BY Jaded

11/01 Direct Link
I feel lost and I don稚 know what to do. Everyone else seems like they池e so sure of where they池e going, what they池e going to do, and how they池e going to do it. I have no clue what I want to do, but I do know where I want to go. I just don稚 know how I知 going to get there. It isn稚 uncommon for people to feel like this but it doesn稚 lessen my confusion on life. Before you can get anywhere you have to discover who you are. Does this have a time limit? Time is running out.
11/02 Direct Link
I知 counting the days until I get to leave. Where will I go? I have no clue. What will I pursue? I am still unsure about. I just know that I want to leave this house that has served as my protection but also as my prison cell. How far will I go? How high will I achieve? Will I achieve at all? Will I be able to make the impossible possible? I have so many questions but the only person who can answer them is me. It is all up to me to get the answers that I want.
11/03 Direct Link
I知 tired and I want to sleep. I miss my bed. I think it misses me too. Yogurt. I have the habit of shaking my leg before I fall asleep. I don稚 know why I do this but I think it痴 because my mom use to rock me to sleep and I have grown up thinking that movement is the way to fall asleep. Or maybe I知 just weird. Is it possible for a habit to last from infancy to throughout a person痴 life? I think for me it痴 possible. I can稚 seem to shake this habit of shaking. Darn.
11/04 Direct Link
What kind of a person would I be if I weren稚 who I am today? Where would I be if I did not overwhelm myself with schoolwork? What would I do after school if I did not have sports or clubs to go to? Who would my friends be if I did not have the same classes with them or share similar goals with them? What would my life be like if I did not plan on going to college? What would happen if I was just average and not above average? Would it be possible to be like that?
11/05 Direct Link
I have too much work to do. The days keep passing and more is put onto my plate than I can handle. I thought that it would get easier as time progressed but it is just getting harder. Balancing everything is just too much. Am I really cut out to go through all of this? At first it was suppose to get easier when October ended. Well, that month has passed and now it is even more difficult to keep up with. I don稚 think there is anything I can do until it痴 finally done and over with. Keep going.
11/06 Direct Link
I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 tired. I知 very tired. I don稚 want to do any homework. I want to sleep.
11/07 Direct Link
He left again. This is the third time this year. It痴 like he doesn稚 consider his home his actual home. He doesn稚 know what kind of hardships and struggles he causes whenever he leaves. He should have an idea of it, but I think he chooses to ignore it and just enjoys his time else where. His friends are more important than his own flesh and blood. It痴 funny how he spends his money as if he痴 the richest man in the world when in reality he has no source of income. How is this possible? I have no idea.
11/08 Direct Link
What does it mean to love? If a teenager is in a relationship for a few months is that considered love? If a boy says 的 love you to a girl because she is his first girlfriend, is that really love? People use the word too lightly, but how does one define it? Is it the feeling that a person gets when he or she sees a person they like and their stomach feels like it turning inside out? What happens when that feeling is no longer there? Does that mean that it isn稚 love anymore? The word is undefined.
11/09 Direct Link
I saw the spinning lady today. At first I was skeptical about being able to make her spin both ways but I became a believer once I did it. So we can control our brain and make our eyes see what we want. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? What happens when a person refuses to see something that is clearly there? Or will it just be another illusion? How many people in the world are neglecting to see what is right from the wrong? So this is the reason for stubbornness. The human brain is weird.
11/10 Direct Link
What happens if I don稚 get accepted? Then I have to work harder. What happens when I can稚 get away from there? Then I知 stuck here. Am I destined to be stuck in this city forever? No. How can I escape when I don稚 know where to escape to? Find out. How will I support myself? By being strong. How will I see the world or help the world when I知 trapped here? Work at it. What to do. Work hard. What to choose. Anything that makes me happy. Where to go. Japan. Can I do it? Yes I can.
11/11 Direct Link
Call me obsessed because that is what I am. It痴 been almost a year since I discovered my all time favorite band. I am entranced by everything that they do, the places they go to, their personalities, and their angelic voices. I don稚 know how long my phase of obsession will last but I don稚 see anything there is to snap me out of it. I think they have forever captured my attention because everything that they do brings me some sort of delight. When the day comes for them to disband I will still be a loving fan. Always.
11/12 Direct Link
How long will it take for me to finally get where I want to get? It takes around two hours for me to fully comprehend and understand the material and finish my assignments. I don稚 have this much time for it everyday with all of my other classes. I understand the assignments but whenever the tests come around I seem to forget everything that I致e learned. Why does this happen to me in such a crucial subject? If only I were born a genius. I wasn稚 so I have to work twice as hard to get my grade. No complaining.
11/13 Direct Link
Why did it get so hard all of a sudden? Just when I thought I was getting the hang of the subject it takes a drastic turn and now it feels like I知 falling into a bottomless pit of confusing numbers and variables. My mom saw my grade and isn稚 helping with her scolding and constant lectures about how I知 ruining my future because of my horrible grade. I really don稚 see how I am going to use this in my life. I doubt I値l need to know how to find the tangent line of a curve in everyday life.
11/14 Direct Link
Why did he have to leave during the time that I知 supposed to be applying for colleges and scholarships? He left me alone to figure out all the income tax and financial matters on my out. The selfish jerk! He goes on and on about how important it is for me to receive a proper education and to get a good career but yet this is what he does to show how important it is to himself! He takes yet another trip to rendezvous with his dead beat friends who have nothing better to do. I hate him for this.
11/15 Direct Link
I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study. I need to study.
11/16 Direct Link
Amelia sits in her room all day long wondering about what her life would be like if she could just explore the world outside. Instead, she is cooped up in her home being preoccupied with her studies. She was free to learn about anything she wanted to learn about. She learned about different languages and cultures like German, French, and Japanese but this wasn稚 enough to satisfy her curiosity. It came time for Amelia to step out into the world. When she did, she was overly excited but then she soon learned that it wasn稚 as wonderful as it seemed.
11/17 Direct Link
The season is finally over. I can稚 really say that I played my best, but I still tried. I知 happy with what happened. Could we have won? I don稚 know. Probably, but we didn稚 want it enough. We池e satisfied with how far we got. There were so many other people who werebetter. Am I jealous? No. Itwas their choice to dedicate themselves to it. I wish the best of luck to them but it痴 the end of my playing days now. It痴 time for me to focus on theimportant matters. For this, I will do my best.
11/18 Direct Link
What if it isn稚 good enough? I haven稚 had time to work on it since I finished it. I haven稚 touched it. Believe me, after I finished I felt like it was just a piece of crap. My writing is very weak and I don稚 want to submit anything but I have to. I didn稚 get a chance to fix it because I was working on other things instead. Shame on me for not taking the time to perfect it and for straying away from what I had planned to do this weekend. Why do I do this to myself?
11/19 Direct Link
What would happen if there was a major power outrage? With the great reliance on electronics such as computers what would everyone do if there wasn稚 any electricity to power it? What sorts of disasters would that bring about? Would it be possible for an average American today to go a day without touching any electronics? The invasion of cell phones, iPods, computers, video games has taken a hold of millions of people today like tobacco would do to a frequent smoker. Would it be possible to lessen our reliance on artificial intelligence? I would not be able to survive.
11/20 Direct Link
It is Thanksgiving break and it痴 supposed to be a time spent with family. It seems like my family isn稚 here. I don稚 think I致e ever spent a Thanksgiving with all of my family members before. When I say all of my family members I just mean my immediate family. Shouldn稚 it be simple to gather a small family for one dinner once a year? It isn稚 with my family. Someone痴 always off working and another痴 is always off with friends. It痴 ridiculous that it痴 difficult to have one family dinner at home any day during the year, including holidays.
11/21 Direct Link
He snuck into his parents room. He saw his mom痴 purse sitting on the dresser. Taking one a few seconds to contemplate whether or not he should go through with it, he heard footsteps coming up the stairway. He quickly grabbed a hundred dollar bill from his mom痴 purse and walked avoiding his mother痴 eyes and mumbling that he was going over to a friend痴 house to work on a video project for school. His mother thought he was acting peculiar lately but pushed out her feeling of suspicion and replaced it with the thought that he was college bound.
11/22 Direct Link
It痴 amazing how much time passes. It seems like just yesterday that I was sleeping over at my grandma痴 house and playing with my aunts. Nowadays I hardly ever go over to visit and I rarely see my aunts. Next year I値l be off at college and I won稚 see them for most of the year. They値l eventually become strangers to me. I値l forget how to speak my first languages and they won稚 understand what I知 trying to tell them. As a person grows up the farther they drift from loved ones and become self-consumed. It痴 depressing but it痴 true.
11/23 Direct Link
Before you can expect others to do a favor for you, you must first show them the respect and courtesy to do favors for them. Many people these days forget this logic and simply order others to complete tasks. Today many children do not remember to say a simple 菟lease to have something done for them and when their wishes have been fulfilled they don稚 even consider giving a 鍍hank you. Have parents been coming up short on their teachings in this generation? What would the world be like if everyone were impolite? I can稚 even begin to imagine it.
11/24 Direct Link
It doesn稚 matter how intelligent you are or how athletic, if you have determination then you will be able to prevail. If a person is struggling in a class, determination will be the key to succeeding. If a person has trouble shooting free throws, determination to improve is the solution. Is it possible that determination can make anything possible? I壇 like to believe so but if it is said that the average human being only uses ten percent of its brain then how much of that ten percent is determination? Determination can only go so far. It can稚 stop death.
11/25 Direct Link
She frantically searched for her mother. The little girl must致e turned around in circles about four times hoping that her mother would jump out and say 澱oo. Looking at the sea of people, her mother was no where to be seen. Terribly frightened and worried, she began crying. 泥on稚 cry sweetie, said a clown dressed in colorful clothes, big red shoes, and rainbow colored hair with a white face contrasted by his bright red lips and ball nose. The clown handed her a red balloon and the crying changed to hiccups. The girl searched once again, everyone was a clown.
11/26 Direct Link
Dragging heavy feet
Constant exhaustion
Weary from sorrow
Wounded heart
Desperate craving for sleep
Daydreams about the delights of slumber
Desire to sew eyes shut
To never again have to see
What the awful world has to offer
Nothing to view
Just pleasant dreams
The mind has in store

The cold has taken over
The sun sets early
Darkness envelopes the world
Nothing to do but rest
The morning is pitch black
Glued to bed
The freezing air seeps in
Hibernation consumes the mind
In this icebox,
Nothing survives.
Waiting for the
and soul
to thaw and heal
11/27 Direct Link
I知 losing my concentration. Why is this happening now? It feels as if I can稚 comprehend things as quickly as I did before. My brain is at a standstill when I look at different problems and I can稚 get it to move. I stare at my sheet of music and I don稚 remember which notes are which. I stare at my Lewis structure drawings and can稚 recall the name. I stare at my function and wonder how to find its inverse. I have learned all of material but I just don稚 remember it. When will my memory come back? When?
11/28 Direct Link
As I lay in bed I wonder What will happen in the future? Who will I meet and how will they influence? Where will I go and what will I find? As I walk I contemplate Will I ever see them again? Would they remember me? How different will we be from each other? What will they be doing and Where are they headed? As I stare into space and daydream I wonder if I値l ever get there If I値l ever learn and incorporate the culture If I値l ever be able to meet the idols whom I admire Some day.
11/29 Direct Link
Can you hear the ocean?
Come hear and take a listen
Can you see the sandy shores?
Can you feel the cool breeze running through your hair?
Do you hear the waves crashing upon the rocks?
Do you see the sun setting on the horizon?
Do you smell the salty air?
Do you feel the grains of sand between your toes?
Listen carefully and you値l see it all
Feel it all
Smell it all
If you ever need me
Just pick it up and listen and
You値l see me on the beach
Soaking up the sunlight,
Waiting for your visit
11/30 Direct Link
Growing up I always dreamed of becoming a singer. When I turned sixteen, I left home and headed for the big city to audition for one of the biggest music companies in the country. With the little money I had I found the cheapest apartment I could. I worked two jobs while I trained for my career but this wasn稚 enough. I resorted to eating the food people left over at the restaurant I worked at. I sold my blood for the money to buy a loaf bread. Life was rough but I never gave up. It all paid off.