REPORT A PROBLEM
I'll start this monthly different. Without saying it's a first month. I'm not saying it's an old month, I'm saying that this time it'll be different, because I'm trying something new. I'll try using italics to emphasize certain words, though I realize that when I archive these writings within text files this formatting will not carry across, because I cannot view the source code of the text I edit. I can not see the em strong or u tags. I can not type in HTML. I can not speak Russian fluently either. I am but a partial being. I am.
I stood on the bus today.
Now this wouldn't have been that big a deal, if it hadn't been for the subtle fact that the bus was on the highway.
I don't know how it is in other countries, but in Sweden the inner-city buses usually don't embark onto any larger roads, due to (I assume) security risks. A part of the railway's closed down for repairs this week however, and replacement buses are running shuttle traffic. It's happened before, but everybody's had a seat before.
But today... what an adventure! :) Surfing on the fast lane. Me and a few others. Good fun.
The third... first a day of work, all day work, and then when night fell I took a trip to the Central Station to wait on my nephew, soon arriving by train.
I stood at the platform in a blistering cold (wonder if Max Payne was where I heard the 'blistering cold' wording the first time), and soon after the train pulled up, and out he walked - I spotted him right away. I'm weary of my worsening sight, so when I see things better than I expect I'm pretty proud.
And then we played Battle Ships all night. Good day.
A weird fanfare's playing on TV downstairs.
I'm waiting on my nephew in the shower. I mean: he's showering, and I'm waiting. Actually I'm not waiting. I'm trying to write as much as possible before he finishes, and that might take a while, so it might not be a rush, but these are uncertain times and it feels like I need to do as much as I can to stick to my routines as much as I can, when not busy tending to our guests.
We've had a blast all day, at latest playing some Worms Crazy Golf. And I won.
Time flies when you're having fun! Or when you're doing things. Or both.
It did yesterday, and the day before, and it's bound to fly pretty quick today too - as soon as my sister arrives on the commuter train, and we go to pick her up, and shortly thereafter embark on a voyage to castles and apples and all things good.
Hopefully before it grows to dark to see them.
The castle closes around four - which is coincidentally also the time at which the sun sinks below the horizon, and the world starts growing too dim to see. Before then...
I started writing a poem here... but it grew too long! Far past a hundred words, and far too great to post here as well, so I think I'll save it for some other day and place, and instead write a little bit about the poem I started writing here, that I never posted.
It was about pride, self-worth and resolution, and how we all abide our time and hide in wretched confusion. And the world has a new meaning - it seems to mean and seem things! But no that's not what I mean. Out loud: I am proud.
It's my last day before I catch up today! Last one of three. Three days without writing... though I assumed it'd be more, considering my nephew's been here all weekend, and yesterday was Monday, and he came on Thursday, and that's like... five days, right? Guess I did have time to write on one of the days he was here at least, because I know I did not have time yesterday.
What a rush life is sometimes. The days flash by. Flashflood. Still not done with my Inktober doodles either, but getting there! One day at a time, one step...
So it's snowing today! Soft snow slowly covering the world.
I took a walk in it earlier this morning. I shoveled the snow on our parking lot a short while after. I look out the window occasionally, at the soft snow that still falls, and now I'm sitting here typing this. I said I'd take a break about half an hour ago, but you know how it goes: time flies. It passes. Fast.
I have a lot of plans for today, but sitting still doesn't mean I'm accomplishing all of them. Just a few things though, before lunch. Soon. Soon...
Oh man, I missed a day! What to do? What should I write about today, being that the day I write this on is not the day for which this was supposed to be writing? What happened in the past day that is worth detailing? My mind is a blur. The memories all mesh together like my fuzzy vision, but I have visions. I don't know what to say, but I want to write! I'm not blocked, I'm just going over the top, off the dome, closed in home, eating breakfast, and guess what?!
Yesterday, was snow. Snow. Snow. Snow.
Yesterday it snowed like crazy too. Traffic was chaotic. Everything stood still. They shut down the buses in the entire city. The trains had half-hour-long delays when I was making my way home. I heard some people had been waiting for three hours, and others had been sitting still on the highway for two, barely making it a hundred meters. I didn't notice much of all that at work, though it kept snowing, and snowing, and when I made my way home the snow had piled pretty high! It was nice. Winter... for a while. Hope it stays.
I'm listening to some Group Love as I write this. Standing in the Sun, it's called. A new song, with a new video, and I watched the video this morning so it's alright with just the music right now.
It's pretty cool. Smooth. Melodic. Easy listening with a good message, and good vibes! Puts me in a good mood.
My whole day's been pretty great today, even if it started with a headache that's still not gone, and a bowling plan didn't pan out... but it's alright.
It's all about mindset isn't it. I'm writing. I'm home. I'm feeling pretty good!
I'm feeling pretty good about today!
It starts the write way: with writing.
It starts with sunshine, falling on the snow!
It starts with cold, instead of blanket slush.
It starts a bit earlier than expected.
It starts a bit later than it could have if I stayed disciplined, but not so late that I won't stay disciplined today.
It starts with a warm cup of tea and a toothbrush.
It starts with a smile.
It starts with a little Grounds, and then a hundred, and then a thousand, and then doodles.
At least that's the plan!
It starts: now.
It's a new morn! And I am up early! I am up way earlier than I was last day. At the time of writing... it's about the same time, but so far I've managed to catch up on all overnight interactions I missed, and draw a Father's Day card for the upcoming celebration in... just about five hours.
My sister's coming over, and the family will all be gathering together for a cup of tea and small selection of unpacked presents - because packed presents seems like a Birthday exclusive. We're not consumerist - we're just appreciative. Now's the day to be.
You know what?
Nah, I don't really know what. I'm not sure what to type today. It's like: the whole day is gone, and I'm still here, and I'm tired, and I've got to write stuff, and I don't know what to write about...
And what's even worse is I haven't even gotten around to my 750 batch yet, even though this month is NaNoWriMo month. I'm not even a fourth of the way, though the month is almost half of the way!
Obsessed with numbers much? You know I am. Like a calculator. With batteries. On acid. Not really.
This is my warm-up. Today, this is how I start my day.
I type a little. I have a cup of tea beside me. I stumble with my fingers - they run over each other and make a mess. I have to go back. Delete. Type again. It's not just the one word or letter - it's a whole sentence turned to gibberish.
I'm waking up. Slowly. There's noise outside the window; they're tearing down our neighboring building - and building a new one. It's going to be like this all winter. Hope some snow might dampen the sound.
I'm up now!
Arh, I'm teetering on an edge at the moment. Between wanting to do things, and not feeling like doing a thing. Between one task and another. Between wanting to write, and not knowing what to write about. Between writing something here, or drafting up a blog. Between just watching a few videos, or playing a few games, or doing something more important. Between furthering my career, and focusing on my hobbies. Between eating some food, and getting in shape. Between feeling happy, and being down. Between going out, and staying in. Between a whole of things! I feel... in between.
They're pretty nice.
On a day at work, it feels like you've spent your time to your best effort no matter what you've accomplished. You may be more or less happy with your accomplishments, but at the same time you've earned your keep no matter how you feel about what you've done - and that feels good.
As a freelancer you earn your keep depending on what you accomplish, but as an employee - you earn your keep by accomplishing enough overall that you stay employed. Ss such, you gain a 'general' sense of accomplishment each day.
To be continued...
As an employee, you can only do so much to feel accomplished, because you only get so much of the share that you earn for the company.
As a freelancer, everything you do is accomplishment, and you earn the full share of all you earn, making each accomplishment an earning, and each earning an accomplishment.
As an employee, you are limited to a continues share - and as such also a continuous feeling of accomplishment.
As a freelancer - there is no limit! You are your only limit, and you feel as good as you allow yourself to accomplish.
What was I talking about again? About how as a freelancer, you have opportunities, and as an employee you don't, but as an employee you have peace of mind by default, and as a freelancer you work for it.
Of course, this requires you have a good boss, and work at a company, and have a job you can do adequately. If not, working as a freelancer will probably give you more peace of mind.
So: if you want safety, work for others. If you want freedom, work for yourself. If you want more, freelance. If not... TBC?
Work days... did I have any more to type on this topic?
Not really... not now, at least. Maybe new realizations will come to me on a work day. Today is Sunday. Today is weekend. Today is a day I wake up late and sleep in, and try to get some rest because today is resting season, and outside: is sun. Maybe today I can take that run I didn't take yesterday mate? What's that - what's with all the stray hate? What's wrong with chasing dreams in abundance? And I love Ra, but I don't want to sundance.
Woke up way too early today. Explosions nearby. Not bombs - but buildings. They're tearing them down. They're destroying the world so that they can build it up once more, and they're doing so right beside our house. Right across from our front yard - which isn't really a yard at all, but a two by two meter patch of greenery. Here we live our cages as they tear down the walls around and build them up higher than ever before.
The world we live in - is this the world we want to live in? It's not our world. Let it rest. Let it heal. Let it be.
Oh the words! Look at them whirl! All over the world! In cursive or else... I'll have to retake second grade by myself, and I skipped the first one, it's bad for your health. First Grade. Much unlike. First Aid. Birthdays? They pass until you escape: your birthplace. And get into the world, and swing around the trees like an ape, and find a soul mate, and mate, and create, and build up a family, and live, and do great, and even when you're old: you'd better stay in shape. Because after all, all that remains is... the grand escape.
Early morning and I write it out!
Write it out because I am awake!
Awake to write about my life and doubt!
About all things that I forsake!
And I can't take, another second!
Of wasting time, of eating breakfast!
And I can't take, another second!
Of cheescake and jam, because I am!
So stuffed with stuff, I am embezzled!
By other strife! And sacrifice!
And try to just get out there and go, slow,
Cause life is such a rush you need a Go, Pro,
But everyday's the same it's all a snow, slope,
Slipping sliding thinking going down.
Blubber coming out of the ocean. A void of hopeless ooze, transforming our civilization into a grunge of nothing - slime and ego. Our greed manifests as us and takes us further than we could ever take ourselves, and yet we don't wander. Stay locked down and steady: embrace the coming oblivion, a fallen soul searching for peace and a piece of loaf bread in the big pan. The dipper. The life, full of chili and chopped up carrots. Bottles, floating with the waves. The sky gargantuan azure. Lost, searching, place to place, space to space, merry go around.
Batches, batches, batches!
Running through them slow, like a long trail of molasses. I do do what I want, but what I want's not where the cash i s. Or do I want the cash? Should my wants be moving faster? Or take me to new pathways? Or make me to a savage? Or make me go all out! Like a walk or a run. Don't listen to fall's doubt! We still chalk on have fun. And when winter comes in with the darkness and guns, don't listen just run, and envision the sun. Soon! Summer will come...
It's a beautiful day today!
I should be outside, but I guess I'm still a bit tired. Running on todo fumes from yesterday, and not done my morning dues even though I've had one whole hour to do so.
One whole hour you say? How much can you do in an hour? Seeing other people at work makes me question what I'm really capable of, but then I see some other people at work and they barely do a thing in that same time.
I guess it varies - the amount of things you do, in a certain amount of time.
I had a pretty weird dream last night.
Mountain climbing among statues, with no safety lines, with my sister. My nephew was falling behind. We entered a temple and a ghost stole my 'Jack Black' book, or was it just 'Black'... written by 'Jack'? The actor reference baffles me - I haven't seen any of his stuff in a long time.
We spoke to someone there, and they said a ghost may be able to help - or maybe they said the ghost might have taken it. I'm not sure, but either way the ghost didn't help at all. Then I woke.
A new day! And a beautiful day too, today. The sun is shining. The snow is falling. The world is turning white and beautiful. That sounded kinda discriminatory, but I assure you I meant it only in the context of snow. And no, not snow as in cocaine. I'm only high on nature. As in: not weed, but just life itself! The world! I'm not on a plane mind you, I'm just soaring. Cause I'm superman. Whoops, forgot a coma. I'm super, man! I feel good today, and though you probably can, I won't misunderstand it. The world is great.
I can't wait to read the feedback! Can't wait. The end of the day is really the worst time of a day to upload something you're looking forward to a response on, because then - you can't sleep. You like awake and wonder. Or don't wonder, but just feel exhilarated and great, and happy, and hopeful, and slightly nervous about how people will respond. And maybe you sleep less than usual, because you wake up earlier than usual anticipating this grand event, but you can't really get up so early because you went to sleep so late, so you sleep. Again.
Parkour. The art of running through the city as fast and as easy as possible... I'd like to learn it sometime. Not liking the city is really no excuse, because it can be applied to pretty much any other location, or scenario, though the thing I do excuse myself with for now is: my shape. It's not that good. After sitting by the computer for pretty much three days in a row - with just short walks in between, I'm feeling a bit beat. Tired. Down on luck and life all that stuff. Times like this... I wish I knew parkour.
The Tip Jar