Big yesterday means little today. †We left Cís house after 11:00 p.m. last night, so today's case of SARS is actually understandable.
Lately my depression has been worse, dipping down into the ugly thoughts.† So Iíve decided to start my diet today to see if that helps.
OMG!† I'm 150 lbsóagain.† No wonder I feel so bad.† I'm 25 lbs overweight.† Valerie B was 30 lbs overweight when she joined Jenny.† Not that Iíll be joining a program.† Been there; done that.† Weight loss tends to be temporary at best, anyway.† I think Iíll save my money this time.†
B came over the other day.† She has joined swap-bot.† Like me, she was rejected for her first swap due to a skimpy profile.† I told her my experience and how I handled it. She did join a decorated envie swap and has already mailed it.† She is anxious to get rated.† Then R came in with the mail.† Star ATC came today. I opened it up and showed her my latest treasure.†
Meanwhile, I havenít sent my ATC yet.† It was due the 18th.† But I cannot settle my brain down enough to work on it.† SARS strikes again.
The kids surprised me by coming over today.† I figured M would stay with them until the last possible minute and come home on Wednesday.† Maybe he likes it around here more than I thought.†
W loves my room.† He ďfoundĒ me on the computer and immediately took over.† Only, he didnít want to lay on his belly and type like I do.† He sat in proper position, squeezed between me and the laptop, and pulled it into his lap.† He carefully began typing like he had been doing it all his life.† Life father (grandfather, uncle, etc.) like son. †
Iíve dropped a few pounds and Iím feeling better already.† I got up and cleaned like crazy today.† Hopefully it will last.† I need it to last. When R came home today he actually looked shocked and pleased with the progress I made.
Going back to work seems to have settled him down a little bit.† During a Kia commercial, I asked if I needed to sell my car and buy a Kia.† ďNo.Ē† Maybe the Cadi is not so evil after all.
I finally mailed Star ATC.† The mod podge gave it a shiny, chaotic texture. It looks cool.
My fingers are out of practice.† Piano today actually hurt.† My little fingers didnít want to cooperate; my brain either, for that matter.† But a Pepsi helped in that department.† And Iím now in that new book she likes so much, The Piano Hymnal (by David Smither, 1999).†
I went to the post office afterwards to mail STAR ATC, then to the store next door.† While there, I asked about a part-time job.† Although I still feel like Iím frugal enough to offset the car payment.† Iím also determined that if I have to give up $300, so do they.
I feel better today.† I think part of my SARS is from not getting my quiet time.† That man does like noise.† I want to get away from it so I escape to my room.
I forgot how much he complains.† Itís constant some days.† (His best friend at work even told him to cool it; the bosses are complaining.)† If he ever retires, weíll both be miserable.
He fretted for two weeks about a possible layoff and concluded that I need a job.† Not the 18 year old, me.† What does he think Iíve been doing all these years? †††
I finished reading Fear of Flying (Erica Jong, 1996).† It was originally written in 1976, during the sexual revolution and before the aids epidemic.††Itís full of pretentious French phrases (succes de scandale), literary jargon (remainderdom), and obscure vocabulary words (bildungsroman), and that is just in the introduction.† If I hadnít read my Greek classics, I wouldnít get some of the references, and with practically no knowledge of French, some sections may as well be written in cuneiform.† Iím going to go back through and look up some of these weird words and phrases to see if that reveals anything.
Mís classes started back yesterday.† Now things are pretty well back to normal.† R is back at work; Iím back at piano; M is back at class.† When R returns to scouts, it will be complete.†
I told R that Doll House was new tonight and asked if he wanted to watch another of his season one disks beforehand.† He did.† It was the extra disk.† It had the 13th episode and a lot of extra features and commentary.† During it, they werenít sure they would get a second season.† So this show has struggled from the beginning.† R, too.
When the kids came over today, I noticed C had her Joy of Cooking book that I gave her for Christmas.† She asked what we were planning for supper.† After a short interrogation, I asked, ďC, what would you like to cook?Ē† The kitchen was spotless; I didnít mind relinquishing the job.† R loved the idea.† They ended up fixing deer steak and twice baked potatoes.† Her siblings wanted to come over; fine by me. W loves having all his relatives together.† I get to be everybodyís grand dame. They had so much fun; they all stayed until 11:00 p.m.†
Today is day of rest:† eat, sleep, read, and watch TV.† What a life.† Next week will be a little busy for a change.
I never really made any new years resolutions.† I sort of planned to lose ten pounds, but got tired of that after a few days.† Once I got back under 150, I decided, why should I?† Iím a grandma.† Grandmas are supposed to be plump.† And asexual.† So the cold weather is turning me into a real grandma.† And Iím also continuing reading my classics.† Wow; what a Pandoraís box that is turning out to be.
I went to the Troop meeting tonight to teach the final PM class.† Because of the cold, they used me as the excuse for meeting at FUMC instead of the hut.† I told R, they always use me as the excuse when they want to slack off and take the easier, more comfortable route.† And it turned out that my class was the only thing on the agenda.† If I had decided not to show up, I donít know what they would have done all night.† Yes, I do.† They would have †listened to Mr. BS talk for an hour.
While searching for the next lesson book, I found an old Baldwin organ instruction booklet that went with the sheet music and decided to read it.† I finished it last night.† I decided conclusively, I have no intention of ever learning to play the organ.† But it is nice to know what all those extra keyboards and pedals are for.† And I got a little more theory and music appreciation for my effort.† All for free.
Iím still working on There Shall Be Showers of Blessings in the new book.† This book really is more fun than the hymn book.
My Pub 17 came yesterday; my tax package came today.† So these are my next reading assignments.† I need to order Georgia forms and Iíll be set.† Then weíll see what this tax season brings.†
Meanwhile, I'm still continuing on my reading plan.† I read Sun-tzu The Art of War and passed it on to M.† ďOh, cool.Ē† Iím going to the library tomorrow; Iíll see what ancient Greek and Roman classics they have.† Iíve still got some more Euripides plays to read.† Iíve added stuff to the list, but Iím too OCD to totally skip any.† Not even Confucius.† †
Our dental appointment is today.† I told M what time his appt was and he laughed.† ďTwo-thirty; you know, tooth-hurty.Ē† Funny.† I'm glad he has got his humor back.†
Dr. Philís show today was about liars and lying.† Statistics say men lie to brag, women lie to appease.† And men lie twice as often as women do.† There's a shock.†
On most of the court shows, if you lie once, youíre done.† Nothing else you say is considered reliable.† E was that way, too.† No second chance.† No unreliable people in his inner circle.† That prevents a lot of grief.†
I couldnít sleep last night for worrying about getting a job.† Iíve been so frugal over the years, living without luxuries, being the good wife and mother, committing to the house.† Flying.† And now Iíve got to return.† After a twenty year hiatus, what is out there for me?† Iíve got an associates degree and lots of volunteer experience, but what will that get me?† Minimum wage, thatís what.†
And weekends.† Iíll have to work weekends, thatís for sure.† That will kill Family Night.† And Date Night.† He can give up us having any time together.† Dating will be non-existent.†
I asked again about why I was lead to believe that I solid had that job.† I got this answer:† I had to totally believe or I would not have even tried.† If I had not tried like I did, I would never have confirmed the truth of how they really felt about me.† Insisting on the interview proved they literally had no good reason not to hire me.† And if I had not been 100% convinced that Iíd get the job, there is no way I would have attempted it.† I do tend to avoid any possibility of rejection.†
I have a precedent:† Jonah was told that a certain thing would happen.† The situation changed so God changed Godís mind.† Jonah was pissed.† He ended up in the belly of a fish. Conclusion:† God told him that so he would preach hard.† By preaching hard, the city repented and was saved.†
OkayÖ I lack confidence so I have to be lied to.† I must learn to step out in faith.†
Meanwhile, Iím reading Plato.† Socrates Apology makes me go, hmmm.† But I guess it is suppose to.† It gives new meaning to the term, ďyour ship has come in.Ē
The Kids came over today.† MLK day meant that C and M were out of school.† Since the weather was finally awesome again, W got to go outside with his grandpa.† I sat on my swing and watched.† He loves when I do that.† That is my role in the game, sitting on my swing and watching him play.† He runs to the edge of the porch, looks up, and tells me everything he is doing, chattering ninety to nothing.† The whole time he was in pure rapture.† He loves the outdoors, thatís for sure.† Grandmaís house is his kingdom.
Money is tight right now; our balance is low.† I donít like that. When he came home, I asked if she paid her rent today.† ďYes.Ē† Did you deposit it?† ďNo, Iím going to use it to get groceries tomorrow.Ē †ďGo very lightly.Ē† ďWhy?Ē† I explained why.† ďWell, I canít help it if I canít make more money.Ē†
This is why I donít discuss finances with him.† He gets defensive.† Later, he was still complaining. †ďWait a minute.Ē I dug out my personal stash and handed him $700 to deposit.† He looked shocked.† What a difference a little money makes.
My new song for this week is Faith of Our Fathers. Itís an old Roman Catholic hymn written in the 1800ís.† Bet Protestants donít know the ďFathersĒ in it is a reference to the Catholic martyrs.
It has never been one of my favorite hymns.† The strongest Christians in my life have always been female.† The women-folk are the ones who prayed, attended church, and believed.† The men worked all the time, then spent most of it on themselves, didnít believe in tithing, and temperance wasnít even on their short list.
Mary worship/goddess worship is looking better all the time.†
Itís Raining, Itís PouringÖItís FLOODING.† So Iím spending it reading and watching television.† The reading material is Platoís Crito.† In places it can cure insomnia.† The television is the Office.† It was one of those retrospectives, one of those ďhow far weíve comeĒ thingies.† Since I just swapped Office ATCís, it was especially nice.
Speaking of Office, Iím still contemplating my own next career.† Iíve worked myself out of a job as far as my sons are concerned.† My grandma duties arenít very time-consuming.† Granted, there are the occasional occasions when Iím needed.† Iím more a babysitter of sorts then.†††
C called and offered to come over and cook tonight. †Iím not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.† They brought the ingredients and made hot wings and very hot wings, using Habanero sauce.† My macho guy almost hurt himself.† Thankfully, she also brought a chicken and pasta dish sheíd made the night before.† I went with it.
Itís fun being a country grandma.† Watching W discover the simple pleasures is so gratifying.† Iíve noticed how much less my depression acts up when heís around. †R did, too.† I think the kids do also, though they havenít commented.†
Since M went home with the kids, we decided to go to the movies.† Iím glad we did.† Itís Complicated was hilarious!† AB is a scream!† I havenít laughed that hard in ages.† And JK made me proud as the adorable fiancť.†
Since the movie, Iíve noticed how many times people use the term, ďItís complicated,Ē when they donít want to explain why they did something unwise.† But is it really that complicated.† ďI didnít think it through,Ē is closer to the truth.† ďI didnít care about the people my decision would affect.Ē† It is not so complicated, after all.
Low Country Boil, anyone?† Since they cooked Friday, we decided to cook one of everyoneís favorite dishes today.† (And by ďwe,Ē I mean him.)† We told them Friday what were planning.† C called to make sure that was still the plan.† ďYep.Ē† They requested that we have it ready when they got here.†
I finally got the baby-baby and the grandpa outside again. W discovered the sandy area of the driveway and started scratching and digging.† I brought his dump truck over and we showed him how to shovel the dirt into it.† He was in heaven.† So was I.
Start your day with a ďTo Do List,Ē my horoscope advises.† Thereís a thought.† Straight out of Total Woman.† Remember that book from the 70ís.† Mama got it. It didnít help.† I read it and it made sense to me.† Then I got married.† Wake up call, big time.† When things got bad and I realized I had a relationship just like my parents, I bought the book and reread it.† It helped some and it hurt some.† The ďlet your husband make all decisionsĒ concept didnít work.† Iíve never made that mistake again. Mrs. Morgan, mind your own business.
I went to piano today.† I managed to get in all four lessons this month.† Iím on the last song of E Book, Mendelssohnís Fingalís Cave.† Then Iíll be done with another piano lesson book.† She says we are going to hold off of F Book for a while and do some other stuff; I donít know what she has got in mind.† I wouldnít mind leveling off a little to give me time to internalize my latest lessons.† It has been steep going lately; I could use time to coast and enjoy just playing piano for a little while.†
My first tax return is in.† It is the simplest and easiest, the best one to start with; bread and butter, as they say.† And she is really patient, thank goodness.† Since I never know when another SARS day is coming.†
My black and white cat used up one of his nine lives.† A couple came by yesterday to say that they found him beside the road with a crushed leg and took him to the vet.† I guess the vet remembered him from having neutered him recently.† They found us and let us know he was ready.† R & I went today and picked him up.† $125 later he looks pretty narley.† I donít know how he survived.† He has a long pin sticking out of his leg and a ton of stitches.† Poor kitty has had a rough life.
The kids came over tonight.† R & W went outside for a little while, but the cold sent them back in.† So W tickled me with the purple furry pen and I shrieked.† He giggled and laughed so hard we did it over and over again.† Later he pulled me over to the play area.† I stacked Duplos so he could pull them back apart.† Then we ran the little cars and trains down the treadmill.† While we played, they watched TV.† Earlier, I had started baking a chicken, so supper was covered.††† Tell me I donít have a job.
Platoís Symposium is hilarious.† Itís a drinking party where they pledge not to drinkóany moreówhile they discuss love and other stuff.† They sound pretty tipsy already.† The last guy comes in totally inebriated and playful.† He sounds like a fun guy to have around.† He compares Socrates to an ugly statue with smaller precious statues of gods enclosed inside (Reminds me of the Maltese Falcon). †In other words, ďDonít judge him by his outward awkward appearance.Ē I do not remember much more of what they decided, but the whole scene was a riot.† My favorite dialogue so far.
M went home with the kids and they had a pre-birthday celebration for him.† The three boys went bowling.† Meanwhile, C made an ice cream cake for his birthday and brought it over here.† It is to die for.† She left the rest of it for us to finish.† R loves that girl.† I do too, as a matter of fact.† She is responsible for bringing a lot of happiness into this house.† And stability.† She centers my guys.† I donít have to worry about T or W, or even M when she is around.† I think Iíll keep her.