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Today, following preparation the day before, I set out straight to the surf. I arrived early to have more time riding the waves but the sea was choppy and rough. I gave up and went to a different beach to find it hammered one after the other by huge swell. It was too late, I was already out there. I floundered and didnít give up or go back even though I wanted to and the others left to bask in the sun. When I was alone I settled back to ride them in, one by one, as is my custom.
Work is necessary to live. It is a tedious thing no matter how easy it is, because it is unavoidable. The exhausting thing about work is that it never finishes. Itís a race to beat the clock, and as soon as one hurdle is overcome there is another. I think when you get older you just want to end the hurdling and settle down to an easy jog; to complete each task without feeling desperate because there is more to do, and never, never enough time. Itís completely stupid and Iím not sure I want to play the game anymore.
A dog followed us home. It had been hobbled, with a belt buckled from the waist to a front and back leg. It was hand-stitched together from seat-belting, like on a child restraint. The dog was a little afraid of me but very friendly. He liked my son, and was unafraid. I thought we might keep him if he was abandoned and not lost. I had to go out though, and when I got home heíd gone. There is a gap in the back fence behind the bushes that my dog is too fat and too short to get through.
I felt kind of bereft today because of the dog, and also a little worried about it. I called the vet and left my number in case it is brought in, but I havenít heard anything. I hope it is somewhere safe. I reminded myself that I have a dog anyway, a dog that I didnít walk this morning. I woke early and thought I might get up early but ended up turning off the radio and going back to sleep. The pets were happy and content when they were on their own last night, and the stranger had gone.
I have been trying to not play the game of chasing my tail day after day. I canít wait to have my own office. If the guys can have their own space as well itíll be fantastic. I can have someone come in and say ďdo you mind if I use the phone?Ē I say ďno,Ē and they have a loud conversation Ė chat Ė in my office. Or, ďdo you mind if I use the computer?Ē I say ďno,Ē and they play a loud video. Most are very considerate. Only once or twice Iíve asked them to shut the fuck up.
I drank in celebration of the end of the day, again. Only a couple but it did used to be an end of the week thing. I decided to try and eat healthy, drink less and exercise. Itís easy to slip into bad habits when you are alone. A friend suggests I should buy a house. Now that would give me a goal to work toward. Better than taking in stray dogs in a rental. I could have chooks! I could have them now actually. Itís the dog and cats I worry about, theyíd surely drive chooks batty. Hmm, chooksÖ
I had a little trouble sleeping last night and so spent a couple of hours awake and then had trouble getting up after Iíd gone back to sleep. I was excited about a plan Iíve thought of to make the need for a different use of the space at work, wellÖ work! I ran off excitedly to work to see if it was a goer. I had to measure up and itís amazing how much more square the space is, when Iíd been sketching a long rectangle. Yesterday was stressful at work (hence celebratory drinks), but I won, I did.
Finally I feel things might slow down a bit at work, at least next week, the week after looks busy already. I am relieved that my boy seems to be getting his work done and I can pay his school fees. I donít want to pay if he doesnít get through. Itís cold in the mornings but the house is warmer so I donít mind getting up so much to walk the dog. I have the heater on all the time, when it is working. Iíve upped my estimate of how much to have ready for next quarterís electricity bill.
One perfect day, lived in the present with no navel-gazing. It started at around 0430 this morning when I woke (in spite of having major work due by the end of the month and not really started Ė boy still up) and after about half an hour, and after the boy had gone to bed, I got up and got a cup of tea, let the cat in and read The Age of Reason for a while, until I felt sleepy and turned off the light, the next thing I know I wake after pleasant dreams to sunlight at about 0830.
I had a nice day today. I had said Iíd attend a function and I didnít get the usual jitters about going. I had it all planned out to walk the dog then go but it rained so the dog was disappointed. I drove out and had to get petrol which annoyed me but not too much. It annoyed me because I would have preferred to wait until Tuesday, and it was freezing out of the car. For some reason I didnít have a warm coat on. I was underdressed. I went home and folded all the clothes and knitted.
What a strange day is a Monday. Today was a good one, I think. I continued the stress-free float along but it kind of went away by lunch time. I think so, as I found myself in the book shop browsing where I had run away to avoid something. So, I donít think I was quite in the stress-free mood of Sunday. I saw a movie with a friend after work. I really enjoyed it, The Bank Job. Went home and sank on the lounge with a beer, two cats and a dog. Felt like I had melted into it.
A week or so ago a display of inventions went up in the foyer at work. I looked down from upstairs and saw a model of a big ginger cat sitting on a toilet with a seat modification so cats can use it. Because it looked like my cat I took a photo. Today I saw the photo on my phone, and I couldnít tell what it was from the thumbnail. It looked like food on a plate. I opened it and wondered how I could forget taking it! Iíve set the picture as the wallpaper on my mobile phone.
Rosemary circled the ballroom and closed the curtains one by one. She loosed each dusty drape, feeling the thick velvet fall from her hand, swaying heavily to and fro as it fell into place. A delicate company of chandeliers burned above, struggling to light the room as the daylight entering from outside was extinguished. At last Rosemary stood at the final window, turned and watched as the curtain fell and the room dimmed in the inadequate light. Her dress was the ruby colour of the curtains. Her black hair and white face hung ethereally while she stared at the door.
The rodeo star sat outside the ring watching the action. He felt ill at ease, all dressed up and nowhere to go. The new young blood warmed up the crowd, getting by on their youth and bravado. No finesse and no fear. He wouldnít be surprised if some of them were bored. He pulled his hat down low to block them out and listened to the yells and whoops of the crowd, and the thundering hooves of the cattle. Soon there would be a break and then he was on, wondering as always if it would be the last time.
I really felt like a night out tonight and as luck would have it that is what I had. I went in to work late to finish something at home which I didnít finish, and so felt it was a waste of time. There was nothing much happening at work and I wasnít in the mood to do much (another amazing coincidence). I thought Iíd go out to the weekly lunch but it wasnít on. I could have gone for dumplings but I felt like beer and steak. Instead I had an apple and later on a packet of chips.
When I was out I passed two little girls playing on a little swing set in a little park. Both had shoulder bags and they giggled as they played tag around the swings and slippery dip. There were four young boys, about 11 years old, playing soccer at the foot of a cul-de-sac. All were shirtless with boxer shorts showing over the top of their jeans. It seemed to be the look they were after. All six kids were slim and athletic. It occurred to me that I live in a suburb where children can play safely in the street.
The protagonist isnít fond of Sundays and sits around his room smoking and watching people go by. For all of that he finds it a relaxing thing to do. He gets involved with the wrong people, because he takes people as they are and doesnít take into account riskiness. This leads him to be in the position to accidentally kill a guy. When in gaol he doesnít do much more as he did on the Sunday at home, except that he canít leave even if he wants to, and cannot smoke or see other people. Life can be a prison.
Monday again. Itís quiet and I plan to leave early and maybe get some sun. I want to do some things at home. The girls have installed a couch in the reception area behind their chairs. What a lounging place it can be. I am feeling a little sleepy. I had trouble sleeping last night because I had twelve hours sleep the night before. Also, my feet were cold and my legs dry and itchy from the cold weather. I got up and got a hot water bottle for my feet and moisturised my calves. Then I went to sleep.
I had my first massage. It was good but hurt and I didnít like that. It was for ten minutes. I feel a bit tired and headachy now. I was told to drink water afterwards because of all the toxins. That freaked me out a bit, Iím not sure if it was just that there are toxins in the first place or that they have been released. I wonder where they will go. Iím not feeling ďwow, look at what Iíve been missing out on all this timeĒ, but it was good. Iím planning two days off while itís quiet.
I am on holidays tomorrow, and I should be writing about today. I am tired and hoping Iím not coming down with something. I have nothing planned. I am thinking about the four beautiful days off and canít think about today. I am knitting a pair of black and white striped mitts. Iíve tidied up all my knitting patterns. How did I let them get so messy? I aim to walk the dog, knit, read, waste time on the computer, spend time in the sun, sleep. On the maybe list is the garden and going away for a few days.
What did I do on my first day off? I walked the dog early, drove to school and home again, caught the bus to see a movie, browsed second-hand book shops and bought a book, home for lunch and tidying the yard. I want to go swimming. I canít swim but I like the water. Itís almost time to cook dinner. I bought take-away seafood laksa on the way home last night. I said Iíd never cook again but thatís not practical. Iím having a glass of wine then Iíll cook steak, the steak Iíve wanted since Friday.
The ground has been drying out and all the pot plants needed water, but today it rained all day. It was lovely to hang around the house in the rain, with nothing to do. I walked the dog this morning and he got wet, poor thing. He doesnít really mind and enjoys the rub with a towel when we get home. Itís a bit chilly and I think Iíll cook a curry tonight. Or order pizza. The jury is still out on that. I tidied all my writing papers today. It is currently beer oíclock and I am having one.
I made another early start and had been shopping and finished walking the dog before I usually leave the house to walk him. It was a lovely day, very windy and cold but the sun was out. Iíve vacuumed the house and brought the ladder in and changed a light bulb. I cooked the curry last night. Iím not sure what Iíll cook tonight. Iíll be on my own so I might fire up the oven and cook the tiny lamb roast I bought today that is really only big enough for one. Iíll be driving the boy somewhere soon.
I did more housework. Iíve been buying some cool cleaning cloths and hadnít even tried them out! I take ages to get around to cleaning. I started on the bathroom mould but canít reach the ceiling with the ladder due to the small awkward spaces in there. Iíll need to get a sponge on a stick style mop. I made very good progress on a second jumper for my little nephew. Iím doing stripes, and changing the colour is more fun and you knit a bit more to finish a stripe section. I knitted so much I had sore fingers.
The boy is in trouble in art, and it may be too late to save his HSC. We will be having some stern talks tonight. His teacher is annoyed with him, and so am I. His teachers used to be quite fond of him but I donít think that is any longer the case. Work today for a Monday? Absolutely fine. School, not so fine. Iím glad I phoned though, or Iíd be blissfully unaware of just how much trouble he is in! There was a note last week alerting me to the problem. Too late, I really hope not.
Itís alright, letís not panic. I am very tired. It hit me last night after I returned from a quick walk with the dog. All that righteousness wore me out. I canít access my files on the computer and havenít been able to all day. It hasnít been a problem but I am leaving some work aside until I can get in which is disruptive. Wonder what the problem is. It might be bigger than just me, or I would have expected it to be fixed by this late in the day. Who knows, time will tell. Tired and thirsty.
I got my files back late today. What a relief. This place is very much like The Office only with better characters. Itís pretty good actually, having such amusement on a daily basis. Last night the lad saw my name on the TV for the first time. Itís something we donít discuss and Iíve never been sure if heís seen it. I think he was impressed. Iíve booked some accommodation for the family reunion in October which removes a huge amount of stress. Itís done and if they donít like it they can lump it. I got a great deal.
Have you ever walked past an empty 7/11 and heard the complete absence of sound inside? Walk past while looking in the door. Listen as the street noise is replaced by the vacuum of silence inside the store. It is spooky. Almost the noise of nothingness, but I think it is the low buzz of fridges and air-conditioning. It might be like walking into the Tardis, completely alone and apart from the rest of the universeÖ although it always flashes across my mind that I might be subject to a robbery of some sort if I go into a 7/11.
Itís that hour of the afternoon, and particularly a Friday afternoon, when it is difficult to do anything. I should just go home, but I have things I should finalise. I canít even go through the work to sort out what must be done today from what would be desirable to do today (and which wonít be done because I canít get motivated) and the rest. What I normally do in this circumstance is put it all back in the In tray and the next day start where I left off, but alas there is a payroll deadline Monday morning.
The art production is in full swing for the due day of Monday. The boy went to school today and I went to an art shop for some mount board. I bought some more cat biscuits from the pet warehouse while I was in the area. I bought some clothes on Friday and I wanted to do more shopping today but didnít have time. The boyís heater has broken and I forgot to buy a new one for his room. Heís not in there much at the moment as heís at the kitchen table drawing. It was a beautiful day.
It poured with rain last night and today was overcast. It rained a bit when I was returning home from the dog walk. He was black from being in the river mud at really low tide. People get funny about other people (ie me) allowing their dogs to get dirty. Weirdos. There wasnít enough rain to wash the mud off. There is a dead rat beside the car. He says itís been there for a while and he thought it might have been taken care of. Nope, I didnít know it was there. He went into school again to finish.
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