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i just started this. i'm not sure why. it's late, and andrew put his nick drake cd in, so the thought are flowing. is it creepy to google search someone? the reason i'm asking you this (and i don't know who i'm addressing really) is because i convinced myself i liked a girl, but i didnt really know her...ok, i can give the whole story and spread it out over the days cuz its april 15 and i need to catch up. so, i met her at Hillel. Hillel is a jewish youth group (the...
only one on the WVU campus, there's only 6 people i see regularly). I'm not sure why i was drawn to hillel other than the fact i'm jewish, religion has always been an issue with me, but i can get to that later. so yeah, i'm at hillel for a sunday bagel brunch (yea, so jewish), and in walks this girl who i've never seen. She's gorgeous, she's definitely one of the most exquisite girls i've ever seen. So my brain said "Like her, do it. You don't know her, but you
don't currently like a girl, blame fate and like her" i kind of talked to her, i mostly listened to her talk about princeton and about her year in italy and other stuff. i didn't see her after that day. so that was in january, valentine's day comes rollin around, and i get an idea. "Roses" so i called her mom and asked her permission, and sent half a dozen red roses to her college address. sweet? yea, i thought so too. she calls her friend Deva (also hillel) to get my email, and says "such a
gallant gesture deserves a genuine, hand-written response." so, i wait for her letter. it arrives. i got back into towers late on thursday night, but i knew her letter arrived. the lock all entryways to the ground floor, so i hunted through the Evansdale Residential Complex for 30 minutes, the last door I tried was unlocked, and I made my way to my mailbox. It was very thrilling to read, she called me on being shy (you know, sending the roses on a whim) and said she looked forward to thanking me in person in june. so i decide to
write her back and send her a cd; "True Love Waits: O'Riley Plays Radiohead". If you haven't heard it, i highly suggest you listen; it's all Radiohead arranged for solo piano, i really love it. After 3 weeks with no response from her, I e-mail her and ask her if she recieved it, and i asked her about her spring break. she replies and says she did get it, but it was during mid-terms and she didn't have to respond. she also said she sent me a postcard from italy, which has yet to arrive.
The postcard still hasn't arrived. Still, like, currently, after the shit's over and done. So, where was I...oh yes, on a Friday I go to The Argument after party, I missed the concert because jazz had a dance gig. While I'm there (and having an incredible, incredible time) I get the bright idea "Travis, buy her their new cd and get it autographed". So, I do. And I mail it to her. And I'm really excited. But I'm nervous. Is this right? Side note: When using quotations, you're supposed to put the period in the quotes. For example, "...autographed." That's always bothered me.
Princeton girl has left her number on my voicemail. I called her back. It was awful. AWFUL. That's right, a one-word-sentence. I don't even remember much of what we talked about. It was mostly meaningless small talk, she did most of it, about where she's traveling and why she never wants to come back to West Virginia. I didn't really say anything about me, she still knows me as the WVU freshmen who's sent her roses and cd's. She doesn't know about the song I wrote. One of the better chord progressions I've created, and I saved it for you. It's a good song.
Here's the kicker. "I saw you've written some articles online, I didn't read them (a lie) because I didn't want to invade your privacy." "You can, they're there on public domain." "Ok." "Wait, did you google search me?" "...yea." "You're creepy" I don't remember hearing to anything she said after that. What did I get myself into? Why did I expect her to be so great? What am I doing trying to court this girl? Her friends warned me. They warned me she was selfish. Her mom even told me not to expect anything. Did i expect a victory? Travis, what the hell were you doing? Jesus.
Friday. I wake up. Oh, I'm on Jason's couch. Shirtless with the design on his couch cushions engraved on my back. I slept really good. GoOoOod. We're going back to Wheeling today. I go to applebee's with his parents. then to ca house. I step in the acoustic room and I miss my dad. I sit down with a Taylor and I miss Brittany. Jason comes back to my house, he plays my drums, I smiled the whole time. We see Walking Tall with Neha Kumar and Caitlin Franklin that night. There, now they'll be in a google search. creepy.
i lay down the tenor sax to a track George recorded. We did the vocals last week. you can listen to it online @ (www.purevolume.com/getthesyrup). the bio george wrote is hilarious. George Zatezalo. Creepy. I go to
with my grandma, Dani, and Angie. God, they're both so beautiful.
The play is ok, my Dad is Joseph. Look at my son, the doubting jew. After the play yesterday's crew minus Neha plus George watches Robin Williams live. Jason stays and plays Tony Hawk Underground with me until 4:30. Wonder if Jason knows how much I look up to him.
Dad takes me to Perkin's with my stepmom. I wonder if I'll ever address her as "Mom". I never see her, I never stay at her house. It's nothing against her, I don't see her enough. I guess I'm still angry about the whole breaking up my life and how my mother lives alone and how she is the greatest mother I could ever have.
French toast rocks. Shawn works there, we saw him. His hair is long, i'm so jealous. I went back to school with rob and adam, picked up rob's friend at Pittsburgh. I love airports.
I missed aural and written theory. I didn't pay attention in music listening. I played everything I wasn't supposed to in piano, yay for headsets.
I can co-exist with him now. We even swapped horns for a little bit. Guitar ensemble in Convo.
These are boring. My words are boring.
The brew pub was enjoyable. High school kids were there. The could play Josh Redman stuff. woo. late night. tired. i'll stay awake and clean, and look for my keys. I played Nardis on tenor. Why am I jazz major? I want a career. I'm going to switch to music education next semester.
Wonder if you got my roses today
that I sent to you
On Valentine's Day
I sit and anticipate
I wish I could be there
To see the look on your face
But here I am
Waiting for you
Trying to stay calm
Planning my next move
I'm so unsure
Of where I'm supposed to be
What I'm supposed to do with my life
But you know I want you with me
I was too shy to speak your name
And I let you walk away
On that Sunday
Somehow I got the nerve
To actually take a chance
And put my faith in romance
They were what I felt at the time. No hidden meaning, no glitter, just straight-forward.
Read the following aloud, in a cochney accent
My keys, my keys
I've lost me fuckin' keys!
I found them at the post office, I was really worried. I didn't get to pick them up until 1:30. I stayed up last night, Andrew stayed at Jason's. I was up til' 4. I woke up early enough to shower and shave, I got to my 8-o'clock 15 minutes early. I went all day. Amazing what your body can do, how beautiful and powerful the human body is. God was definitely involved. Sure, I believe in evolution, but life is too beautiful to just
American History X. I'd never seen it, I watched it today. Powerful, powerful, powerful film. I have a lot of anger and confusion, it's a great, moving film. The asphault part wasn't as gross as I thought it would be. It's times like these when I stop my life and reflect; life is too short to be pissed off all the time. I had to go to masterclass before the last 20 minutes, so I came back and saw the ending. Now I'm watching Kill Bill. The first scene was so badass, every movie should begin with something so attention-grabbing.
I took my aural theory sight-singing test today. I got a 99. I had written theory class at 9, but I wasted time in the hallway talking to Lee and Doober and Chris Sklar and some other people.
Wait, that's backwards. I wasted time taking my aural theory test, and I waste time by practicing or going to school. Wasting time should be doing things you don't want to do. Talking to people, building relationships, learning, loving...that's never time wasted.
So now I'm gonna hop in the shower, and waste time in the dining hall with friends. Listen to Nick Drake.
I woke up at 2:30. I went to a talent show that I used to participate in when I was in high school. It was very weird. I had just gotten my hair cut ridiculously short, and my face was breaking out to the point where the layman could identify greasy constellations on my face. I was wearing a beanie and a hat, I felt really stupid. The highlight of the night was when Petey Miller played guitar and sang two songs, he's very good. That, and Shawn yelling right before Nathan started playing, "Nate, your sister's hot!" Awesome.
Friday night I had a fight with my Mom. She said "Fuck you" and also, "Don't me mean to me because you're having problems." The "fuck you" pissed me off, but I had told her earlier last week I was really stressed out and couldn't wait for summer, and she used that in an argument.
But the point is, today I hugged her like normal, and I forgive her. But I didn't miss her when she left, and I usually do. I'm not holding any grudges, but words
I missed my first two classes again
In music listening Dr. Ferer lectured on Appalachian Folk, or something. She played Nickel Creek's
The House Carpenter
, and that was nice. I had a make-up lesson with Curtis, I thought it was at 2:30...it was at 2. Luckily he had an opening, I played my scales poorly, then we played Wave. That was cool. I'm still unsure if staying a Jazz major is the smart thing to do. I have no idea what I want to do after college. That's a scary thought. I could stay Jazz and get my masters in education...
Yesterday was my brother's birthday. Today I bought him a Thrice t-shirt online.
I would really like to play drums in a band. It would be awesome to do "Breathing" for the Park talent show next year, me on drums, pete on violin, shawn singing and playing guitar, george playing bass, and another guitar player. Who cares if I'm in college, I'd want to it cuz we'd rock the house. Who would want to be in a band that played punk-ish style...myself (drums or guitar), shawn (lead vox), george (bass or guitar), mike schultz (guitar)...haha, Nathan could be our cellist.
All of em. Missed all of em. Before I opened my eyes this morning I thought, "Wow, I feel really rested. Is it 7 o'clock?"
It was 10:50. So yes, I missed everything.
Avril Lavigne has a new video. BLEEACCHHH!!!! She looks good though, I like the red eye makeup. Seriously.
Evan Neiman is coming to WVU, and he'll let me be his drummer. It's nice when people are encouraging about my drumming. Yay, insert smiley.
I'm also going to play drums or saxophone on his theory project. Awesome. We'll get his band/project rollin' this summer. Me drums, him guitar, Nate pianer, Chris bass...
I went to astronomy. I made a list if things I'm going to do this summer:
Sleep a lot
Workout everyday (yeah right)
Rehearse with Evan
start my own music project
Spend time with my friends
Work at Reisbeck's
Look for a car
That doesn't seem like a lot. If I worked 8 hours a day, practiced saxophone exclusively for two hours, exercise for an hour...that's a lot of time. Oh well, good to have goals.
Tonight I rec'ed it with Jason and we saw Kevin Sullivan's funk band, twas badass. Then chilled at Alyson's, everyone there was cool, we laughed a lot. I really like life right now.
I'm about to start a very long and draining weekend. The 152nd whatever is getting back today, so we gotta play for that. We stay the night in an "undisclosed location" then we qualify (bang bang) on Saturday. Then Sunday is PT but I have a Choral Union concert, so I might miss it. I don't know.
Brittany is gonna be in Wheeling for about 3 weeks, YES! I was really afraid I would never see her again.
It's funny, you don't realize how much you love a person until they're gone. I wonder if that's true for everyone.
Wow, 2 weeks left...
I'm not going to work this summer. PLDC is two weeks in June, the new AIT is 4 weeks in July, and AT is one week in August, Grandma's house for a week; there's no point in getting a job. Hopefully I have enough money to buy a car. I have nowhere to live next year, I'll live in my car and shower at the rec. Maybe I can go to Jason's to cook dinner or something.
I'm going to use the money I have to buy a piano. Shit, man, money can't buy happiness, but it would do a lot.
Today Mom brought down Shawn's choir tux so I could sing in the Choral Union. Problem; concert started at 3:15, she arrives at 3:45. But I changed and rudely walked in 3/4 of the way through. Yay.
Went to Jason Kendall's recital with Mom. It was the best recital I've ever been to. Most of it was quartets and a sextet he wrote, it was so moving, he also sang. I'm going to stay in the jazz department. I don't want to teach in 4 years, I want to be an artist and struggle to eat and find places to sleep.
I'm talking to an awesome friend online, and my screen saver comes on. So I move the mouse and enter my password, which is "ihateyou". To my surprise, upon hitting enter, I look at the screen and realize I sent "ihateyiu" (yes, i mispelled it) to the person I was talking to. So I wig out and explain myself, and she messes with me and is like "Why is it mispelled?" or something. But we laughed, and she said "guilty conscience?".
But it got me thinking, maybe I do have a guilty conscience. Why? Weird.
I changed my password to "booya".
Andrew got in a fight with Liz, she's going to a formal with a guy at her school.
Caitlin was always super uncomfortable if I danced with other girls; I never did, but it pissed me off. I bet I would have been super pissed off if she wanted to dance with other guys. Would I have asked her not to? If I knew she was getting off rubbing against their penises, yeah.
They love each other. He found God through her, I don't see why they wouldn't stay together for ever.
Andrew, she loves you, try to learn to trust each other.
Had my last aural theory exam and my jazz final today. All I have left is my classical jury and astronomy final Monday night, nothing on Tuesday or Wednesday (yes, guitar time), Music Listening exam on Thursday, and written theory final on Friday. Then I'm fuckin DONE! WOOHOO!
I'm kind of sad to leave, but I need this summer to grow, write, figure out who I am, figure out what I want, why I still feed off of her like a drug.
You ignored me again today. What did I do? The only drama surrounding you is the shit you create.
I apologized to you, but you wanted to hear more. I told you I missed you, but you wanted to hear you more. You asked me if I couldn't stand someone being mad at me, but what I really can't stand is you. Your life is bullshit, you are a waste of my time. I don't want to me your friend if you're going to be so fucking crazy.
Don't hurt him, I only warned him because I know the shit you pull, your history can't escape you.
Amanda, you're always telling people to grow up, why don't you start with yourself.
This is the last day of my first month. That sounds strange.
Upon looking back at what I've written, I've realized that I hold onto things. I have a lot of anger and pent-up frustration, and I need to let loose.
I'm talking to Kristen Wilson, my awesome friend Danielle's younger sister. She says she feels suffocated by her boyfriend of 2 years and wants something different.
I still don't really know why I broke it off with Caitlin. I regretted it, but now I'm glad, I've grown.
I told her she can call me whenever she wants.
Thanks for reading, see you in May.
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