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07/01 Direct Link
Today is Canada's birthday. Yay! Even better is the fact that is my dad’s birthday. Happy Birthday Dad!! Strange how when you are a teenager your dad is a prick who never lets ya do anything but when you grow up a little you actually respect the old guy. No matter how strange he may seem at times he is still your dad and you gotta respect that. I suppose it is ironic that we emigrated to Canada and my dad shares her birthday. So in honour of both, Happy Birthday, have a good one. Enough Hallmark bullshit from me.
07/02 Direct Link
I always wanted to be a drummer in a band. Someone asked me why I am not a drummer if that is what I wanted to be. My answer, “too much chasing girls and drinking to bother with learning drumming” Sad really if you consider that if I got good enough or lucky enough to be in a band that made it, I would pretty much have my pick of the girls and all the free beer I could ever want. If only I could have thought like this in High School. Ahh, the wonders of a community college education.
07/03 Direct Link
First day back after a long weekend. I wish Koyen paid us to do this then I could just get fatter and fatter and just write all day. What aspirations I have, to be the worlds fattest writer! Actually that may just be a gimmick that could work. I mean Stephen King has his “the world revolves around the state of Maine “ gimmick so why not, the fat writer just may work. But then again if Koyen paid I would have to actually think about these things that I write. My brain hurts just thinking about it. Work sucks.
07/04 Direct Link
I have started a weird little experiment. Whenever I get porn email form someone I always forward it around with a new subject. I put something to the effect of, if the porn is of a gymnast I put “Mr.Cherry is teaching gymnastics”. Mr.Cherry or Shawn Cherry is the subject always, without fail. The fun part is getting emails from people who recieved it from somewhere along the email chain asking me who the hell this Cherry guy is! I actually received one form a guy on Witchita asking me!! Awesome, from Mississauga, Ontario, Canada to Witchita, Kansas. Email rocks!
07/05 Direct Link
Well I missed your birthday America. I am sorry. Well not really, it was all over television and since we live not too far from a border it penetrated our radio as well. Not that I hate the US but do you have to infiltrate Canadian media? I am pretty certain that other Buffalo the vast majority of Americans had no idea and that is fine. It just annoys me that I can’t do anything without hearing about it! Maybe I am just bitter because we Canadians can’t even keep our beloved Stanley Cup in our own country. Go Leafs.
07/06 Direct Link
I am actually losing a bit of my beer belly. I always joke that this belly is well paid for and I can never lose it but now that it is slowly getting smaller I kinda like that someday it may once again be flat. It has been a few years now since I could wear the old 28 waist jeans and I doubt I will again but having a flat gut, that would be different! I don’t even work out, just Dragon Boating for 2 hours a week and I assume that is what is helping this fat-loss progress.
07/07 Direct Link
I swear to god the computer monitor just started to melt and swirl. I have been looking at it for so long now that it seems to be coming to life. If I don’t sit in front of it, it may just get up and leave. I know it hates the fact that I am in the next room watching TV or in the bedroom sleeping. It will not let go, regardless of how hard I try. It has me in its evil clutches. And to think, I used to avoid the internet like a plague. Maybe I was right.
07/08 Direct Link
I recently watched a few hours of MTV to see why Americans always fall in love with Muchmusic (before they had MMUSA anyway) and you guys are right, it does suck. It is mindless drivel aimed at Johnny College Stud. Granted music videos aren’t the greatest from of art but they can be entertaining. Watching 2nd year Psych students pretend to be NSYNC is definitely not entertainment. When Carson Daly becomes a star for introducing videos there is a problem. MTV2 has the right idea, keep their vj’s as talking heads that you can’t and don’t want to relate to.
07/09 Direct Link
Why is it that 99% of people who win lotteries are toothless people who look like they live under bridges? Some may say that only those types of people play lotteries but I beg to differ. I know plenty of upstanding people who play them. It just seems to be the deliverance guy and his wife/sister that win all the time. I guess that is ok because they probably have no other chance at striking it rich. Just once I want to see the headline “Local Marketing Manager Wins Big in Lotto”. I won’t hold my breath though. Go Billy Bob!
07/10 Direct Link
Funny, I have bashed the US a little bit this month and what happens? Our Mayor of Toronto, Mel Lastman had this to say about going to Africa to woo the IOC to get Toronto the 2008 summer games: "Snakes just scare the hell out of me. I'm sort of scared about going there, but the wife is really nervous. I just see myself in a pot of boiling water with all these natives dancing around me” This guy has watched too many Gilligans Island episodes. Oh, and his wife is a convicted shoplifter. And he has illegitimate kids!
07/11 Direct Link
I like online comics. It is fun to take a break every once a while and read a quick comic strip. The web has made this good. I don’ t have to read what comic strip my local papers carry this way. Plus you get to see some really cool stuff that you normally wouldn’t. Sorta like web zines, most are utter crap but some are really good! The best part is my colleagues think I am fucked with some of the online comics I read. Shit like goats and redmeat just never fail to amuse. It’s a vampire pony.
07/12 Direct Link
I wish I was in New York sometimes. I like deli’s. There is something about a sandwich prepared by an old, immigrant family. I don’t know what it is, but there is something cool about eating in a little greasy spoon just around the corner. Those little spinning stools rock. This may sound un-impressive to most people, but we don’t have too many deli’s in Canada, at least not anywhere I have been and lived! But I found one!! Right near work, a little place that is so good. God bless a good corned beef on rye bread! Pickles too!!
07/13 Direct Link
The pounding is too intense. The walls shake, the floor seems to move with each thud. Is this the big one? Am I going to make it through this? My eyeballs feel as if the are being shaken like dice in a game of craps! The constant rattling of my brain is enough to warrant thoughts of suicide. My skin, I am sure, is green with nausea. I could swear I can feel my hair growing and it is not a nice feeling. The tunnel vision is tearing at my eyes. This nasty hangover has gotten the best of me.
07/14 Direct Link
And I quote “Justification, the means are the end Doctrine and Dogma, I will not relent This world a garden in need of such weeding This world a minefield in need of such sweeping This ministration without full consent Fire and brimstone, I will not relent Just as all good things must come to an end I will administer as I see fit I will not relent I will not relent I will not relent I am driven” Sometimes quoting things important to you, means more than if you said them yourself. That or I am still reeling from yesterday.
07/15 Direct Link
Rush Rush Rush. That’s all I hear these days. “its gotta be done yesterday”, “Why isn’t it done yet?” Man, this city is going to crash and burn in a big way. You have lawyers straight outta law school working 14 hour days and you know they are getting screwed on the pay scale. Even bus drivers are overworked here, or so they claim. Every one in this province should be forced to work at least 1 year in British Columbia. A nice laid back province. The people there know how to live. Nice parks, skiing, nice weather and relaxation.
07/16 Direct Link
Cats rock. I know most people would say “cats are chick pets” but I like ‘em. Less work than a dog, they don’t get in the way of doing things as much dogs. Low maintenance is good. If you buy a car, you don’t buy the one that is going to take all your time in maintaining it, you buy one that is good to go. Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs, I like how they are loyal unquestioningly. Keep a cat or two around and they kill mice and bugs. Like little terminators. Most cats should have guns.
07/17 Direct Link
“Sensei, cheeba love to smoke” In the immortal words of Buju Banton. Amazing how a guy could start by singing about guns, kidnapping and sex for years, then all of a sudden find “Jah” and start singing about weed and love (the peace kind of love perverts). To me the fascinating thing is that he found a rasta inside himself. Maybe it’s the white, Christian culture I grew up in but people find a Christian god, not a weed smoking, dread-locked one!! I am amazed that it is just accepted by most people. At least it’s not fucked like scientology.
07/18 Direct Link
Heard on the news today about a group of people boycotting the “Insane Clown Possse”. Did I miss something or are you not supposed to take clowns seriously? Well, maybe John Wayne Gacy, but come on. They are a couple of white guys in make up rapping about sticking knives in people. This an age old argument but I am sick of it. If a kid listens and says “Hey, I am gonna do what shaggy too dope does in that song’ frankly, he deserves what he gets. And I don’t want emails about the victims of these rabid fans….
07/19 Direct Link
….the victims. Right. I hate to be the one to say this but in life, there are victims. Harsh, yes but a sad part of life. I can just see the flood of emails “what if it was someone in your family that got stabbed?”. That would suck and I would have to get over it. Life is about as fair as it was for the US to invade Viet Nam, and we all know how that turned out. Lets see who else I can piss off today. Emulate someone that much and are you really alive anyway? Uh Uh.
07/20 Direct Link
Man those last 2 were bitter. I guess that’s what happens when you have Tricky on in the background while writing! I have found a new addiction. Golden Tee Golf. Not the one for your PC, the one you see in bars. I can’t stop playing this game. It is like heroin, I walk into a bar to have a bite to eat and wham, there it is, staring me down daring me to play. “Leave your wife at the table” it says to me. It really is a bastard this game. $5 bucks to play!!!! I need a program.
07/21 Direct Link
I think I am changing. I used to go out very Friday and Saturday, whether I wanted to or not. You just had to; all the cool kids are doing it right??? Thank god that is over. Think back to when you went the bars every weekend. Wasn’t it the same fucking people every time? Wasn’t one of the reasons you would go out be to meet new people? And even if the bar you are at now isn’t cool anymore, ya move on, oh guess who is at the new cool bar??? The same fucking people!!!! Older is better.
07/22 Direct Link
I can’t believe I actually like shopping. It is one of things where I dread knowing I have to do it. Then I find myself doing it and actually enjoying it. Marlo always asks “are you coming with me?” and I am like a sulking kid, head down as I walk ever so slowly to the car. Get me in the supermarket and I am like a kid in a candy store. Holy kid references batman! It is dangerous to have me in the store though. Suddenly the cart fills with green ketchup, shrimp rings and jamacain patties. Ya Mon!
07/23 Direct Link
Fuck Mats Sundin. I can’t believe he is getting 9 million a year. He is a good hockey player but now you are gonna have the other 30 or so guys of his caliber wanting that money. You know who deserves 9 mil? Wayne Presley. Now that you have all said “Who?” He is a good guy. A genuine nice guy and average hockey player. I like Mats too, but a franchise player he is not. And just for the record the Rangers suck, have a drink Theo! Some team out there needs Wayne Presley as a coach. Go Elvis!
07/24 Direct Link
“I’m waiting for the bus to come I’m lying on an a bench Thinking of a book I read And wondering what it meant”. Nice simple lyrics. I can’t stress this enough. The world does not need2 million Frank Zappa’s. Remember the KISS method in school? Keep It Simple Stupid. A basic rule all songwriters should obey. Who am I to dish out advice on songwriting? Have I written a published song? No. Have I performed in a band? No. I buy music. I listen to music. I love music. I even spend countless hours stealing and burning music! Natch.
07/25 Direct Link
I got called a skinhead today by a punk kid in the area where I work. The killer thing is, I work in one of the wealthiest areas in Canada, not shocking, even rich kids can be stupid. The laughable thing is, yes I shave my head and have a goatee, typical nazi skinhead look I guess. I WAS WEARING A BOB MARLEY T-SHIRT!!! A big picture of Bob on a shirt with the colours of the Jamaican flag. Pure skinhead here. I wonder if the little rich kid realizes that skinhead is an old term used to describe ska?
07/26 Direct Link
And I thought Mats Sundin was overpaid. Now we can add Vince Carter to that list. Basketball players play what maybe 30-40 minutes per game, I could be wrong. I can’t imagine giving a guy over 20 million Canadian per year to do that. Vince may a good guy and a great player but I don’t get it. 94 million over 6 years was the total. Staggering to the least. Considering Michael Jordan was the best ever to play the game and it took him until his last contract to make ridiculous money. Oh well, the Knicks still suck anyway.
07/27 Direct Link
Could I be a little more bitter this month? Is it just me or have my submissions for July been rather bitchy? Could be because I actually had to do some work while at work recently, which is just not right. I thought being in the dot com gold rush would pay off regardless of how hard I worked. Bastards want me to earn it! That and there has been next to no good movies, music, tv etc lately. New Tricky album and the show 6 feet under are the few bright spots of the summer. Think I’ll go outside.
07/28 Direct Link
Hakeem Ollajuwan (sp?), Vince Carter, Mats Sundin, Raul Mondesi, Carlos Delgado, Antonio Davis, Jerome Williams, Alexander Mogilny. What do all these names have in common? Well, for one they all play pro sports in Toronto. Fuck another rant. And not one of them is Canadian. Not a single one. The only Canadians that play pro at an elite level in Toronto? Curtis Joeseph and a couple guys who are all stars in the CFL (high school caliber football compared to the NFL) What a city!!! We can afford anybody yet who do we get? I better cheer the fuck up.
07/29 Direct Link
I can’t seem to find shoes that I like. I look and all I see is that “skater” shoes are now being marketed as exactly that “skater”. Since when was it OK to be a skater? They used to arrest kids with skateboards and now they are a demographic? Thanks Tony Hawk. The stigma is gone from skating. Remember skate bowls and how cool Vans used to be? “That’s my skull!!!!’ Sean Penn epitomized skater, now Sears is skater friendly!! Whats next? Will cars come with beer fridges? Marlboro gives away roach clips? Imagine the Marlboro man with a spliff!
07/30 Direct Link
Just read one of Jon’s posts about the people he knows smoking when they shouldn’t be. Well, add another to thelist Jon. I am back on the butts. I was doing so well for about 8 weeks (with some help from my friend Zyban) And to tell the truth, it was quite easy. Then one day, done. One smoke and back to square one. I only quite to help Marlo quit. It wouldn’t be fair to have smokes lying around the apartment when she is trying to quit. I am such sweet guy . LOL. Be right back, smoke break.
07/31 Direct Link
Went out last night with some people who are investors in our company. One of them used to work with us but he moved back to Vancouver so it was nice to see him again. Thank god these guys paid because $8 pints at Indian Motorcycle Club is a bit rich for me. It was a good time though. They came ready to party so it was fun to get put and do something different. I couldn’t believe how busy the bars were for a Tuesday. Got drunk and came home later than I should have. Overall a nice easy night.