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BY jeffrey

05/01 Direct Link
Just got back from a house party at Alyson's, I had fun. We played Circle of Death and I drank good ol' Big K. It was AWESOME.

Ray and Leon passed out on the grass, Chris passed out on the couch. He told us his girlfriend likes anal when she's drunk. Wow. That's exit only, my friend, exit only.

Monica had two friends in from somewhere, Jenna and Kaycie. Kaycie is pretty gorgeous, I talked to her for a little bit, she's cool.

Summer's comin up, it's gonna be awesome.

I can't believe how drunk Chris got.

All the good ones have boyfriends, why?
05/02 Direct Link
It is Sunday. I slept, woke up and rode around with Leon for a little while. He was so messed up last night, but he's good now. I went down to Hillel, it was alright, not many people were there. I had Deva drop me off at the CAC, I practiced, went back, chilled...that night I hung out with Jason at his apartment then did cardio at the rec, super duper good times.

My jury is tomorrow morning, I'm kind of nervous. I really don't feel like writing right now, is that obvious?

Tan
Nice
Tight
Semen
Sox
Hive
Foul
Thred? This one didn't work
TKO
Ode.

Clever, huh? No, not really.
05/03 Direct Link
I thought I was going to have my jury this morning, but Siang had a conflict. I totally guessed almost everything on my astronomy final, so who knows what I got. I hope I pass, that's all I want. That class was harder than I thought.

I didn't feel like I played so hot at the brew pub. I don't know why. It was just drums bass and horns, it was weird. But I got a chicken sandwich before the night started, I talked to the bartenderess(?), she was in astronomy too. All in all a good night, Giant Steps sucked.
05/04 Direct Link
Tuesday, and I didn't do anything. I slept till 2, didn't go to the rec center, I didn't practice. I just lazed around.

It was awesome.

There's really nothing to talk about, so I will insert a quote:

"I gotta say something 'cause I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do, the way you think, the way you move...I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life -- like a man. I just thought you might wanna know."
05/05 Direct Link
4 and a half. My new level. Yay. I improved half a point. I don't fucking care, this semester was bullshit. My brother died on New Year's Eve, I'm ALLOWED to have a shitty semester.

It doesn't bother me that I didn't get my 5. I really don't care. I just want this semester to be over so I can get bored and long for school again. Curtis wrote on my comment sheet that I should be working harder.

My brother died. I took him for granted. I will never see him again.

I have 3+ years to improve half a fucking point.
05/06 Direct Link
Wow, I had so much fun last night. I hung out in Monica's room with Pillor, Elisa, Monica's roommate, and other random people that kept dropping by. It was really cool, I've always thought Elisa was hot, and I've talked to her casually before, we talked for a while, while everyone else was drinking Bacardi. Shh! Her personality is a bit lacking. :o

This morning I spanked my music listening test, then ate with Monica, Pillor, Elisa, Robby, Julie, other people. Yay for friends, for life, for summer, for meeting all these cool people before i go back home :(
05/07 Direct Link
The last day of my freshmen year.

It's very strange to think that this year is over. I remember how alone and vulnerable I felt in the fall, I remember how hard it was to go back to school in the winter after Jason died, I remember how many times I was pissed at Andrew and thinking that my attraction to Liz was at the root of it, when it really was just how Andrew is so discouraging about my multi-instrumentalization and his crazy, hard to grasp humor. I enjoy the friends I've made, and I plan to make more.
05/08 Direct Link
God, it took fucking forever to pack all my shit. I was up till about 3 (no nap mind you, all day since 7 am), woke up when Andrew was leaving around 8, helped him cuz I couldn't sleep, slept sporatically till noon, Mom arrived, packed the car (took an hour), showered and vacuumed the room (yes, Andrew let me be the one to vacuum), and got on the fucking road at like 3:30. Got in Shawn's car, went to Outback, ate with Mom, Shawn, crazy Uncle Steve and Gran. Movie with some awesome and attractive friends tonight, yeeha. :)
05/09 Direct Link
Last night I watched American History X with George (bass, drum, guitar extraordinare), Shawn (brother), Danielle (my most realist friend) and Angie (who I may like). Angie has been single for a week and a half, so I'm not trying to move in or anything, but I would like to hang out with her. I sat next to her on my red chair, it was nice to have the butterflies feeling again.

I get bonars all the time. And they're not like, foldable or tuckable, we're talking Cock of steel. That's a good thing, though....right? Maybe I should try cock pushups.
05/10 Direct Link
I'm sunburnt in strange places; on my forearms (not my hands, just forearms) and on my thighs, from my kneecaps to where the biker shorts started to cover my legs.

If you are a sleuth, then you have deduced that I was riding a bike and got sunburned. If you're able to hang with Dick Tracy, you deduced I wore gloves, and that's why my hands didn't get burnt. If you know me and are a stalker, you assume I rode with my Dad. After the ride I showered and played Kim's drumset, swank.

Now get out there and find Carmen Sandiego.
05/11 Direct Link
I cut the grass today. I startled Carlos, who was sleeping in the front yard.

Tonight I played at Enzio's with my Dad, it was really awesome. I told lots of people to come; Melissa, Andrew, and Liz came.

Holy shit, Liz looked amazing. Her hair was half curly, and her shirt was really awesome and kind of old English or something. I wonder what it feels like to be Andrew, to be so doubting of his self-image but to be fucking Liz.

How can Melissa like Mike? Isn't personality a factor? He was such a fucking asshole on Friday night.
05/12 Direct Link
Just got back from seeing The Strokes, it was pretty awesome. It was really hot, really crammed, really sweaty, and really smelly. I was trying my hardest to not violate the girl that was in front of me. Julian jumped into the crowd for a little bit, I felt his sweat-soaked head. It was a good show.

I talked to Caitlin on the phone today. Just her voice turns me on, is that normal? God, what the hell is up with the "girls" part of my brain??? We're laying out tomorrow, I'm going to try to not let history repeat itself...
05/13 Direct Link
I went fishing tonight.

I think I like you. I know I want you, I know you're fun, and I know you feel vulnerable and you don't want a boy in your life. We were supposed to go for a walk but it didn't work out.

I saw you tonight. With a bottle in each hand, I would look at you from across the room and see you staring off into space. You've been hurt, I like you, but I want to help you.

I don't want to have sex. Staying up till dawn, running my hands through your hair...you give me butterflies.
05/14 Direct Link
I want to write you a song, but I don't know where to start. What words should I put to a melody? Should I sing about how you've been hurt? How other guys are moving in? What is the motivation for this hypothetical song? To woo you? Why am I trying to woo you? You don't want to be wooed, you don't need to be wooed.

You are so beautiful, you in your jeans and hollister polo shirt. You are so beautiful, I would hold your hand but you're clutching your crutch, your depressant, your hope.

You looked so amazingly beautiful tonight.
05/15 Direct Link
She put this in her profile:

FUCK EVERYONE… ESPECIALLY CRAZY BOYS WHO LIKE TO RUIN RELATIONSHIPS BY CHEATING WITH 15 YEAR OLD GIRLS AND (SUPPOSEDLY) 23 YEAR OLD BABY-SITTERS, TRYING TO GO BEHIND MY BACK AND EMAIL GIRL'S PHONE NUMBERS, SNEAKING ONTO CERTAIN ROOMMATE'S COMPUTERS TO GET CERTAIN SCREEN NAMES, TRYING TO HOOK UP WITH MY FRIENDS, AND THEN BLAMING BAD GRADES ON ME. YA KNOW… YOU'RE RIGHT… YOU DEFINITELY "CONQUERED" ME, MARK. GOOD ONE…

What a douche. One can only be so lucky for ANGIE MUSSER to fall in love with you. DOUCHE! How could you treat her so bad???
05/16 Direct Link
Went to Morgantown for the weekend. It was enjoyable. I helped Jason move some stuff around in his apartment, then chilled with Monica, Elisa, Rachel, and Matt Pillor. It's like he has no last name, I always say "Matt Pillor."

We ended up going to Jason's and watching Fight Club. I can't determine whether or not Monica likes me. Sometimes I get these vibes that she does, or she just really connects with me, which she does, I don't know how to explain it.

Elisa and Matt Pillor were kissing on the couch. Wonder why she won't make it official…hey, reflecting now…
05/17 Direct Link
Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday is this cheating? Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday six left to complete this one
05/18 Direct Link
Disclaimer: I'm writing behind.

I played at Enzio's again with my dad, it was pretty cool. This time Amanda Fisher came by. BC and her are fighting a lot, he's going through the anxiety I went through when I was graduating. Funny thing, I keep telling Amanda everything is going to be all right, and he broke up with her. I feel like an ass, I tell BC he's making a mistake, but at the same time, maybe he isn't.

He beat my ass at Halo. I'm terrible at that game. I played "Photography School" for him, he liked it.
05/19 Direct Link
Finally rehearsed with Evan for the theory projects. It went pretty well, although it's a day before and he's still editing. It's cool as a drummer to play a song.

What I mean is, for Evan's theory project, I came up with a beat that matched the song. I think more drummers should do that, depending on the style. I guess it worked because Evan's piece had a variety of styles, so I had a variety of Latinish/Rockish/Power-Balladesque beats. We played tighter during 2nd period, I shouldn't have tried to mock the solo licks Nathan and Evan threw at me.
05/20 Direct Link
Disclaimer: Yesterday is actually Thursday. This entry is like, the loophole.

Sometimes, I really really really want Caitlin. I don't know what it is, but looking back on it, I only broke up with her because I was scared, I don't know what of.

I mean, there are still all those things about her I can't stand, but sometimes I really want her back.

But I think the sexual attraction is at the root of it all.

Sometimes it really kills me though. I just wonder who I would be, who she would be if we had stayed together for a freshmen year of college.
05/21 Direct Link
I have drill this weekend, so I didn't do anything today. I cleaned some of my room, played drums, played guitar, showered and recorded "Photography School" at George's. The melody I wrote sounds off, cuz I'm singing an A# but the chord is F#m. Yea, it sounds real gross. The simple solution would be change the melody, but the melody is pretty good. If I change the chord, then the following chord, C#o, isn't as effective (cuz it has the A# in it, it sounds cooler...)

I guess I didn't explain it very well. My point is, something has to change.
05/22 Direct Link
We marched a parade in some armpit town for their Strawberry festival. I didn't see an actual strawberries anywhere, and all the hype made my longing worse.

I really enjoy my army friends. Sometimes I sigh at Eric's religious vanity (fuck Christians, that's right, an angry jew says fuck Christians cos in my high school it was cool to be religious and to see who could be cleanest, fuck all those shitheads, the only cool serious Christians I know are Dani, Eric, and my Grandma, everyone else is religious for the wrong reason, you can't assure yourself you'll get into heaven...
05/23 Direct Link
...and live your life as a walking-talking asshole. You believe you are saved. Muslims believe when they die they are approached by 70 odd virgins, yet you scoff at their beliefs. I got news for ya, ya fucking douchebags, you will die, and you do not know what is going to happen to you. Quit denying it, you're all scared, and you think Jesus died for you so you can get into heaven and fuck up the environment, you Republican shitheads. Goddammit, have spirituality, shut the fuck up, don't talk religion with me unless you're open-minded and refuse to...
05/24 Direct Link
...live your life by a book that was written by a throng of pig-headed, chauvinistic men. Yes, evolution is true, you're a fucking idiot if you think God created woman from a man's rib. Wake the fuck up, cavemen existed…for the record, I do believe in God, but let's be realistic) or Jeremiah's bullshit, but I really enjoy our ritualistic pow-wows and EatnPark or Applebee's. Haha, I'm probably the least militant person in the army, I hate it. When I get out I'm piercing my ears more than once and growing my hair long.

Only, only because it pays for school.
05/25 Direct Link
Don't say you miss talking to me. I'm not Christian, so I'm not in your circle of friends, that's just how it is. Don't say you're going to watch me play at Enzio's and talk to me on my breaks and then stop by 15 minutes before I quit to tell me your "sister wants to go home", I don't believe that for a fucking second. Rooming with Sarah and getting all Christian was the uncoolest thing to do. I know he's licked your vagina, you're not as holy as you'd like to be. Think about that at fucking Cru.
05/26 Direct Link
She makes me think of lightning in skies, how else is God supposed to write

Move, she wants to move, but you're holding her, you're guarding her

Mister, look at your girl, She loves it, I can see it in her eyes, she hopes you'll last forever

Her off beat dance makes me fantasize, her ass is a spaceship I want to ride

That's song it total badass, I stole it from N.E.R.D. using the internet today. Real weird progression.

If you're reading this, it's okay to be angry. Let your emotions go, if you're sad, cry, if you're pissed, punch yourself in the face.
05/27 Direct Link
Wednesday, what did I do. Did I hang out with Jason, Josh, Andrew, and Brandon?

Brandon thinks it's funny to make light of drug use, he said we should all get addicted to heroin and write songs. Hey fuckhead, my brother died of a drug overdose, shut the fuck up. When I got in the car Andrew said, "Hey Travis, you might be saved". Great, just what I want, a ticket into heaven so I can fuck up the Earth and treat people like shit while I'm here.

"People there don't talk about religion, you never know who you might offend"
05/28 Direct Link
Mark is crazy tonight
He's stalking us tonight

Mark found us at Foggy Bottom and threatened to get his "piece" and kill us. She answered her phone every time he called, he said it's because tv causes us to create drama in our lives, and she answered the phone because she wants drama, and the other she was egging her on. What is the point of life, is it to find love? To make friends, to save the world? To be happy? Or to create something?

I've been writing music everyday. One day I will have my band...and then I'll be truly happy.
05/29 Direct Link
Make-out slut.

I think the source of my anger is you. When you dated my confidant after we broke up, I was hurt. When you got with that other boy as soon as I left for school, I was pissed. When you kissed that high school sophomore, I was disgusted. When you kissed your fellow make-out slut, I was infuriated.

But under all of that is the sadness, the pain I felt the first time. These other emotions are protecting from being sad, but they're not working anymore. All I feel is heartache.

Maybe I just wanted to kiss you before I left.
05/30 Direct Link
Jealousy is such a huge thing with me. I get crazy. I don't hurt anyone or punch walls, but it itches at me for days. It's especially foolish of me because we've been broken up for a year, but I guess the sexual favors kept me strung along. The roles really switched, and if I really wanted you again it would be like it was sophomore year. You were such a bitch then, and you're a bitch now, fucking blowing me off before I leave cuz you have to do "guard stuff", fucking bullshit. Fuck it, this is fucking stupid.
05/31 Direct Link
This Apparatus Must Be Unearthed

I've been waiting for so long
For someone to
Mend all the blame
Ive been searching for so long
For something to
anonymous
avenge my name

you came here on time
Hope that it's not to late
Seen you at night
Biteing the frost of silence
Can you cure us of this fate
Mock the litany in its face
Is that you moatilliatta
Hex zero rouge
He'll hybernate no more
The altars run dry
Prefect dictate your final words
does it sting of augur truth
was your temple left in ruins
is that you moatilliatta