All the excitement of Friday made me sleep most of Saturday.  I woke up today feeling better, but not wanting to go to church.  I do not want to be a weekly church-goer.  They are expected to do more stuff.  I just want to be a pew-ee. 

Today the baby-baby became a Climber.  He is not just climbing on stuff that is there anymore.  Today he moved his little desk to the old radio and used it to climb.  Later he used the little milk can, which is taller.  The top of the radio is no longer out of reach.

M drove his truck to college today for the first time.  When R came home from work at 3 p.m., he told him that the speedometer didn’t work, so they took it to LP.   Later he found out that he has to work until 5 p.m. tomorrow, and told me that I’d have to pick up M and go by and get the truck.  I said, “I’ve got piano tomorrow.”  He blew a gasket and I walked away.  I don’t see why I, who knows nothing about trucks, should go at 3 p.m. instead of him going at 5 p.m.   

The truck nonsense worked out okay.  T & W came by around noon to borrow one of R’s tools. I told him my dilemma and asked if he could help out.   He agreed to hang around and pick up M at 3 p.m. so I wouldn’t miss my lesson.  When I got back, he was still visiting with M.  They hadn’t checked on the truck, so I called; it was not ready.  T left to get back to C.  R flew in, ready to grab M and leave, when it told him the news.  He actually thanked me for checking. 

I finished reading Your Erroneous Zones (W Dyer, 1976).  I argued with the book in a lot of places, but I also found what I think is the central theme:  why am I experiencing this negative emotion (anger, hurt, guilt, whatever).  In other words, don’t just assume that what I’m feeling is what I should be feeling.  Investigate it.  Ponder it.  Challenge it.  Am I being manipulated?  Am I being overly emotional?   Just because “everybody” would feel this way still does not mean that is the best or wisest course to take.  That is what I got from this book.

I got up this morning and went to wake M.  His light was off, his bed was empty.  I looked outside just in times to see him climbing in his truck to leave.  I waved as he drove off.  Then I went back to bed.  When I got back up, I watched TV and drank my coffee, hoping it would get me moving.  M came home shortly after noon, so we chatted and watched TV together.  Eventually the kids came over and we started the ribs.  R came home to a cozy, loving family.  I could tell he was happy.

B came over last week to chat.  She mentioned that they had been going to an auction in Ashburn.  Later I told R and he was interested.  Today we drove down and found it.  We got some cool stuff for $1 to $5, but the real “steal” was a rocking chair I had been coveting all night.  They started the bidding at $50.  It kept falling until it got to $10 and someone raised a hand.  “Do I hear $12.50—?”My hand shot up.  “Do I hear $15?”  A hand went up.  Mine immediately followed.  I got it for $17.50. 

Today we both slept late.   We watched TV until the kids came over.   They had RR with them, so I decided to do something a little different for supper.  I got down the pasta queen and made up some dough.  I called for M to help and rolled out a few slices myself.  I wasn’t doing it right so he took over.  The kids came to see what was going on and RR stayed to help M.  Meanwhile, I cooked the finished pasta. It was so worth the extra work.  W liked it so much he bummed from everyone’s plate.

I was reading my Daily Proverb on Saturday and ended up reading more than ten chapters, something I haven’t done in a long time. 

I came to the verse 1 Corinthians 16:22 "If any man love not the Lord Jesus Christ, let him be Anathema Maranatha." I decided to research the term "Anathema Marantha."   Anathema means “cursed.”  Marantha means "the Lord is Coming."  Together it basically means "Those who reject Jesus choose to go to hell.”  It made me think of my dad, of course. 

They haven’t come around in a while.  Hopefully I have run them off for good.

I woke up to sore throat and mild headache today, so around mid-day I called Mrs. T and cancelled my lesson.  Then I hit the sack until M came home.  He and caffeine got me going enough to work on the back counter and sort thru some mail.  I had enough of a pile to get R interested in helping. 

I told R that I would do Personal Management with the troop, so last night he brought the book home for me read.  “When did I say I’d do it?”  “Next Monday.”  “Okay.”  Good.  I need something interesting to do.

I’m still trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do next with my life.  The idea that I’m suppose to sit and do nothing simply cannot be.  I have training and experience in a number of areas:  food service, child care, accounting, even piano.  But I don’t know if I’m supposed to work for pay or volunteer my services.

 Earlier this year I filled out a few applications online.  The only response was for substitute lunch room lady.  I was still taking M to school at the time, so I passed on it.  Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.

Visitation--I've been feeling it coming but hoped I had pissed them off enough last time not to return.  No such luck.  She tried to get me to come out and visit my "earthly father."  I refused since we had not parted on good terms.  She claimed that wasn't so but I still wouldn’t budge.  I’ve been here too many times.

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  Albert Einstein

Then she started about churches, something about Solomon starting it and he had an Egyptian mother so it was corrupt from the beginning. [Cont.]

I just stared at her, so she kept going, reciting what she had been taught.  She said that the rainfall of frogs and the talking donkey proved it was mostly “bull shit.”  I knew I didn't want to listen any more.

I told her, "Okay, you've delivered your message.  I love you and you love me.  But I disagree with what you’re saying.”  She countered with something about that the suffering I've been experiencing would get worse.  I thought, “What suffering?”  She closed by telling me that the next time they came by  I would be glad to welcome them.

Instead of coming over here last night, C invited M to come to their house and stay the night.  I gave him instructions to Americus and sent him on his way.  He was giddy as he bounded out the door.  He’s never driven this far alone. 

I expected them to come over today since they had said they would.  As the day wore on, I realized they weren’t coming after all.  It has really annoyed me.  I understand if they changed their minds; I do it all the time.  But without a courtesy phone call, a promise has been broken. 

The kids came over, so I’m happy again.  M seemed to like me more after he got back than before he left.  He accused me of tricking his father into going outside with W and then coming back inside.  On most occasions that is simply not so.  W likes me to watch him from my Grandma Swing.  He has even led me there and then gone off to play, staying within my view.  Then he comes running up, telling me what he has been up to.  So as long as he is happy, that’s all that is important to me.

Tonight I went to the Troop meeting with R.  I had said I’d teach Personal Management, so I downloaded the workbook, made a few minor changes, and gave it to R to make copies.  When I read the official pamphlet, I realized it was written to the boy.  It tells everything he needs to know.  I asked if they normally order the books for the boys or make copies.  Neither.  But the guys are supposed to read the books.  CP agreed.  CC said that since I’m the teacher, if I want them to have the pamphlets, they’ll order the pamphlets. 

I went to the dentist this morning to have him see about my tooth.  When I drink something cold, it feels like it is being stabbed; then, as it warms up, the pain goes away.  Turns out, the tooth itself is okay.  It’s the nerve under it that is causing all the pain.  It has become exposed.  (The nerve of that nerve!)  He “fixed” it but I think it actually made it worse.  It still doesn’t feel right.  But since I know the tooth is not rotten, I’ll learn to live with the inconvenience.  Maybe it will reduce my appetite. 

I finally got back to piano yesterday.  I’d not practiced in over a week, so I wasn’t surprised that I have to redo some of my songs.  I also decided to redo some of my books.  I played through my Pre A and A books yesterday.  And I’m thinking of researching some of these songs.  I like knowing more about the songs I’m playing.  Plus, I’ve found that some of the songs that songwriters claim are not total originals.  They are old public domain songs that have been renamed.    They do not actually belong to them.  They belong to us.

Since our library didn’t have Confucius’ Analects, I went on to the next on the Reading Plan, Aeschylus’ Oresteia.  It is actually a collection of Greek plays written in the BC’s.  I checked out an old (c. 1943) book from our library, Fifteen Greek Plays, and read the first one, Prometheus Bound.  I mainly learned that the translation needed a translation.  So I went to Sparknotes.com and let it tell me what I had just read.  Oh.  Okay.  Big naked guy strapped to a mountain.  Contains lots of bondage and frontal nudity.  No wonder the Greeks liked it so much.

We went to the kids house today and then to the Rylander to watch “Twelve Angry Men.”  The play was less than spectacular.  The real education was on the kids’ front mantle.  They had two books that caught my attention:  God Is Not Great and another with the same basic premise.  I scanned over GING but W had more important things for me to do.  I may read it later.  Meanwhile, I think I’ve figured out where M is getting his heretical questions.  So far I think I’m holding my own, though.  Dad has enabled me to defend my beliefs.

I considered going to church but decided, why?  I’ve really gotten out of going.  I can get a good sermon from the comfort of my own home.  What am I really missing anyway?  I guess I’m missing the people, but that tends to bite me in the behind eventually.  Bay Springs is different, though.  If I do go, it won’t be every week, that’s for sure.  I’m not that girl any more.

I’ll soon be a 49 year old girl.  In three days.  Wow, 49 years.  Where did I think I’d be by now?  For that matter, where am I?

I woke up sluggish and indecisive and depressy, so I’ve done nothing today.  I even considered having a cigarette to see if that would help.  It has in the past.  I decided to check my horoscope instead.  It said:

 “It's a slow morning that turns into a slow afternoon for you. It's not the best time to try to get much done, as you're just finding it too hard to get your energy levels up. Put stuff off 'til tomorrow!”

Whoa!  Freaky!  How did they know?  I better do what it says.  I’ve been reading Greek tragedy.  I’ve been warned.  

Piano yesterday I worked some more on her two-handed “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” and “Carol of the Bells.”   Like T says, that woman definitely likes Christmas music.  And two-handed music.  I agree with her on the first; the second, not so much.

Tomorrow we go to Mama’s for Thanksgiving.  I know we’re bringing a Boston butt and Mama wants me to bring rolls.  Should I make them or buy them?  I’m in no mood to cook.  Besides, it’s my birth week.

Which makes me wonder:  Is it half-way over?  My grandmothers lived into their 80’s.  Will I do that?

Happy Birthday to Meee!  I’m 49 years old today.  I’m planning to celebrate by doing nothing all day. 

Lately I have been doing a lot of nothing, just sleeping and watching TV.  I’m taking lots of naps, which then throws off my sleep schedule.  I end up staying up way too late.  I need caffeine.

I’m neither excited not bummed out about being almost 50.  I’m at a cross-road.  Now that I’ve essentially quite Boy Scouts and M is over 18 and driving, my calendar is emptier than it has been in a long time.  I’m not use to this.    

We went to Mama’s for Thanksgiving today.  I never got in the mood to cook, so I didn’t.  We brought a Boston butt and some store-bought rolls.  Mar walked in with her pan of homemade rolls, so I knew I’d be taking home some store-bought rolls.  That was fine with me.  It also confirmed my decision not to cook; there was way too much food already and she likes being the kitchen goddess.

The crowd seemed smaller for some reason.  R stayed outside with the kids playing softball most of the day.  I restarted my Christmas needlepoint.  Everyone else slept.

It is Black Friday today.  Tons of people hit the stores at ungodly hours this morning.  Not me.  I went online at a sensible hour and started my Christmas shopping today.  I browsed a lot of places, throwing stuff in baskets.  I’ve decided to give compasses this year to the T270 kids.  I checked the BSA website, but theirs are way too much to buy in bulk.  I’m looking around for a better deal.  Meanwhile, I did get Amazon completed.  I got something for C and M and R, and for myself, of course.  I always get something for myself.   

Day 2 of Cyber-shopping:  I hit Walmart.com today.  I ordered some more Christmas photo cards and got something for almost all the girls.  I also hit Oriental. I got something for Mar, the guys, K and H’s babies, and me, of course. 

I told R if I had been walking all this, I would not have gotten near as much done and would have paid the price physically the next day.  I’ve spent probably twelve hours so far browsing and shopping.  And I’m still fine.  My Discover card, on the other hand, is getting heavy. 

I’ll think about that tomorrow.

I asked M for suggestions of what to get his brother for Christmas.  He suggested I get him a bottle of Guinness.  I told him I didn’t want to get him beer.  “Why?!” he exploded.  “You think he’s going to turn into a drunk?!”  “No.  I also don’t think he is going to turn into a crack addict, but I’m not going to go out and buy him $20 of the stuff.  And I don’t think he is going to turn into a smoker, but I’m not fixing to buy a pack of Kools and throw it under the tree.” 

He also suggested I get his bro a home brewing kit.  I told him I liked that idea.   A brewing kit would be educational.  It is something the forefathers were into.  Yesterday I mentioned our conversation with R.  R does not want us to get a brew kit for T.  As the son of an alcoholic moon shiner, he will not be complicit in his sons’ alcohol consumption.   Period.

So I decided this one is a good one not to contest.  I’d rather him be a tee-totaller than a drinker.  There is no such thing as casual drinking.  IMHO, anyway.