friend. Reconnected with another friend.
Had several meltdowns. Had some pretty good days mixed in there as well.
I am hungry right now. Having chicken & rice for supper.
Going to eat.
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