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I’m still reeling inside over a violation of trust. I haven’t decided how to approach this situation yet. I can just learn the lesson and move on, or I can confront it head on. I, personally, am not attached to drama. If I confront the individual it will stimulate more drama, and that’s not my intention. I want to say to the individual in question,
“I trusted you with something sacred, and now it’s gone. WHAT THE FUCK happened, and when did you think that it was okay to do such a thing?”
Even that won’t replace what was lost.
Today is my ex husbands birthday. It’s weird how I remember details that don’t really matter much in my life. Of course I feel the need to “remind” our children of this special occasion. Two of them remembered, one of them didn’t, but he was grateful I reminded him. I wonder if I’ll ever forget April 2nd is his birthday?! It’s not like he ever appreciated any of the “festivities or gifts” I went out of my way to present and prepare for him to express my love for him. Thank God/dess I don’t have to revisit that energy anymore!
Money and being rich doesn’t make ANYONE any better than anyone else. I’ve seen it over and over again. People who are all about the exterior are usually shallow like a desert ocean. Nip this, tuck that, lift this, and STILL there’s nothing. Experiencing this helps me to appreciate fried bologna sandwich moments and sharing a candy bar. Empty is NOT a path I choose. There are those who profess to be rich and cultured, and want to be my friend, when the truth is they don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves. My friends aren’t afraid to fart.
That’s right!!! My friends fart and so do I. I’m not rude about it, and neither are they. I’m irritated by individuals who walk around thinking their shit doesn’t stink. Word to the wise, “check your shit, and flush the bullshit.” Can you tell I’m in a mood? I’m tired of individuals taking advantage or pulling rank because they have money. QUIT IT!!! Our society has it all backwards. We give so much attention to the rich, spoiled, and obnoxious, who many believe are true examples of what an American is or thinks. HELL NO!!! This American is fed up!!!
I know hospitals are to heal the sick, but I don’t like the energy I feel when I’m in one. It takes all my skills and energy to fend off the sticky and stagnant energy that oozes inside a hospital’s walls. The dead and insane walk the Etheric halls of hospitals. Most of them are incoherent and don’t even realize they’ve crossed over. Luckily my spirit guides surround me, acting as a buffer to reroute those who need to go to the light. Afterwards, I smudge myself with Palo Santo to make sure nothing toxic absorbs into my energy field.
My oldest daughter ended up in emergency surgery. Turned out to be a twisted ovary and Dermoid cyst. A Dermoid cyst is either a “twin” her body absorbed, or a tubal pregnancy. She is on the mend and that is all that matters. For all it takes to be a Mommy and fearless, I broke down in tears after I left the hospital. This was something I couldn’t fix, and trusting the doctors wasn’t easy for me to do, but I knew in my heart she was in the best hands possible. I’m so grateful she is alive and healing.
Today, I’m going to get a manicure and a pedicure. I need it. I need to pamper myself ROYAL today. I might even go to the mall and pick out a new perfume or something. I officially declare this “Pamper THE Goddess” day. Whatever it takes for me to feel “Ohhh La La…” I’m doing it!!! I might even partake of my favorite DELICIOUS eggrolls from #1 Chop Suey!!! I’m going to apply a little lipstick, pucker my lips, and blow loving kisses to my FABULOUS self. When I take time to pamper myself, it benefits everyone in my life!!!
My daughter’s healing now. As a Mother, I am relieved. It’s awful not being able to “fix” something that’s hurting one of my children, especially when they are in physical pain. Thank goodness for those who are educated and trained to heal others. Dr. Al-Naqueeb will always have a special place in my heart for being the AMAZING OB/GYN she is. She is so calm, knowledgeable, and loving. In my book, SHE’S THE BEST!!! I wouldn’t trust my cha-cha to anyone else but her. And when the time comes, I know she’ll be the one who delivers my next grandchild.
I’ve decided to check all my major chakras, starting at the base chakra, which is associated with the color red. Red is the color or vitality, courage, strength. My base chakra looks like wet pavement after a heavy rainstorm. I can see my reflection in some of the water puddles. I'm smiling. The suns peeking out. I can hear the birds singing. The air smells so fresh and clean. There are a few worms scurrying to get under ground before they dry up. There’s an amazing rainbow dancing all around me! I jump and make a splash with both feet!!!
Now I’m looking at my sacral chakra, which is associated with the color orange. It is the center of “passion, intimacy, and creativity.” There’s a BIG enchanting looking tree that’s filled with sweet and fragrant blossoms. The scenery around it reminds me of Africa after a rainstorm. There are all kinds of wild animals co-existing in peace. There’s a beautiful stream of fresh water the animals are drinking from and an image of My Beloved and I fucking passionately against the tree. There are beautiful crystals and gemmy stones scattered in clusters all around. Oh!!! My Beloved is licking me!!!
The Solar Plexus chakra is associated with the color yellow, which represents joy, optimism, light, and is the center of consciousness. My Solar Plexus has an ethereal image of a big Ankh on it today. There are lots of snakes slithering quickly down a newly paved black road in the desert towards majestic mountains. Now I’m in a room filled with tall black filing cabinets marked with jewels. My hand is reaching towards a file drawer marked by a brilliant blue topaz. Inside the drawer is a nest of jeweled colored hummingbirds. They’re taking flight and buzzing around my head.
The next chakra is the Heart Chakra. It's associated with the color green. It's the center of LOVE, intimacy, relationships. As a Seer, the majority of the time “I see” is through my heart into another’s. The heart always says, “Yes!!! Yes!!! Yes!!!” to LOVE; and the mind says, “No!!! Maybe!!! What if?!!!” As I look at my own heart I see the most beautiful Larimar Green, there are dolphins dancing and playing in the beautiful clear water. I see my Ethereal form floating peacefully in the water, enjoying all the sensations of trust and unending warmth and comfort...
The next chakra is “the seat of my soul” which is located where the Thymus Gland is…It is also called “The Peace Chakra…” It looks like corridors of glass filled with images of many memories – sentimental and otherwise. There is a voice, perhaps my Higher Self saying, “This is your mission to KNOW peace…to SHARE peace…to UNDERSTAND peace…to ACCEPT peace…” Whoa!!! I didn’t expect that!!! There’s a lovely image of me holding my first born daughter. I look so young. She looks perfect, even down to the details of her tiny fingernails. I’m talking to her and introducing myself…
The next chakra is my Throat Chakra. It’s associated with the color sky blue. It’s the center of communication. I see a sky blue coiled object that looks like it has a pen at the end and it’s moving by itself. In my field, it’s called “automatic writing.” Maybe I’m supposed to do more of that!!! Sure gives me incentive to continue writing my book. I’m reading what’s written in my throat chakra, it says,
“If you agree when you really don’t agree then you’re dishonest.”
This gives me more incentive to “speak” my truth without guilt or fear!
The Third Eye Chakra is the center of intuition. It is associated with the color Indigo or Midnight Blue, like the clear desert sky at night, filled with countless radiant stars. When I look into my psychic center, I see myself showering in a lion claw tub with a brilliant white shower curtain around it. This tells me that intuitively, I am clearing and repairing my energy field. To be “clear” is the most auspicious state for my energy field to be at. Now I see a window opening next to the bathtub which I open and soar out of.
Now I’m taking a good look at my Crown Chakra, which is the center of spirituality. It's associated with the color purple. There are two gold ornate Egyptian chairs facing one another in front of a beautifully stained glassed window that looks like a yantra or mandala. The walls surrounding the sacred edifice are stone. I'm kneeling in front of the window with a marvelous multi-colored crystal cluster cupped in my hands. I hear voices chanting that sound like Tibetan Monks. I'm naked, except for a sheer gossamer cape draped behind me. I'm filled with happiness, peace, and understanding.
Now I’m going to take a look at my entire energy field at once. It’s like I’m at the center of a room of mirrors. Each mirror reflects an image of me expressing different emotions. The room spins around me and my body turns into a column of sparkling multi-colored light. At my feet are old rusty shackles that dissolve as I look upon them. My energy field is MASSIVE!!! The mirrors shatter and I emerge like some kind of Super Hero out of a collapsed building. Many orbs of light dance around me like moths to a flame. IMPRESSIVE!!!
Maybe underneath it all I still want an apology, a genuine expression of gratitude, or even acknowledgment that my efforts “mattered” or were “good enough,” and weren’t “nothing.” Positive feedback goes a long way. I did my very best and “still” I hear – over and over again - “it was less than…not good enough…” Who sets the “standards” anyway? Thank goodness I’m wise enough NOT to “accept” that shallow reality. Part of me wants to sock him in the face and knock his ass out!!! The truth is, he’s just an instrument to teach me an important lesson –
If you’re in a relationship with someone and no matter what course of action you take you’re still unhappy, then it’s time to shift relationships. WHY do people get all caught up in the drama and trauma of trying to make something work that has already run its course? The only person you’re disappointing is yourself. Yes, there may be “others” involved in the relationship, but they don’t live and experience what you have every freaking day!!! Get out. Detach in an honorable way that doesn’t negate “the good” that you experienced with each another. It’s time. You’ll be happier.
Likewise, for those who’re in a GREAT relationship, ENJOY IT!!!
Don’t take each other for granted.
Share things together that amplify all the reasons why you chose to be together!!!
Flirt with one another!
Fulfill one another’s fantasies!
Make time NOW to be happy!!!
Don’t get sidetracked by temporary illusions and momentary allures.
When a couple takes time to invest in one another intimately, emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally, there’s surely an EXCELLENT return on their investment!!!
BE LOVE… It’s one of the most fulfilling experiences of your lifetimes!
“All you need is LOVE………"
I woke up thinking about words that end in “tion”: configuration; illumination; stagnation; confrontation; station; affirmation; subjugation; fixation; trepidation; instigation; moderation; investigation; perpetration; interpretation; irrigation; appreciation; nation; concentration; perpetuation; imagination, fascination… It fascinates me how my mind’s constantly processing, illuminating, sharing, expressing, etc. There are many more “tion” ending words running through my mind right now, but you already get the point. I like to use or make up words, like “huggle,” which is snuggle and hug combined. I don’t think all the words ever expressed are in the dictionary, I just think it’s a good place to start! COMPLETION.
If you ever encounter a Troll Demon while you are sleeping,
NEVER look at it directly,
because it will sandpaper your corneas. It’s kind of like the mythological character “Medusa” and her hair of snakes, if one looked directly at her, they’d turn to stone. I, personally, am not afraid of Troll Demons, but made the mistake of looking at one directly in a dream the other night and woke up with a sandpapered cornea! Now I look like a pirate, with my black patched eye!!! No worries though, I’m prepared for it, if it is stupid enough to return!
My oldest daughter shared with me that the astronaut Edgar Mitchell, who was one of the crew members on Apollo 14, made an official statement that the American Government and governments from other countries have been in contact with extra-terrestrials for MANY years. I am not surprised, since I have enjoyed contact with the Pleadians for a long time. Just like humans, there are loving ET’s and
not so loving ET’s.
Our hearts - not our pocketbooks – will assist us in discerning which is which. We’re supposed to be a relatively young species in the Galaxy. They’re all around us.
Keeping my eyes shut for a couple of days hasn’t been the easiest thing to do, but I know it is necessary in order for my corneas to heal. Although that awful Troll Demon got me, surviving it has unexpectedly enhanced my abilities “to see” in more detail and clarity, which reminds me of the “Spiderwick Chronicles.” That movie is the closest I have ever seen that truly explains “what I see….” There is a constant battle between realms, fueled by egos and greed. I just want to co-exist peacefully, but there’s a Bush & Hitler in every species. NEXT!!!
People think I’m just kidding when I say I’m going to shave all my hair off and have a sacred mandala or yantra tattooed on the top of my head. Energetically I think it would be like stained glass windows on a cathedral, the Divine light would flow and illuminate all the multi-colors and symbols. I’ve got this image of my head shaved bald, tattooed, wearing Blues Brothers sunglasses, my magickal walking staff, and bedazzled in all kinds of gorgeous jewelry. It may not happen immediately, but I’m definitely going to keep it on my “things to do someday” list...
Have you ever played the games on www.pogo.com? I'm a pogoaholic!!! It’s one of my favorite ways to meditate and put everything in perspective. Like AOL, there is a live chat room attached to the game rooms. I know I’m a bit of a voyeur, because I enjoy watching and observing people, but I also enjoy reading other people’s conversations and perspectives? My favorite game right now on pogo is “Lottso Express.” It’s a game, layered upon another game, layered upon another game. I guess it’s kind of like a triathlon for the brain. Being highest scorer is my goal!
Last night was so much fun!!! I love singing Karaoke with my family and friends in my own living room! Of course I don’t sing on key and I made up a word or two, but that’s the fun of it!!!
I’ll tell you a little secret though…Sometimes I “feign” not knowing a song, just to hear my daughter sing. She has the voice of an angel! We sang “Baby’s got back” together! It was hysterically funny!!! Then my son did his own rendition and made me laugh so hard!!!
Whether off key or not, I enjoyed every song sung!!!
“Is he really concerned about you?!” Good question. Too often I fall for individual’s sob stories, and somewhere deep inside me I feel that whatever I have – little or great – I should share, otherwise it’s a sin. Crazy thinking, yes?!!! Now I’m learning to not fall into “rescue mode,” take a step back and ask myself, “Will assisting this individual be APPRECIATED, or is it an expectation that’ll eventually be taken for granted?” The answer is, “No, he’s not concerned about me.” In order to protect myself, I stood my ground and concentrated on NOT feeling guilty for doing so.
I was getting a pedicure when the owner walked in with her grandmother from Vietnam. Her grandmother is 84 years young. I looked at her and thought to myself, “I hope I look as beautiful as she does when I’m her age.” The lines in her face were filled with memories, hopes, adventures, sorrow. She had a gentle peacefulness about her, yet in my heart I knew she had some interesting stories and insights to share.
Why do people want to look young, when getting old is so beautiful? Getting old isn’t a bad thing, it’s something to celebrate!
Tomorrow is May Day. May Day is Lei Day in Hawaii! When I was a little girl living on Oahu and attending Aliamanu Elementary School, all the students and teachers took weeks to prepare to celebrate May Day. Each grade was taught a dance that celebrated the different Polynesian cultures that represented the history of Hawaii. The last time I danced at a May Day celebration was in the sixth grade. My mother hand sewed my dress out of muslin, and the tribal pattern on the edges I painted on. We danced traditional Hula, while others danced Maori, Tahisian, etc.
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