08/01 Direct Link
When in Rome, my fellow Americans...
When in Rome. I confess to the consumption of meatÖ yet again. Not even the tuxedo of all that is bovine flesh, but chewable alien byproduct. A fallacious looking, but so delectably sinful, tricked out hot dog. Also, for completion of the thematic experience I imbibed three laughably expensive large beers. That's what patriots do at a baseball game, no? Even though your players are mostly Dominican imports. But while in the presence of a grand stadium and historical games, you must go all the way. Peanuts, cotton candy and something about apple pie.
08/02 Direct Link
Years of conviction to remain au natural, violated in one dip of dye. Now I look in the mirror, I see a sellout with locks of toasted chestnut with swirls of molten gold snaking from the root of the head down to the center of her back, rather than almost midnight. It's incongruous with the girl who swore never to alter appearances. But desperate times lead to stupid, regrettable acts. Its impermanency should be of true consolation, easy means to repent and revert to organic, but what's condemning is that I love the colors and I'm stoked about going brighter.
08/03 Direct Link
You know how it is, that I practice a particular, delicate blend of Idealism and Misanthropy, but I'm attempting to lend unrequited altruism a chance. I've even been sending warm smiles to jack-offs that won't return them. Not spiteful cheers either, but cordial gestures. Then you come around with your fat lips in an Oh-Oh-O shape, blasting off-key, structure-less tunes of merry!!Ö You cancel my efforts to be a non-murderous member of society! Anyone who absent-mindedly whistles invokes my belligerent alter-ego to decompress their larynx with a fierce stab wound, to relieve the organ of puffing foggy, malodorous, hot air.
08/04 Direct Link
Pardon, I think a gent you're not
At some point, it was begot
Sometimes my pleads tremble
Reminiscent of a girl on disassemble
But cause for the shaking
My fingers wild for the taking
To interlace your unavailable limbs
While you, off on your whims.
Rudimentary knowledge
We'll undergo any inclined ledge
Whether or not we fall embraced
Thought it'd be nice to be laced
To someone fucked as I
Gifting you a blind eye
But your journey to chasm is better lone
I won't utter a moan
Frown to smile, I'll relent
When you splatter to your final descent
08/05 Direct Link
Don't want my head camped out on your shoulder, driving down 95, windows lowered letting the breeze, tussle my hair. Don't want to be prone on the beach next to your resting body while I palm the oil shine up and down your back. Don't want to make humongous clockwise circles on a ferris wheel in the dark, watching microscopic ants crawl across lighted state fairgrounds, you and me swinging our personalized cart to and fro. So that when you're gone, I won't be barred indoors, afraid of confronting highway memories, the beach and other festivities, capable of haunting me.
08/06 Direct Link
Here lies no inspiration:

The roosters wake me, a pack of heated daschunds, tractors, trailers and the highway. I fall asleep to the sloppy patter of drunks stumbling to the late shift. My sleep is interrupted by club-goers returning from their mind-numbing partying, throwing drive-by beer bottles and playing their base as if children rest midday. My backyard views dingy, moldy mobile homes. The giant, gnarly trees swallow all things celestial. We're the functional family with the clean house, everyone else has a rap for petty crimes. I drive away, into the city with no lush parks, open meadows... nothing.
08/07 Direct Link
Charles has an ass chin. Names haven't been changed to protect identities. He always has a dingy 5'oclock shadow patching it up. If the rest of him didn't look oily and soiled, I would imagine grime accumulated in that misplaced hole; must smell toxic too. I wish that was the only characteristic about him that grated on me, but it's also his whine-pitched voice and the geyser exhaling he broods about. And his puny self-esteem that can catapult to macho man, low-pitched cock swinger if he catches a glimpse of confidence in something he managed to do right. True story.
08/08 Direct Link
With the upper portion of her view, past the magazine pages, she perceives the stoic lady in the grey waiting room chair. Moderately plump, fashion deprived, hair bun, hardened lines on her face from an arduous life. Out of nowhere, this woman's eyes pop with an asphyxiated gasp. Tears spurt forth. In milliseconds, it's over. Everyone including herself is bewildered, trying to find the culprit of this reaction. Becca continues unaffectedly, flipping another page. Again, just recovered from shock, the lady is thrown to a lightning quick spasm. Maybe now her doctor would believe she could flick neurons telepathically.
08/09 Direct Link
If you aren't next to me, breathing is as interesting as the piece of cotton lint tucked away in the corner of my sweater pocket. I fill up my days with sighs and none of the words in the books relate to one another, making me wonder how does anyone makes logical connections to begin with? I imagine someone sparked them a light, generating pathways with specific meaning. So where are my fireworks? I've been entirely torched, rather than ignited. I could sit on cold tile all day until the definition becomes a blur of colors and sounds are distorted.
08/10 Direct Link
Take an icy gun rim, place it with resolute pressure on my temple. Whatever methods necessary. Whether it deadens my last sensory nerve so they never fire again, I don't care. I promise not to fight, not to take flight. I'll just limp my mortal contents in their respective skeleton and wait for sweet release. Yes, I realize I'm melodramatic and I have no issues with it. Were the sun blasting today, I'd probably be singing a different song. Granted, it'll be a dandy requiem about my will to be euthanizedÖ.. They say morbid humor is but a coping mechanism.
08/11 Direct Link
Our legs were propellers. Golf ball sweat drops were smashing down on the plastic covered steel handles. Pudge-ster next to me would look at me as if imploring me to ask our instructor to slow down, ease up, cool down. Instead of my usual competitive streak where I would say, so long sucka! and ride harder, I sent her a tender sympathetic glance, telepathically suggesting she catch her breath and rejoin us after a break. 45 minutes to go and she slipped out the class, hiding face from defeat. I blame teacher for not being motivational enough for the softies.
08/12 Direct Link
News, Tidbits, Fact, Fiction, Rumors and Lies:

-There is a sequel in the works for Point Break.

-Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake are getting back together (for a duet).

-I just created a massive spreadsheet for fireworks with outrageous names.

-Dane grows the most beautiful facial hair ever.

-Todd is not yet bald, but I'm willing to buff that shiny scalp of his.

-The rejection hotline now sneaks in ringtone offers, reducing the effect of utter humiliation.

-When they say 'Word', it means itís the Last Word. Get it? Ö.. I JUST got it.

-Obese is a perfectly politically correct word.
08/13 Direct Link
Sometimes I'm convinced the receptors from my nervous system lie mainly on the exterior of the epidermis. A soft wind is like hands caressing me into serenity. Summer rain is like 1,000 tongues sliding down my body. It also explains why it cannot rise or fall a degree upward or downward the perfect temperature or I lock up with tension or break into fits. This explains why I detest clothing and prefer to be either drenched or completely dry. Each single cell is aware of touch. Back off or immerse yourself completely on me. I feel too much, too delicately.
08/14 Direct Link
If you believed me when I said it was over, raise your hand up. I thought so. To the fool with the hand aloft, you might need that later to slap some sense into me. I have a calling for the broken hearted. I'm a self-proclaimed healer. The kind that in order to save a dying soul risks hers in the process. But I'll be damned anyway if I don't give my all into restarting his coronary blood flow. I'll be damned to hell. The likelihood is that I can't save him, so we'll just bleed out together. Bring it.
08/15 Direct Link
Do you take your coffee black, decaf, sugar, with cream?

Take your eggs scrambled sunny-side up, poached, hard-boiled, only whites?

Sleep with the fan on, a night light, naked, more than one pillow?

Shower from head to toe, feet and up, lather twice, have a loofah or washcloth?

Listen to loud music, moderately, tap your foot, sing the words, or hum along?

Laugh out loud during movies, grin speechlessly, snack on salts or sweets, bite your nails, even out edges, comb carpet fringes, lose your keys, wait three rings, tuck your shirt, use cutips?

Shhh. Don't tell me. Show me.
08/16 Direct Link
Bored of writing and upon seeing it, you being the reoccurring theme. What a waste of efforts and a failure to expound on fertile creativity. To reuse and recycle the little bit of impact you tried to quantify in the short time you interrupted my flow can excite anyone to drill gruesome holes in their cranium. I mean, truly, this mobius I'm running consists of limited, finite substance to uselessly trek. It's tired deja vus, dimensional ideals, broken records. It must be faulty wires misfiring in my anterior cingulate, and until it's drained, I cannot move on unto something mint.
08/17 Direct Link
A universe of stories, dreams and ideas swell up the room. Cased tall, high and lengths past my height are a plethora of books and more books. Scanning begins floor level. Speeding through titles, eyes rolling as far back as they reach, lids closing as I become overwhelmingly dizzy with the sheer infinity of existing insight. Not just these scripts, but every printed book in the world, everything already written or waiting for publishing. It'll never end. I exit the store without a book to my name. If I can't bag the entire treasure, I won't settle for one jewel.
08/18 Direct Link
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome the syntax is atrocious but
you still said ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome ur awesome ur awesome
ur awesome
08/19 Direct Link
Not that I'm worn from the summer sweltering wafts of heat. They're immensely joyful, but I can hardly hold still for the initial winter weeks. We'll receive it later than the upper hemisphere but the days between provide opportunity for irrepressible anticipation. While the sun bakes our hides, we can imagine being up to our noses in scarves, cold winds biting exposed patches of skin, cozying up in attempts to retain heat within layers, yet still absorbing the whirling chills. And tucked in our coats, we'll merrily dream of laying scantily clad in the sand on a hot July day.
08/20 Direct Link
Hindquarters up in air, I'm manically pawing at a web of yarn. I've got to search my own trinkets and toys, pull them out and create tangles meant to be undone only by yours truly. If nobody else has time or mental capacity to keep my attention captivated, hypnotized and fascinated, eyes glued to a focal moving, shiny object of my affections, I will invent my own play while they do their thing in the background. Every so often, someone comes along that breaks my self-made concentration. I'll put the bundle down, and scamper behind them, wondering what they're dangling.
08/21 Direct Link
"When I was in Mexico, the little spanish boys would run around me. They would just run circles around me and they would call me 'chicle, chicle, chicle'. Over and over. They would just holler at me. 'Chicle'. It means handsome man. I think. I'm pretty sure that's what it meant."

His respective wife looked at him and said it like she's probably stated to him 1,000 times before, "Chicle means gum."

But he went on,
"They must've thought I was a good looking white man. But I was 'Chicle'."

And I was loving how she believed he was 'chicle'.
08/22 Direct Link
Calloused fingertips, swollen forearms, sore wrists. Sweeter than the bite from the fruit of labor is the fulfillment from the graded process. From the revered moment the hand is placed on the ivories, the palm picks up the pen, the air-light pull of the peach from its stemÖthe satisfaction of work is worth the toil and labor. Smears of paint on fingers, dryness from hands scraped on sheetrock, dirt imbedded in nails from earth. Actively engaging the mind and coordinating it toward a manual end product is one of the few pleasures of exhausting yourself to achieve self-confidence and pride.
08/23 Direct Link
I bought a Nut and Chocolate TrailMix with almonds, cashews, raisins, peanuts and candy pieces being M&M's. I'm ĺ into the bag, but having sifted through the M&M's, the other nuts don't get much of my attention. Still I won't eat the raisins because they're high in sugar. Go figure. And fat headphones play Sleeping Lessons by the Shins into my ears. Somehow it enhances the experience. It'll change your life. Funny. That's one of the first lines he used on me. Somehow everything I do always goes back to him. Except the cashews. That doesn't trace into anything.
08/24 Direct Link
For fear of being unable to stop, I don't cry alone. Who wants a spectator? The tear supply will inevitable dry up, but the wrenched heart might not be able to untwist. Therefore I am grateful for songs that aid in the romantic, melancholic release of tears that increase almost violently during a chorus or bridge and ease the downpour into a light trickle at the fade out. Sad songs can be a girl's best friend when your girlfriends are powerless to make you feel comforted. Tears have purpose in song as opposed to soaking a pillow case at night.
08/25 Direct Link
Ludicrous Sent Text Messages:

If Tampa were embodied, I'd bitch slap it.

He said something about depression, mumble mumble, blah blah blah, kiss my ass.

Think rabbit/duck hybrid, mutating platypus.

Tip for photograph preservation: Do not delete them.

Our inventory consists of: bald-ass lookin boy, gummy looking boy, ass troll hobbit lookin boy, fire crotch lookin boy.

I want to have an affair with my dress.


That was totally an electromagnetic wave hug.

I'm dead serious! Like I'll shoot myself to be THAT serious.

I have the cape. I make the fucking whoosh noises.
08/26 Direct Link
Ludicrous Received Text Messages:

Should we manalyze them?

C called me a chronic feeling-hurter.

I will throw sand at them if they start freaking salsa-ing out of nowhere!!

Answer my question with no talk back.

How does one bowl like a duck?

We'll have hot emergency sex!

It's retarded that you spelled retarded wrong.

I need that man-nish scale.

I thought you had a lesbian crush on me?

Get rhinoplasty on your ass!

Fret about nuclear war.

I hate being naturally monogamous. Effin penguins.

When you composed yourself you shoulda said..."TADAAAA!!!!!!"

PMS. Full Moon Theory.Thursday PhenomenonÖIt's the ultimate loon Trifecta.
08/27 Direct Link
Ludicrous Received Text Messages:

Should we manalyze them?

C called me a chronic feeling-hurter.

I will throw sand at them if they start freaking salsa-ing out of nowhere!!

Answer my question with no talk back.

How does one bowl like a duck?

We'll have hot emergency sex!

It's retarded that you spelled retarded wrong.

I need that mannish scale.

I thought you had a lesbian crush on me?

Get rhinoplasty on your ass!

Fret about nuclear war.

I hate being naturally monogamous. Effin penguins.

When you composed yourself you shoulda said..."TADAAAA!!!!!!"

PMS. Full Moon Theory. Thursday PhenomenonÖ It's the ultimate loon Trifecta.
08/28 Direct Link
I canít tell anyone about this. Itís no secret. But theyíve heard it and prefer not to hear it anymore. Theyíre so disappointed in their inability to undo the torment they begin to resent me for having rendered them helpless. I swallow it, bury it deeper in a place that it may complicate extrication when Iím finally ready to let it out. How I would love to let it dispel in the form of tears, but Iíve run out of them. Thereís just nothing I know to do about it. Iím at a loss. Iím admitting Iím at a loss.
08/29 Direct Link

Donít call me
Donít ask about me
Donít come to me with those delicious inquires about my plans
Donít give me compliments that end the second hey leave your lips
Donít store memory in my history
I wonít play the mixes you made
I wonít replay the way you etched yourself into my life
I wonít acknowledge the pictures were real
I wonít hear your name, even if itís just another person sharing it
Iíll deny ever knowing you
Meet me halfway in my efforts to walk away forever

But you wonít let me
You just want me around
08/30 Direct Link
This year Iíve:

Befriended about 5 firemen, all from different districts.

Bought Tequila Sunrise nail polish.

Kissed three strangers, one off-limits and another acquaintance which was really bad at it.

Tragically roller-skated in a vodka bar.

Was a bridesmaid at two weddings.

Fell into numerous depressions and developed successful snap-right-back-up strategies.

Debited a frightful amount on health smoothies, bottled water and fancy coffees.

Changed my look drastically.

Spent most of my time in a gym or outdoors activity.

Risked carpal tunnel from irreflexive emotional texting.

Opened my heart again.

Wounded it again.

ThisÖand more of which Iíll mentally access later.
08/31 Direct Link
Other people I happened to:

My sister and brother-in-law celebrated their 10th matrimonial anniversary.

I found a new lifer friend who saves my life on a daily basis.

A beautiful damaged soul broke my heart and Iíll only think great things about him forever.

My best friendís guy hit on me, but I donít think heís a deliberate douche.

This town showed me the bay in a broader light.

The exís sister added me to her girl posse.

A newborn baby made my heart flutter in strange new ways I have yet to examine.

My newlywed friends are still around.